As we went into a compartment on the train and were finally alone, the train started moving. We were sitting across from each other with a small table between us in silence, and I was acutely aware of the stiff atmosphere. When I finally couldn't stand it anymore, I finally spoke.

"Hyung, let's not let that ruin this trip. I've read exactly what they said on the internet countless times," I said with a small smile.

"Don't you ever let those fans get to you," said Donghae, looking into my eyes. "It's ridiculous to think that they want you to leave the team."

My smile slid off my face, being reminded that I had to tell Donghae that I was going to be leaving the team before we got to Mokpo.

I had to tell him now.

"Hyung, actually..." I started. I paused and looked up at the ceiling to collect my thoughts. C'mon, you can do this. You have to do this.

"What is it?" urged Donghae. I ran my hands around my face, then collected myself.

"Hyung. I'm sorry. But maybe you'd like it better this way anyway," I said.

"Just tell me what it is," said Donghae.

I bit my lip for a few seconds, then took a deep breath with my eyes squeezed shut.

"Hyung... I'm leaving the team," I said finally.

I looked up to look at Donghae's reaction. Donghae's eyes widen, but within a second, Donghae began laughing.

"I think that's the first time I've heard you joke," he said with a fatherly smile. "You're so depressing all the time around the dorm."

I shook my head and swallowed. "Hyung, I can't take it anymore. My body can't take it anymore."

Donghae stopped laughing.

"You're serious. You're serious?" said Donghae, his eyes wide again.

I nodded, not meeting Donghae's eyes. "I have until Saturday of next week to make my final decision."

Donghae was silent for a second, then he looked up at me, biting down on his lower lip.

Then without warning, he reached over the table and slapped me hard across the face.

Shocked, I faced front to look at Donghae. I could feel my eyes water with pain.

"If I didn't care about you, I would have punched you," said Donghae, fuming. "And if we were in the dorm, I would most certainly have beaten you."

"Thanks for proving my point," I said, turning away from Donghae. I looked at my faint reflection on the window through my tear-strung eyes to see that there was a bright red handprint on my cheek.

"You don't want this badly enough," said Donghae, glaring at me. "You don't deserve to be on the team."

"I dare anyone in the world to go through everything I did and stay on the team," I said, the tears spilling out of my eyes. "Anyone. I've been stronger than anyone should expect of me. But like everyone else, I have a breaking point."

"You've lost sight on what's important," said Donghae, seething. "Right now, what's important is your career, the team!"

"The damn team never cared about me," I said, my breathing becoming more and more laboured.

"You're pathetic," said Donghae with disgust on his face. He got up from his seat.

"You think you could have done it?" I shouted, looking up at him in anger. "You think you could have withstood as much as I did? You think you could have been bullied for no reason at all by the team that I'm supposed to be able to trust? You would have allowed yourself to be put through the same thing for that much longer?"

Donghae glared at me. "I sacrificed five years of my life training with no guarantee that I would debut. So would I have held on to this chance of a lifetime to join this band? Do I think I could have done it? Yes. I know I could have done it."

I scoffed.

"You have no idea what I'm going through right now," I said, tears still streaming down my face. "You weren't the one that was beaten until you bled by a bandmate for no reason while everyone else just watched."

"This is exactly the reason that the older hyungs hate you," said Donghae angrily. "Your success came so easily that when small adversity like that hits you, you don't know how to deal with it!"

"You think this is small? You think being me right now is easy?" I retorted through my tears, outraged that my efforts and hardship was going unrecognized.

Donghae glared at me with his fists clenched.

"Cho Kyuhyun, listen carefully," said Donghae, sitting back down in his seat. His eyes also began filling with tears. "I'm going to tell you right now exactly why we aren't ready to accept you."

Donghae paused for a second to steady his voice, then continued. "You trained at SM for three months when your debut offer was handed to you on a silver platter. Most of us on the team trained day and night for five, six, seven years for a shot at a debut. All you had to worry about for those three months was getting used to the industry. The rest of us were under the constant pressure of perfection for most of our time as trainees, to the point where we were in tears at the end of every single practice. You lived at home and had clean clothes and good food that your parents took care of for you. The rest of us moved away from our families halfway across the country when we were just kids to live in dorms where we learned to take care of ourselves. You come from a family of educators who encouraged you to study, so success as a singer for you is optional. For most of us on the team, success as a singer is an imperative for the sake of our families who expect us to be profitable enough to be able to support them financially," said Donghae, his entire shining with tears.

Donghae swallowed and closed his eyes to let his tears flow. "You seem to be under this illusion that our positions on the team just automatically came to us. But unlike you, we actually had to work hard to get ourselves here. So you decide, Kyuhyun. If you still think what you're going through right now is so much worse than what the rest of us went through before we reached this stage in our careers, you go ahead and leave the team. But if you decide to leave the team, I don't want my father to see you. So you'd better make your damn decision right now," finished Donghae, and then he buried his face in his hands, his chest heaving.

I bowed my head down as I cried. I didn't even know why I was crying anymore. It definitely started out as tears of pain which turned into tears of anger, and what was this now? Maybe they were tears of shame that I was weak enough to leave the team when all of the other hyungs went through as much as I did, or maybe they were tears of relief of finally understanding why the hyungs gave me such a hard time. Whatever it was, though, I couldn't stop crying. I finally looked up to see Donghae sobbing with his head down as well. I was overcome with so much guilt and shame that I didn't know how I would speak to him.

We simply cried without talking to each other for a very long time; we were still crying as the sun rose. When our eyes finally met, Donghae just stared into my eyes, his hands clasped together on the table. His eyes were still wet with tears.

"Hyung, I'm so sorry," I managed, and as soon as I said this, a fresh bout of tears filled my eyes and I looked down again.

"Are you coming to see my dad?" asked Donghae quietly.

I hesitated. I knew that the decision I made right now was going to decide the rest of my life.

"Hyung, I'm really sorry, but I can't decide now," I said with my eyes closed. "I really can't rush this decision."

Donghae sighed, clearly frustrated. He looked out the window.

"I'm so sorry, hyung," I said, looking down at my hands in my lap. "I understand why you don't want me to see your father today, so I'll spend the day somewhere else. You can let me know when you want to head back to Seoul."

Donghae didn't say anything and leaned back on his seat with his eyes closed and I kept my head bowed - and that wasn't just because I wanted to hide my tears anymore; I was so sorry, and so embarrassed at myself.

We didn't exchange a single word afterwards for the entire train ride to Mokpo. When the train finally stopped, and we both got up from our seats.

I was putting my bag over my shoulders, my gaze fixed at my feet, when Donghae put his hands on my shoulders. I understood this to be a gesture of forgiveness, but I still couldn't look straight at his face.

"Kyuhyun..." said Donghae. And with what took great courage, I looked up and into his eyes. "I really hope you stay. And so..." Donghae hesitated. "Please come and meet my dad today."

"Hyung, are you sure?" I asked timidly.

Donghae nodded and smiled slightly. "You came here to see him, so you should."

I looked down at my feet again, and Donghae squeezed my shoulders.

"I haven't seen my dad in a really long time," said Donghae. "Let's try to make the most out of this as we can."

I nodded. "Okay, hyung."

"Okay," said Donghae, and after patting me on the back, pulled his baseball cap down and walked out of the compartment.

*Author's note: Although it doesn't pertain to this particular chapter, I need everyone to remember that this is still a fanfic, and I need you all not to hate on anyone after reading this fic. Just remember that they all love him now and the things only happen because it's just what the culture is. We're all ELF forever, no? :)