I saw the manager hyung bury his face in his hands in despair, and I felt my heart tighten so hard that it hurt physically.

"No, you haven't made any mistakes," I said softly, wiping the tears from my eyes. "You were right. I'm sure I'd have had an easier time if I hated you as you left us. But hyung, I just don't think I can hate you."

The manager hyung closed his eyes and shook his head. "I can't believe I - "

"No," I whispered. "Thank you for trying. I know you really did this for me."

"Oh my god," he said, then he looked up at the ceiling with exasperation at himself. "I hate seeing you cry," he murmured, tears in his own eyes.

"I'm really sorry, I tried really hard not to cry," I whispered, but this only brought more tears to my eyes. "I'm so sorry, I really didn't want to - " I said, but I couldn't continue because I had started crying so hard.

"Oh my god," said the manager hyung, covering his horrified face with his hands again. "Oh god. What have I - what have I done to you?" he whispered.

There was a long silence as Seunghwan hyung hung his head and just looked at his feet, then Jinsoo hyung spoke.

"Kyuhyun, go to your room and rest," he said.

I looked up at him. "I - I'm just having a bit of trouble walking right now," I said through my uncontrollable breaths. "So c - could you please help me to my room?"

Jinsoo hyung gaped at me for a second as though he couldn't believe what he was hearing. However, he soon rushed to my side, grabbed one of my arms, put it around his shoulders, and held on tightly to my side. I let out a tiny whimper of pain without meaning to, then saw Seunghwan hyung put his hands to his face again, and I instantly rebuked myself. I tried moving again, but every time I tried to lift a foot, the pain was so strong that I couldn't do anything else except put it back down. After maybe about a minute of trying to move and not being able to, even with Jinsoo hyung's help, Seunghwan hyung came to my side, biting his lip.

He didn't say anything to me as he put my arm around his own shoulders, then the two of them effectively half-lifted, half-dragged me into my room. When we got into the room, Donghae and Sungmin were in their beds with the lights out already, and when the managers flicked on the light in the room, the two of them grimaced at the brightness before lifting their heads from their pillows to investigate. I lowered my head in embarrassment as they both looked at me, and saw me being dragged in with the managers, and they both sat up from their beds immediately.

"What's wrong?" asked Donghae.

There was a short silence, then Jinsoo hyung spoke quietly. "He got beaten."

Donghae barely even looked surprised - I guessed I just got beaten too much for it to be special event in everyone else's mind - but Sungmin rushed to my side.

He quickly took Seunghwan hyung's place, and I put my arm around Sungmin's shoulders instead. The two of them laid me down carefully over the blankets spread out on the floor, face down, and I gripped at my pillow in pain.

I closed my eyes to clear the pain, which subsided a bit in a few seconds. I looked up at the managers, who were both standing there, both of them looking like they didn't know whether to stay or leave.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Go to sleep," said Jinsoo hyung, then the two of them left the room, Seunghwan hyung having his head down the whole time.

As soon as the door closed, Sungmin put his hand on my back.

"What did you do?" he rebuked.

I didn't say anything and continued crying as Donghae left the room. When he came back, he had a tube of medicinal ointment and a bag of ice in his hand. He placed both in front of me, then he lied back down in his bed. I was in too much pain to remember to thank him, and I simply reached for the tube of medicine, uncapped it, and squeezed some of it out on my shaking fingers. I sighed and started rubbing it on. As I did so, I felt a tiny cut, which hadn't bled too much, but...

"I've never had welts from a beating before," I murmured.

"You got welts this time?" asked Donghae sympathetically.

I nodded as I continued to apply the medicine, feeling the sting all over again. I winced; I guessed I was probably only a few hits away from bleeding through my clothes. I then looked up at Sungmin, who was watching me with concern.

"Hyung, it hurts so much," I whispered.

I then started sobbing again.

I thought I'd already accepted that the manager hyung would be leaving us, but I didn't know when he would be leaving. And as time went on, I felt myself becoming more and more anxious about him leaving, and keeping my distance from him. I knew I had to stop him, but I just wasn’t sure how. And about a week later, I so bravely, so insolently, and rudely knocked on one of the company representatives' door carefully the next time I was at the office, not having thought of a better solution.

