After an encouraging brush of Donghae's shoulder with my hand, I took a seat behind him. Ryeowook followed me into the seat next to mine while Leeteuk sat next to Donghae, calming him down.

Assured that Donghae was being taken care of, my mind wandered back to what it was on before the craziness of the airport happened.

The manager hyung cashing the cheque.

And I just refused to believe that he cashed it for the money. There was just no way.

I know as much about him as he knows about me. And he knows me like the back of his hand.

I didn't even try looking out the window and tilted my head back on the headrest and closed my eyes, trying to clear my thoughts.

I couldn't believe that I was still thinking about Seunghwan hyung on the bus to the concert, but I was. Despite the fact that it was my first performance out of the country, just how ridiculous the situation was took the better of me. In hindsight, it was almost a good thing that I was distracted because of Seunghwan hyung; otherwise, I might have been too nervous to perform. Although so many fans had greeted us at the airport, I wasn't sure whether we would be able to hold our own among such successful Chinese musicians for a Chinese crowd, singing in Korean. Would the crowd boo us off the stage for singing in Korean? Would the crowd jeer at my pathetic attempt at Mandarin?

But they were unfounded worries. The concert was organized such that we didn't really have any time to speak, so I wasn't even able to say the sentence I'd prepared. The only person who actually had a chance to speak was Hankyung, who simply introduced us before we began the performance. The performance went without problems, and we were received with polite applause from some but much more enthusiasm from others, much to our relief. And thanks to that, everyone had a cheerful bus ride back to the hotel, although I had trouble joining in on the celebration. I still hadn't said a single word when Jinsoo hyung was back on the bus to speak to us after checking us into the hotel.

"Two to a room, but there's just one double bed in each room, so I'm afraid you'll have to share beds," said Jinsoo hyung. "I know Seunghwan sunbae used to do the reverse-age thing to assign your rooms, and - um - I'm sure there's merit to that," said Jinsoo hyung, but he seemed extremely unconfident after the disaster at the airport. "Um - Jungsu, I know you used to get your own room on these trips, but since Heechul isn't with us today, there are an even number of you. So Jungsu - you'll share with Kyuhyun on this trip," said Jinsoo hyung, then he handed Leeteuk the envelope with the keys. I glanced at him, wondering whether he would  be annoyed with sharing a room, let alone a bed with me. However, he simply took the envelope from Jinsoo hyung's hands, turned around in his seat and looked at me with a smile. Feeling more at ease at this gesture, I smiled back and reached for the key card as he handed one to me, taking it politely with both hands.

When we finally stepped into our hotel rooms, Leeteuk breathed a sigh of relief. From surviving the airport to a reasonably successful performance in a foreign country. On the other hand, I was still troubled and I just lied down on the bed without even changing out of my clothes and stared at the ceiling without even remembering that I was being rude by lying down before Leeteuk.

Leeteuk glanced at me, and after a few moments, spoke.

"Why the long face?" asked Leeteuk.

I took my eyes off the ceiling and looked at Leeteuk, who sat down on the bed.

I hesitated, wondering whether I should tell him everything, but then sighed and spoke at the ceiling.

"You know the - the note you saw that I wrote to Seunghwan hyung that I was planning to send?" I asked.

"You mean the one that I didn't let you send?" asked Leeteuk with a frown.

I turned my head to look at him. "I ended up sending it after all."

I saw a flame arise in Leeteuk's eyes, but it soon faded as he looked into my dejected ones.

"You stubborn little brat," sighed Leeteuk. "Why don't you ever listen to me?"

I ignored this bit of scolding and bit my lip. "Do you remember the part on the letter about me writing him a cheque?"

Leeteuk hesitated, clearly contemplating whether or not he should be angry at me, but then he started nodding slowly.

"He cashed it."

I still couldn't quite believe the words coming out of my mouth, and felt the need to repeat it, if only to convince myself.

"He cashed it, hyu - sunbaenim."

