The next day was a Wednesday, but there was a live broadcast performance out of the province, which rarely happened; I was used to weekend broadcast ones, but we had only done a weekday live performance just once before. It wasn't much different from a weekend performance in that we were given a waiting room and a place to monitor after the performance, but there was just one difference; the concert was outdoors. I was a little nervous, but I had done many outdoor concerts before, and it wasn't going to matter.

Just before we went up for rehearsal, the manager hyung gathered us together. "It rained earlier today. It might be a bit slippery, so be careful not to hurt yourselves. This isn't the real thing, so focus on getting a feel for the stage. Don't overexert yourselves before the broadcast even begins," he said. We all nodded to signify our understanding before getting on stage for the final run-through and souncheck.

I did as we were told and I focused on the overall formation and the singing more than the dancing, like I always did during broadcast rehearsals. Although the manager hyung warned that the stage might be slippery, it felt completely normal; the staff had done an excellent job to maintain the stage as dry as possible.

"How does it feel?" asked the manager hyung, putting his arm around my shoulders once we made our way back to the waiting room. I looked at him, wondering why he was asking just me, but I guessed he was still feeling apologetic about what had happened at school.

"Totally fine. No worries," I said with a small smile. The manager hyung then patted me on the back before rushing off to take care of last-minute details before we went on stage.

After the manager hyung left, I started marking through the choreography in the waiting room a few times on my own, like I always did.

"Hey," said Ryeowook as I was going through the choreography for the fourth time. I smiled at him. He looked at me for a little bit, then he nodded. "Only two more weeks until promotions are over. Hang tight, right?"

"You too," I said, giving him half a glance.

Ryeowook shook his head. "I'm not the one that's constantly sick. It's not me I'm worried about."

"It doesn't affect me on stage. Don't worry about it," I said, then with another smile, I started marking through the choreography one last time before we were called on stage.

Now that I think back to it, it's heartbreaking how normal everything felt at the time - I never would have known that this performance would begin the most difficult sequence of events so far in my career.

I went up on stage, smiling my biggest through the nervousness to fit the atmosphere of the song. We were all comfortable with the Dancing Out stage now, and when it came time, I stood with the team among the cheers of the crowd as they saw us. I started the dance confidently, hoping to show the fans the best I could do.

I focused on being energetic on stage as we started on our very first dance sequence. I made a step to the side to push off for the pirouette, then -

I was on all fours on the stage.

There was a collective gasp and a short silence in the crowd. It took me a little while to understand what had happened; I had stepped on a slippery spot on the floor, and my foot had slid sideways instead of pushing my body off. Before I realized this, felt surprised or even felt the stinging on my knees and hands, though, I was on my feet and dancing again. However, I felt my smile falter.

Oh god. Did I - did I just fall during a broadcast? I felt my face grow hot, and I felt horror fill my chest, but I controlled myself. No. Remember what happened last time. Don't be flustered, or you'll make even more mistakes. Forget the consequences. Focus on now. I cleared my head again for a second, then directed all of my attention to the stage and what was coming next. The mistake had been at the very beginning of the performance, so I still had the entire performance to get through.

Nothing was harder than continuing to smile as I was supposed to. I practiced smiling while I danced in front of the mirror countless times, but never had it been this hard. But towards the middle of the performance, I could feel myself getting into my zone again, and my own parts as well as the rest of the performance went perfectly. As I got into my next formation after my solo, I stole a glance at the other members, who were also smiling widely as they performed. Assured that I hadn't affected their performance with my fall, I continued the performance until the end.

As we finished the stage after what seemed like a lifetime, the horror that I had put off for the performance had returned as my smile disappeared.

Oh god. Did I -

I lowered my head and looked only at the floor before even getting off the stage in shame. I didn't meet eyes with anyone else - not even the fans. I gave a few deep bows of apology to the crowd, still keeping my gaze fixed on the floor, before leaving the stage with the rest of the team nothing but worry filling my chest.
As soon as I got offstage, the manager hyung grabbed my shoulders and gave me a violent shake.

"Kyuhyun! What happened?" he shouted with a furious expression on his face, squeezing my shoulders so hard that they hurt. I dropped my head lower and bit my lip. I couldn't believe I did this during the most important time; we were still recovering from that terrible U performance, and I could only imagine that our popularity must just have gone through the floor.

We left as soon as we changed out of our stage clothes in silence, and I just kept my head down in disgrace since the time we left the waiting room to the time we stepped inside the bus. No one told me that my mistake was okay, and no one told me to forget it. They had all worked hard to perfect this stage, and with the blink of an eye, all of that had disappeared. Just before we reached the dorm, the manager hyung stood at the front of the bus and addressed all of us.

"Guys, we managers aren't going to be at the dorm tonight to sort this out as best as we can, so behave," he said, the hard expression still on his face.

I followed the rest of them into the dorm without looking at any of their faces, but as soon as I stepped inside, Leeteuk started shouting as everyone else fell silent to listen.

"Cho Kyuhyun! What the hell do you think you were doing?" he screamed. I hung my head. "Don't you know that our performances now are more important than ever? That our immediate pay depends on it?"

When I just looked at my feet and and didn't say anything, Kangin scoffed. "Do you really have to be asked to get on the wall, Cho Kyuhyun?"

