I spent half the time at the office practicing my solo section in 'U', to hopefully get rid of the "awkward" that was pointed out to me after the broadcast and the other half the time getting caught up on schoolwork in the study room. I received several texts throughout the evening from the manager hyung reminding me to have dinner; we had eaten next to nothing for the last few days in preparation for the comeback stage, and he had wanted to make sure I got enough to eat tonight. I spent a few minutes trying to find Jonghyun, but I never did - I guessed he wasn't training tonight. As a result, not only did I skip dinner, but I didn't speak to anyone at all for the entire evening. When I finally received the call a few minutes past midnight from the manager hyung that he was here, I gladly left the building.

I bowed as soon as I saw him in the van, and he smiled in return. No one else was in the van, so I guessed that the members went back to the dorm on the bus.

"Thanks for coming," I said, getting into the passenger seat.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. I smiled slightly.

"Much better," I said. And this was true. I had a long time to myself without the members being there, and I appreciated not having to think about doing something wrong the entire five hours that I was alone. "Was the atmosphere okay?" I asked, worried.

"It was fine. They had fun," he said, nodding. I finally relaxed in the seat, relieved. I was afraid that the arrow would somehow point towards me if they didn't have a good time; I didn't want to be blamed for creating an awkward situation by leaving. "What were you up to?" he asked as he drove out of the parking lot.

"You know," I said. "Practice, schoolwork."

"You didn't end up eating then?" he asked.

I felt uncomfortable as I shook my head apologetically. "No, I didn't get the chance."

"You didn't get the chance? You were there without obligation for five hours. You couldn't take 20 minutes out of that time to get something to eat?"

I clenched my teeth for a few seconds, trying not to get angry. I had just spent a terrible five hours alone after my debut stage, and I was getting a lecture on how I was supposed to spend those five hours? "I'm sorry," I said at last.

The manager hyung didn't speak for a few seconds. "I wish you would take care of yourself more, Kyuhyun. Especially when you're upset."

"I know. I'm sorry," I said, shifting in my seat.

"It's not just this. That night when you went out drinking - "

"Hyung, I know I'm being really rude, but please... stop," I begged. I took a deep breath to dissipate the clogged feeling in my chest. "I know better than anyone else that I've done a lot of things wrong since I've been on the team. But I don't think I can handle this right now. I promise I'll listen to everything you have to say any other time. Just... not right now. Please."

The manager hyung stopped talking, much to my relief. However, we maintained an awkward silence for an uncomfortably long time.

"Don't forget to monitor the response of the stage when you get back to the apartment," he said after a few minutes when I reached for my bag from the back seat once we had arrived in the parking lot of the dorm. Was that a slight chilliness I heard in his voice? The manager hyung turned off the ignition.

I looked at him. "Hyung, are you mad at me?" I asked nervously. "I'm really sorry. I was just afraid of losing my temper." There was a short pause.

"I know today's been a trying day for you," he said, not looking at me. "I'm not mad, Kyuhyun. Just disappointed that you're not taking care of yourself."

"I try, I really do," I said, my eyes downcast.

"You try much harder to take care of and please the other members than yourself," he said. "You're every bit as important on the team as anyone else. You seem to forget that."

"I might be in terms of performance, but I'm not off the stage," I said. "Hyung, it's really hard right now. So hard that just thinking about returning to the dorm right now is suffocating." The manager hyung was silent.

"I've tried everything. I've tried doing everything they tell me to do, I've tried standing up to them, I've tried getting angry, taking punishment for the smallest things without complaining, defending them, protecting them... I've tried everything. But the result is that I was still on my knees apologizing during practice last night even though I was doing everything right." I swallowed and closed my eyes. "And do you know? I'm going to walk into the dorm as soon as we're done talking and pretend I had a great time at the library studying for my test next week. But none of it's going to work anyway. I don't know what more I'm supposed to do, hyung."

The manager hyung sighed and we sat there in silence for a few more minutes. He looked at me. "I'll get involved, but only if you want me involved."

I sighed. As much as I wanted anyone's help right now, if the members found out that I had told him everything -

"I really wish I could think of a way to make it work," I said, hugging my bag in my arms. "But realistically..."

"I understand," he said. "Like I said... whenever you want me involved, I'll be there. But I don't want to make things worse for you by getting involved in a situation when you don't want me involved."

I nodded and smiled weakly. "I'll let you know if I think of a way."

"Okay," he said with a nod. "Get a good night's sleep. But really, don't forget to monitor the response."

"Okay, hyung. Thanks," I said. I turned to open the door.

"Kyuhyun..." said the manager hyung. I stopped and looked at him. "I know I've been harsh with you in the past, and, to be honest, I'm sure I'm going to continue to be. But I hope you realize that it's not because I want to get you in trouble."

"I know. You're a good manager," I said with another smile. "I'll be ready to hear the rest of your lecture tomorrow morning."

The manager hyung gave an empty laugh. "Get upstairs," he said. "Have a good night."

"You too, hyung," I said. I bowed, then closing the door, I made my way upstairs to the apartment.

I could hear the noise from all the way down the hallway. I unlocked the door and stepped inside, only to find a ruckus of something emulating a wrestling match in the living room. No one noticed me even come in. I didn't bother making my presence known and walked into Sungmin and Donghae's room, and to my surprise, both of them were in the room. Sungmin was playing his guitar on his bed, and Donghae was tinkering away at his keyboard.

"Hi," I said with a bow and a smile.

"How was studying?" asked Sungmin.

"Fine," I said. "How was the party?"

"It was good," said Sungmin. "It basically turned into what it's like in the living room right now towards the end."

"You didn't drink?" I asked, surprised that he was so calm.

"I did a little, but I don't really like to," said Sungmin. "Donghae did though."

I looked at Donghae, but he was so immersed in what he was doing with the keyboard that he didn't even look up.

"Have you looked at the responses to the performance?" I asked nervously. Sungmin looked at me and smiled.

"I can't say no," he said. He put down his guitar down and reached for his laptop from under the bed.

"Is it... safe to read?" I asked uncertainly as Sungmin motioned me over to his bed.

"Would I be showing you if it weren't?" said Sungmin. He tilted the laptop towards me, and I scrolled as I read.

"Kyuhyun's actually a pretty good singer - surprised to be impressed!"

"I'd still be happier if it were 12, but I can tolerate this.."

"Please don't hate on Kyuhyun oppa!!! It does nothing but make it hard for the other 12 members!!!"

"He leaves a bit to be desired... it felt like he was dancing out of a textbook or something - it was so rigid. But I can't deny that he can sing."

"Why did I think that he was better looking than anyone else?? Does that make me disloyal?"

I looked at Sungmin. "Well, that's not too bad," I said. "It's more than I expected."

"There are still some adamant antis," he said, turning the computer away from me. "But they'll warm up. Like they say, time fixes everything."

"Time has a lot of work to do with me," I said, cocking my head. I got up from Sungmin's bed and walked to the corner of the room where I slept.

"In any case, I think I'm going to bed," said Sungmin with a yawn. "Congrats on your debut, Kyuhyun."

"Thank you," I said. I smiled. "Congrats on your comeback, hyung."

"Good night," said Sungmin, and within a minute, he started snoring.