I didn't even try to move back to the comfort of my own room. I just sat there, staring off into space and letting the tears silently roll down my face. I didn't know what I had done so wrong that he believed that I should die. Is my life worth... so little?

I only dragged myself into the bathroom after all of my tears had passed. I opened the cabinet slowly and retrieved the sponge and the cleaning solution from it. And finally got on my hands and knees on the bathroom tiles and started scrubbing the floor.

I was doing it so slowly. And as I scrubbed, new tears fell on my hands and on the tiles. It wasn't because I was doing the work that made me so miserable. It was the fact that I'd been told to die, and I was still doing this - just for the one who told me that I should die.

I squeezed the sponge with my soapy hand as more tears streamed down my face. I closed my eyes and let the rest of the tears in my eyes fall.

This was what was enough to make him wish I died.

This is what my life is worth to him.

Less than a clean bathroom.

My hands had been soaked in the strong cleaning solution for so long that they smarted and burned as I spent my fourth hour in the bathroom, scrubbing every inch of it. But I wanted to do this right. If this was what my life was worth, I might as well do it right.

I didn't know if I was actually cleaning or if I was making even more of a mess, putting soap suds everywhere on the tiles, the sink, the shower, and getting it all over me and my clothes as I scrubbed. I didn't know how many times I went over the bathroom floor with the sponge. And at the end of the fourth hour, my clothes were totally soaked as well, and I started crying again.

I didn't even try to hold back the sobs, and I didn't try to muffle the noises I was making anymore. I didn't care. And soon, I was just totally sitting on the wet floor without regards to my clothes.

I sat there, crying, until the bathroom door flung open with a loud bang, revealing a clearly agitated Heechul, who started shouting even before he saw me.

"Shut the hell up, you - "

He stopped as I looked up at him from the floor. Then I broke out into a few more sobs as I looked up into his eyes.

I give up.

I give up trying to please you.

I give up trying to earn my place in you.

I give up.

I broke my gaze with Heechul and turned my back on him. I instead looked at my hands, which were now a raging red; the calluses that I'd built up on my hands over the year of chores and housework could only protect me for so long. I caught my breath, and I got back on my hands and knees, put the sponge back on the floor and started scrubbing again. I ignored the fact that Heechul was there, watching me clean the bathroom that he so wanted me to clean.

But I also didn't stop crying. I couldn't. I didn't care that he told me to shut up. I had to somehow get out how I felt at this moment.

And crying was the only way I could do it.

I knew Heechul would be angry at me for crying, but I didn't stop as I continued working. I was too hurt to feel anger, or even hatred. The hurt just took up way too much of my emotions for me to be able to feel anything else.

"Get a grip," he said quietly. I ignored him and continued scrubbing the floor.

Cleaner, cleaner, cleaner.

I can do this right.

"STOP CLEANING, DAMN IT!" he shouted.

I ignored this, too, and started going over the floor once again with the sponge, sobbing all the while.

This is what my life is worth.

I can do this, if this is what my life is worth.

I can do this right.

"CHO KYUHYUN!" shouted Heechul. "YOU WERE HERE FOR FOUR DAMN HOURS, THAT'S ENOUGH! GET THE HELL OUT!" I still had my back to him when I felt a pair of hands grab at my wet shirt from behind.

"LET GO OF ME!" I screamed, then I pulled myself away from him. I took a step back, but then slipped on the soapy floors and fell on my back.

I glared up at him from the floor for a little while, then down at his bare feet standing in the soapy tiles of the bathroom. I picked up the sponge and put it to the floor again, and as I did, I noticed a small dark spot underneath the suds.

Cleaner.

I scrubbed the spot with the sponge as hard as I could, ignoring Heechul's screams from behind me.

This is what my life is worth now.

I can do this right.

I was still cleaning two hours later, when the rest of the team returned to the dorm after their practice. I'd rinsed all of the soap suds off, and was scrubbing the floor for a final time without the soap.

I was shivering now, though; I'd been wearing these wet clothes for way too long. The bathroom door opened again a few moments later, amidst the medley of voices that had just walked into the dorm.

"Kyuhyun! How did you get your clothes so wet?" asked Ryeowook with a laugh. I ignored the question.

"I'm almost done," I muttered. "Don't step in here for a few minutes."

I heard Ryeowook step back inside, but then Leeteuk peeked into the bathroom.

"Almost finished?" he asked. "We're all waiting to use the shower."

I nodded and looked at him. "I'll be finished really soon."

Leeteuk nodded and was about to turn away when he did a double take. I turned my head away and continued scrubbing, but Leeteuk stopped me.

"Kyuhyun, look at me for a second," he said.

I hesitated, then I sighed. I lifted my head and looked at him for a split second before turning my attention back to the floor.

