When I returned to the practice room after dinner, the only people in it were were Sungmin and Ryeowook. They were sprawled out on the floor after the marathon performance practice. I bowed to both of them and they nodded to acknowledge it.

"Who else is still here?" I asked.

"Leeteuk and Yesung hyung went out to dinner. Everyone else is gone," said Sungmin.

I sat down too, then I noticed the laptop that was still on the floor, open.

"Can I take a look at this?" I asked. I wanted to read the article that I didn't get a chance to read that morning.

"Go for it," said Sungmin, and I picked it up.

It was already open to the article, but it really didn't contain anything that he didn't tell us last night - just that an extremely talented new member, Kyuhyun, was added to Super Junior to form a group of 13. A photo of the 12 of them from the first album accompanied the article. I scrolled through to the comments posted underneath, then I instantly wished I hadn't.

"Twelve is already too many... SM made a huge mistake..."

"I can't acknowledge this!!! It will always be 12 in my heart."

"Suju just another money making machine, clearly. Let's not buy their album until Super Junior is 12 again!"

"Who is this Kyuhyun??? Why is he stepping foot in the sacred Super Junior that we all want to keep as 12??"

"At least none of the real members are leaving...?"

"Creating Kyuhyun anti-site right now... Can't believe this."

"If he had any respect for his senior singers and their fans, he would never have accepted the offer to join Super Junior... Hate him already."

I felt hot blood rushing to my face. I wasn't sure what this emotion was. It wasn't embarrassment or anger... It wasn't hate, either. It was... disbelief? Disappointment? Frustration? Distress?

"Are you okay?"

I didn't speak. I just stared at the computer screen.

"Hey," said Sungmin. "What's wrong?"

I drew in a breath to speak, but then I didn't. I let out the breath, and shook my head. Sungmin got up from where he was, and moved towards me.

"What is it?" he said.

"I - " I said, trying to explain, but then I couldn't continue.

"Give me," said Sungmin, and grabbed the laptop from my knees. I didn't let him take it. "Hey!" he said, and tugged it out of my grasp. By this time, Ryeowook was interested as well and had sat down next to Sungmin.

There was a long silence as the two of them read the comments, and I buried my face in my knees.

After reading the comments, both Sungmin and Ryeowook were silent as well. My mind was blank, and when I lifted my head, I couldn't see anything except white in front of me. What had I done to deserve this? How can they hate me already when they haven't even seen my face, never mind heard me sing?

"Are you -" started Sungmin.

"I'm fine," I said after swallowing. I stood up. "Can we get back to practice? I still have a few sticky parts that I was hoping you could teach me."

Sungmin hesitated for a moment, then got up as well. He looked at Ryeowook, who was still on the floor. "Hey, he's right. Let's continue. We can't control this."

Then, to my genuine annoyance and disbelief, I saw tears go down Ryeowook's face. It was hard to explain why I got so angry at this.

"What the hell!" I shouted in informal speech. "What do you think you're doing? Why are you the one that's crying?"

Ryeowook looked up at me, but he didn't say anything.

"Stop trying to sympathize with me and worry about yourself," I said angrily. "I can't deal with you." I snatched up my bag from the floor and opened the practice room door to go to a different room to practice on my own, but then -

WHAM!

I toppled backward, and fell onto the ground. It took me a second to realize what had happened. I looked up to see Yesung standing at the doorway, furious, and his fist clenched. I touched my eyebrow where there was a sharp pain, and then when I looked at my fingers, I saw blood on it. I looked at it again in disbelief.

Yesung had just punched me.

Realizing how ridiculous this was, my lips curled up in a smirk. I knew that Ryeowook was Yesung's favorite dongsaeng but this was -

"You little - " said Yesung, reacting to my smirk. He pulled me back up to my feet and drew his fist back again.

"Get off me!" I yelled, and pushed his shoulders away. He stepped back a little. He made a move towards me again, but -

"STOP!" yelled Leeteuk, appearing from behind Yesung. Everyone froze.

Leeteuk looked at me, the cut on my eyebrow, and Yesung.

"What kind of respect are you showing to your hyung and sunbae?" said Leeteuk quietly. I was speechless - I just looked at him with widened eyes. Did he not see that Yesung just provided the biggest disservice possible to another entertainer? Leeteuk looked at Yesung. "That was stupid," Leeteuk said, and looked at Yesung's bleeding knuckles. "Now you have to wear gloves on the comeback stage."

