As soon as we got back to the dorm that night, I was told to make tea for some of the members to keep our throats loose for tomorrow. I still felt uncomfortable in the kitchen since Ryeowook still did most of the cooking, but I was fairly confident that I would be able to boil water without Ryeowook's help.

I was somewhat right - however, I spent so long trying to figure out how much tea extract to add to each cup that by the time that I delivered it to the members, the tea could no longer be described as boiling hot.

I saw Leeteuk taste his tea and frown a tiny bit, but to my surprise, he didn't comment; I wondered whether the small gesture of ignoring the temperature of the tea was his way of making up for yelling at me without ground earlier today.

Deep in thought, I continued handing each member his tea. I was extra nervous when I came to Heechul; I knew he must have been angry at me for insisting that I was right, and in turn, that he was wrong earlier on during practice. I held out his mug of tea, and he reached for it without looking. Feeling awkward, I let go quickly once I felt his hand on the cup to try and get away from him as soon as possible. However, as soon as I let go, I saw Heechul fumble for the mug and finally turning his head to look at it. I reacted as well and quickly reached for the mug; however, Heechul had already lost his grip on it. The tea spilled out of the cup and onto my outstretched hand, and the mug dropped to the ground where it broke neatly in three.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry," I said as Heechul expressed his discontent with a frustrated shout.

All of the members turned their heads to look at me and Heechul, and I straightened up and shook the hot tea off of my hand with a grimace. Heechul was on his feet now, his face angry and his hands on his hips.

"You think this is funny?" asked Heechul, seething. I had no idea what he was talking about. I was the one that just had hot tea spilled all over myself; as far as I could see, not even a drop of the tea had hit Heechul.

"No," I said, giving another shake of my hand to displace as much tea off of it as possible. "I'm so sorry." I looked down at my hand to see it a shade redder than it should have been.

"Are you doing this on purpose?" he asked. I looked up and stopped moving my hand.

"Sunbaenim - I really -" I said, my mouth dry. "I'm really sorry. I'll get it cleaned up and make it again."

"Are you doing this because you want to get it?" asked Heechul, his eyes piercing into mine. My heart dropped. My hips were already sore, and there was no way I'd be able to stand another beating.

"No, sunbaenim. I'm - I'm so sorry," I said, and I bent down to pick up the broken pieces of the mug in my shaking hands. With the broken pieces in my hand, I made my way to the kitchen where I placed the pieces in the trash can and for a short second, ran cold water over the hand that had just been burned. I got a dry rag from the kitchen and brought it back to the living room. I started wiping the floor dry hurriedly without looking at Heechul.

"Kyuhyun - you're bleeding," I heard. I looked up to see Ryeowook pointing at my right hand; indeed, there was a red stain that was starting to be visible on the rag that I was holding. I hadn't even noticed that I had cut myself on the broken pieces. I glanced at the cut for a brief moment, but I went back to wiping.

"I'm really sorry," I repeated. I got to my feet to clean off the rag that was now soaked with tea. I made my way back to the kitchen, where Ryeowook followed. I was still flustered as I was washing the rag in the sink, and Ryeowook started boiling the water again. Ignoring him, I brought the clean rag into the living room again, where I cleaned off the last of the tea on the floor.

"Go bring the broom," said Heechul. I felt the blood drain out of my face.

"Sunbaenim - it really was a mistake. I'm really sorry. Please," I begged.

"I don't care," said Heechul. "Bring it."

I stood there, unwilling, but with Heechul's stare on my back, I went to the closet to retrieve the broom. I handed it to Heechul reluctantly.

"Get down," he said, taking the broom from my hands. I closed my eyes in dismay, then realizing that I had no choice, I knelt and put my hands on the ground. As I was about to hoist myself up, I saw a pair of feet move towards me and Heechul.

"Hey, it wasn't that big of a deal," I heard. I looked up to see, to my genuine surprise, Leeteuk. "Let it go." Leeteuk took the broom from Heechul's hand. Both Heechul and I looked at Leeteuk in disbelief. Was Leeteuk actually defending me, or was I hallucinating?

Heechul stared at Leeteuk for a second. Then, with a scoff, he walked into the hallway and into his room and slammed the door. I stayed on my knees, unsure of what to do. Leeteuk looked at me. "Go make the tea and bring it to Heechul."

