Chp 122

Kyuhyun... It's been hard on you.

My relationship with Leeteuk continued to grow over the next week, after we'd returned to Korea. He'd begun to laugh off my mistakes for the very first time, and at the same time that I still tiptoed around him, I felt like he was finally that kind and open-hearted leader that I'd imagined before I'd joined the team.

And I felt at home again at the dorm for the first time since Seunghwan hyung left the dorm. I felt like I had a pillar of strength again. Someone to protect me, someone to talk to me, offer me advice.

As for work, we continued on with Tic! Toc! promotions. We had just concluded our second week of promotions, and were preparing to perform the abridged version of it for the following weeks one night in a practice room at the office when the door flew open.

We were in the middle of a run-through, but we looked to the door to find the very stern face of a company representative standing at it. We bowed, perplexed, but he didn't acknowledge it and scanned around the room until he found the face that he was looking for.

"Donghae," said the representative, then he beckoned Donghae towards him with a of his finger. Donghae froze in spot for a few seconds, and I saw his face pale instantly. However, he then took hesitant steps toward the door. He didn't look back as he left with the representative.

"Did he do something wrong?" asked Siwon to the rest of the team. I looked around, since I was just as curious, but there was nothing around the room except for murmurs of "don't know"s.

The atmosphere had stiffened significantly, and sensing this, Leeteuk shook his head.

"Let's all take a break, we've earned it," said Leeteuk.

I sighed with relief and wiped the beads of sweat off of my forehead with the sleeve of my T-shirt and opened the door to the practice room. "I'll get water," I said, and I stepped into the hallway. Donghae and the representative were already out of sight. I let the door close behind me, but as soon as I did, the door opened again. I looked back to see Eunhyuk jogging towards me.

"Hey, I'll help you carry everything to the room," he said. I smiled with gratitude as I continued walking towards the water cooler and picked up a few water bottles. Eunhyuk picked up the rest of them. We didn't say anything to each other, but it felt so natural and so comfortable as we walked down the hallways side-by-side. When we returned to the practice room, I could tell that the atmosphere hadn't improved all that much, but my mood had gotten significantly better after the small gesture from Eunhyuk.

We just sat around the floor of the practice room quietly. There was some chatter, but none that involved laughs or smiles. About ten minutes of just relaxing later, Leeteuk got to his feet.

"Let's get started again," he said.

"Should we wait for Donghae?" asked Eunhyuk.

Another silence.

And at that moment, I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I looked up at everyone and muttered an "excuse me," but then realized that everyone had reached into their pockets. Perplexed, I looked down again and opened my phone to find a text message in formal honorifics from Donghae:

 

 

I'm so sorry.

 

 

A chill ran down my spine.

What is this?

I looked up at the rest of the team to see that they were also all frowning at their phones. One by one, everyone else looked up as well, and we were all throwing glances at each other. There was a silence, then Leeteuk spoke.

"Did you all get the same message?" he asked quietly.

I nodded, assuming it.

"What are you talking about?" asked Ryeowook with a frown.

"You didn't get that text from Donghae hyung?" I asked.

Ryeowook hesitated, then shook his head. "He - I don't think - he - he doesn't know my number," he said quietly. I stared at him, perplexed, but then held out my phone for him to look at.

Ryeowook craned his neck to look at the screen on my cell phone, then squinted. "What happened?" he asked. I shook my head.

There was a long, serious silence, then Kangin broke it with a short, but obviously forced laugh.

"He probably got a raise or something, and is taunting us. That kid's popularity nowadays," said Kangin. The smile stayed on his face and there was scattered, nervous laughter from around the room, but it very short-lived. Within a few seconds, the silence was back and no one said anything. I shifted my weight uncomfortably.

"Let's just - let's just get back to practice," said Leeteuk uncertainly.

He got us into formation again, and we started practice, but everyoned was obviously doing it half-heartedly. A few minutes later, though, Leeteuk crossed his arms.

