Three weeks had passed and I still hadn't been kicked out of SM. Nevertheless, there were a few changes as we headed into crunchtime for debuts. All of the trainees were given individual schedules of practices, and each person was required to spend at least 9 hours a day at SM, practicing. We were also required to miss school twice a week, which made me uneasy. The training schedule was a lot tighter as well; there were very specific instructions on what we were to work on and practice as well as when, where and with whom that may occur. Since we were all assigned to different practice rooms, I had freely used all of the practice rooms in the building without worrying about what the seniors might say. Everyone worked on both vocals and dance over these next two months, and there were a lot more people from the company to check up on our progress, just watching our practices silently. This added pressure and the knowledge that there would be final exams in two months was almost suffocating. A lot of the seniors were in a bad mood all the time now; many of them who had been training for a long time were getting anxious to debut, especially since there was talk of formation of another boy band. I, on the other hand, focused on doing my best to be able to stay in SM for another month after my what felt like a disastrous progress check last month.

Another thing that seemed to have changed was that Ryeowook, who I used to see almost every other day, seemed not to be here anymore, or maybe we kept on missing each other in the building. Either way, I hadn't seen Ryeowook since the day after the audition, when Donghae and Ryeowook let me listen in on their singing practice.

Today was like any other. I had gotten to SM at 5:10am for a morning vocal practice set to begin at 5:30am. This session was only for  an hour, then I had two hours to practice on my own without the vocal teacher being there. Singing was one of those things that I was very confident about; it wasn't like dancing. I put all of my soul into singing practice since I was sure that if I were to debut with SM, I would probably do so as a ballad singer. So even in this early morning when I could barely talk never mind sing, I warmed up my vocals with all of the energy that I had. The teacher was pleased at my seriousness this lesson. Also, the company people, who were wandering in and out of each room watching various progresses seemed pleased as well with my singing. With increased confidence, I had practiced that hour, and spent the next hour honing everything that I had learned during the lesson. Although I felt somewhat awkward with the company people just standing in the practice room to watch, I pretended that they weren't there. Surprisingly, they watched my self-practice session for the whole hour before finally leaving. As soon as they left, I breathed a sigh of relief and began practicing again. However, before I had time to sing a single line, A senior had walked into the practice room, as if he were waiting for them to leave. I startled and bowed, and it wasn't until I stood up straight after my bow that I realized that his face was cold. Not knowing why, but knowing that I was clearly in trouble, I could feel the blood drain out of my face.

"Cho Kyuhyun, Minhyun sunbae wants you in the basement right now," he said, and without listening to my response, turned around and stormed off.

At 7:30 in the morning? In the middle of a practice session?

I gave a bow of agreement, which ended up not being seen because he had left the room already. Sweating, and feeling uneasy that I was missing practice time, I made my way down the stairs to the basement, supported by my shaking legs. When I reached it, Minhyun was there alone with one other senior and, to my surprise, Jonghyun. I bowed from my waist to both seniors and gave a little bow from my neck to Jonghyun who returned it with a small bow. I then stood there with my head down and hands together. Oh my god. This is happening.

"What is this?" said Minhyun. I looked up to catch a look of pure anger, then lowered my gaze quickly. "Did I, or did I not tell you that you were responsible for this kid and to make sure that he did everything right?"

"You did," I said, my voice small out of terror.

"Then why was he 15 minutes late to practice this morning?" said Minhyun with a threatening eye. I paled. I knew that Jonghyun had dance practices with Minhyun this week, working on the same choreography. The lessons didn't start until everyone was there. This took away time with the instructor for everyone in the group, so understandably, Minhyun was angry; Minhyun was desperate to debut and needed every minute with every teacher possible.

"I definitely told him not to be -" I started, looking at Jonghyun, shocked that he would let me down. Jonghyun looked right back at me without lowering his gaze. Ugh, this kid is going to ruin everything for me, I thought, but then I lowered my gaze again to look at my feet, remembering that I was dealing with Minhyun. However, looking at this, Minhyun exploded.

"It's no wonder he's not taking you seriously! First you bow to your junior and you let him look straight at you after he did wrong?" yelled Minhyun on the top of his lungs. My face flushed. "Whose fault is this?"

I just stared at the ground, not admitting that it was mine - because I genuinely felt it wasn't mine. To me, respecting my juniors was part of being a good senior. However, my silence seemed to annoy Minhyun even more. "Tell me," he yelled. At the same time, he lifted up his fist above his head. In shock and fright, I got on one knee and lifted up my hands to block the blow.

"Please," I said, "I'm sorry." I got to both my knees and put one hand on his leg.

I was still getting my thoughts together when Minhyun smacked the side of my head hard with an open hand. "Say it!" he yelled. I saw stars as I toppled off to the side, but then came to my senses quickly knelt in front of him again. "It's mine," I said.