"Hey, have you been crying?" he asked with a frown.

I stayed silent and continued scrubbing.

"Kyuhyun, why - "

"Don't worry about it, Jungsu, leave him alone. He just overreacted," I heard from behind me.

And with a chill, I realized that it was Heechul. There was a silence.

"What did you do?" said Leeteuk harshly.

"He didn't clean the bathroom. He refused to be punished so I yelled at him, and now, he's been at this for almost six hours," said Heechul.

Leeteuk widened his eyes. "Six hours? What exactly is it that you said?" he asked.

Heechul hesitated, and I remained silent for a few seconds, then Heechul sighed. "He tried to tell me to tolerate him, and I just told him that and easier solution would be if he died."

There was a shocked silence in the hallway that I could feel from the bathroom, then Leeteuk finally broke it in a voice shaking with anger.

"Go back to the officetel tomorrow," said Leeteuk to Heechul. "Your leg's fine now. Go back to the officetel. You don't need any of us taking care of you."

Heechul scoffed. "I did everything you told me to do! You told me to give him time to do what I asked before getting angry, and if he didn't do it, I can do whatever I want!" shouted Heechul. "He didn't do what I asked even after I gave him time!"

"I DON'T CARE! YOU CAN'T SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO - "

"I tried to stop him from doing this, it's not my fault he went and did the crazy thing he did!" screamed Heechul.

Leeteuk ignored him and stepped into the bathroom to take the sponge away from my hand. "It's okay. Stop. I'll finish the rest." He put his hands on my wet shoulders. "He's going to move out again soon. Don't worry."

"If you keep treating them like this, it's just going to get worse," seethed Heechul. "You can be on their side for everything, but eventually, it's going to be you that gets walked all over."

Leeteuk just stood there, frozen in place, then he glared at Heechul.

"I'll never let them walk all over me. Don't you worry," said Leeteuk.

Heechul snarled again. "I know you. I know you're going to cave to them."

I saw Leeteuk clench his jaw, and then he spoke. "Go back to the officetel by tomorrow," he said. He then dropped his hands from my shoulders, and walked into his room without another word.

I yawned and rubbed my eyes.

I was sitting on the couch next to Ryeowook, relaxing after a long day. It had been a hectic month. We had just begun preparation for the second album, and we had all been worked to our limits. But everything was easier, with Heechul out of the dorm. I felt like everything was finally on track, and everything was working like it should.

This particular night, Ryeowook and I had returned early from a K.R.Y. performance for the first time in weeks, and we'd decided to celebrate in front of the TV: Ryeowook's idea. We were watching a movie, but I was barely even watching. My eyes had glazed over and I had my head resting on the arm of the chair.

And I was sure wouldn't have known what was going on in the movie if it weren't for Ryeowook's commentary.

I'd almost fallen asleep when I was jerked awake by a loud buzz coming from beside me. I sat up and felt around for my phone, but found that it was silent; it must have been Ryeowook's phone. I looked at Ryeowook, whose eyes were still glued to the TV. He had ignored the buzz altogether.

I sighed and tapped his arm.

"Ryeowook, you got a text," I said.

"What does it say?" he asked absent-mindedly, not taking his eyes off the TV screen.

I shook my head with exasperation at Ryeowook's passion for his movies and picked up his phone. I looked at the screen to see that it was from Leeteuk.

Hey, Ryeowook. What are you up to?

I looked up at Ryeowook. "Teukie hyung wants to know what you're up to."

Ryeowook sighed annoyedly and took the phone from me. He barely looked at his phone for a few seconds after dropping the phone on his lap again.

A few moments later, his phone rang again, and I saw him pick it up and glance at the screen. At first, it was of absent-mindedness, but soon, I saw his brows furrow as he read the message. I then saw him text seriously before reluctantly turning to the TV again.

A few minutes later, his phone rang a final time. I wasn't paying attention to either Ryeowook or the movie when Ryeowook grabbed at his hair in frustration.

"What? Why? I don't understand!" shouted Ryeowook.

"What's wrong?" I asked, wondering whether I'd missed something in the movie. However, he wordlessly handed me his phone, open to a conversation. I frowned a little. "You want me to - "

"Just read it, and tell me if I'm really the one that's being unreasonable!" said Ryeowook incredulously.

I sighed and I scrolled through the messages.

Received 10:37PM

Hey, Ryeowook. What are you up to?

Sent 10:38PM

Teukie hyung!! ^^ Watching a movie with Cho Kyu! How about you?

Received 10:45PM

You - Kim Ryeowook, did you just use informal speech to me?

I did a double take as my eyes widened. I had barely even noticed that Ryeowook had used informal speech in his text, and I'd seen Ryeowook use informal speech to Leeteuk plenty of times to know that Leeteuk didn't mind.