"What are you guys doing?" he shouted angrily. "We're here to practice, so if you're not doing your best, we're just wasting our time here!"

We all hung our heads and looked at our feet. Leeteuk just glared at us for a few seconds, then faced the mirrors again.

"Again," he said coldly. "And if I see even one of you marking the dance - "

We all hung our heads again and looked in the mirror, but Sungmin slowly raised his hand.

"Sorry, I drank too much water during the break," said Sungmin quietly. "I'll be right back."

Leeteuk sighed, but then nodded. "Hurry. One minute."

Sungmin nodded before running out of the room. However, he wasn't back within the minute; it was only after we had just finished a run-through when Sungmin sprinted into the room, clearly out of breath. Leeteuk scowled. "Sungmin, I said - "

"Hyu - hyung," he gasped. "I just read on the Internet - there - there's an - an article - "

"You didn't go to the bathroom?" shouted Leeteuk, enraged.

"Hyung, that's not what's important right now!" shouted Sungmin, then he rushed to his bag and took out his laptop.

Leeteuk looked completely taken aback that Sungmin had shouted at him, but Sungmin paid no attention and continued pulling up whatever he was with his computer. Curious, the rest of us gathered around Sungmin and his computer, eyeing Leeteuk carefully. Leeteuk looked like he might start shouting again, but he soon took a place behind the rest of us to look at the screen.

Sungmin had only had to go on the main search engine page when I spotted it.

A major headline.

 

 

Super Junior under fire for swearing at foreign fans

 

 

All the blood drained out of my face so fast that I felt myself going dizzy.

"WHAT?" shouted Kangin. "THAT IS SUCH A LIE, WE'D NEVER SWEAR AT OUR FANS!"

"But - " said Sungmin, clicking on the link with a shaking hand. "There's a video."

I felt myself lose strength, and I steadied myself by putting a hand against the wall.

Oh god. No.

It was a 15-second video of a rough fancam at that disaster at the airport in China. There was so much noise that it was a wonder that we could even hear anything, but through the hush in the room, the sound was clearly audible.

Swear word and all.

There was such a long silence as we all digested this news.

And with each minute that passed, it became more and more difficult to breathe. I was almost holding my breath, when Leeteuk finally spoke.

"Who was it?" asked Leeteuk slowly.

There was a pause, and then -

"Well - in the video are obviously Donghae and Kyuhyun - "

Every head turned towards me and every pair of eyes were fixed on me, and my head snapped up.

"It wasn't me!" I said quickly, flustered.

There was another silent pause, then we finally pieced everything together and understood.

Oh god.

Donghae hyung.

 

 

None of us even suggested that we continue practicing. We just stood around the practice room without saying anything. I don't know if such a silence had ever happened between us for so long. Hours later, Leeteuk finally received a phone call, evidently from one of the managers.

"We're going back to the dorm," said Leeteuk quietly, then he grabbed his bag from the floor and left the practice room before anyone had even gotten to his feet.

It had started raining quite heavily as we all got on the bus, but the bus didn't start moving. However, we were all in too much shock and despair to ask why it wasn't moving or what we were waiting for. A few minutes later, the door opened again. I looked up from my lap to see who was coming in, and saw Donghae climbing on the bus with his head down, accompanied by two of our managers. He took a seat closest to the door without saying anything, and one of the managers sat down next to Donghae while the other took a seat behind.

I tried to catch a glance at Donghae's face, but I couldn't see anything.

And we had a completely silent trip back to our dorm.

The managers stayed on the bus to return to the office, but all of the rest of us walked into the dorm, again in total silence. Donghae followed far behind, walking with his head down.

We had barely stepped into the dorm when Leeteuk crossed the living room and opened the closet.

"Lee Donghae, get down," said Leeteuk without introduction.

My eyes widened. No, we're in this together.

Together.

I looked behind me to see Donghae trudging across the living room closer to Leeteuk, but he just stood there, looking at his feet.

"Get down!" yelled Leeteuk. Donghae still hesitated, and I stepped in front of Leeteuk.