At the same time that I had hoped that it didn't happen, I had expected it; without protesting, I silently turned around and put my hands on the wall behind me as I heard the closet door open with a loud bang and another few clangs as the broom was taken from it.

Leeteuk began the beating and it continued until he got tired and I was also in too much pain to stand, but as soon as he lowered the broom, Kangin took it from Leeteuk's hands.

"Give it to me," he said through clenched teeth, and made to start another beating, but Eunhyuk spoke uneasily.

"Hyung, but last time, we all were punished for Heechul hyung's mistake. Maybe we should let this - " However, Eunhyuk never got a chance to finish; Kangin cut him off.

"You think this is the same? Last time, we all made mistakes. This time..." Kangin trailed off, and swung the broom instead and brought it down on me as I swallowed a cry of pain.

"Wait, Hyukjae's right, hyung, this is - " started Siwon.

"BE QUIET!" shouted Leeteuk. I turned my head a tiny bit to see the older and younger hyungs facing each other in fury. This put me in a panic; the team had already divided over Heechul's mistake, and the teamwork was shaky already. If the team divided again -

I shuddered, and for the first time that night, I finally spoke. "Please, don't fight because of me. I'm so sorry. It's my fault," I whispered with my head down.
Then there was finally silence. The younger hyungs seemed to be lost for words, while Kangin, without saying anything continued the beating.

I closed my eyes as I bit my lip down as hard as I could to try and make the pain manageable. Soon, I started crying, not because I thought it was unfair, but because I was so tired, I was in too much pain to handle. This was too hard, my body couldn't take it anymore, and I wished that I could separate myself from my body so that I could get away from all of this. As a few drops of tears fell on the floor, I heard Leeteuk scoff.

"Cho Kyuhyun, are you crying because you don't think you deserve this?" shouted Leeteuk.

I just lowered my head and didn't say anything. How could I, when I really had started all of this? Soon, Kangin finished with the beating as well, but the broom was passed around to every member and each beat me as much as they wanted. It eventually reached Sungmin's hands, who passed it to Eunhyuk without hitting me. None of the younger hyungs beat me, and the broom eventually reached Ryeowook's hands, who dropped the broom on the floor hastily as soon as he got it. I turned my head a little and saw Leeteuk glare at the younger hyungs for a short while, then he looked at me as I quickly looked away from him and at the ground again.

"Get on your knees," said Leeteuk coldly.

I knelt with my back to the wall, and looked down into my lap, tears falling steadily on my clenched fists.

"If you move before I tell you that you can move, I don't think I need to say what's going to happen," said Leeteuk. I hung my head and didn't say anything as I knelt there, feeling like the tears that were pouring down my face were barely able to express how hard this was to bear.

The members talked among themselves for a few minutes in the living room, then one by one, they returned to their rooms, leaving me kneeling alone in the living room, still in tears. Soon, they turned out the lights in the living room as well and things fell silent then the tears started pouring even harder somehow.

I stayed kneeling where I was for several hours at least, occasionally shedding a few tears. I was so tired, but I wasn't allowed to sleep tonight - I had to be out here. I went halfway through the dark night sitting up on my knees when the front door opened. I glanced at the front door a split second to realize that it was the manager hyung and Jinsoo hyung returning from work; I guessed things went a bit faster than they were expecting, and they were able to return to the dorm after all. I diverted my gaze away from them and turned it towards my lap again, when the manager hyung suddenly stopped.

"What - what is that?" he asked, perplexed, then he flicked on the light switch in the living room, and the harsh light came down on me, exposing me so completely. I lowered my head in shame again as the manager hyung spoke in shock.

"Oh my god, Kyuhyun, what are you doing out here? Alone?"

I didn't say anything and just looked at the floor. There was a short silence, then realizing that I was on my knees, the manager hyung goggled at me. "Kyuhyun, did the other members put you here?"

I bit my lip and stayed silent.

"Kyuhyun, you're scaring me. Say something," said the manager hyung, reaching down to touch my shoulder. I put my head down lower and I opened my mouth, but new tears preceded my words. I was only able to speak a few moments later, after most of the tears had passed.

"I'm - I'm so sorry," I whispered, then I started crying so hard that a new tear fell on the floor with every passing second. I was sobbing and trying to control my breath when the manager hyung looked at me in disbelief.

"Kyuhyun! Everyone makes mistakes, just like you told me when I forgot to tell you about your exams!"

I kept my head down when I felt the manager hyung take me by the arm and attempt to pull me up. "Come on. Get up. Go and sleep in your room," he said. I finally looked up at him with my tear-covered face.

"No, please, sir, let me stay out here," I begged.

"Is it because you don't want to have to face Sungmin and Donghae? Then you can sleep in my room, Kyuhyun, I'm not going to bed tonight anyway. Get up," he said. He gave another pull of my arm, to no avail.

"Sir, I can't. Please," I said, drawing my arm out of his grasp. I wiped my tears on my hands, and lowered my head a bit more.

"Kyuhyun - " started the manager hyung, then he stopped and gave a long sigh. "God, this breaks my heart," he said in a wavering voice, looking up at the ceiling. He looked at me, then he walked into the hallway without saying anything.

Then to my horror, he started banging open every door in the hallway and shouted, "Everyone get in the living room right now!" in the loudest, most furious voice I'd ever heard him use.