Hearing the apology felt like a huge weight was lifted off from my shoulders. Whether or not he meant for me to hear it, he still -

Wait, wait, maybe I was dreaming, there was no way Heechul was apologizing to me, he wouldn't...

And in that, I opened my eyes to look at Heechul.

"Hyu - hyung," I said.

And at this, Heechul gasped and raised his head.

"Kyu - Kyuhyun - " he said, clearly flustered.

"Hyung, am I dreaming?" I asked quietly. Tears ran down my face. "I think I'm dreaming."

Heechul looked in my eyes. "I - I - "

I smiled and squeezed his hand. "You know - but it's such a nice dream, I want to stay in it forever."

"Kyuhyun," he whispered.

"I don't know how much of this dream is a dream," I whispered. "How - how much? Because you've been really nice to me since I got in that accident, is that whole thing a dream too? And - oh god, maybe this whole thing is a dream, maybe I didn't even get in the accident - and - and maybe I'll wake up, and I'll be in my bed in the dorm, and - "

I looked up at him and bit my lip.

"But that would be such - such a shame, because - I really liked when you were nice to me - and - and - if I wake up, you won't be - nice to me anymore," I whispered. "Hyung - because - I really like calling you - hyung - and - you're taking care of me like I'm your brother, and I - wanted this moment to happen for - so, so long."

Heechul looked at me through his tear-strung eyes and I smiled weakly at him.

"But maybe I can enjoy it - while I can," I said, the smile still on my face, but tears welling up again. I was so sad that this was going to end soon when I woke up. I didn't want this dream to end.

"Hyung, can you pinch me? Please?" I said to Heechul.

"You know - you know you can f - feel pain in dreams," said Heechul through his tears. I smiled back.

"I think you're right," I whispered. "How do you wake yourself up?"

"I thought you said - you didn't want to wake up," said Heechul.

"I don't," I said, the smile still on my face. "I just want to make sure I stay in it."

Heechul breathed another unsteady breath and I smiled.

"Seunghwan hyung," I called quietly, much too quietly to wake him up.

But he still responded.

"Yeah, Kyuhyun," he said.

"Hyung, am I dreaming?" I asked.

"No," said Seunghwan hyung quietly.

"Seunghwan hyung, you have to remember that tomorrow morning, okay?" I whispered.

He didn't say anything and I turned to Heechul again. And then I smiled so tiredly. I was so tired. I didn't know how long it would be until I had to fall asleep, or wake up. And I wanted to relish in this moment for as long as I could.

"Hyung," I whispered to Heechul. He looked up and I smiled. "Please hold my hand," I whispered. Heechul let out another sob and reached out his soft hand to touch mine. I held on tightly.

"I really hope this isn't a dream," I murmured.

Heechul didn't say anything and put my hand to his face.

And as soon as he did, I felt my eyes close.

But I didn't loosen my hand.

I wanted to hold onto him, and this dream.

When I next opened my eyes, the room was bright.

The familiar orange sunlight shone through, and then I realized that the intern was in the room.

"Hey, good morning," he said with a warm smile.

"Good morning," I croaked.

But instead of continuing a conversation with him, I looked around, remembering.

Heechul was nowhere to be seen.

I rubbed my eyes. I was up - I was definitely up.

I looked on the bedside table. The glass trophy was still there.

I smiled a little. So that part wasn't a dream. I looked at the trophy for a little while before noticing something strange. There was something - something there that wasn't there before -

I reached over to my bedside table and picked it up, a small piece of paper.

I frowned as I read the small note.

Sorry I couldn't be there when you woke up. I had to leave for a meeting at the office this morning. I'll be back later today.

-Heechul

I looked to my side at Seunghwan hyung who was eating breakfast on his bed. He was also watching me read the note.

"Hyung," I said carefully, wincing a bit as I felt the IV push. "I think I might have asked you to do something for me last night," I said. "Do you remember it? Or was I dreaming?"

Seunghwan hyung put his spoon back down. And then he looked at me and smiled.

"No, you weren't dreaming," he confirmed.

I dropped my head back down on the bed and sighed with relief, but as soon as I did, the bed was raised and I was greeted with the sight of the intern holding out a glass of apple juice for me again.

"Slowly this time. Can you do it?" he asked.

I nodded, but hesitated before taking the straw in my mouth.

"But I want the curtains drawn," I whispered.