"Hyung, hyung, you know how - how afraid Donghae hyung is of crowds, I'm sure he really couldn't control - " I started, but Leeteuk just ignored me and pushed me away.

"Get down," repeated Leeteuk, his voice shaking in anger. As Donghae still didn't move, I touched Leeteuk's arm lightly.

"But this is unfair, Donghae hyung saved a girl's life that day, it's - "

"KEEP QUIET, CHO KYUHYUN!" shouted Leeteuk.

"But - "

"Do you want to be beaten, too?" he asked, glaring at me.

I froze. "No, hyung, I just - "

"Then shut up," said Leeteuk with an icy glare. I closed my mouth and bit my lip.

If there was anything I could do, I would have done it. But I was just frozen in place, terrified and lost. I had no idea what I could do.

I just watched as Donghae finally got down on the ground, and as soon as he did, Leeteuk started swinging.

"What is wrong with you?" shouted Leeteuk, then he started the beating. Donghae cried out through clenched teeth with each hit, and when Leeteuk finally finished and he'd gotten back on his feet, Donghae finally erupted in all the tears.

"Go to your room," said Leeteuk angrily. "And I'd better see you on your knees when I go to check up on you."

Donghae lowered his head, but didn't move.

"GO TO YOUR ROOM!" screamed Leeteuk, but Donghae still didn't budge and just continued crying into his sleeve.

"LEE DONGHAE! GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

Donghae finally looked up and into Leeteuk's eyes.

His forever doleful eyes were looking even more so, being so wet.

"No," he whispered, then he turned around slowly and walked into the hallway, but instead of going into his room, he opened the front door.

I heard the front door close, then I suddenly came to my senses.

Donghae had just left the dorm. Who knows what he might do to himself?

"I'll bring him back," I said, breaking the silence. I quickly grabbed my jacket as well as Donghae's from the coat rack, then was about to put my shoes on when I thought of something. I rushed back into my room, pulled out my backpack, and stuffed a wine bottle that I'd gotten from a fan at the beginning of the year and a stack of paper cups into it before slinging it over my shoulders. I grabbed an umbrella from the doorway when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Kyuhyun."

I turned my head and saw Eunhyuk looking at me with concern, but I shook my head.

"Trust me," I said, then I sprinted out of the apartment without saying anything else.

I didn't see Donghae's figure walking through the rain until I'd sprinted down to the first floor and had left the building. Relieved that I hadn't missed him, I opened the umbrella and ran into the rain after him. I was still trying to get close enough to him to be within shouting distance, but then Donghae suddenly started running. I sighed and continued to chase after him.

He turned a corner, and afraid that I'd lose sight of him, I started running faster. And when I reached the coner, I realized that I'd just turned a corner through... through a pair of school gates?

I stopped at the gates and squinted through the darkness to spot Donghae. It wasn't hard to spot him; he was the only person in the entire school grounds, and I saw him running around the wet, muddy tracks. And then to my shock, I saw him pull his sweater up over his head and throw it down on the ground with a yell. His T-shirt was soaked already in the cold January rain, but he paid no attention and continued running.

I just watched him.

I knew exactly how he felt.

It felt like the world was against you. No one understood you. No one was on your side.

And I also knew exactly what I would have wanted in this situation.

I set my bag down on the ground gently, as well as both of our jackets. I then placed the umbrella and set it down beside my things, hoping to keep at least the jackets dry. I immediately felt the cold raindrops starting to wet my hair and it was significantly more difficult to see because of the rain pouring down on my face.

Donghae was halfway around the track now, just running, and I smiled a little. Then trying to ignore my entire body starting to shake in the cold, I reluctantly took my sweater off as well down to a light T-shirt, just like Donghae. And then I started running around the track after Donghae.

Donghae didn't notice me or our things sitting in a corner of the track for a long time. he just stepped over his own sweater as well as mine on the ground lap after lap without thinking twice about it.

