I opened my eyes.

It wasn't any different from when I'd had them closed; it was pitch-black.

I sighed and grimaced with exhaustion. I didn't know why I was so tired when I'd just woken up. I lifted a hand to put it over my forehead to massage my aching head when I felt something on the crook of my arm. I felt it with my other hand to see what it was, then I realized that it was a piece of cotton with tape over it. That was when I remembered that I'd collapsed after my entrance exam, and also when I recognized that I'd apparently had another IV drip while I was unconscious without knowing it.

I sighed again and rubbed my face with my hands. I was still so tired, but I didn't know how much more sleep I was allowed to have. I looked for a clock in the room, but there wasn't one. I put my head back down on the pillow, when I suddenly felt uncertain.

Wait, where was I right now?

I rubbed my eyes and tried to focus a bit more on my surroundings. A few seconds later, I was able to make out enough of the room to realize that I was lying in the manager hyung's bed, but I was alone in the room.

I sighed with relief. I was home. I was okay.

I looked around a bit more, and saw my phone on the bedside table. I picked it up and opened it. 11:40pm. I guess I still had the whole night to rest. I put the phone back down on the table and I closed my eyes again, but there was a roar of laughter in the living room, making me frown in annoyance. I closed my eyes as the laughter died down, but now that I knew that there were people in the living room, talking and laughing, the noise bothered me.

I yawned, then I got out of the bed reluctantly and opened the door a crack to finally catch the conversation.

"...Ryeowook and my room is the only one that even has the potential to fit it," Leeteuk was saying.

"I don't know, if you push together all the beds in that quad room right now - "

"Then the closets will have to move out into the living room or something," said Yesung. "Besides, it's almost inhumane to have five people share one room that was originally designed for two. That's ridiculous."

"How about the double room that the managers are using?"

"I measured that room and Sungmin and Donghae's room yesterday, and the door won't open for either room if we put it in," said the manager hyung.

"We could just reverse the hinges so that the door opens the other way," said Eunhyuk, and everyone burst out into laughter.

"Life is a variety show for that kid," said Kangin through his laughter.

Confused, I finally opened the door all the way and walked out of the managers' room and trudged into the living room, rubbing my eyes.

"Hi," I said tiredly.

A hush fell upon everyone immediately, and I was greeted with concerned looks from everyone except the manager hyung, who just looked away from me. I looked around to see that literally everyone at the dorm was here, and I widened my eyes. Was I sleeping through a meeting? Were they going to be mad at me for sleeping through it?

As I just stood there with everyone's eyes on me, Sungmin spoke gently.

"Hey, how're you feeling?" he asked.

"I feel okay," I said sincerely. "What were you talking about?"

There was a silence, then Eunhyuk took me by the shoulder and walked me back into the managers' room. Feeling uneasy and worried that Eunhyuk was taking me aside to scold me, I kept my head down. However, when he'd put me in the manager hyung's room, he patted me on the back.

"Go to sleep," he said.

I looked at him, perplexed. "But I'm okay, I can talk - "

"Did you want something to eat or anything?" asked Eunhyuk.

I shook my head. "I'm fine. But are you sure you don't want me - "

"The talk didn't have anything to do with you. Get some rest until it gets crazy again tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," I whispered, then I got in the bed. "I'm allowed to sleep on the bed today?"

"Yeah. But just today," said Eunhyuk.

I nodded with appreciation. "Thanks, hyung. I guess," I added as an afterthought.

"God, since I let you talk to me in informal speech, you're walking all over me," he said, shaking his head.

I laughed a little, but that took so much of my energy that I frowned. "I thought that's what you wanted," I said. "We're closer."

Eunhyuk rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. Good night," said Eunhyuk, then with a pat on the top of my head, he left the room and closed the door.

I think I did fall asleep again after Eunhyuk left, but I was definitely awakened within the hour when the managers came into the room. I opened my eyes and was about to get up to greet them both when Jinsoo hyung shook his head.

"Don't get up."