The intern nodded and closed he curtain. And after he did, I drank, slowly this time. And this time, I was able to drink slowly enough to finish the glass. Although the uncomfortable feeling remained, I was able to keep it down. And at that, the intern smiled.

"You're being so good," he said. "So good. Getting so much better so soon, I'm so proud of you, Kyuhyun."

I smiled at having heard the compliment, although it was so small and so inconsequential, I couldn't remember the last time I'd heard a real compliment. For a long time, now, I'd been given punishments instead of rewards, and this small gesture of reward was enough to keep me smiling for a long time despite how tired I was.

When the intern stood up, I asked him to open the curtains again. I was greeted with the sight of a Seunghwan hyung who wasn't watching me anymore; he was focused on his breakfast.

When he finished and the tray was taken away, I looked at him as he looked back at me.

"What are you going to do once you get out of here?" I whispered.

He didn't say anything before looking at me. "Nothing more than what I'd been doing before, I suppose. Probably still managing."

I smiled a little. Managing for a group, still, obviously. But also managing with his finances. Managing his life.

"How about you?" he asked.

"I think if I knew that things were going to be the same as before I moved out, I think - I think I might not have gone back to work," I said quietly. "I mean - I probably would have gone back to school. Maybe go to law school or something like my parents wanted."

"So what now?" he asked without looking at me.

"I think as long as I make sure no one touches me, I'll be okay," I said.

Seunghwan hyung smiled.

"I don't think anyone is going to try to hurt you anymore," he said.

"I know," I whispered.

Somehow, for some reason - almost dying had made all the difference.

I was musing on that when Seunghwan hyung spoke again.

"Kyuhyun, promise me one thing," he said.

I looked at him without saying anything.

"Promise me you'll keep this curtain open, no matter what. It's almost - almost sad to think you're keeping things from me, even if it's not much," he said.

I frowned and put my eyes back at the ceiling.

"I just - don't want you to feel sorry for me," I whispered.

"Why not?" he asked. "Why can't I care about you?"

"I just - " I couldn't find the words to continue, and after a while, I sighed and looked at him again. "Okay," I promised. I then looked at him again. "But you can't close the curtains either. I care about you just as much."

Seunghwan hyung smiled.

"Anything for you, Kyuhyun," he said, then we both laughed and started small talk to catch each other up.

It was a blissful few days. Heechul came to visit us every day, and had bought me a new mp3 player in one when I'd told him that I lost my old one in the accident. I'd started eating thin porridge now, and I'd gotten so much better that the intern told me how impressed he was with every meal. He allowed Heechul to feed me the porridge one day, and as he did, I asked in the question that had been on my mind for so long.

"Where's Ryeowook? How come he never comes to visit?" I asked. "Is he okay?"

Heechul hesitated before speaking. "Yeah, he's okay. He finally got himself out of bed and he should be busy with the movie thing."

I widened my eyes in surprise.

What?

"What movie thing?" I asked in a shaking voice.

"You know, the - " he frowned. "Didn't the company reps tell you about it?"

"N - no," I stuttered.

What?

"We - our team got offered to do a movie, Kyuhyun," he said.

"What?" I said with a frown. "Who? Pro - probably just - you, Siwon hyung and Kibum? Right? Just - just the actors of the team."

"Well, no, ev - everyone - " he said, flustered.

"Every - everyone except - "

My heart dropped.

"Except me?"

Heechul stared at me for a second, then he spoke again. "No, Jungsu's not well enough for it either."

"I - okay," I said, trying to get the feeling off my chest.

Why - why wasn't I told about this? And - this was just one thing more I was missing out on as a Super Junior member...

"Hey, Cho Kyuhyun, come on!" said Heechul brightly.

I sighed and shook my head, trying to keep it together.

"I just - " I sighed. "I missed two music videos already, and I can't believe I'm missing this - this movie thing as well."

"Kyuhyun, it's not like - "

"I already can't perform Twins or Miracle with you," I said quietly. We'd tried it with an audience once, but there was so much backlash from fans who wanted to keep Super Junior together as 12 that we never repeated it.

"Look, this movie is just resume padding for those of us that can't sing. And come on, you don't act, you're a singer!"

"Yeah," I said again, but uncertainly. Was I still going to be able to sing after having gone through this accident?

Heechul smiled and patted my shoulder. "Don't worry, Kyuhyun. We'll still put you in the credits."