"Come in," said the representative from the other side of the door. I hesitated a bit before turning the doorknob carefully.

I peeked inside before really stepping inside the office. I was instantly mesmerised by the luxurious office. It was of glistening hardwood floors, beautiful carpet and perfectly coordinated furniture; it was so unlike what I was used to in the practice rooms, the dorm, and the waiting rooms. Everything shined, and I felt like I would be dirtying the office just by stepping inside in my running shoes, and I suddenly felt terribly under-dressed in my rough t-shirt and jeans. I just stood there, struck speechless for a few minutes, when the representative finally lifted his head from behind his desk.

He saw me standing at the doorway, then he frowned at my presence while I bowed, blushing a deep red.

"Yes?" he said unfeelingly.

"Um - hello, sir. I'm Super Junior's Kyuhyun," I said timidly. I hoped he'd know that much. "I was just wondering whether I could ask you for a favour, sir." I stood awkwardly at the door, unsure of whether or not I was supposed to cross the huge office closer to his desk. The representative sighed as if he was being bothered by a fly and beckoned me towards him.

"Sit down," he said.

I bowed again and took tiny steps towards the chair across from the desk, feeling so, so small. God, I should have dressed better.

I sat down on the elaborate chair, taking care not to cross my legs, and to keep my hands together politely on my lap with my head down.

"What is it?" he asked.

I took a deep breath and looked up at him for a split second before diverting my gaze at my hands again. "Sir, I just heard that Seunghwan hyung would be leaving our team to manage for a girl group instead."

"Yes," he confirmed without hesitation.

I bit my lip. "Sir, I was just wondering whether there was a different option, one that would involve him staying with Super Junior."

The representative hardly even looked up from the papers on his desk. "No. It's just the best option for us, economically and pragmatically."

I tried to look into his eyes, but he just continued writing as if I wasn't even sitting there. "Sir, you can take the profit difference out of my pay check," I begged. "Please."

"This decision isn't yours to influence," he said coldly.

"If it's because of money - "

"It's not just because of money. Experience does play a big part," he said. "And Seunghwan - well, he's ideal for the job. Besides, your pay isn't big enough to cover the difference, even if we took all of it."

I bit my lip and looked at him imploringly.

"We really need him," I whispered.

"We want this girl group to be successful more than anything, and we have to think about what's best for them," said the representative. He still wasn't looking at me and was writing as he spoke.

I bit my lip; I'd never felt so unimportant in my life.

"Sir," I said. Then I didn't say anything until he finally looked up at me. "I really hope you change your mind."

He laughed. "Son, it's not my personal decision to make," he said with a lingering smile.

"If you'd known what he's done for me - " I said desperately, but the representative just shook his head.

"Out," he said, then he turned to his documents as I got up from the chair and walked out of the gleaming office with a heavy sigh.

It was December now. K.R.Y. promotions were now more or less over, and we only went to the stages we were invited to. We were finally given the new SM Town Winter song that had been delayed since I'd skipped that morning of practice to go home. When we weren't practicing at the office, everyone focused on individual activities. I rarely had any, of course; I went as a guest on radio shows that the hyungs ran for a few days, where it was decided that the funniest thing about me was that I still slept on the floor, which became the topic of all of the talks. Interestingly, the fans followed this little story of mine diligently, and I found myself on the receiving end of collective sympathy for the first time in my life, joke or not. Soon, fans on my fan boards were starting a "A Bed for Kyuhyun" campaign, and had apparently started fundraising for one, prompting me to appear on radio once again to assure them that it wasn't money that was the problem, but the space. Leeteuk and Kangin each promised me a bed before the New Year on radio, a promise I wasn't sure that they were really going to keep.

And within the week, Seunghwan hyung had finally given the news to the team that he would be leaving the team. I'd expected the news to be met with hysteria, but I was wrong. I saw a few tears and a few hugs, but no one else seemed to be as invested in him as a manager and hyung as I was.

