Jonghyun texted me every hour from that moment on, asking for forgiveness and for a chance to talk to me about the issue, all in extremely formal honorifics. I texted him back after the first five texts that he sent me, telling him not to even think about speaking to me before apologizing to the junior. Nevertherless, Jonghyun kept on sending texts incessantly until the weekend, all of which I ignored.

On the Sunday morning, we were ready for the broadcast music program in the waiting room when the manager hyung came inside with a wide smile. "You guys were nominated for the Mutizen Song award this week," he said, looking ecstatic. We were taken by surprise.

There were cheers and hugs around the room; it was almost as if we'd won already.

"That's so cool. If we win, that would be our first win ever," said Ryeowook from next to me with a bright smile that seemed never to fade. I smiled too, but there was no doubt that I didn't understand its significance as much as the other members of the team.

"Do you think we can win?" I asked Ryeowook.

"Well, no," said Ryeowook, but his smile remained bright. "But it's cool that we're getting recognized alongside the senior artists that I love so much."

I chuckled as I threaded the microphone and in-ears through my jacket, which I was getting quite good at. I was cutting the tape that would secure the wires to my shirt when an apparent shouting match broke out between Leeteuk, Eunhyuk and Heechul. I looked up, curious.

"Heechul, you weren't even at practice. The least you can do is pay attention while we're explaining the formation!" Leeteuk was saying.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Leader hyung," said Heechul sarcastically. "Just in case you didn't know, I have to MC this thing, Park Jungsu. I have to go. Now."

"Hyung, it's going to take three minutes for us to explain it to you," said Eunhyuk, a lot more quietly.

"Whatever, I'll figure it out during the dry run. It's not like we're adding dance, we're cutting it. Stop worrying," said Heechul, then without listening to the response, opened the waiting room door and left. Eunhyuk just sighed and took a seat while Leeteuk swore in frustration. I took my eyes off the scene with a sigh and continued with the tape.

The dry run went well for me and the rest of the team, although Heechul was clearly lost for some parts of it. I saw Leeteuk take Heechul to a corner to talk afterwards. The two of them looked frustrated after the talk. I saw Leeteuk beckon Eunhyuk over, then I saw Eunhyuk make hand gestures to explain the correct formation, and demonstrate a few steps. Heechul just watched, occasionally reminding Leeteuk and Eunhyuk that he was bored by rolling his eyes or looking at his nails. I sighed as we got ready for the live stage, hoping that Heechul would know what to do on the live stage.

The nerves never really go away, no matter how many times you've performed a song. As we were walking on the stage for the live performance, my heart was almost jumping out of my chest, like before every performance. I was trying to calm myself down with several deep breaths when Sungmin grabbed my arm with a gasp and a wide smile. "Hey, I see a Kyuhyun placard," he said, pointing.

"Really?" I asked. Each of the other members had countless placards bearing their names for every performance, but I hadn't seen one for myself yet. I squinted through the bright stage lights at where Sungmin was pointing. Indeed, there was a small placard with my name on it. I smiled.

"You should wave to her," said Sungmin as we walked to our places.

"I think that would be rude," I said, getting into formation. Sungmin shrugged and got into place as well.

I didn't need to worry. I performed well again, and somehow, Heechul didn't make any mistakes, either. After the performance, we all breathed a sigh of relief. I had forgotten about the award altogether and almost walking off the stage when Heechul the MC stepped forward and asked the other nominees for the Mutizen Song award to join us on stage. I don't think any of us were even nervous; none of us were expecting to win. However, when they announced the winner as "U" by Super Junior, the stage exploded with both cheers and tears.

I was moved as I remembered all of the hard work that I had put into this, and all of the hard times that were the byproduct of being on this team. However, I made sure that not a single tear escaped me. I hadn't contributed to this win, and I was afraid that I would somehow be criticized by both fans and members alike by showing tears, but the other members were already hugging and bawling. I don't think Leeteuk even had prepared a speech; it was a good thing he was such a good public speaker. He was talking through his tears, but he was somehow completely coherent. I had engaged in a hug with Donghae when he suddenly pushed me away. "Wait, I have to say something," said Donghae to me, then moved to the middle of the stage to stand next to Leeteuk. After Leeteuk finished and before anyone else could say anything, Donghae talked into the microphone.

"Dad, I hope you're proud. I love you. Stay healthy," said Donghae with tears sparkling in his soft eyes, then he passed the microphone to the next person.