I dropped my head back down and looked at Seunghwan hyung, but he still wasn't looking at me. I sighed. He didn't even ask me how my test went.

I sighed and looked at Jinsoo hyung. "Where's Heechul hyung?" I asked.

"Heechul's back at the officetel for tonight. He'll be back by tomorrow, though."

I nodded, although I would have preferred that he stayed in the officetel forever.

I put my head back down on the pillow, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw the manager hyung unfolding a blanket on the floor to sleep on. I felt a pang of guilt; I should be the one to sleep on the floor.

At the same time that I was so, so happy to be sleeping on a bed for the first time in so long, I got up from the bed. The manager hyung worked harder than we did, and he deserved to sleep in his own bed.

"Seunghwan hyung, you should sleep on your bed," I said.

He shook his head. "It's fine," he said curtly, but I smiled at him.

"No, hyung. Thank you for everything today. I'm just going to sleep where I'm - most comfortable, in my own room," I said. Then brushing my hand over his shoulder as I walked past, I left the room and devoted all of my energy into getting myself to my room.

I laid down over my blankets for a few minutes and closed my eyes again. I had almost fallen asleep when I realized that I hadn't spoken to my parents since my exam; they were probably wondering how I'd done, and were probably waiting for my call. I sat up quickly and dug through my pockets for my phone, but then realized that my pockets were empty.

"What happened to my - " I whispered, then I remembered that I'd seen it to look at the time in the managers' room a few hours ago.

I got up from the floor, which was so draining, and I walked towards the managers' rooms, hoping not to disturb their sleep. When I got close enough to it, however, I realized that they weren't sleeping; the light in their room was still on, and through the door open a tiny, tiny crack, I could hear their voices. I hesitated a bit, unsure of whether I should be interrupting their talk, when I heard the manager hyung sigh the biggest sigh I've heard from him.

"God, I just got him emotionally detached to me, and he's suddenly all buddy-buddy with me again," he said with an empty laugh. "He was calling me 'sir' and everything already. I don't know what suddenly changed."

"You were being a bit too harsh with him, though," said Jinsoo hyung uncertainly.

"He's still not calling Jungsu 'hyung'," said Seunghwan hyung firmly. "And Jungsu just slept through the morning when the other boys were making Ryeowook and Kyuhyun breakfast this morning."

"Why does that even matter?" asked Jinsoo hyung with a small laugh. "Jungsu's been working hard, and he always gets the least amount of sleep at night! It's totally understandable!"

"They're still on rocky ground," said Seunghwan hyung darkly. "If they share a room now and Kyuhyun makes a mistake and they have a fight, it might even be beyond repair at that point. You know how hard it is to fix a relationship with Kyuhyun. They're almost there. I just have to push it a bit more, and I know they can have a solid relationship."

"You're still being too harsh with him. You're almost just - plain bullying him," said Jinsoo hyung.

"I know," sighed Seunghwan hyung. "I know. You have no idea how much it hurts me to do that, knowing how hard it was for him when the other hyungs bullied him. But he just can't be too reliant on me anymore."

"Why not? He can go to Jungsu for help, but if things don't work out, well, you're always there."

There was a silence, then Seunghwan hyung spoke slowly. "Weren't you there when they were talking about moving me to that new large-scale girl group they're working on?"

There was a silence.

"What?" asked Jinsoo hyung.

"They just want me to be the head manager over there with that new girl group since I've had experience with a large group, and put a bunch of new junior managers fresh out of college under me. That way, they spend the same amount of money to hire more of the less experienced managers, and they said they'd double my salary with the promotion in return. I mean - it's a win-win situation for both me and the company, so..."

My eyes widened and my heart dropped.

No, no, no -

"I just want to make sure he has a bed and a welcoming room before I have to leave. I feel like I owe him that much," said Seunghwan hyung with a heavy sigh. "I've been sleeping on the floor just since Heechul was here, and I honestly don't know how Kyuhyun did it for so long. My back is killing me. It must be that much worse for him, since he practices until he can barely even move."

