"Lunch break until one," said Leeteuk, panting for breath after the 8th run-through. The members nodded.

"Are we ordering?" asked Hankyung. Leeteuk looked at him.

"We'd better go out and get real food. Just make sure to get your food approved by the managers. Careful if you're leaving the building," said Leeteuk. He got up and left, and Kangin, Heechul, Hankyung and Kibum followed. Sungmin, Ryeowook, Yesung and Shindong left as well, leaving Siwon, Donghae and Eunhyuk and me in the practice room. I had stayed in there to change into my spare t-shirt, but after the door had closed, it felt awkward to leave, especially since it was silent.

"I was hoping to grab lunch with the hoobae you saw this morning," I said, in honorifics, breaking the silence. "Would you like to join us?"

All three of them looked down to ignore me, but I noticed that Donghae was smiling slightly. However, none of them accepted my offer, which was I had predicted.

"Okay, I'll be back by one then," I said, not bothering to convince any of them. No response.

Annoyed, I left the room without even bowing. All that they had to do to make me feel welcome here was look and nod, but they weren't even willing to make that effort.

I got to the second floor stairwell and peeked into each practice room, starting with the smallest, until I found Jonghyun  - he was working on his vocals alone in a practice room. He didn't seem to notice me come in, and continued singing. "Hey," I said, remembering to drop the honorifics this time. He still didn't notice; he had his eyes closed, and was deeply immersed in his singing. I thought he should finish, so I leaned against the door of the practice room and listened. Jonghyun had a fabulously unique voice, and he was fantastic. When he finished the song, he opened his eyes.

"Hey," I said again, and he jumped.

"Oh, hi, hyung," he said with a huge smile and a bow. I noticed that he used the word "hyung" for the first time, and I smiled. I was glad to know that Jonghyun didn't think of me just as a senior anymore.

"Do you have time for lunch?" I asked, and he nodded. "Okay, let's go."

We walked outside the building.

"So, I wanted to say congratulations," said Jonghyun.

"Thanks," I said. "I'm not sure how exactly that happened."

"It's unbelievable," he said, shaking his head. And then he looked at me with wide eyes when I raised my eyebrows. "I mean, not that I'm implying that I didn't think you should..."

"No, but I thought the same thing," I said. I saw Jonghyun breathe a sigh of relief, and I hid a smile. We decided on a traditional Korean restaurant just a few meters away from the SM building, where I called the manager.

"Just rice and vegetables," he said. "No meat."

"I understand," I said.

"Starting tomorrow, every meal will be designated," he said. "Lunch just couldn't be organized today."

"That's okay," I said.

"I'll call to check up on you later," he said.

"Okay, thanks," I said, and I hung up.

Jonghyun and I sat down at a table.

"So what's it like?" Jonghyun asked as we were waiting to order our food. I looked at him, then back at the menu.

"You know," I said with a smile.

"Are the members treating you okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine," I lied. However, the question had stuck a nerve; I suddenly lost all want to be there with Jonghyun. I started fiddling with the napkin on the table. He must have seen my face harden at the question.

"I'm sure it'll get better," he said with an apologetic face. I stayed silent for a long time while crumpling up the napkin, and I saw Jonghyun shift in his seat uncomfortably.

"I mean, I'm sure it's hard for you right now, but -"

"Damn it," I said, getting up and throwing down the napkin that I had in my hand on the table. "I didn't ask for your damn sympathy." I hated that he kept pursuing the matter when I was having such a hard time with it, and I hated that he could see that it was hard. I hated that I had come to lunch with Jonghyun to stop thinking about the members for an hour and he wanted to talk about the members. I my heel and walked right out of the restaurant.

"Wait, hyung - wait," called Jonghyun from the table, but I paid no attention and continued walking. I was back to the SM building and at the entrance, and Jonghyun had caught up with me. I ignored him.

"Hyung - wait, I'm sorry," he said. I didn't want to hear it. I swiped my card and went to open the door, and Jonghyun grabbed my arm. "Hyung," he pleaded.

I glared at him. "Don't," I said. Then I looked at Jonghyun's dejected and shocked face. "You really need to learn to assess the atmosphere and act according to situation if you want to survive here," I said with emotion. Then I pulled myself free from Jonghyun's grasp and walked inside. Jonghyun stayed where he was with a hurt expression on his face as I went upstairs to return to the practice room.

I returned to that practice room that we were in to find Siwon, Eunhyuk and Donghae sitting there, talking with each other with takeout containers full with cafeteria food in front of them. They looked at me with frowns as I bowed.

"You said you were going out with that kid," said Eunhyuk.

"It didn't work out," I said, looking at the ground. "Should I leave?"

Eunhyuk shrugged. "Whatever," he said, and returned to conversation with Donghae and Siwon. I just sat there against the wall, not able to join in on the conversation. I got started on my schoolwork, but very soon, my phone rang. Eunhyuk, Donghae and Siwon each looked at me, and I apologized with a bow and went into the hallway to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Kyuhyun, what did you end up getting for lunch?" It was the manager.

"I didn't feel like eating," I said after a little bit.

"Are you sure? You're not getting much for dinner either and you have a 2-hour workout tonight," he said.

"I'm sure," I said. "Thanks for calling."

"Sure. I'll be there at 2 to pick you up for school."

"All right, see you then," I said.

We hung up, and I took heavy steps to return to the practice room. I returned to my spot on the wall and sat back down and tried to push the feeling of isolation out of my mind as I continued with my schoolwork. I was behind already, and it hadn't even been one day. Soon, the members returned to the practice room. 10 minutes to 1pm, everyone had returned to the practice room.

"Shall we get started?" asked Leeteuk. Everyone made sounds of agreement and got up. I put my work away and got up as well. "Just run-throughs again. Focus on your faces, guys," said Leeteuk.

I found it extremely awkward, but practiced different facial expressions once I saw that the other members were only focusing on themselves. 2 o' clock came in a flash, marking the end of scheduled practice, but Leeteuk made no move to end the practice.

"Again," he said at 2:02pm, when the run-through ended.

"Um, sunbaenim," I said quietly. Leeteuk turned around. "Is it okay if I quickly run to school for a check-in?"

Leeteuk frowned. "No, stay until after the choreographers are done with us at three-thirty," he said, and started the track again, and everyone excluding myself got into formation. The music started, and everyone started the choreography. Unsure of what to do, I did the first two measures of it but then I couldn't continue, with the pressure that I needed to be there and back by 2:30. "Sunbaenim - but the manager's here to pick me up," I said to Leeteuk. He gave me an annoyed look, but continued on with the dance. I chewed my lip for a second at this nonresponse, then decided to try again. "Sunbaenim -"

"Fine, go," he said with an annoyed glare, marking his steps for a few measures. "But if you're not back by 2:30 or if you make a single mistake while the choreographers are here...."

"Yes, sunbaenim," I said, and bowing, I left the room.

Just outside of it, I breathed a sigh of relief with my eyes closed. Who knew balancing school and work could be this hard? However, I hardly had time to think. I had to go to and back from school in 25 minutes. With the pressure of time bearing down on me, I ran downstairs.