I sighed and nodded as he got up with the empty bowl of porridge.

"Well, I have to go," he said. He patted the top of my head and held out his hand. I grabbed it for a short second and he shook it playfully with a smile. "Have a good day, Kyuhyun. And don't think about it too much, okay?" he said.

I nodded and waved good-bye as Heechul walked outside the room.

As soon as he door closed, though, I turned to Seunghwan hyung in the bed next to mine.

"Hyung, did you know?" I said, pained, looking at Seunghwan hyung. He opened his mouth to speak when the door opened again.

Who next walked in the room surprised me.

I'd seen her pretty face once before, in the picture by Seunghwan hyung's windowsill when I went to his house.

"Hey!" said Seunghwan hyung, looking surprised.

"Hi, oppa," she said. But she didn't sound as happy as Seunghwan hyung did. In fact - she looked almost - angry?

Seunghwan hyung didn't seem to care, though, and started introducing me to her.

"Gosh, um - Kyuhyun, this is my fiancee, I wasn't expecting her to come - "

"Hi," she said, still unsmiling.

"I - I've seen pictures of you," I said, forcing a smile. "You're so lucky to have Seunghwan hyung."

She glanced at me coldly for a second before reaching for the curtain to divide the room, but Seunghwan hyung stopped her.

"Wait, just leave it open," he said, reaching out for her arm. "We promised not to - "

She scoffed.

"Oh, so you want to have this conversation with that boy listening?"

I was shocked at her words.

I didn't expect it at all, what - what was going on?

If she was his fiancee - if they loved each other -

I shrank a little and burrowed deeper into my sheets while Seunghwan hyung looked angry.

"He's not just 'that boy'," said Seunghwan hyung with his teeth gritted. "He's a dongsaeng that I treasure more than anyone else."

There was a silence while the words sank into all of us.

Oh god.

"Right," she said softly. She picked up her bag to leave.

"Wait, that's not what I - " said Seunghwan hyung quickly.

"You're such a terrible boyfriend! You never do anything for me, and you're always too busy taking care of the kids to have any time for me! You just - "

My eyes flew open in shock at her words while Seunghwan hyung bolted upright in bed.

"How can you say that?" shouted Seunghwan hyung. "I left the team I love because you said just that, that you didn't think I was spending enough time with you! To be able to make enough money to get my own place! You came before everything else!"

There was a silence.

"Let's say you're right," she said quietly, sitting down on the stool next to his bed. "But this surgery - after this stay at the hospital. How are you going to pay for it?"

He stared.

"What?" he breathed. "You want to talk about money right now?"

"Look," she sighed. "It's not free, and you said the company wouldn't pay for it. And to be frank, I don't want this marriage if we're going to be struggling financially for - " She stopped, and breathed another deep sigh. "Oppa..."

"Wait, don't say that, come on," he said desperately, extending his hand. "I understand you're upset right now, but please. Let's just think this through for a second."

"You're such a fool," she whispered. And she got up from the stool and pulled a ring off from her finger.

"Wait, wait, no, don't," said Seunghwan hyung desperately.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and she set the ring down on the bedside table and left the room without looking back.

Seunghwan hyung didn't say anything for the entire day and stayed in his bed, crying. And even I was in turmoil for the entire day. I was possibly just as rattled at he was.

I couldn't believe I witnessed it again... someone having put so much faith into a relationship just to have it end like that. And seeing him so heartbroken - seeing him so heartbroken -

It was totally silent in our room until it was time for dinner.

Seunghwan hyung didn't touch his food and the nurse took him out for some fresh air.

I barely got the same porridge that I had for every meal for days down, but I finished the bowl that the intern was feeding me. I sighed with relief when I finished eating. It had been a while since I didn't want to eat anymore, but today was just...

As I snuggled back into my sheets, he spoke.

"Have you thought about how things might change once you get out of the hospital?" asked the intern warmly.

I wringed my hands. "Seunghwan hyung asked me the same thing a few days ago," I said quietly.

"So? What did you say?" he asked, sitting down on the stool.

"I'm not going to let anyone touch me," I said quietly. "I'm - I'm going to be happy, not - not miserable like I was before this."

He stared at me.

"What?"

