As soon as we returned to the dorm, the manager hyung sent me to bed, but I couldn't sleep a wink for the entire night. It was the first time since I joined the team that I had permission to go home. It was ridiculous to think that I hadn't been home in seven months when I was only a subway ride away from home, and I was so eager to go home that I started packing my bag before even Ryeowook had waken any of us up.

I left the room with my backpack and peeked into the manager hyung's room before leaving the dorm. As soon as I opened the door, the manager hyung, who was still awake, looked up.

"Hyung, when do you sleep?"

The manager hyung laughed. "Don't worry. Are you going home?"

I smiled. "Yeah."

"How are you getting there?"

I shrugged. "Subway, I guess."

He looked at me up and down. I wasn't really hiding my face - I had a hat on, but nothing else. The manager hyung sighed.

"Do you need me to drive you?"

I shook my head. "No, I think I'll be fine."

The manager hyung didn't look as convinced, but he nodded.

"Are you sleeping over at home?"

I looked up, surprised. "Am I allowed?"

"As long as you're at the office by 8am tomorrow."

I thought for a second. "Okay, then I think I might."

"Sounds good. Be safe today. Call whenever you need."

I smiled in appreciation and nodded. "I will."

"Don't forget what I told you to do last night," he said.

"Yes, sir. Thank you," I said, then with a bow and a wave, I left the dorm.

I hadn't been on the subway for a long time, but it felt nice to blend in with the crowd again. I attracted no attention, except maybe a few glances from a few girls. But it was rush hour after all, and everyone was busy, trying to get to where they needed to.

When I had arrived at the station that was closest to home, I had gotten off the subway and was about to catch the bus to take me home, but then I realized what I was doing.

I was going home for the first time in six, seven months, and I was going empty-handed. I had moved away from home to work, and how could I go home with nothing? I laughed at myself for a little, then started looking around the busy streets for a store I could possibly go into.

What was I supposed to get for them, though? Flowers? Food? Something more?

I walked down the streets, looking for the perfect shop, but I wasn't sure what the perfect shop was. I guessed a perfect shop was difficult to find without knowing what the perfect shop was. I wandered for a few moments, but soon gave up.

I really couldn't think of anything to get, and deciding that giving cash was probably a better idea, I went to the bank instead to withdraw some. After I got the stack of stiff, new money, I slipped it into one of the envelopes on the counter before leaving the bank.

I was finally making my way upstairs in the apartment building. God, I couldn't believe I hadn't been home in so long. It was a familiarity beyond what I remembered. As much as the dorm had become my second home, there was nowhere quite like home. Nothing had changed in this building in the last seven months. The same walls, the same doors. I made my way up, thinking of my parents, and anticipating how surprised they might be to see me here. They would be happy to see their son for the first time in months... wouldn't they?

Then all the fights that I'd had with my parents about pursuing a music career filled my head. They had yet to congratulate me for my debut - they probably hadn't wanted it to happen - and we went through a long time of not speaking to each other just as I started training. I wondered if they felt resentful every time they saw me performing on TV.

As these thoughts went through my head, I had reached the door now. Home was just one door away, but I was just standing by the door with the envelope in my hands. I stood there for a long time, wondering whether I should be here, and as I was thinking, I had fiddled with the envelope so much that it was crinkled already. I really wanted to see them and to tell them how well I'm doing, but I wasn't brave enough to actually knock on the door.

God, Cho Kyuhyun. You're such a coward.

I sighed, then I sat down by the door and opened my bag to take out a pencil and my notebook instead and started writing a note. It didn't look like I wanted it to, being a simple page torn out of a notebook and written roughly in pencil, but I guessed this would have to do. It was a short note, but it took me a lot of writing, crossing out, and writing again. A few painful minutes later, I finally finished the note that hopefully communicated to them how I was feeling.

Mom, Dad,

I hope you're not too mad at me. I've done so much wrong as a son, haven't I?

I know I have. But I promise I'll make it up to you soon.

