After eating lunch together, I had given Donghae and his father another few hours alone before finally joining them in conversation until we had to leave. We left the hospital at 9:00pm; Donghae had wanted to stay for longer, but his father urged us to leave as not to return to the dorm too late.

"I promise I'll be back to see you within the month, dad," said Donghae just before we left, giving his father one last hug.

"I'll be waiting, Donghae," said Donghae's father, then he sighed. "I'm concerned about you. You boys are working too hard... and going through so much."

"We're doing well, sir. Don't worry about us and take care of yourself," I said with a smile, but as soon as I said this, I felt guilty and couldn't meet his eyes. At a time when Donghae and I had just cried for hours on the train because we were having such a hard time, how was I supposed to be able to tell him we were doing well with a straight face?

"Kyuhyun, I hope I get to see you again," said Donghae's father, looking at me.

"I..." I planned to say 'I'm sure we will', but then I hesitated. "Me too," I said, and when I took his hand, I saw that Donghae's father had tears in his eyes.

"Dad, we'll be back, I promise," said Donghae with a smile as a pang of guilt pierced my chest; I knew there was a large possibility that I wouldn't be able to see him again.

Donghae's father nodded. "I know. Now don't miss the train back to Seoul," he said, and with a final squeeze of our hands, he let go. "Have a good trip back, boys."

"Get well, dad," said Donghae with a wave.

"Take care, father," I said with a bow, and Donghae and I left the hospital room unwillingly.

We didn't say anything to each other until we stepped out of the hospital into the dark night.

As we stood there waiting for a cab to pass by, I stole a glance at Donghae to find him he chewing on his lips with his hands clasped together.

"He seems like an amazing dad," I said, looking at Donghae. Donghae didn't respond; he just kept his eyes on the road. I waited a little bit, then spoke again quietly.

"Hyung, are you okay?" I said, putting my arm around his shoulders.

"Stop it," said Donghae, shaking my arm off of his shoulders and pushing me away.

"Hyung - "

Donghae ignored me and stepped off the curb to flag down a passing cab. It came to a stop in front of Donghae, and we stepped inside the cab. As Donghae told the cab driver the destination from the passenger seat, I heard his voice waver. In an attempt to comfort him somehow, I put my hands on his shoulders from the back seat.

"Donghae hyung - " I started, attempting to start a conversation.

"Damn it, Cho Kyuhyun. I mean it," said Donghae, annoyed, but he didn't push my hands away. I kept my hands on his shoulders for the entire ride without saying anything else.

It was only when we were at the station that I realized -

"Hyung, where's your baseball cap?"

Donghae touched the top of his head, then sighed. "I guess I left it at the hospital," said Donghae.

"Will you be okay?" I asked, worried, looking at the busy station.

"We're not that popular," said Donghae. "Whatever. Let's just get out of this crowd."

I kept my hands on Donghae's shoulders to help him through the crowd as we walked through the station onto the platform. "I don't know if you've been monitoring as much as I have," I said, glancing around, "but it seems that you are the most popular with this album. Every other comment is about you."

Donghae smiled. "No, I don't really monitor. How are things going with yourself?"

"Um, let's just say, the other half the comments are about me," I said with a small laugh. "But they're for, ah... a different purpose than the ones about you."

"Positive? Negative?" asked Donghae, looking genuinely curious. I saw that the conversation had taken his mind off the crowd for a bit, and I loosened my grip on his shoulders a little.

"About half of them discuss ways to get me kicked off the team," I said. "And the rest of them say I have potential, but that I'm terrible at dancing."

"How do they even know? You're at the back for the entire song except your own part," said Donghae with a snort.

"I'm clearly terrible at my own part," I said, looking around carefully as we walked towards the platform. Donghae was getting some stares from the crowd, but thankfully, they weren't approaching him.

"Well, I have to kind of agree with them," said Donghae playfully.

"Me too," I admitted. "That's why I spent nine hours working on it last night though. Don't be too mean."

"Okay, I'm okay here," said Donghae as we reached the visibly less crowded platform. He brushed my hands off his shoulders as he stepped into the train to Seoul. We found an empty compartment and stepped inside. We finally sat down and relaxed after a long day. The train started moving, and I had tilted my head back and had almost fallen asleep when Donghae finally spoke.

"Have you thought more about our situation as a team?" asked Donghae, leaning forward.

I opened my eyes and lifted my head. The truth was that I hadn't thought more about it. When I stayed silent, just staring at him, Donghae spoke again.

"But you at least understand why we're so harsh on you, right?" said Donghae. I didn't say anything again, and Donghae sighed. "It's not that we beat you for fun. We just expect perfection out of you, and if you're not perfect, it's unacceptable. Because that means you joined the team before you were ready; you could have spent a few years as a trainee working on those things."

I hesitated. "But I just don't understand why that necessarily means that I have to be beaten," I said. "I mean, we're not exactly kids anymore."

Donghae shrugged. "That's just how the rest of us grew up. That's the entertainment industry. Don't take it personally."

I didn't say anything and just played with my fingers. How could I not take it personally? Were any of them beaten until they bled?

"I'll have to confront some of the members before making the final decision," I said after a long while.

"I think you should just - "

"Hyung, you have no idea how much you've helped me with this decision," I said, looking at Donghae. "Just half a week ago, I was telling manager hyung that I was going to quit right away, and even just before coming on this trip, I was sure that I was going to leave. At this point... I just want a chance to speak with - " I hesitated again. I wondered if I was expecting too much, or if it would seem rude. "- With Leeteuk sunbaenim. But I don't know if I'll get the chance."

"If you tell him that you're considering leaving the team, it's his job to talk about it," said Donghae.

"No, I don't want him to know before we talk. And hyung, please don't tell anyone else. You're the only one who knows," I said, hanging my head.

"But - "

"Please," I said. I looked into his eyes while Donghae looked away. "I understand now where everyone's coming from. And I want to try this understanding where they're coming from. I understand why manager hyung thought these two weeks were so important now."

Donghae looked uncomfortable, but he nodded. "But if you haven't made a decision to stay by the middle of next week, I'm telling Jungsu hyung."

"Okay. I'll sort it out by then," I promised, then put my head back on the headrest to sleep.

When we reached the dorm at 3:00am that night, all of the members were asleep already. When we flicked on the light switch to the common area, we were greeted by the sight of the messy living room and a note on the table in the kitchen. Donghae picked up the note and read it.

"It's for us," said Donghae, looking at the note. "Hair shop by 7am tomorrow."

"Okay," I said, rubbing my face with my hands. I put my bag down by the table, and Donghae, who was making his way into the hallway into our room, looked back at me.

"You're not coming?" he asked, confused.

"Um... in a minute," I said.

"We only have maybe three hours to sleep. Come to bed soon," said Donghae. I nodded.

"I will, hyung," I said, bowing slightly. Donghae nodded and stepped out of the hallway into our room. As soon as he closed the door, I looked around the common area.

I sat down on the chair at the kitchen table and with my eyes on the messy living room, went through that night after the debut stage in my mind in the shoes of the older hyungs. Here was this young kid who never had to go through any of the hardship that the other members went through. He gave a sub-par debut performance, then had the nerve to talk back and refuse to do the chores that was his job as the maknae, just reinforcing the idea that the kid was spoiled beyond imagination. Thinking this, I sighed. I probably would have tried to beat some sense into myself, too.

"I'm sorry," I whispered out loud with my eyes closed. I got up from the chair, and slowly began cleaning the living room.