"I'm just - not going to let anyone do anything to me," I repeated. It made so much sense in my head, but now that I actually said them, I sounded so insecure and pathetic. "I just mean - I come first, and my happiness comes first. I want to make sure that if I died at any moment of my life from now on, I'm going to be happy as I'm dying. And that means - " I stopped. Nothing came out right. I sighed. "Never mind."

"Tell me about what that means," he said.

"Never mind," I said again.

"Who's going to touch you?" he asked.

"No one," I said. "I just said that."

"No, I mean - who are you afraid will hurt you?"

I looked into his eyes. "I mean, I told you - the hyungs - "

I paused.

"Why are you afraid of them?" he asked.

"Because in the past, they - " I clenched my fists and shut my eyes. This was getting so hard to bear.

He gave me a few moments to collect myself before speaking again.

"I didn't really expect that. I thought they'd all apologized and you'd forgiven them all. I thought it was in the past."

I looked up at him and sighed.

"Who can't you trust? And why not?"

I shook my head. "I can trust everyone. It's just - "

He waited.

I sighed.

"I don't think I've slept comfortably on my back with my legs straight since I've been on the team," I whispered.

"Why not?" he asked.

I stared at him for a second.

"It's not just a figure of speech," I clarified. "I'm serious, at night, if the hyungs are around, I feel like I have to sleep sitting up or something, like I did something wrong all the time."

The intern nodded.

"Did the hyungs ever yell at you for that?"

I shook my head with a frown. What was he doing? What was I doing? Why was I telling him these things? "No, I mean - "

"So why are you afraid - "

"Wait," I said, cutting him off. "What are you doing?"

The intern looked flustered.

"What?"

"You're not just talking to me, you're trying to - You're - you're not - " I said. "You're just my doctor, and all I need you to do is get me well enough to be able to sing and dance again. That's it."

The intern stopped.

"I just thought you might benefit from talks like this with me," he said quietly. "I think - your body isn't what needs the most help right now."

"No, I'm all right," I snapped.

The intern waited, playing with his fingers for a second, then he looked up at me.

"Kyuhyun, does it have to do with - what you told me before?"

There was another silence.

"What?" I asked, my voice shaking.

He couldn't - he couldn't mean what I think he means.

"About how - how you're afraid to trust people because you're afraid they'll leave you?" he asked softly.

My eyes widened and my face flushed with anger.

What was he doing? I didn't tell him what I told him so that he could use it against me, I didn't work up all the courage I had to tell him what I did so that he could do this to me. He was not going to do this to me when I'd seen it happen once again just now, with Seunghwan hyung having put all his trust into his girlfriend and having her leave him -

I squeezed my eyes shut before glaring as hard as I could at the intern.

"GET OUT!" I screamed. "GET OUT!"

"Kyuhyun, you're shaking," he said calmly, but firmly. "You don't have to. I won't leave you, this is my job. I promise with my life - "

"NO, GET OUT! GET - "

"CHO KYUHYUN!" he shouted. "STOP IT! STOP IT!"

I looked up at him, shocked into silence.

It was the first time he had yelled at me.

And it was so - so -

"Oh my god," I whispered.

I started shaking harder and closed my eyes.

No, no, no.

I felt a tear roll down my face.

I wanted to believe that there was at least one person in the world who would always be on my side. No matter what I threw at them.

I wanted to believe that there was someone in this world who could help me go back to being the Kyuhyun I was before I joined the team. Someone who could be there for me.

I shook my head to myself.

Everyone's all the same.

I curled my hands into my chest as I heard the intern draw in a sharp breath before speaking. "Oh god, Kyuhyun, I'm so sorry, I made the biggest mistake - " he whispered. "I'm so sorry, Kyuhyun, I didn't mean to yell at you. I know - oh god, the one thing I wasn't supposed to do in this step in your recovery is yell at you, no matter what, and - I'm just - so sorry, I - "

"Please, give me some time alone," I whispered with my eyes still shut.

"Kyuhyun, please, don't close off, please," he pleaded. "Please. I tried really hard to get you to open up to me. Please. I'm so sorry. I know I can help you." I felt his hands on mine a few seconds later, but I pulled away as soon as I felt them.

You can't help me.

"Please go away," I whispered again, and I finally turned my head away from him.

*Author's Note: Super Junior... you deserve everything you got at the GDA last night and so much more. From Leeteuk to Kyuhyun - thank you so much for always doing your best <3 The true winners forever in all of our ELF hearts. We are so happy for you, and we're so proud of you.