In the waiting room, the crying continued and the other members continued to cry while I stood there awkwardly and holding in my tears as best as I could. I wasn't allowed to cry now. I hadn't done anything to help this team, if anything, I was a hindrance. I sat down on a couch away from the other members with my head down, feeling like I had done something wrong, when Leeteuk looked at me.

"Go ahead and cry. You can cry if you want," he said through his tears. I just looked at him, determined not to cry, but it was like this permission to cry opened up a dam in my eyes. Then all of the hardship that I had to go through, that led us to this point flooding through my head, I began to sob into my hands.

From then on, I lost track of both space and time. After what seemed like a whirlwind of joy and tears, we were back at the dorm where we began a party.

"Hey guys, behave. I'm going to go outside to get some more drinks, and I'll see if I can get a cake," said the manager hyung with a smile above the noise. There was cheering as he left the suite, and in an attempt to get away from the noise for a while, I left the living room for my bedroom where I was surprised with Donghae's presence. To my confusion, he was packing up his bag.

"Hi, hyung," I said, glancing at him. Donghae was still crying.

"Kyuhyun," said Donghae, looking up at me.

"Yeah, hyung," I replied.

"I'm going down to Mokpo to spend the night with my dad," said Donghae, wiping tears away from his face. My eyes widened in shock.

"What? Now? But hyung, the trip is something like six hours one way! How are you going to - "

"I'm cabbing the whole way there. It should only be four hours or so," said Donghae, cutting me off.

"Oh my god, how much are you planning on spending? You're cabbing all the way across the country?" I asked, worried.

"Don't worry about that. I just - I just need you to make sure to let the manager hyung know that I'm safe if he asks," he said. "And whatever happens, don't tell him where I'm going. The last thing I need is for him to barge in on me and my dad and take me back to Seoul. My dad's not going to know that I'm not allowed to be there."

"Hyung - "

"I'm going to have my phone turned off except for a few minutes to text you when I get to the hospital. You'll know that I'm safe when I text you," said Donghae. He slung his bag over his shoulders.

"Do you know what kind of trouble you'll be in when you get back?" I asked, terrified.

"I don't care. I have to see my dad. I'll see you tomorrow morning," he said, and he got up from his bed.

As he was walking out of the room, he ran into Sungmin on his way in.

"What is this? Donghae, where are you going?" asked Sungmin, extremely confused.

Donghae didn't say anything. He simply glanced at me one last time, then walked hurriedly out the front door.

Sungmin turned to face me with round eyes. "What just happened?"

I closed my eyes in horror as I put my hands on my head. "Oh god."

We stayed silent for a few minutes, then looked at each other. "It's okay," said Sungmin. "Manager hyung probably won't notice. There are still 12 of us here. Let's just go into the living room and add number to the party."

I bit my lip. "Okay," I said uncertainly.

Sungmin and I sat on the living room couch next to each other, not able to join in on the celebrations in fear that the manager hyung would find out. In about two hours, the manager hyung was back with a massive cake, three cases of beer and a few colourful bags in his hand. Everyone cheered, but Sungmin and I golf-clapped half-heartedly with hardened faces.

"Here's the cake - and there were fans waiting on the other side of the street to see you guys. I sent them all home, but I brought their presents upstairs for you guys." He set the cake down as Sungmin and I paled. Oh god. Donghae was the most popular on the team at the moment. There was no way he didn't get a present. And to our dismay, he picked up the first bag and looking around, said "Donghae, this one's for you."

I squeezed my eyes shut.

No, this can't be happening.

"Donghae!" he shouted over the noise, scanning the living room again with a frown. The noise in the living room reduced to whispers, and the manager hyung walked into the hallway to check in our room. Sungmin and I exchanged dark looks as the manager hyung called Donghae's name one more time. Obviously, Donghae was nowhere to be seen.

The manager hyung came back into the living room with the most intimidating look I'd ever seen on him. He took out his cell phone from his pocket and dialed, but hung up within a few seconds. "He has his damn phone turned off," he muttered, then he looked up. There was total silence, and then he crossed his arms and faced the team.

"Where's Donghae?" he demanded, looking at the rest of us. No one spoke; it was as quiet as a tomb in the living room. The manager hyung looked around again, scanning each of our faces in turn.

I felt his eyes linger on Sungmin and my terrified expressions as he turned to face the two of us. He then spoke in the most hair-raising, coldest tone I'd ever heard.

"Tell me where Donghae is right now, or the two of your asses are going to regret it."

*Author's Note: Happy birthday Ryeowook!!!! <3