Well, as you can probably tell, I got a day off to do whatever I wanted for the first time since I joined the team, mom, dad, and I was here because I really wanted to see you! But now that I'm actually here, I don't think I deserve to show my face today. I haven't done anything to make you proud yet. But I'll be back when I can say I'm proud of myself, and when I think that I've become a son that you can be proud of, and I hope you can welcome me then.

For now, I'm working really, really hard to be that son. I'm trying harder at everything than I ever have, so I hope you'll be able to forgive me for everything I've done wrong when I'm where I should be.

I miss you.

-Kyuhyun

I then folded the note carefully and placed it in front of the door. Then I pulled the envelope on my lap and started writing on it as well.

I know this isn't much, but I really hope you take it as my thoughts. This seems to be the only thing I can do for now. I'm so sorry.

-Kyuhyun

I put the envelope on top of the note, rang the doorbell, then quickly ran down the stairs and out of the building before my parents would have a chance to read and understand the note.

Once I got out of the building and stopped at the bus stop again, I realized that I was waiting for the bus, but I didn't know where I was supposed to go. Well, I had a whole day to do whatever I wanted, and nothing to do. I sighed. I probably should be studying. I thought about whether I should just go back to the dorm, but then I stopped myself. I hadn't had a day off in so long, and this might be the last one for the rest of the year.

I finally stopped wallowing in thoughts and put on a smile. This was my day off. I might as well enjoy it. I should do things today that I hadn't been able to do for more than half a year now.

But my friends were still in school, and everyone else on the team were still at work. But I was determined to have fun today. I went through my phone and found the number that I was counting on, and I just hoped that he didn't listen to my advice that I gave him such a long time ago and texted him.

I was in front of the SM building, and was waiting for him. He hadn't listened to my advice after all, that punk. But I was so thankful that he hadn't. So thankful.

"Hyung!"

I looked to  my right, and saw him half-running, half-jogging towards me.

"Jonghyun," I said, returning the smile, then Jonghyun ran up and gave me a tight hug that I returned with a laugh.

"Hey, sorry for pulling you out of class," I said sincerely.

"I know, I was having so much fun at school," said Jonghyun with that cheeky smile of his. "If you hadn't promised me both lunch and dinner - "

I laughed. "You were supposed to have your phone turned off."

"Oh, should I go back to school, then?" asked Jonghyun, raising his eyebrows.

"Okay, okay, no," I said with a laugh, then Jonghyun laughed too.

"Are we actually going out today? Are you allowed?" asked Jonghyun, looking like he didn't believe me.

"Yeah, I'm allowed. And we'll certainly try," I said with a smile as Jonghyun gave a happy skip as I laughed.

We didn't do anything special by Jonghyun's standards, I'm sure, but doing this for the first time in more than half a year was special to me. Going out in the city, just walking and talking, eating street food, going to an arcade that we came across by chance, going to the movies for the first time in what seemed like years. And I didn't get much attention on the streets; I guessed Super Junior still had a long way to go - or maybe I just had a long way to go.

Despite all of that, I held my phone tightly in my hand the entire time, not expecting, per se, but a small part of me hoping for a phone call from my parents. But for the whole day, I didn't get one. I wouldn't have picked up the phone anyway, but I didn't have the choice. I wished they would call, just to say that everything was okay, that they wished me luck in everything I did, and asking why I didn't just come home - but I didn't get it. I wondered if I was expecting too much after all of those fights, but I guessed I had hoped that they were able to forgive me for the past and had moved on.

As I was thinking, Jonghyun tapped me on the arm. "Hyung, are you okay?"

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and then nodded. "Yeah, sorry."

Jonghyun looked at me and smiled. "Hyung, do you want to go to a karaoke?"

I goggled at him. "We sing for hours and hours every day! Don't you ever get tired?"

Jonghyun shrugged. "We wouldn't be doing this if we didn't do it because we loved to sing," he said, then he tugged on my arm. "We just passed a karaoke place. Can we please, hyung?"

"No, god, I don't want to sing on my day off," I said with a laugh.

But Jonghyun looked at me like he couldn't believe me. "What do you mean? You don't want to sing?"