I exploded.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?" I screamed. "I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! HE JUST PUNCHED ME AND YOU STILL -  "

"Shut up," said Leeteuk, glaring at me.

I was so angry that my breathing was irregular, and I just stood there, staring at Leeteuk. Then, a breath of empty laughter escaped my lungs again. With anger boiling up inside my entire body, I picked up my bag, which had fallen to the floor. I pushed past Yesung and Leeteuk, and put my hand on the door handle again. As I was about to turn it, I felt a hand grasp around my arm, pulling it back.

"What are you doing?" said Sungmin, holding onto my arm tightly.

"Let go right now if you don't want to get hurt," I said informally, my voice shaking. He didn't let go.

I gave a grunt of annoyance and pulled my arm away and opened the door.

"Cho Kyuhyun, don't you dare -" said Sungmin, forcing the door closed again.

"Let him leave," said Leeteuk, clearly unconcerned. "He's not going anywhere. His debut stage is the day after tomorrow."

I clenched my fist. I somehow restrained myself from punching Leeteuk, and opened the door instead. Slamming the door behind me, I ran out of the building into the dark night.

I was walking alone. My phone had been ringing for the last half an hour, but I didn't pick it up. I finally received a text from the manager hyung, telling me that I would be in huge trouble if I didn't come back to the office or the dorm right now. I ignored that too, and switched off my phone.

I just walked aimlessly for about an hour, but then I realized that I had to take care of this damn cut. I sighed with disbelief at this situation. I didn't know how to resolve this. Everywhere was closed - the only places that were open were bars.

I hesitated for a bit, and then I walked into a bar. I brought my sweater out of my bag and put up my hood. Although no one knew what I looked like yet, I was afraid of what might happen.

I stood at the counter, and the girl that was bartending approached me. Before she even asked me what I wanted, I spoke.

"Can I get a bit of ice? And a few paper towels, if you have any," I said, not meeting her eyes. She looked at me, and the cut above my eyebrow.

"What happened to you?" she said, scooping up ice from behind the counter into an empty glass. I sighed and ignored her question. She placed the glass along with some napkins on the counter, and I poured out the ice onto the napkin. I put it on my eyebrow, then winced. The girl just watched me for a few seconds, and suddenly feeling more self-conscious than ever, I pulled on my hood and lowered my head. She looked at me, confused.

"Can I also get a closed booth?" I asked. I really wanted a drink more than anything, but I didn't think it was wise to drink in such an exposed place, especially with me being underage. She hesitated.

"Do you have ID?" she asked.

"No," I said. I looked up. "Please. I'm just having a hard time."

"I can't," she said apologetically.

"Okay," I said with a sigh. "Thanks for the ice," I said, and I started collecting up the rest of the ice in another napkin.

"But my shift is over in five minutes," she said, eyeing me. "I can take you somewhere afterwards."

"That's okay," I said, and I turned around.

"Fine," she said. "Then try the bar two blocks down. They rarely ID."

I smiled. "Thanks," I said, and I walked out of the bar.

When I finally was sitting alone in that booth, I ordered a few sojus. Just after it came, I bent my head over the table, and the tears that were brimmed around my eyes finally fell. The tears that I had held back from hours, from days, from weeks ago, started pouring. I cried silently, then when I took my first breath, I felt my chest heaving uncontrollably. My shoulders shaking, I didn't know what to do besides cry. This was what I worked so hard for? I withstood all the bullying that the so-called leader did to me, practiced until I physically couldn't walk anymore, slept on the floor every night just for a chance to prove myself, just to have that chance thin away, all because I got angry at Ryeowook for pitying me?

I don't know how long I just sat there for. But by the time that my eyes were dry again, I was so weak that I didn't think my legs could support me anymore. Even after I had stopped sobbing, I stayed sitting there without doing anything. A million thoughts went through my head, and every time a new one popped into my head, a new tear rolled down my cheek.

You have to be strong, I thought to myself. Leeteuk being the way he was tonight is nothing new. And at this thought, fresh tears brimmed around my eyes. I wiped them, but then the sobs returned.

In a few more moments, I had stopped crying again and was just sitting there. I couldn't even think anymore. I just sat there, looking into my lap. Then I finally opened a soju bottle and started drinking.