"Was it, or was it not your fault?" he asked again from above me.

"I'm sorry, sunbaenim," I said, looking at my lap.

"Does that fix anything? Apologizing?" he said with glowering eyes.

"I won't let it happen again," I said.

"It already happened, and it's unacceptable," he said. "You're responsible for this. And you're going to be the one to get it. Go bring me the broom."

I looked up in surprise for a second and put my hands on the ground and started apologizing again while bowing relentlessly when Minhyun yelled again, "NOW!"

Flustered, I made my way to the cleaning closet in the side of that room, and grabbed one of the brooms. I hesitated for a second, the handed it to Minhyun with both hands, who took it and said, "get down."

I stole a glance at Jonghyun as I got on my knees again, and this time, he looked away then at the ground. When I was only supporting myself with my hands and feet, I could see Minhyun lift up the broom above his head through the shadow on the ground and I closed my eyes to brace myself. There was a swishing sound as the broom sliced through the air, and I held in a groan of pain. He lifted it up again in anger, then -

"Sunbaenim, please - why is Kyuhyun sunbae getting the beating when it was my fault?"

The didn't land, but the broom was still lifted. "Be quiet," said Minhyun. "This is what's going to happen every time you do something wrong. How Kyuhyun deals with you after this is up to him," he said, then brought the broom down on my hips again, and this time, the groan escaped. He brought the broom down over and over, with me falling down on my knees with nearly every towards the end, and him ordering me to get up every time. After thirty , Minhyun threw the broom down on the ground, and I got back on my knees with some difficulty.

"Like I said, this is going to happen every time this kid does something wrong," he said with disapproval dripping out of his voice. I knelt there, looking only at the floor. "Do it right," he said, then he walked out of the room, the other senior following him. I stayed kneeling with my head bowed, but I saw Jonghyun bow them out of the corner of my eye. When they had completely left the room, I grunted and got to my feet, but as soon as I did so, Jonghyun got to his knees.

"I'm so sorry," he said in honorifics, with his head down and bowing. "I know you told me -"

"Get up," I said, also in honorifics. He looked at me like I was crazy.

"Sunbaenim -" he said, looking at my eyes, but I could barely focus on his for the pain on my hips. "I'm so sorry. Please, hit me too. It was my fault and you had nothing to do with it," he said, handing me the broom that was just used on me. I took the broom in my hand and closed my eyes in frustration. In my mind, I wanted nothing more than to give him a beating just like the one I just received.

Finally, I opened my eyes and looked at the kneeling Jonghyun, who was looking at me. I looked at his face for a long time, trying to ignore the pain on my hips from the punishment. "Get in position," I said finally when I found that I couldn't ignore it, dropping the honorifics for the first time with him. Jonghyun bowed his head and obliged. When he was in the same position that I was in for the beating, I took the broom in my shaking hand and lifted it. I brought it down with all my strength on Jonghyun's hips, and he gave an involuntary grunt. I lifted it again, but then closed my eyes again in frustration. What was I doing right now? What happened to respecting my juniors? What was I doing here, killing time when I was supposed to be practicing? I threw the broom across the floor.

"Get up," I said, returning to honorifics. "Please, just get up."

Jonghyun got to his knees. "I'm so sorry. So sorry," he said with his head down.

"I know. So get up," I said, grabbing his arm and pulling him up on his feet. "I know you're sorry. So all you can do for me right now is promise me that you won't let me down again."

Jonghyun stood up and bowed his head. Although I couldn't see his face, I saw a few drops of tears fall to the floor. He really was sorry - punishing him at this stage wasn't going to do anything except make him resent me. "This isn't fair to you... and I'm so sorry - and I promise this will never happen again," he said.

"I didn't even cry," I said, trying to lift the mood. He lowered his head even more. "I apologize too. I shouldn't have lost control a second ago," I said in honorifics. Jonghyun bowed his head lower, not looking into my eyes. "Let's get back to practice," I said, moving towards the door. Jonghyun, on the other hand, grabbed the broom on the floor and returned it to the closet before following. This is worth it, I thought to myself. Respecting juniors is the only way that I could get respect back from them.

When we surfaced onto the second floor for practice, Minhyun was still in the hallway, cooling down his anger with cold drinks at the water cooler. When he saw that I was finished already with Jonghyun and clearly did not punish him like he had expected me to, I was sure that I saw sparks fly out of his eyes. I just bowed my head without looking at his face as I walked past him into my own practice room. Fortunately, it seemed that no one had noticed me not being here for the past half hour. I walked in and stood in the middle of the room. Holding back the tears that were coming, I calmed myself down from the embarrassment and anger, and took several deep breaths. I really had no more energy and didn't want to sing, but it had to be done. Even with all this craziness, my dream was still to be a singer and SM would be the thing that would make that happen. Holding back my tears, I started singing again.