I laughed again. "No, not today, Jonghyun, I - "

Then I realized what the argument that we were having meant.

Oh god.

The manager hyung was right.

I really had lost passion for this; Jonghyun still hadn't.

God, when I was a trainee, I wasn't happy because of what I achieved. I was happy because I was singing, and because of the prospect that I would be singing for the rest of my life. I was happy to be practicing because I loved singing.

But now that I thought about it, singing had become... work. It was a chore, something that just had to be done.

"Hyung - "

"No, let's have dinner and call it a day," I said, my chest now feeling heavier than ever.

I returned to the dorm at around 9pm that night, and the manager hyung was there already. I stepped inside and bowed a little as the manager hyung looked surprised.

"You said you were sleeping over at home!" he said with widened eyes.

"Um - things didn't work out," I said quietly.

The manager hyung looked worried and hesitated. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

"No," I said, then I slung my bag off my shoulders tiredly and started walking into my room, but the manager hyung stopped me.

"Hey, are you okay?"

I didn't say anything.

"I gave you the day off so you'd feel better, Kyuhyun, not worse."

I looked up and smiled ruefully. "I'm - I'm just really pathetic," I said, then I smiled again, holding back tears. "I didn't even have the guts to go home," I said with a small laugh.

The manager hyung opened his mouth to say something, but he clearly didn't have anything to say.

"I had a fun day, though," I said with a smile which hopefully put him in better spirits. "Thanks."

The manager hyung hesitated for a second, then he looked at me. "Did you think about what I said?"

I looked into his eyes. "Yeah," I sighed. "Hyung, I - I think you're right," I admitted with great difficulty. "I think I've lost - at least - a part of the passion for singing."

The manager hyung bit his lip and sighed.

"So whether I still deserve a spot in that sub-unit - "

The manager hyung didn't say anything, but I heard a voice from behind me.

"Everyone goes through that phase."

Surprised, I turned around to see Leeteuk standing behind me. I bowed a tiny bit hastily, but Leeteuk shook his head. "Everyone goes through that phase," he repeated.

I looked at him, but I didn't know what to say.

"Most people go through it as trainees, and that's when the ones that quit, quit," said Leeteuk mildly. "But your training period was so short that you didn't go through it until now, I guess."

I didn't know what to say.

"It's going to be hard, but if you push through it, bigger things will come," he said, then with a small smile and a small pat on my shoulder, he walked into the kitchen without saying another word.

I looked at the manager hyung, perplexed, and he gave a small laugh. "You heard your sunbae."

I was stunned speechless. Had Leeteuk actually acted like a real sunbae to me? As I was still standing, dumbstruck, the manager hyung looked at me and smiled again.

"Kyuhyun, there was a lot of progress in the board room today. Do you want to hear them now, or do you want to wait until later?"

I finally snapped myself out of the trance and looked at him.

"I can hear it now," I managed.

"They finally chose the name for the sub-unit today in the board room. They want to call it Super Junior K.R.Y." As I stared at him, unsure of what what it was supposed to stand for, the manager hyung smiled as if he already knew what I was thinking. "It's for each of your names."

I opened my mouth to signify revelation and nodded. Did this mean that I didn't have to worry about getting kicked off the team? But before I could ask it, the manager hyung spoke again.

"And you guys have a press conference scheduled in a week to announce the sub-unit. So preparations for that start tomorrow."

I started nodding, then I finally  understood what he said. "We're running the press conference? Not the company representatives?"

"No, it will be you guys. The three of you," confirmed the manager hyung.

As my mouth dropped open, the manager hyung laughed.

"And you guys finally have your first assignment. It's a drama soundtrack," he said.

"Okay, wow, that's really - interesting," I said with a nod, but I wasn't sure if I was even processing his words right. There was too much being thrown at me at once.

"And the last thing - because you're going to be in promotions when the rest of the team isn't, they raised your pay back to the 100 percent," he said with a smile. "Congratulations."

I still wasn't thinking clearly, and just said, "Thanks," and without even saying anything or bowing, I just turned around and went back into my room and picked up my phone, hoping to share the news with my parents.