I mentally rebuked myself. That was too close. He'd told me not to address him as 'hyung', and I hadn't received explicit permission yet. I shook my head. Get a grip, Kyuhyun.

Leeteuk looked at me for a second, then he frowned a little. "Why do you think he might have done that?"

I bit my lip. "He did it for the money. The company representative told me."

Leeteuk looked like he was disappointed, then he spoke again. "You've seriously not thought about any other reasons?"

I sighed. "Of course I have. I haven't been thinking about anything else since we left the dorm."

Leeteuk raised his eyebrows and looked at me. "Well?"

I hesitated.

"I was thinking... what if he wanted to teach me a lesson?" I said quietly. "I mean, I refused contact with him. If he cashed it as his only way of letting me know how rude I really was - "

"Yeah, that could be," said Leeteuk uncertainly. "What else?"

I bit down on my lip, then looked up at him. "Sunbaenim, do you know what happened during Christmas? When I was at the dorm with Hankyung hyung?"

Leeteuk shook his head, but shrugged. "No, but I can guess at it. I saw the broken laptop on the floor in our room."

I nodded. "Right. Well - when he was at the dorm, I told him that I didn't have anything to do with him anymore, and that he meant nothing to me."

Leeteuk's face hardened, and I sighed. "I know. I was rude. And I didn't mean a word I said. But maybe - maybe he cashed it as the only way of letting me know that - that I meant nothing to him, either, now. After - after treating him so badly."

I felt my eyes well up at the thought.

God, I really thought he would be with me until the end. He was the first I spilled my heart out to, and I thought he would be the last to stop listening.

But here we were.

I fiddled with my fingers for a few seconds, then I looked at Leeteuk again.

"I made him cry," I managed. "A lot of times. I made him cry a lot of times."

And as soon as I said this, I felt a pain in my chest as if someone was cutting into it with a knife, and I felt my eyes becoming moist. "I made him cry," I repeated, feeling numb. "Because I was so hurt. Because I wanted to hurt him back."

Leeteuk just stayed silent and let me talk.

"And for some reason, I thought that was okay," I whispered. "I knew that Seunghwan hyung might get angry or hurt, but I thought it was okay." I paused to hold my tears in, and spoke only after I knew that I wouldn't burst into tears. "Because I was selfish. Because as long as this incident didn't go out into the public, I would be okay. Because I knew he'd never betray my shortcomings, no matter how hurt he was."

"Kyuhyun..." said Leeteuk quietly.

"But hurting him hurt me even more," I said as I grasped at my chest. "Hyung, I made him so sad that he cried," I whispered, then I covered my face with my hands to keep myself from crying.

"Why were you so hurt?" asked Leeteuk.

I uncovered my face and looked at him. Was he asking this question because he didn't understand?

"Because he left me for money, of all things. I mean - money shouldn't matter. I offered the company money from my own pay check to keep him with us, and he is leaving us for money."

Leeteuk just listened quietly for a few seconds, then he put a warm hand on my shoulder.

"But Kyuhyun, you're making it sound like money isn't a legitimate reason for him wanting to leave us," said Leeteuk, visibly carefully. "I know it's a bit hard to accept, and I understand why you are coming up with different explanations for his absence especially since - since I know you looked up to him as a father figure. But like it or not, we need money to live, to survive."

I shook my head.

"The company feeds us, houses us, dresses us - pays for everything from utilities to travel. All the money we make, we can save. The same goes for Seunghwan hyung. I mean - "

"You think you make little, right?" asked Leeteuk, cutting me off. I opened my mouth to argue, that I was pleased with the amount of pay I got, but I soon hung my head and didn't say anything. How could I deny that I wasn't completely pleased with my salary? When I stayed silent, Leeteuk put his hand on my shoulder. "The managers - the managers make even less than we do, Kyuhyun."

What?

I looked up at him.