It was only after he'd slowed to a walk that I'd finally caught up with him. I continued running until I'd caught up with him, and when I got close enough, he finally heard my footsteps and looked behind to look at me. His eyes were red, but I couldn't tell whether it was tears or just rain running down his face. He finally saw me, just as soaked in the rain as he was, and his eyes widened.

"Kyuhyun," he said, shocked.

"Hyung," I said with a tiny laugh. My teeth were chattering so hard that I could barely even talk, but I smiled. "Can we put our clothes back on now?"

Donghae stared at me for a second, then he bit down on his lip and looked at his feet.

"Hyung, you're so stupid," I said. I put my hands, which I could barely even feel because of how cold it was, on Donghae's shoulders. I led him towards our things. I then held out his jacket to allow him to step into it, but he just took it from my hands.

"Thanks," he muttered.

I nodded while putting my own jacket on. When I finished, I wrapped my arm around Donghae's shoulders, much to his irritation.

"God, Kyuhyun, you - "

"Can we sit down somewhere?" I asked, cutting him off. Donghae hung his head, and I  lifted up his chin with my free hand. "Come on. Let's find a place to sit down."

Donghae sighed, but he let me lead him under the porch of the school so that we could get out of the cold rain. Once we were sitting under it and we'd shaken our wet hair our of our eyes, I finally zipped open my bag.

"You know, I know they say the more the merrier when it comes to drinking, but I don't like to share wine. Especially good wine like this one. You're lucky."

I separated the paper cups from each other and held one out for Donghae to take.

"No, thanks," said Donghae with a small frown.

I stopped for a second, then spoke. "Do you remember the first night I called you 'hyung'?" I asked. He looked at me in confusion while I smiled. "You said you needed someone to drink with. So have a sip."

Donghae shook his head, but before he did, I saw his hand twitch a little. I smiled, encouraged. One more push, and I knew he'd give in.

"Come on, hyung," I said softly, then I held the paper cup so close to his hand that an extension of his finger would have touched it. Donghae hesitated a little, then took the cup and held it weakly.

I smiled again and pulled the bottle of wine out of the bag, then I realized something.

"Uh - "

Donghae looked up at me quizzically. Feeling more inadequate than ever I smoothed the top of my head.

"I forgot to bring a corkscrew," I said, a small smile forming in the corner of my mouth.

Donghae stared at me. I saw the corners of his mouth twitch. "You're such a - "

"I can open it though. I promise. I saw this - this video on the Internet, and this guy opened a wine bottle like - "

I took my jacket off again, and wrapped the bottle with it. I then started pounding the bottom of the bottle against the wall that we were sitting against, and I saw Donghae's eyes widen.

"What are you doing?" he shouted.

"I promise, this - this will work," I said, but unconfidently and uncertainly. I banged the bottom of the bottle on the wall over and over again. And a few minutes later, miraculously, I could see the cork coming up.

"Wow, I can't believe this," I said, beaming. And a few more minutes later, the cork popped off completely, and a bit of the wine spilled out onto the ground and I stepped on the dark spot on the ground regretfully.

"Aw, we wasted a few drops," I said. Donghae still wasn't smiling, but his expressioned had softened significantly.

"What was the point of wrapping the bottle?" asked Donghae. "You were banging the bottom right against the wall anyway."

I looked at him, then I smiled. "I don't know. It's just what the guy in the video did."

Donghae finally chuckled, and I poured some wine into his cup, and then into my own.

We both took a few sips of the wine in silence, then I looked at Donghae.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly.

Donghae sighed and didn't say anything for a long time. I was just bringing the paper cup closer to my mouth to take another sip of the wine when Donghae finally spoke.

"I can't believe he got so angry at me," whispered Donghae. "And he's never hit me before except when he was hitting the whole team." Donghae swallowed, then shook his head. "I can't believe it."

"I think I know better than anyone how you feel. I mean, he hit me a lot when I - " I said, but Donghae shook his head and glared at me.

"He didn't like you to begin with," he said with contempt. I could feel myself closing myself off, hurt, but Donghae sighed and shook his head. "He has been the one hyung I've trusted and followed ever since I got into the company."