Sent 10:49PM

Hyung, stop being like that~ I'm your dongsaeng, who cares if I use some informal speech? ^^

"You idiot," I muttered. "Why did you text this in informal speech when he called you out on it?"

"I thought he was joking," he said, starting to sound defensive.

I shook my head and looked at the phone again to continue reading.

Received 11:03PM

Just because I've cut you some slack, you think speaking to me in informal speech is okay? I should have known you were so rude. You really are walking all over me. How am I supposed to lead you when you don't respect me? Your attitude disgusts me.

Sent 11:06PM

Are you serious? Hyung, I'm sorry. I thought you were kidding.

Received 11:07PM

You'd better not talk to me any time soon, not if you want me to speak to you ever again.

I bit my lip and closed the phone as Ryeowook sighed.

"I don't understand, I speak to him in informal speech sometimes," complained Ryeowook.

"Did you ever ask permission?" I asked. Ryeowook shook his head.

"No, but when we started sharing rooms, we talked a lot, and I just... stopped talking to him in honorifics one day, and I just assumed I was allowed when he didn't tell me off for it."

I sighed. "Never assume they've given permission," I said.

Ryeowook glared at me and snatched the phone out of my hand.

"Thanks, Kyuhyun, that's exactly what I needed to hear," he said sarcastically. I sighed.

"Look, I just meant - "

"Whatever, it's fine," muttered Ryeowook.

I sat there awkwardly for a second, then Ryeowook sighed and turned the TV off.

"I don't want him to be angry at me. I really need him, for everything."

"So just apologize," I said.

Ryeowook glared at me. "Kyuhyun, I just tried that. He doesn't want to hear it."

I shook my head. "Not over text. Ryeowook, you have to show him how much he means to you."

Ryeowook sighed. "So what am I supposed to do?"

I thought for a second, then nodded. "Just sit by the front door and wait for him to get back. Then tell him how sorry you are."

Ryeowook hesitated. "But it's so cold, and what if I catch - "

I patted him on the back. "You've got to do what you've got to do."

Ryeowook sighed, then nodded dejectedly. "Okay," he whispered.

I nodded and got up fron the couch with another yawn. "Good luck. I'm going to bed."

Ryeowook buried his face into his knees for a second, then he looked up.

"Can you stay out here with me?"

My raised my eyebrows. "No, you're the one that made the mistake. I'm so tired and so sore, I'm going to bed."

"You're such a jerk," said Ryeowook, looking at his lap.

I snorted. "Good night. Don't fall asleep while you're here or you're not going to impress anyone," I warned, then I got up from the couch to go to bed, fully knowing that Ryeowook would not have a good night.

I opened my eyes at the sound of the front door clicking open. I looked at the clock: 4:47am.

I turned over on my bed to go back to sleep when I heard a loud, "Hyung! You're finally back!"

I rubbed my eyes and remembered.

"Ryeowook, what are you doing out here?" I heard faintly from down the hall.

"Hyung, I'm sorry, I'll never talk to you in informal speech again! I promise!" I heard Ryeowook cry from the living room.

There was a silence, and I heard Leeteuk speak quietly. "Ryeowook, were you waiting out here for me to get back this whole time?"

"Yes. Hyung, I'm so sorry, please don't be so mad at me."

I smiled a little and buried my face in my pillow again as I heard Leeteuk chuckle.

"Aw, Ryeowook. How could I get mad at you? When you do such lovable things?" he said. "Come on. Go back to your room. Aren't you even cold?"

"I'm cold," confirmed Ryeowook, and I heard Leeteuk chuckle again.

"Come on. Let's go to our room," said Leeteuk. And a few seconds later, I heard both of them walk into my room. I didn't bother getting up to greet either of them, and Ryeowook lied back in his bed while Leeteuk started changing out of his clothes with a small smile on his face.

The next morning, I was awakened by Ryeowook's alarm like every other day. Ryeowook groaned and slammed the alarm off. He turned in his bed, obviously having difficulty getting up. I sighed and sat up in my bed and Ryeowook groaned again.

I put my hand on his arm, knowing that he hadn't had much time to sleep throughout the night.

"Hey, I'll make breakfast today," I whispered.

Ryeowook groaned again and looked at me through sleepy, slit eyes. "You can't, I also have to do laundry this morning," he slurred.

"I can do the laundry, too. Get a few more hours of sleep."

"Really?" he asked tiredly.

"Yeah. Sleep a bit more," I said. Ryeowook smiled happily and pulled his blanket up higher as I smiled. What a kid.

I ended up doing the laundry for Ryeowook and making breakfast, and surprisingly, without too many problems. Everything was slightly burned but also, nothing was inedible. If the hyungs were displeased, they didn't voice any of it and laughed it off with some jokes.