"But getting him to hate you when he's already this close to Jungsu - "

"I mean, I'd obviously prefer it if I could just be supportive of his every action until I have to leave, but it would be easier for him if I left while he has hard feelings for me. And once I'm gone, the team's all he has to rely on. So by sacrificing our relationship now, I know he's going to have an easier time later on, when I really have to..."

"So what are you planning?"

"If worst comes to worst, I might have to beat him," said Seunghwan hyung, sounding pained. I bit my lip and widened my eyes in surprise.

What? What did I do wrong?

I almost burst into the room to complain when the manager hyung sighed and spoke again.

"That was one thing I've been trying to avoid, but I know for sure he will not forgive me if I beat him when he doesn't deserve it. It really is the last thing I want to do, so here's hoping that doesn't have to happen."

There was a silence, then Jinsoo hyung spoke. "But doing that would be that much harder for you. I know how much you love him and care about him. I know you wouldn't be able to beat him without feeling absolutely heartbroken."

Another pause.

"As long as I'm working for them... the boys come first," said Seunghwan hyung slowly.

I slid down the wall and just sat down by the doorway for a long time, almost feeling my heart being ripped out of my chest.

I couldn't do anything properly for the entire week, and I made mistake after mistake. Thankfully, my mistakes weren't on stage; they were just little things, like forgetting to do the dishes, spilling the trash can while trying to take the garbage out, or to forget to thank the staff after a "Smile" stage, and having to rush back up on stage to thank them after I'd gotten off the stage already. Even when I knew that he was leaving us, I never gave up on him; I didn't want him to leave the team with a broken relationship with me, although he was doing all he could to push me away from him. He started scolding me for the smallest things, but I just complied to whatever he said with smiles and apologies, no matter how harsh his words were. Whatever happened, I wanted our relationship to end well.

I also made tea for him every day of the next week again, none of which he drank. He got angry every time I tried to give it to him and emptied it into the sink every time, but I stayed persistent.

At the end of the next week, I was making tea again when the manager hyung appeared at the entrance of the kitchen.

"Hi, hyung," I said with a large smile. I turned my attention back to the tea that I was making. There was a short silence, then the manager hyung spoke.

"Cho Kyuhyun, what are you doing?" he asked, his voice cold and unsteady.

"Hyung, do you like milk in your tea? Is that why you haven't been drinking the tea I keep giving you?" I asked with a smile.

He didn't say anything as I opened the milk carton and poured a bit of it into the mug. I had just retrieved a teaspoon from the drawer to start stirring when I heard the manager hyung take large steps towards me.

"I told you to stop making the tea!" shouted the manager hyung, grabbing the spoon out of my hand. I saw him slamming it down on the counter in anger as I flinched.

I just looked at the fallen spoon for a second, then I picked it back up.

"Hyung, it really doesn't make a difference. Taking the tea doesn't have to mean that you've forgiven me," I said, looking into his eyes.

There was a shocked silence, then the manager hyung grabbed me by the arm.

"ENOUGH OF YOUR CHEEK!" he shouted, pulling me away from the counter. I tried to set the mug in my hand back on the counter, but I my body was jerked away before I could set it down properly; I dropped the mug on the tiled floors, where the mug shattered into a thousand pieces. The manager hyung no doubt heard the crash, but he didn't even look back as he dragged me away into the living room, then swung me around roughly into the wall, where I only kept myself from hitting the wall face-first by extending my hands to soften the impact.

He finally let go, and the part of my arm that he had been gripping was so sore that it was already feeling numb. I was just about to turn myself around when the manager hyung pushed me by the small of my back into the wall again.

"STAY STILL!" he yelled. Then he tore open the door to the closet and took out the broom, spilling everything out of the closet in the process.

I knew this moment would come; I'd overheard the conversation after all, and I'd been the one to make the decision not to hate him. If this was the punishment for refusing to hate my confidant and my counselor - so be it.

