At 6:00pm, I was finally finished my six exams and I stumbled out of the school building and into the manager hyung's van, exhausted. I barely had enough strength to pull the door open, but I said the same thing I always said when I got into his van.

"Thanks for coming," I managed. I put my head back on the headrest right away and closed my eyes.

"How did you do?" asked the manager hyung, his face full of apprehension.

I nodded. "I think - I don't think I did too badly, but it's hard to predict," I said. And this was the truth. No exam felt as easy as they had felt before and there were some questions that I had to guess, but at least I finished all of them.

"Was physics as hard as you expected?" asked the manager hyung, glancing at me a little to watch my expression as he drove.

"Harder," I said, shaking my head. I sighed. "I thought I reasoned out most of it, but the questions weren't ones that we would normally see."

There was another pause, then the manager hyung glanced at me again. "Kyuhyun, I'm just so sorry about forgetting to tell you about your exams."

"Everyone makes mistakes," I said slowly. "It's okay. I can't get angry when it was a genuine mistake."

The manager hyung nodded and smiled a little. "Thank you, Kyuhyun. It means a lot." I looked at him.

"I'm also sorry about yelling at you last night," I said, my head down. "I wasn't trying to - scold you - or anything. I was just really stressed out."

"Even if you were trying to scold me, I'd understand," said the manager hyung with a sigh. "But it's good to know that you weren't."

Then he looked at me with a faint smile, and I smiled back in return.

The day after I wrote my second set of exams, which went more or less like the first set, I finally slept for eight straight hours, which hadn't happened since the day that I got the news that I would join the team. However, the next day, which was also the day before we performed on the first live stage for Dancing Out, I came down with a painful case of enteritis that left me clutching at my stomach for the entire day.

"I think it's because the pressure suddenly loaded off," said the manager hyung empathetically, but there was nothing that could really be done except to pretend I wasn't in pain; the team was hard at work, practicing, determined to get the fans' credibility back after that disasterous U performance a few weeks back.

Two hours into the live stage rehearsal though, there was a particularly strong stab of pain in my stomach, and I knelt on the floor where I was in the middle of a run-through and doubled over.

"Kyuhyun!" said Ryeowook, rushing towards me. "Are you okay?" I was in too much pain to answer; I just clutched at my stomach with my hands, and I let out a groan. As the bout of pain passed, I got to my feet again, my hands still on my stomach.

"I'm so sorry," I said, bowing to the team.

"You're so pale," said Sungmin, looking worried. I shook my head.

"I'm fine," I said, but then there was another shooting pain and I doubled over again with another groan. This time, Ryeowook took me by my shoulders and kept me on my feet. As I grimaced in pain, there was a silence, then Ryeowook spoke.

"Hyung, maybe he should take this practice off," he said, looking at Leeteuk.

"No, this is the last practice before our live stage. Everyone should be here," said Leeteuk coldly. "Come on, Cho Kyuhyun. Get up." Leeteuk then looked at the clock and gave a sigh. "What is this? We're wasting time."

I bit my lip and tried to straighten up, but I couldn't.

"But he's so sick," said Ryeowook, looking uneasy and still having me by my shoulders.

"You don't want your regular pay back?" asked Leeteuk, raising his voice. Ryeowook looked up, startled that Leeteuk was yelling at him.

"I obviously do, hyung, but he's hurting," said Ryeowook. I grabbed Ryeowook's hand and squeezed it in an attempt to keep him from saying anything more; I didn't want him to be in trouble with Leeteuk.

"It - it's okay," I said, then I straightened up again with difficulty, chewing the inside of my cheek to distract myself from the pain in my stomach. "Sorry. I can continue whenever you're ready," I said. There were several nods around the room as all of us faced the mirrors again, and practice resumed.

The persistent practice pushing through the pain definitely paid off, since the first Dancing Out stages went as well as we could have hoped. I was reasonably healthy again and certainly no longer in pain. More importantly, the fans seemed to have enjoyed the stage, and we started getting positive comments again, much to our relief. We were promised our regular pay and bonuses if we went the promotional period without a big drop in public credibility, which put everyone in good spirits. We also began enjoying the stage again, and these few days made me realize why I chose this career, despite all of the hardships it put me through.

On the other hand, school was a different issue. I spent the entire week anticipating the results of the final exams that I had taken, and the truth remained that I had to rank at least 20th in order to have a decent chance at a college that I wanted to attend. I kept convincing myself that I did well, only to change my mind a few moments later to come to the conclusion that these were the worst exams that I had ever written, only to convince myself again that they didn't go as badly as I thought they did.

I went to school at the beginning of the next week, when the grades were supposed to be released. I attended my weekly five hours of class, then at the end of the day, the teacher finally picked up a pile of report cards. I felt my mouth starting to dry out right away.

Please, I thought in my head. Please, please, please. I just need it to say 20th. I clasped my hands together and looked at the teacher, my heart racing. He continued handing out the report cards, and my turn never seemed to come. When he finally came to my desk, I swallowed in nervousness as he scanned over the card. I tried reading his expression, but he just took the piece of paper and held it out for me to take. Feeling my heart beating against my chest, I took it with a shaking hand. I hesitated before looking, but I bit my lip and after a deep breath, I looked at the piece of paper that the teacher handed me.



2006 Summer Final Exams
Cho Kyuhyun
Year 3 Class 1

Department: Sciences

Korean Literature      97

Mathematics II         95

Calculus               94

Statistics             96

Physics II             73

Chemistry II           97

Biology II             93

Earth Science II       99

Music (Vocal)          98

World History          91

3rd Language (Chinese) 94

Total Average          93.5

Rank                   31/614
Percentile             95th

My heart dropped. My breath got caught in my throat, and all of the blood drain out of my face.

No, no, no, this couldn't be right.

I did not work so damn hard the last three weeks to rank 31st.

I even checked the name several times to make sure that it was indeed mine - I didn't want to believe this.

"Kyuhyun, let's talk after class," said the teacher. I didn't even respond. I just stared at my report card in despair and disbelief.

I didn't even look at anything else.

Just that one line.

Rank                   31/614

I shook my head in dismay. I had promised so many people that I'd rank in the top 20. I tried so hard to keep those promises. Was I supposed to accept that this was the result I get for compromising my health, losing so much sleep time, disturbing my bandmates' convenience, making the managers worry, sacrificing fun on the first out-of-country trip I've had with the band... Was all of that for this? I did all of that to study for these exams, and this is the result? All of that was for nothing?

I bit my lip.

This was just not fair.