"How would you know - "

Leeteuk bit his lip, and then continued quietly. "I saw Seunghwan hyung's paycheck lying around a few months ago. Their salary is only about three quarters of ours, and they don't get to share in the CD sales like we do."

I stared at him.

"So Kyuhyun, his getting you the laptop for Christmas meant more to him than just getting you an expensive present. It meant that he sacrificed a part of his living."

Leeteuk looked into my eyes softly. "And especially with the fact that he has a steady girlfriend, and that he may soon have a family to support - the fact that he stayed with us for so long... He's sacrificed a lot, Kyuhyun."

I stared at him. "He has a girlfriend?" I asked.

"Yeah, of three years. He's told me that he never has time to see her because he's so busy, but..."

"I - I didn't even know he had a girlfriend," I admitted softly. I flushed, feeling more selfish than ever. Even Leeteuk knew that he had a girlfriend, and I, the one member he tried to take the most care of, had no idea. Come to think of it, I never even tried to find out more about him.

I sighed.

"Is he - is he going to marry her? Does he live with her now? Is that why he moved out of the dorms?" I asked, feeling guilty. Leeteuk shrugged.

"Maybe, maybe not. He never told me either, but that's what I suspect. He's at that age, where he can start thinking about marriage."

I bit my lip and processed his words. As I remained silent, Leeteuk turned his head to look at me.

"And you know why the managers are so harsh on us, right? It's because they are working day and night for us to succeed. And when we don't work as hard as they do - you can imagine why they get angry."

I nodded with understanding. I'd probably feel the same way.

"So are you going to apologize to him?" asked Leeteuk.

I hesitated. "I - I don't think so," I said quietly, eyeing Leeteuk's expression. "Not - not yet. When I feel more ready. I'm just too - too scared right now. I couldn't go to him, or even meet his eyes. I just can't. I just yelled at him to get out a few days ago. I can't - I can't just go and say sorry now."

Leeteuk looked like he understood everything I was saying, then he shrugged. "Whenever you want to do it. He'll always be there."

I nodded. There was a long silence, then I looked at Leeteuk.

"I'm sorry for calling you 'hyung' earlier," I said quietly. "It just came out."

I expected a scolding, but to my surprise, Leeteuk smiled. "I'd been wondering when you'd start calling me 'hyung', for a few months now."

I widened my eyes. "But - but you said not to call you - and that you'd tell me - "

"I didn't want you to call me 'hyung' if I didn't feel like a hyung to you," said Leeteuk. He met my eyes and smiled ruefully. "I know I gave you a hard time before, and I didn't want to force it on you when you hadn't forgiven me. But if you're ready, Kyuhyun - I'm so happy."

I laughed a little.

There was another long silence, then I looked at Leeteuk.

"Hyung," I said carefully.

"Yeah."

"Teukie hyung."

"Yeah, Kyuhyun."

"Hyung," I repeated, a small smile forming around my mouth.

"Yeah," said Leeteuk mildly.

Then I mouthed it again. Hyung.

I just looked at him and smiled. "Nothing. It just feels good to say it."

Leeteuk chuckled and patted my shoulder. "It feels good to hear it."

*Author's note: I am still speechless... and I don't know how to thank you all. I think I'm making this a bigger deal than it is, but thanks for listening :)

There are so many of you who mean so much to me, but if there was one person who got me here, it would be melovesyou. She was probably the first one ever to advertise for my fic on her own. I started out without friends and doing nothing but simply writing, and I think everyone knows that having friends on AFF will determine the success of your story. Although I didn't have friends when I first started out, I still had readers, and this was because of melovesyou. It's only because of her that I have more than 20 readers right now, no joke. I'd always wanted to be in a position where I could return the favour, and I think now is the time.

Could I please ask everyone to check out her story, Black Book? This isn't just for the sake of advertising. I'm really picky about what I read, and I really love it. I really rarely do things like this, but it's really a good story.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

P.S. Happy belated birthday, Donghae. <3