I was ready, and all I hoped was that the manager hyung was ready, too.

The broom hit me over and over, and I just took every hit. And although I was probably in more pain than ever before, not a single tear escaped me. It was all I cared about: not showing tears.

The manager hyung had told me that it hurt him to see me cry, and I didn't want to add to his pain. As much as he denied it, I knew it hurt him already to beat me; I didn't have to be the one to make it worse by crying.

And with the affection that I had for him, I found myself being successful at my determination not to cry for the first time during a beating.

Although I'd lost count of how many times I'd been hit and I wouldn't have been surprised if I were bleeding because of how much more harsh this beating was compared to every other one I'd had, my eyes stayed dry.

When he finished was when I finally started shaking.

"Go to your room," whispered the manager hyung.

I stepped away from the wall a tiny bit, then gasped with the intense pain that followed. Then I paled with the realization.

Oh god. I couldn't walk.

There was just too much pain.

I always thought it was a figure of speech when someone said that they'd beat me until I couldn't walk; but it clearly wasn't.

I just stood there, horrified and my legs shaking.

"GO TO YOUR ROOM!" shouted the manager hyung, louder than I'd ever heard him shout before.

I really wanted to, more than anything, to do what he told me to do, and to show him that I was okay.

But I just simply couldn't.

I looked up at the manager hyung to see him glaring at me, and as I did, I saw a single tear fall out of his eye and roll down his face.

And seeing that hurt me so many more times than the harsh beating I just got.

"Hyung, don't cry," I said, feeling my own eyes well up with tears. "It's okay. It doesn't hurt."

I clenched my hands into tight fists and pushed them into my chest just as he glared at me again and screamed, "YOUR ROOM, CHO KYUHYUN!"

I looked into his eyes, unable to take a step, then I finally opened my mouth.

"Hyung, please - please help me get there," I whispered.

Then I finally started sobbing the tears that I had held back, not with the pain of the beating, but with the pain in my chest.

We just stood there without saying anything for several minutes, both of us just crying without looking at each other. However, a few minutes later, the manager hyung lifted his head.

"I'm not going to help you," said the manager hyung quietly, but as coldly as ever. "Go to your room."

I didn't know what else to do except just stand there, then I looked up at the manager hyung.

"Hyung, am I bleeding?" I asked through my tears.

The manager hyung didn't say anything, and I looked at him. Oh, god, did I actually bleed? "Hyung - "

"No, it doesn't look like it," he said without looking at me. "In any case, you didn't bleed through your clothes."

I bit my lip and looked up at him. I didn't want to tell him that I'd overheard his conversation, and I certainly didn't want him to think that I was only being this way because I knew he was going, but I didn't know how else to tell him...

"Hyung," I said softly, looking into his misty eyes. "I want my last experiences with you to be happiness, not pain," I whispered. "This isn't what I want. If things are hard for me after you leave - I'm okay with that. But hyung, help me carry just the good memories of you until you have to leave. I want you to remain as the manager hyung that got me through the hard times that I love so much, not the one to put me through hard times that ..." I paused a bit, then laughed a little. "No. I still love you, no matter what you put me through."

The manager hyung looked so shocked for a few seconds, then he absolutely lost it.

"CHO KYUHYUN!" he screamed on the top of his lungs. I flinched, and I heard a door fly open, and within seconds, Jinsoo hyung was in the living room.

"Sunbae, you should stop," he said quietly, then he looked at me. "Kyuhyun, are you okay?"

As I just stood there, rooted in place, Jinsoo hyung turned away from me and at the manager hyung, who had bowed his head and had covered his face with his hands.

"Sunbae - "

"Oh god."

There was such a long silence as he just stood there with his face buried in his hands. When he finally lifted his head and looked at Jinsoo hyung again, tears were streaming down his face again.

"Oh god, Jinsoo."

I just stared at him, grasping at my chest to dissipate the hurt, when the manager hyung spoke again.

"Jinsoo, I've made such a huge mistake."