I nodded to signify my understanding at the same time that Leeteuk left to go to his own room, his tea in his hand. I got to my feet and ignoring everyone else that was in the living room, I went to the kitchen where Ryeowook was already making the tea.

"Go back to your room, I'll handle this," he said. "Go take care of that cut."

"Thank you... really," I said. And with a pat on his back, I went into Sungmin and Donghae's room.

I lied down on my blankets on the floor to sleep on my stomach again.  I wanted a good night's sleep for the big debut stage the next day, but I had so many thoughts in my head that I couldn't. I felt like a boulder made of nervousness, anxiety and worry was pushing on my chest. I was able to forget the tea incident fairly quickly, but I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing the debut stage in front of me.

I sighed. You know it perfectly, I thought. You just happened to be the unlucky one that Heechul bumped into as he messed up today.  I tried to close my eyes and sleep again, but I couldn’t keep them closed – the debut stage kept flashing in front of me when I closed them. Shaking my head, I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair. I just hoped that the pressure wasn't going to drive me insane.

"Kyuhyun, you should sleep," I heard a voice whisper. I looked up in the darkness, but I wasn’t sure who it was that spoke.

"I agree," whispered another, and I heard the two voices chuckle.

"None of us are sleeping?" I said, confused.

"I guess not," said Sungmin, and in the darkness, I saw his silhouette sitting up in his bed. Seeing this, Donghae had also gotten up in his bed as well.

"Should we get the lights on?" I asked. Both Donghae and Sungmin made noises of agreement, and I got up from the floor to flick on the switch. The harsh light came on, and the three of us squinted to get our eyes adjusted to the light.

"This is crazy," said Sungmin. "It's 4am. Why weren't you sleeping, Kyuhyun?"

I sat back down on the floor. "I can't handle it," I said, putting my face in my knees. "This is so hard. And not just preparing for the debut stage. Just living here, being on this team, spending my every minute of every day with the team, and being the youngest on top of that, it's just... I just never expected it to be this hard," I concluded.

We didn't speak for a few seconds.

"I've been having a hard time lately too," said Donghae, finally breaking the silence. Sungmin and I looked at him. "I haven’t told anyone on the team yet because we rarely have these quiet, serious conversations as a team... but my dad...” he stopped and covered his mouth with his hand for a few seconds, then continued. "My dad's been a little sick. And we've been so busy I haven’t been able to even visit him in the hospital."

I lost my words. Donghae was always smiling and cheerful when he was with the team; never would I have guessed that he was going through such a hard time on his own. I instantly felt ashamed of what I had just complained about. "I'm... I'm so sorry," I said, looking at him.

"It's been going on for a while," said Donghae, looking at his lap and wiping his tears away with his fingers. "I've asked manager hyung for a few days off to spend time with my dad, but we've been so busy preparing for this single that I haven't been able to get time off. And I've just been really frustrated, especially since some of the guys on the team get to take rehearsal time off to go and do their own things and I haven't been allowed to visit my dad. It’s just... not fair that all that Heechul hyung had to put up with was that argument about missing rehearsal with Leeteuk hyung in the shower after practice earlier."

"It’s just for a few more weeks," reassured Sungmin. "Maybe even just days. Hang in there. I'm sure your dad's going to be proud of you when you give an awesome performance tomorrow."

Donghae laid back down in the bed and pulled the covers over his face. We didn't say anything for a while; we just sat there, thinking.

"Well, the only thing we can do for now is give the best performance we can tomorrow," said Sungmin. “So we really should try to sleep. Otherwise, we’ll be too tired for the stage.”

“Okay,” I said. I got up again to get the lights. “By the way...” I looked at Donghae, who was still under his cover. “If you want anyone to drink with, hyung...” I said, calling Donghae "hyung" for the first time ever. I wondered if he would get angry at me.

Donghae uncovered his wet face with the blanket and half-smiled. “That’s good to hear. Hyukjae doesn’t drink, so I've needed someone.”

Sungmin pulled his covers over himself as well, and lied down as I flicked off the switch and made my way back to my blankets. I lied down and closed my eyes, but I was feeling possibly even worse than I had before the talk.