“So… How did it go?” Jongin asked the second the teacher had dismissed the class.

“Oh… It was okay…” Sehun answered while writing down the last notes his teacher had scribbled on the board before leaving.

“So… It’s you and bambi on a break from now on?”

“I guess… Well… Not yet… I’ll have to wait until I see him again to tell him… But yeah… Break…” Or at least that’s what he was going to tell Jongin.

“Yeah… So… It’s you and Joonmyun now?”

“Not really…”

“What do you mean ‘not really’? Now stop taking notes! This is important,” Jongin complained.

“So is school… And with ‘not really’ I mean that… We’re going to take it slow… He told me to talk to Luhan first… If I still want him afterwards he’s willing to try…”

“Okay… Wow… That sounds so mature… I hope I’ll never be like this…”

“Whatever…”

“You don’t seem too happy about the outcome…”

“I’m still not sure about this break thing… I love Lu…”

“Yeah… But you also want to try something new…”

“And I’m afraid I’ll just hurt Joonmyun…”

“Why? He told you he wants to give it a try…”

“Still… He really likes me… And I feel like I’m just using him to have something new and crawl back to Luhan afterwards,” Sehun admitted.

“I guess Joonmyun already knows that it’s going to be this way…” Jongin shrugged while taking a bite of an apple he had had in his school bag. Weird stuff was happening all around Sehun. He knew for a fact that his best friend wasn’t a big fan of healthy stuff and that he would NEVER take an apple to school with him.

“That doesn’t make it any better… Are you okay?”

“Sure… Why?”

“That’s an apple!”

“I figured… Thanks, Sehun,” the taller rolled his eyes. “No wonder you’ve got so good grades in biology…”

“Gosh, you’re stupid… Noooo… Why are you eating an apple? Are you sick?” Because according to Jongin only sick people had to eat apples.

“No… But I like it…”

“You hate apples… And everything that could have any vitamins in it…”

“Kyungsoo says apples are good for your body…”

“So?”

“He said he’d like to keep my body around a little longer…”

“Wow… I never thought you’d eat apples for that guy… What’s next? Wearing socks in winter?” Because socks were another thing that his best friend hated with a passion. He never wore them. Not even when it was cold enough for Sehun to wear three pairs of them before going out.

“Don’t be ridiculous… He loves that I never wear socks!”

“He does?”

“Sure… Less clothes he has to get me out of,” Jongin winked before opening a box of nuts. “Want some?”

“No… Your little boyfriend would kill me... Just eat your healthy stuff alone…”

“My mum gave me those… Because we were out of bread and she was afraid I’d starve before lunch…”

“You would… It’s just after the first lesson and you’re already eating…” Sehun rolled his eyes but still took a few nuts because if he was honest he was a little hungry as well.

“So… Back to you and Joonmyun…” Damn. Sehun had hoped Jongin would forget about that once he mentioned his ‘little big love’, how the taller liked to call his tiny boyfriend.

“Could you do me a favor and not talk to Kyungsoo about this?”

“Why?

“Because Joonmyun doesn’t want anyone to know… He’s afraid of his parents finding out… That and… Well… Kyungsoo and Luhan are friends as well… Hell all of our friends love Lu… He’d… Kind of…”

“Feel like the big ?” Sehun only nodded. “I won’t tell him… Don’t worry…”

“Thanks… Really! I know how much you hate not telling him something…”

“It’s okay… That’s not my story to tell… And I kind of understand were Joonmyun’s coming from… I mean… he knew you were taken all along… But to be honest… You’re the in this… He tried to stop you more than once!”

“I know… And I told him… But Joonmyun… He’s just Joonmyun? He cares about what others may think way too much…”

“I know… I wonder why…” Jongin shoved the last nuts into his mouth only to pout at his now empty lunchbox afterwards.

“Because that’s how he was raised… His parents don’t really care about what he thinks… It’s all just about appealing others and having good grades…”

“I always thought he has this amazing live with lots of money and stuff… I guess being rich isn’t as cool as I thought it was…”

“Not at all… I mean… How many times have I been over to his house?”

“At least a thousand times?”

“Could be,” they both giggled a little. “But I’ve never seen his father… He’s always on business trips…”

“At least his mother could have an affair with the gardener without her husband knowing…”

“The gardener is ugly… But we think she likes the cook…”

“Bad choice! Trust me on this!”