We were handed our schedules after breakfast, as we were getting ready. I read over my schedule, relieved that the day was supposed to end early, but beside me, I heard Ryeowook sigh.

"Ugh, my day ends late again," complained Ryeowook.

"Really?" I said with a frown, taking note that I actually had another short work day. I took his schedule from his hands.

11. Kim Ryeowook

Wednesday, April 18th, 2007

9:00am-10:30am  K.R.Y. practice (YS, RW & KH): Rm. 301

10:30am-11:00am Transportation (YS, RW & KH)

11:00am-11:30am Dress rehearsal, outdoor performance @ Incheon (YS, RW & KH)

2:00pm-3:00pm   Performance, outdoor performance @ Incheon (YS, RW & KH)

3:00pm-3:30pm   Transportation

3:30pm-5:00pm   Vocal coaching (YS, RW & KH): Rm. 301

5:00pm-9:00pm   Choreography practice (All SJ): Rm. 416

9:00pm-10:00pm  Transportation

10:00pm-12:00am Kiss the Radio live broadcast (LT, EH, SD & RW): KBS Radio Studio 1

I handed his schedule back to him.

"My day is the same as yours, without the radio, so I'm done at nine," I said. I frowned a little. "How did you get that radio schedule, anyway?"

Ryeowook shook his head. "The manager hyung said they just wanted someone to do it, and I volunteered a few days ago."

I nodded and turned away to continue packing my bag, but Ryeowook tapped me on the arm. "Kyuhyun, can you do me a favour?"

I looked at him suspiciously. "What?"

"Do you think - can you run this schedule today?"

I raised my eyebrows. "You want me to do Kiss the Radio for you?"

Ryeowook nodded. "Please. It'll be a lot of help."

"Ryeowook, you and I have basically the exact same schedules because of K.R.Y. You know we're both busy," I said with a sigh. "I also helped you this morning with - "

"I know, but I'm just so tired," said Ryeowook, cutting me off. "My whole body feels like a ton of lead, I know I won't be able to handle it." I sighed and mulled it over. The drought of activities that we had as a team a month ago had left my bank account feeble, and maybe it was good that I had extra work. I was just about to open my mouth to agree when Ryeowook spoke.

"But Kyuhyun, is it okay if I still get the pay for it?"

My eyes widened in disbelief. "You mean you want me to work for you for free?"

"It's only two hours, and it's just radio. You don't even have to prepare," pleaded Ryeowook. "I just really need the money right now."

"For what?" I asked, exasperated.

"I'm saving up to buy my parents a car for their anniversary," said Ryeowook. "Every little bit really counts."

A flood of annoyance overcame me. He was just making me do extra work so that he could rest, and so he could give his parents a nice present?

I knew I had to put my foot down, and was about to tell him off when Ryeowook spoke again.

"Come on, I did much more than this for you when you first joined the team. Is it really that hard to decide?" said Ryeowook, raising his voice a little.

I opened my mouth to retort, but then I closed my eyes in frustration. Ryeowook had played the card that he knew would work. I just couldn't refuse him.

I sighed. "Fine, I'll do it," I said, rolling my eyes.

I dropped my bag moodily on my bed. That was such an unfair card to play. I hated hearing that argument, especially now that he'd used it for several nights in a row. I repeated the phrase this is so, so, so unfair, over and over in my head as I turned to head off into the shower. Ryeowook was watching me the entire time, and realizing this, I tried to hint at my displeasure by snatching my change of clothes off from the bed, annoyed. Ryeowook looked frustrated for a second, then he grabbed my arm and turned me around. "Hey. Cho Kyuhyun."

"What?" I asked, pushing his hand away.

"Do you really have to be like this? You can't just do me a favour?" he asked with a frown.

I stared at him, unable to believe what I'd just heard. I'd just done so many favours for Ryeowook and for him to be angry at me over this -

"I said I'd do it, damn it," I said, starting to raise my voice.

"Then why can't you do it without the attitude?" he demanded.

"Because you're freaking annoying," I said. I glared at him. "Let go," I said, then I pulled my arm away.

Ryeowook didn't say anything for a few seconds, then he turned around. "You're the worst friend I've ever had. In fact - are you even a friend?" he muttered. He then turned away from me to get into his clothes for the day.

"What?" I yelled, shocked and outraged. I expected him to turn around to talk to me more, but he just continued changing into his clothes. "Kim Ryeowook." I grabbed Ryeowook roughly by his shoulder and turned him around to face me. "What the hell is your problem?"

"My problem?" he said furiously.

I scoffed in disbelief. "What, so you think the problem is mine? What do I do to you that's so horrible? I'm doing a lot for you right now!"

"Don't do it if you don't want to," said Ryeowook angrily, then he hit my hand away, got out of his bed and walked down the hallway again.