I walked into the practice room where everyone else was with Ryeowook, and was shocked with the sight of so many of them wiping tears of pain from their eyes. The manager hyung wasn't there anymore, and I was glad he wasn't; I didn't know what I would have said to him if he had been there, or what I might have done.

As I just stood there with my head down in guilt, Leeteuk walked towards me.

"Are you okay?" he asked comfortingly, but his eyes were puffy and his voice was shaky.

"Yes, of course," I said quietly. "Are - are you? I'm just so sorry. I don't know why I'm always so rash in my actions. I really try not to be, but - "

Leeteuk shook his head. "We're all okay. And I can't complain, I was the one that told you to go," he said quietly.

"I'm so sorry," I repeated.

"Are you going to be okay without studying for the week?" asked Leeteuk.

I opened my mouth to say "Yes," but I couldn't quite manage the words. I wasn't sure. I didn't know if I'd be okay.

As I remained silent, Leeteuk sighed.

"I'll see what I can do. I didn't know you and the manager hyung had that deal. If I'd known, I wouldn't have pushed you to go home."

I hung my head. "I forgot," I said sincerely.

Leeteuk nodded. "Like I said, I'll see what I can do," he said, then he walked away from me to take care of the other members.

The choreographers ended up not being able to make the session because they were busy elsewhere and couldn't make it back until the next week, much to the manager hyung's displeasure. He made sure to show it, too, by lining us up and scolding us for another half an hour again. After he was finished, everyone returned to the dorm while Ryeowook, Yesung and I stayed behind at the office to practice for the K.R.Y. debut.

We practiced until it was late into the night and we felt totally comfortable with the song. The manager hyung came into the room a few minutes before the end of practice to listen, then he started making corrections. He never gave vocal corrections; that wasn't his job, and it would be safe to say that we probably knew much more than he did. The criticism he made were always of a different nature.

"Make sure you're watching your facial expressions, Ryeowook. You're grimacing too much. Jongwoon, you have to start singing with your eyes open, for the love of god. And Kyuhyun, you're slouching, and it's unsightly."

We all nodded our understanding when the manager hyung looked at us in turn.

"Any questions?" he asked.

Ryeowook and Yesung shook their heads, but I looked up. It was something that I'd been meaning to do for my parents for a while, and at the same time that I was sure that now was not the time to ask, but this might be the only chance I'd have for this.

"Sir, I just wanted my parents to see the K.R.Y. debut stage, so I was wondering if you got spare tickets to Music Bank again this week," I said.

He didn't even look at me when he nodded.

"I'll leave them in the security office at the broadcast station for your parents to pick up when they get there," he said, then he made a small note on his note pad.

"Thank you, sir," I said, then we ended practice without saying anything more.

I went to bed as soon as I got to the dorm that night without studying as demanded by the manager hyung, but being so tired, I barely even had time to feel guilty that I wasn't studying before falling asleep.

However, both Ryeowook and Yesung both had individual schedules the next day after an afternoon K.R.Y. practice and I didn't, so my day was done early and I was to return to the dorm and have the rest of the day off.

The manager hyung drove me to the dorm in his van; the first time we were alone since the incident yesterday, and there was a very, very long and very, very awkward silence between us for the entire ride to the dorm.

The awkward silence stayed until we walked inside, and we didn't say anything to each other. Feeling the tension, I walked in the kitchen for water, then I sat down at the kitchen table and opened the book that was sitting on it from the night before. I was just starting to look for my page when the manager hyung came into the kitchen and saw me.

There was another awkward silence, then the manager hyung spoke coldly.

"Kyuhyun, bed," said the manager hyung without looking at me.

I looked up at him, surprised.

"But sir, it's only three in the afternoon," I said carefully and extremely formally. "May I study just until supper?"

The manager hyung was still looking to his side and away from me as he shook his head. "No. You won't have supper today. Go to bed."

I gawked at him. "I didn't even eat lunch today," I said, my face feeling hot.

"I don't care. You're still not getting supper. Go to bed," he said.

I glared at him for a moment as he finally looked me in the eyes and raised his eyebrows as if to ask why I thought I deserved better, and I bit my lower lip and looked down at the floor.

"Yes, sir," I muttered, then I walked into my room and laid down on the floor and over my blankets.

I closed my eyes, then wiped the single tear that rolled down my face with the realization that the manager hyung and I were never going to be like we used to be.

The next night, which was also the night before the K.R.Y. debut, the entire team had a group performance all together, and all of us returned to the dorm at the same time. As soon as we stepped into it, the manager hyung looked at me.

"Kyuhyun - "

"I know, no studying," I said through gritted teeth. "I know, sir. I'm going to bed."