“Why? I thought you love dating Kyungsoo? Free cake whenever you want…”

“Yeah… I gained three kilo since I started dating him,” Jongin laughed.

“You should really get him to do more sports with you…”

“We’re not you and bambi… We don’t feel the need to get rid of our clothes as soon as we see each other…”

“That may be my fault… I feel so guilty every time I see him… I don’t even know how to really talk to him any more… And I’m just so afraid of seeing him leave… And I don’t know any other way to make him stay… And I really… REALLY don’t want this break because… What if he won’t forgive me? What if he finds someone who loves him like he should be loved while I have fun with Joonmyun… Or maybe even someone else? He may realize that he’s better off without me… What will I do then, Jongin?” Sehun hadn’t realized that he had started crying. Neither had he realized that his history teacher was here already. A lovely little lady that may have been a little too old for the job already but stayed because all of the students loved her. It was her who told Jongin to get his crying friend outside for a while and to make sure he was okay before coming back. “What if he just goes back to China, Jongin?” When Sehun finally looked up again he found himself sitting on a bench in the school’s garden, snuggled against Jongin’s chest. “When did we get here?”

“Just now… Mrs. Park told me to take you outside for a while… I guess she doesn’t really know how to deal with tears,” the tanned boy tried to lift the atmosphere. “Are you feeling better?”

“No… Just more afraid than ever before…”

“Maybe this whole ‘take a break from bambi’ thing wasn’t the best idea I ever had…”

“It was the worst…”

“But you’re still not willing to give up Joonmyun, right?”

“No…”

“Why?”

“Because… He has done so much for me… And he’s really nice… And I’m sure that… If I would have never met Luhan… I would be dating him right now… And we’d be happy… And I just want him to be happy as well…”

“You could always ask Luhan how he feels about you know… Letting Joonmyun join your relationship…”

“Are you kidding? No… First of all they barley know each other… second Joonmyun already feels guilty enough whenever I mention Lu’s name… And third… I’m pretty sure that would never work…”

“I’m just trying to help…”

“I know… I guess the only thing that would help is dying…”

“That would help a lot… Yeah… Joonmyun would be sad… I’d lose my only brother… Bambi would be devastated…”

“I got it… Living it is… Jongin?” He nudged the taller. “What would you do if you were me?”

“Me? I’d… Honestly?”

“Mhm…”

“I’d tell Luhan everything… Because if you really love him he deserves to know… And I mean everything… How you’re feeling like you’re going to miss something… That you really don’t know what to do because you don’t want to lose him… To what you like about Joonmyun… Everything… And I’d ask him for a break… I’d tell Joonmyun to take a break as well… I’d just… Try not to see any of them for a while to sort my feelings out… But well… I guess that’s easy for me to say… Since I’m not really in your position… And talking about doing something has always been way easier than actually doing it… So… Think about it…”

“But… By doing that I could lose them both…”

“Yeah… I guess…”

“If I can’t have Lu I want to at least be able to keep Joonmyun…”

“That’s not fair and I hope you know that… Taking Joonmyun as a replacement for Luhan…”

“I know… Why am I like this? Why did I have to meet Joonmyun? Everything was fine until I tried to be like him… He was right… Being like him is hell…”

“You should talk to them…”

“Joonmyun knows pretty much everything there is to know…”

“Then why doesn’t Luhan know it?”

“It’s easier to tell Joonmyun… He always knew about Lu… And that were dating… And he knows that I’ve been cheating on Lu ever since we started whatever this really is… So… There isn’t really anything to hide… He is part of all my secrets…”

“Makes sense…”

“Promise me never to cheat on Kyungsoo!? It only makes your whole life a big mess and when you miss telling him everything right away… it will only get worse and then you won’t know where to start and how to pick all the pieces back together and it just hurts so much… Do you have any idea how much it hurts to hurt Lu?”

“Then why do you do it?”

