The intern didn't leave like I asked him to, but he just sat in the stool silently. I cried a few tears, but the tears passed so quickly that it surprised me. My body loosened quickly, too, and my breaths were soon steady.

But I could feel myself slipping back. Stone-faced, emotionless, resigned.

I give up.

"Kyuhyun," pleaded the intern.

He put his hand on my shoulder carefully as if he expected me to shake it off, but I just let him keep it there.

None of that means anything anyway.

I closed my eyes.

"Kyu - "

"Doctor, I'm just really tired," I said quietly. "And I'd really like to go to sleep now."

"I just - " he began. I turned my head to look at him as he talked, my eyes unfocused. "Okay. I'm sorry," he said in honorifics, then he got up from the stool and left the room.

I spent the next day not speaking to anyone. I just let Seunghwan hyung sit in his bed, fiddling with the ring and sniffling. For the most part, we ignored each other.

On the other hand, the intern still came in for the daily rounds. The antibiotics, taking blood, changing the IV bags, feeding me porridge.

We didn't speak to each other, though, except for the typical conversation between a doctor and a patient. Was I in any pain, did I notice any changes in breathing, how hungry did I still feel. He asked the questions as my doctor and I answered him as his patient. Nothing more, nothing less.

When the sun set and the room darkened was when he finally came into the room as anything more than simply my doctor.

"Hey."

Informal speech again.

"Hi," I said quietly.

He was out of his white coat, finally, and was dressed in a regular shirt, and he had a briefcase in his hand. I deduced that he was on his way home after his work day. It was so strange seeing him like that, but then I turned my attention back to my fingers.

He hesitated for a second as I stopped looking at him. But he was so unlike the confident, well-spoken doctor that I knew. He was awkward, shuffling his feet, not quite knowing what to do with himself.

He reminded me so much of myself when I was with the hyungs.

"Can - can I sit down?" he asked awkwardly.

I nodded slightly.

"How're you - how're you feeling?" he asked.

I avoided his gaze. "Fine," I whispered.

"Well - uh - I got you something," he said, then he dug through his briefcase. And soon, he pulled out a small notebook and held it out in front of me.

I ignored him for a long time, but the intern held it out in front of me for so long that I had no choice but to take it from him. As soon as I did, I saw him breathe with relief.

"I just thought we could start something. I got one for myself, too."

He pulled out another notebook from his bag and put it on his lap.

"I thought we could maybe start writing something. You know, just getting to know ourselves better. A bit of an - an introspective thing?"

Bull.

I didn't voice it though, and the intern continued.

"I just thought I could give us a question to answer every day, and you could write the answer down in the notebook."

"And we're going to read each other's at the end of the day, I bet," I said quietly.

But to my surprise, the he shook his head.

"You don't have to share your answers with me if you don't want to. So please - be truthful." He paused. "You don't have to show me your answer, but I hope you'll at least let me read my answers to you."

"How long do the answers have to be?" I whispered.

I heard him chuckle slightly.

"It's not school. You can write as much or as little as you want. As long as you think about it and write down truthfully at the end of the day, I'm okay with whatever you write."

I nodded.

"Let's start with something easy. Say, what's your favourite song?"

I didn't say anything. Why would he want to know what my favourite song is?

I didn't respond and just held the notebook tightly in my hands.

"Do you think you can write your answer down in the notebook for me?"

I sighed and nodded.

Whatever. I don't have to let him read it or anything.

"I'll come back this time tomorrow and read you what I've written, okay?"

I didn't say anything and placed the notebook on the bedside table. And then I closed my eyes and turned my head away again.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Heechul was rubbing my hand between his own, but I still wasn't responding.

"Come on, Kyuhyun. You can tell me. What is it that's bothering you?"

I closed my eyes. "Nothing."

"There's obviously something wrong with you," he declared.

I turned my head to look at him.

"Nothing's wrong," I said again.

Heechul sighed.

"Look, you have to tell me what's wrong so that we can do something about it."

I just stared at him without saying anything.

Nothing's wrong.

"Cho Kyuhyun, come on. Stop sulking, then, and talk to me."

I looked right back at him.

"Nothing's wrong."

"Do I have to beat it into you?" he said, then he raised a hand over his head as if he were going to hit me.

But I didn't even blink.

It's nothing I didn't expect.

Heechul dropped his hand with a sigh and a look of frustration.

"You're the most frustrating kid ever," he said, then he stood up from the stool, knocking it over.

And then I heard Seunghwan hyung's voice from the bed next to mine, yelling, "Hey, Kim Heechul!" but Heechul ignored him and left the room.

And with a sigh, I turned my head back towards the ceiling. Why wasn't I at peace after that? This was what I wanted, wasn't it? To - to stop getting attached to anyone anymore?

"Kyuhyun, are you okay?" asked Seunghwan hyung softly. His voice was thick, having cried so much for so long.

I frowned and closed my eyes. I didn't understand, he has his own problems to deal with. Why did he care about me right now?

"Yeah," I said.

"I know Heechul means well. He just isn't good at expressing - "

"I know. I'm okay," I said, cutting him off, then I closed my eyes again and pushed everyone out of my mind.

The intern and I didn't talk about the notebooks at all during the day, and only professional exchanges took place between us, but it was so hard not to think about the answer to the question he asked. Now that I didn't have enough motivation to speak with each other, each long hour was filled with silence and lying there motionlessly for so long.

I had all day to think about the answer to the questions he asked, and that's what I did. If I didn't think about it, thoughts of my unclear future invaded my head. And if only to stop imagining what it was going to be like if I couldn't sing and dance anymore and what it would be like with the rest of the team even if I could, I focused on thinking of the best answer to the question.