And to my surprise, I found the hyungs organizing a good-bye party for him on the last day that he would be our official manager, which was also the day he moved out of the dorm. I wasn't sure what there was to celebrate, so I didn't take an active part in the planning.

And when the day finally came, we were all going to go to a restaurant after practice to say our final good-byes before finally going our separate ways. I really had planned on joining them there, but throughout the day, my heart had become so heavy that I didn't think I could join them there. As a result, I found myself asking to be dropped off at the dorm and forgoing the party.

"Why aren't you going?" asked Ryeowook, shaking my arm.

"I haven't finished my chores," I said quietly. "I haven't done the dishes from this morning or last night, I haven't cleaned the living room, and I still have to take out the garbage in everyone's rooms. The hyungs are getting impatient."

"Whatever, do it tomorrow, Kyuhyun. Come on. It's his last day," said Ryeowook. I shook my head.

"If I don't do it today, it'll have piled up to the point I can't control it," I said. "You know how hard it is to clean up after so many guys."

"Kyuhyun, you're closer to him than anyone else."

I didn't say anything for a few minutes, then I spoke.

"I just don't want to see him leave," I murmured, then I turned my head away to hide the tears welling up in my eyes.

I barely even said good-bye as I left the bus. I knew it was the last time I'd see him as my manager, but I didn't want to show him tears on the last day he was going to be gone.

I stepped off the bus and headed towards the dorm without even a second look, then I let myself into the deserted dorm and walked into my room. I walked to my corner to lie down over my blankets, but found them gone from the floor. I sighed. I guessed one of Sungmin or Donghae got tired of my blankets strewn over the floor all the time and had put them away. I walked to the closet in the living room to retrieve them again. I didn't know what happened to them, I was sure they would be there.

I was about to pull open the closet door when I saw a bright yellow post-it note on the closet.

Kyuhyun,

I got you a good-bye present.

I would have loved to see you use it, it's too bad I can't.

It's in Ryeowook and Leeteuk's room. I hope you enjoy.

Seunghwan

I frowned and took the post-it note off the closet. Why he would leave a present for me in Leeteuk and Ryeowook's room was beyond me since I wasn't sure if I had permission to go into the room, but I made my way towards it anyway. It wasn't like they would know that I'd been in their room; I was alone here, and all I'd had to do was take it back to my room.

I walked into the room, and for a moment, I thought I was in the wrong room.

The pile of presents and letters from fans and both of Ryeowook and Leeteuk's bedside tables that were between the beds were gone. In its place was a carefully-made black-posted bed that stood out with the two white-headboarded ones on either side of it. It was small, and there was barely even half an inch between the beds, but there it was.

And that was when I realized that this was his good-bye present for me.

He'd gotten me a bed.

I just stared at it for a few seconds, then I walked towards it.

But I was crying.

Just crying.

I didn't know how else I was supposed to react.

It was as if a dam had broken, and I cried all the tears that I'd ever held back.

Why wasn't I happy? I should be over the moon. I'd been asking for a bed for almost a year.

But only one thought rang in my head.

God, if only I could exchange the bed for the manager hyung, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

And that's what it felt like the bed was supposed to be.

A replacement for the manager hyung.

I wiped my tears and walked towards it. I was crying so much that I could barely even see through my tears, but when I went closer to it, I realized that an envelope was propped up on the pillow. I reached for it hastily, and opened it. There was a letter inside, and I pulled out the stationary. I hesitated before opening it, afraid of what I might be seeing, but after a deep breath, I put my eyes on the page and started reading.

Dear Kyuhyun,

Firstly, let me just start off by saying this. I'm just reminding myself that it's not like we're never going to see each other. We'll still see each other at the office from time to time, I'm sure.

Well, we've had our ups and downs, haven't we? One step forward one day, two steps back the next... then a few steps forward again before taking another step back. Anyway, just knowing I was leaving made me think back to when we first met. I guess when they say you look back to the beginning at the end - I guess this is what they mean.