“It’s a little like drugs, I guess… Like… I don’t really think about him when I’m with Joonmyun… But as soon as I’m alone… I feel like the worst person alive… Like someone should torture me for hours and pull every hair, I have on my body, out one by one… and maybe like someone should skin me alive and then throw me into a pot of boiling water… and I just hope they’d let me drown in there so I won’t have to face him again because I still don’t know how to tell him… Because I know he will blame himself for it… He’ll say he rushed me into things… that I wasn’t ready… That he should have given me more time for everything… That he didn’t treat me right… But that’s not it… Because he was perfect… He IS perfect… It’s just that I’m an immature that still didn’t really get this whole relationship thing… Because I sometimes feel like I’ll miss something great when in reality I could do everything I ever wanted with him if I would just tell him what I want… But sometimes being tied down suffocates me… And then I find myself blaming him for everything… Even when I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet because I drank too much coke before going to bed… Even though Lu always tells me not to do it anyway…”

“You know, Sehun… Maybe not trying things with Joonmyun would be good… Because it would mean to be tied down again…”

“It’s not the same with Joonmyun… Because Joonmyun knows there is no chance for us to last forever… He knows I’ll only stay for a little while… With Luhan… Everything feels so… Like there is no chance to escape… Like I’ll have to stay there for the rest of my life even if I won’t like it there…”

“I guess he never wanted to make you feel this way…”

“I know that he doesn’t… He always only wants the best for me…” Sehun sighed and snuggled closer. “I’m sorry you’re missing history because of me…”

“Really… That’s the worst thing you ever did to me…” Jongin rolled his eyes. “But when I think about it… Maybe next time you start crying… Could you do it before math? Or physics? Or chemistry, for all I care…”

“I’ll try,” the younger smiled a little. “Sorry… For crying like this… And thanks for always putting up with me… I feel like I owe you more than my life already…”

“Who knows… I might need you sometime… So don’t worry about it…”

“I don’t think you and Kyungsoo will break up… Sorry, but you’re stuck with him for eternity…”

“Sounds nice… But you never know…”

“I know…”

“How do you know?”

“Because you’re afraid of him… If he tells you to jump, you jump… I mean… Come on… You’re eating apples instead of chips already…”

“It’s not my fault he can be scary, okay? But… I eat apples because I don’t like seeing him worried about me being sick… And apples kind of taste really nice… Especially when he puts them in his apple cake…”

“Jongin?” His best friend shot him a questioning look. “You look like a lovesick puppy right now…”

“I do?”

“You always do when we start to talk about Kyungsoo… Your eyes get all sparkly and glittery and I can almost see the hearts coming out of them… And you voice gets all… I don’t know… soft and… you sound so in love that it hurts…”

“Really?”

“Mhm… You change completely when it’s about your squishiness…”

“My what?”

“Squishiness… That’s what I’m going to call him from now on… because you still call Lu ‘bambi’… And Kyungsoo looks kind of squishy… Not like fat squishy… More like the small and cute kind of squishy? Like… Remember that toy that you used to call ‘squishy’ when we were younger? He reminds me of this toy… And you hold him the same way… Possessiveness mixed with adoration and like you refuse to ever let go…” Sehun grinned a little and started playing with Jongin’s hair. They both really needed to get a haircut.

“I wonder where I left squishy… I just hope I won’t forget Kyungsoo somewhere like I forgot my toy…”

“You don’t remember? You sister threw squishy into the campfire…”

“Oh yeah… okay… That’s it… I’ll never leave her alone with Kyungsoo anymore… Losing one squishy was enough…”

“How about you and I go and get a haircut tomorrow?”

“Why don’t you go alone?”

“It’s boring… And you hair is longer than mine…”

“I like my hair…”

“I’m not telling you to shave it off… Just to cut it a little…”

“Okay… Maybe I’ll try a new color…”

“Why?”

“Why not?”

“True… I want mine… Pink…”

“Bambi said he wouldn’t like it pink… Soo told me about it…”

“See? That will make it easier for him…” Sehun sighed for what felt like the thousandth time that day and sat up. Let’s go back before Mrs. Park thinks I choked on my tears or something…”

“Okay… I may try green… If you really go for pink!”

“Gross… Well… You’re gross already… So it would fit…”

“I swear to god, Oh Sehun… Just wait for the day I’ll get my revenge!” Sehun just stuck out his tongue before running back to class to make sure there were people around in case Jongin decided to end his life.

A/N: Okay... WOW... University just started last Tuesday and I feel like it's been a year already... Way too much work... Final year is a !
So... I'm sorry for the late update! And I'm also sorry for not answering every comment... I never got that many for a chapter and I love you guys for leaving them! I just didn't have the time... (I thought you might like it more if I spent a little more time on the story instead of answering every comment xD)