Writing it wasn't easy, either.

You never really think about how much strength writing takes out of you, but I hadn't had to use my arms for anything for almost three weeks now, and it took a lot of breaks in between the words to actually finish writing what I intended to.

And at the end of each day, the intern always came into my room with his little notebook in his hand and read his short answer to the question to me. I'd just listen, and let him talk.

At first, I wasn't interested in his answers, but despite what I wanted to convince myself, only a few days later, I was already looking forward to the few moments that we'd have together. And on that day, when the intern asked me whether I wanted to read me his answer after reading his own about what his dreams were as a kid, I hesitated for the first time instead of saying a curt, "No" like I'd done every other day.

I'd thought long about whether I wanted to read my response before shaking my head. And like always, the intern nodded his understanding.

"That's fine. And tomorrow..." he paused, then spoke again quietly. "Tomorrow, let's write about what we're most afraid of," he said.

I nodded, and I knew I had begun thinking about it right away. What I was most afraid of...

"Have a good night, then, Kyuhyun," he said, then he smiled.

And for the first time in days, I smiled back as he left the room.

The topic was more difficult today than any other day. I'd thought about the questions he asked each day to avoid thinking about this very topic, and now, I had all day to think about it. I had a difficult day, and as the intern came into the room at the end of the day again, the mood was much more somber and painful.

But he finally opened his mouth.

"This was a hard one for me," he said quietly.

For me, too.

"But I managed to write something," he said. He looked at me. "Did you?"

I nodded, and he sighed.

"Okay, then I'll read what I wrote," he said, then he opened up his notebook.

And for the first time, he stopped a long time before reading.

"I'm most afraid that Kyuhyun won't ever get better because of my mistakes," he read from his notebook quietly. "I'm afraid that he'll never trust anyone with his emotions ever again, and that it will be because of me."

I looked up at him.

He wasn't looking at me, but he was avoiding my gaze, looking only at his notebook.

My heart tugged.

His biggest fear was - was me. That I'd never accept anyone into my life. That I'd be closed off for the rest of my life.

And so my heart tugged.

Ah... I'm human after all.

"I'll read mine today," I announced slowly and painfully.

"Okay," he said, quietly but not discouragingly. I sighed and opened my notebook to the page and looked at the few words that I had written so painstakingly throughout the day.

I'm most afraid of people.

There was a long silence while I tried to speak several times, but couldn't get anything out of my mouth.

"I'm - " I started, but then stopped myself. "I - "

I clenched my teeth and breathed a deep sigh with my eyes closed. And then I looked up at the intern.

"Can I change it?"

He finally looked up.

"Only if the answer changed since this morning," he said. "Otherwise, you don't have to read your truthful answer if you don't want to."

"I want to," I whispered. And then I reached beside me to the bedside table for the pen.

I held it in my hand for at least a few minutes before finally putting it to the page. I only had a few words to write, but it took such a long time. When I finished writing after so long, I put the pen down on my lap and held the notebook in my hands.

And then I looked at my my words. I'd memorized them all already, having taken such a long to write the words in the first place, but I kept my eyes on the page like I was dependent on it to say what I was going to.

I looked for a long, long time before taking a deep breath.

It was one thing to think about it, something else to admit it to myself, another to write it down on paper, and something completely different to say it with my own mouth.

I closed my eyes.

Get a grip.

I opened my eyes again to stare at the page again.

I can do this.

And then I took a deep breath and finally began reading.

"I'm afraid that I might have forgotten how to trust people," I said slowly. "Because I know I'm missing out on relationships with so many people who love me."

I felt something hot running down my cheeks, and I wiped it with the back of my hand. Like I knew it was, it was a tear.

I was being so pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. And I knew it.

So why can't I stop the tears?

What am I expecting anyone to do? The only person who can fix this is myself. And I know it. What am I trying to prove by crying?

But the hand that wiped my tears away wasn't my own.

The intern stayed by my side all night. Not as my doctor, but as a friend. He watched me cry all the tears that I'd ever held back. By the end of the night as as the sun rose again, my pillow was soaked with my sweat and tears and I'd spent so much energy crying that I could barely even breathe.

When I sighed out a stuffy breath finally, barely able to keep my stinging eyes open, the intern sighed.

"Are you done crying?" he asked softly.

I nodded. "But Seunghwan hyung couldn't sleep last night because of me," I whispered, my eyes filling with tears again. God, I thought if the tears ran out, I'd stop crying, but I just wouldn't see the end of it. I turned my head towards Seunghwan hyung's bed, but I was greeted with a warm smile.

"It's okay. I have all day to sleep, and I couldn't sleep anyway."

I forced a smile.

This was - this was it. I had so many people around me who cared so much about me. Who loved me and would give anything for me.

And it was only right that I gave that back.

Even if that was just - just talking to them. Trusting them.

"I think I can - " I began, but then suddenly, there was a quiet, careful knock at the door. The intern startled and looked down at his clothes. He was out of his gown, still, and sped up wiping down my face with the towel.

"I think it's just Heechul hyung," I whispered hopefully, looking up at the intern. "He hasn't come to visit me in a while because I'm such - such a... But I'm so sorry - "

But the doorknob turned much - much more slowly and much, much more carefully than Heechul ever would be. And my gaze was pulled towards the door as the towel ran over my face again and the door opened.

"Ex - excuse me, d - doctor, I came - came to see - "

My eyes widened with shock when I saw the face at the door, as did his.

"Oh my god!" he cried. "Kyuhyun!"

*Author's note: Happy belated birthday, Kangin! <3:D