When you first joined the team, you were just a baby, so timid and so afraid. But you didn't show it, of course. I saw you mask it all with indifference. I knew your persona couldn't be real, and I knew no person in the world could go through what you did and be indifferent about it. But being so selfish, I wanted to believe you were strong enough to handle it all. I didn't want to interfere in you building your relationships, and I really thought I was doing the right thing.

But time passed on, and you finally debuted. And on that day, I saw you becoming more true to your emotions. And you opened up to me, and you told me what a hard time you were having. And I'm going to be honest, Kyuhyun; I didn't expect it, and I didn't know what to do. I thought for such a long time, just trying to decide what I was supposed to do. Thinking back now, I was foolish to have thought that it wouldn't happen. I knew you had no one to talk to on the team, and I should have known that, well, everyone needs someone who can listen. I should have been more prepared. And in the end, I decided that I'll help you in whatever way I could, somewhat to make up for what I haven't done for you before. Because I knew I could always be on your side.

Never did I know that I'd get this attached to you in such a short time, Kyuhyun.

And from then on, I saw your persistence and your heart of gold win over almost everyone on the team one by one, for which I was so proud. But at the same time, we had breakdowns, we had frustrations, and I sometimes wondered whether you'd ever grow up.

But look at you now! You've grown to be the most mature, selfless, and astonishing person I've ever met in my life, and I couldn't be more proud to say that I've watched you, and maybe even helped you become the young man you are today.

I'm so sorry that I was only ever harsh on you, and that I wasn't more support for you when you most needed it. I'm just so sorry for turning a blind eye to your hardships when you were first starting out, and I'm sorry I never got to celebrate your coming of age with you, or to watch you get into university. I'm so sorry for all the times I beat you and scolded you, and I'm so sorry for making you cry so many times. I'm so sorry for the times I let you down, and sorry for all the times I hurt you.

And I thank you so much for opening up to me, for letting me in. Thank you for being such a talent and such a hard worker, and thank you for always giving me so much more than I've given you. I thank you so much for being able to forgive me over and over, and for teaching me lessons that I will never forget.

And one last thing, Kyuhyun. I know you can go far. I'm not going to tell you to keep working hard, because I know you'll do that. But Kyuhyun, if there is one thing I will ask you to do, not as your manager anymore, but as a hyung who cares about you more than anyone else... I will beg you on my knees.

Take care of yourself, and stay healthy.

Wishing you only the best of luck on the rest of your career,

Seunghwan

I bit my lip as hard as I could, then I felt a surge of pure anger.

I clenched the fist that was holding the letter in my hand, then I ripped the letter in quarters and threw the pieces down on the bed.

"I HATE YOU!" I screamed. "I HATE YOU!"

For leaving the team, for doing everything he said he was sorry for, for writing this damn letter, leaving me here alone to deal with everything -

I looked at the letter again with clenched teeth, and saw the same lines.

Dear Kyuhyun,

Firstly, let me just start off by saying...

"SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!" I shouted louder than I'd ever shouted before. "WHY ARE YOU LEAVING IF YOU CARE ABOUT ME SO MUCH?"

I then picked up the pieces of the letter and tore the pieces as small as I could, shouting unintelligible words, until I couldn't make out any of the words on the letter. And when I was finished, I crumpled up all of the pieces of paper in my hand together and threw them as hard as I could on my new bed with a long shout of anger.

I then fell to my knees and started sobbing.

First with anger, then with hate, then with frustration.

Then with sadness.

I cried into the bed for such a long time, just kneeling on the floor with my face in my new bed.

When I finally lifted my head from the foot of the bed, I shook my head.

"Hyung, I think I'm having a nightmare," I whispered through my tears. "I have to be dreaming this, hyung. You didn't just leave us."

But I knew I wasn't. I wasn't dreaming. This was real.

He wasn't here with us anymore.

But I wanted him here... so, so much.

I was crying and trembling, but I carefully collected up all of the pieces of the letter that I'd ripped up.

I then spent the next two hours taping the whole letter back together.