I nodded put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Seunghwan hyung hit me all the time. I trusted him and followed him from the start, too," I said quietly. "I do know how you feel. More than anyone."

Donghae seemed to be struck speechless for a few moments, then he sighed and took another sip of his wine.

"And I know it hurts more than if you didn't love him," I said. "But it probably hurt Jungsu hyung more to hit you."

Donghae gave an empty, incredulous scoff. I knew he didn't believe me, but if I were in that position, I'd probably feel the same way.

"God, he's - he's so mad at me right now," said Donghae, burying his head into his knees.

"Hyung, you're the one that taught me not to take everything personally," I said.

Donghae smiled a little. "I know." He sighed. "Easier said than done, isn't it?"

I laughed. "Always."

Donghae sighed again. "It's just - different because - I mean - after my dad - dad passed away, I - I - "

I stayed silent, willing him to go on, but he stayed silent for a few more seconds, drew in a breath, then let it out without saying anything. It was only minutes later that he said anything.

"I couldn't have made it through this far without him," said Donghae quietly. "He - he got me through it. He - he almost - almost reminded me of my dad. And now - I'm not sure if I can forgive him. Forgive myself."

I bit my lip and put my arm around his shoulders again, but I wasn't sure what to say to him.

"You know - I'm not going to pretend that I've yet forgiven Seunghwan hyung for everything he's done," I said quietly. "But I know I will. I don't know what it will take, but I know I will. And I'm just as sure that you'll forgive him, too."

I saw Donghae sigh and bring the cup closer to his lips to take another sip of his wine, but before he could, I took the cup from his hands.

"I feel like we need hot showers more than wine right now," I said with a small smile. "Do you agree?"

Donghae stared at me, then he nodded slowly and we got to our feet with my arm still around his shoulders.

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Comments

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secretanimelover #1
I might actually cry. This fic has always been so special to me and I used to come back and read my fave chapters regularly. I am so grateful that you are letting us all have access to it again. Thank you so much!
ferris_wheel
#2
Chapter 151: Thank you, i always go back to this whenever i need something to read. So thank you
mykyunie #3
Chapter 150: Love it very much
kyunniebiased4life
#4
I AM SO HAPPY TO SEE THIS UP AGAIN! I had to get a web archive from this to be able to read it. Thank you so much for allowing us to revisit this amazing story of our beloved maknae. Its a little bittersweet reading about Jonghyun, but I still love this so much.
bananajun
#5
hey, thank you so much for bringing this back.
mikaella_suju #6
Wahh I didn't know you republished this again. I literally searched the whole web just so I can re read
this again. I remembered messaging someone on Twitter asking for the link for this on wayback machine (webarchive.org). I really love this, its been years since I've read this but I still remember how good this was. Thank you for writing such an amazing fic!❤
Maymayz #7
Chapter 150: Oh my god you opened it again!!!!! I'm tearing up😭😭😭
Thank you so much for your hard work💙💙
mykyunie #8
Chapter 151: I do not understand why you are not satisfied with this job. I am not a writer, I only dedicate myself to reading the works of others, and believe me I have read many, many fics. and I must tell you that this fic is wonderful.
You cannot imagine how infinitely grateful I am that you allowed us to read it again since you stated that you did not intend to republish it.
This was the first fic I had the opportunity to read here at AFF and although I have read it many times each time I have done it, I end up in a sea of ​​tears because of the emotional roller coaster that Kyu had to go through to win the love of his hyungs and also about living the accident and recovering to achieve success.
thank you very much.
Henry9599 #9
Chapter 151: hello, i was wondering if there was sequel for "kyuhyun its been hard on you" ? I really really love that story. I really hope you can consider about sequel or one shot about suju if you are avialable. Really thank you for your amazing and lovely stories
Fridel2
#10
Chapter 151: I remember being blown away by the concept and the talent you showed. I'll keep an eye out for your AO3 ~