The manager hyung pretended he hadn't heard and looked at Ryeowook.

"And Ryeowook, you too," he said. Ryeowook sighed a little, but nodded.

"Okay, hyung," he said quietly, looking dejected.

I was just walking into my bedroom when I heard Leeteuk say, "Sir, could we talk for a few minutes?" and heard the two of them leaving the dorm.

I laid down on the floor with the lights turned out after talking with Donghae and Sungmin for a few short minutes, but I wasn't able to sleep with the insecurity that I wasn't studying when the exams were only a week and a half away.

I squeezed my eyes shut, listening to the quiet snoring of Sungmin and Donghae, hoping to be able to sleep if I wasn't going to study, when I heard the front door opening again. I heard footsteps get closer to my bedroom then, to my surprise, it opened. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to pretend to be asleep, but not having made a decision fast enough, I found myself just staring at the shadow by the doorway with wide-open eyes, lying down.

I sat up, then I saw the figure walk towards me. "Hey," he said hoarsely. It was Leeteuk.

"Yes, sunbaenim," I said, getting to my feet.

"Go and study," he said quietly.

My eyes widened. Did he not understand that I wasn't allowed to?

"Sunbaenim, I'm not allowed to," I said uncertainly.

"I talked to the manager hyung about it just now, and he said you could study. Go ahead," he said.

I gasped in delighted surprise and for the first time, pulled Leeteuk into a tight hug before thanking him with a formal bow.

I was backstage and more nervous than ever before, even though I'd been here hundreds of times already. We'd just finished an interview where the interviewer introduced me as the lead vocalist of the team and fervently complimented "Smile" as being the best track of the entire CD, and I hadn't known what to do with myself even after the months of training on dealing with interviews and public speaking. Although I felt uncomfortable with it at the time, little did I know that it would add to the pressure of this debut stage immensely. I almost wished that I hadn't asked my parents to come; although I couldn't see them, just knowing that this was the first live performance that they were going to see of me was just frightening.

And then, to know that it was just the three of us on stage instead of 13 - I had chills just thinking about it.

We spent extra time with the hair and makeup, extra effort to make sure that the in-ears weren't as visible, and I think we all drank more water than we ever had before.

"Super Junior K.R.Y. on stage, please," said the producer out of our in-ears. The three of us rushed on stage and greeted the staff with bows, calming our nerves. I was so nervous that the hand that was holding the microphone was shaking, and I was gripped it harder to make sure that it didn't fall out of my hand. As I imagined the scene in my hand, I felt a chill down my back.

"Don't be too nervous," said Yesung from the left side of me as I let out a deep breath. I looked at him and nodded. I then looked to my right to see Ryeowook, who was almost pale with nervousness.

"Good luck," I whispered. Ryeowook smiled a little, then we all faced front as we heard the familiar count in our in-ears.

"And we're live in five... four..."

And as the intro started playing, I steadied my breath and focused on starting the song off with a good solo.

What happened next until we got off the stage again is a total blur.

As I walked into the waiting room, I didn't know whether I had sung the right notes, the right lyrics, and I couldn't remember whether we'd thanked the staff before leaving the stage. The first thing I noticed was that I was gripping the microphone so hard that my hands were hurting, then I realized that I'd been holding my breath since getting off the stage and going into the waiting room. As we came through the door, me shaking my sore hands to loosen them up again, the manager hyung nodded with approval with a small grin.

"Nice," he said. "Good work. It should come on the screen in a few seconds."

Happy that we had at least impressed the manager hyung with our performance, I watched the broadcast with a much lighter heart than before.

As far as I could tell, we sounded at least as good as we did normally during practice. Our facial expressions were a bit stiff, from being so nervous. When I commented about this, Yesung nodded in agreement.

"A little, but I mean - we're still rookies, so I think they'll be forgiving," he said uncertainly. As our performance ended on screen, clearly without significant mistakes, we sighed with relief. I just sat down on a couch, feeling so weak, but Ryeowook was clearly a lot more energetic than I was.

"Can the four of us go out to dinner?" asked Ryeowook. He looked up at the manager hyung, his eyes sparkling. "Please, we worked so hard for this stage!"

As the manager hyung hesitated, I took Ryeowook by his shoulders.

"Ryeowook, come on, we're being punished right now. We can hold off on dinner," I said with a small, apologetic smile.

Ryeowook sighed. "But that's not fair, I worked hard, and I don't want to cook today."

"I'll cook, then," I offered genuinely, but Ryeowook raised his eyebrows.

"I don't think so," he said with a snort.

"It's okay. I'll order something to our dorm for us," said Yesung, then he looked at the manager hyung for permission.

The manager hyung sighed, but then nodded. "Okay," he said. I lowered my head as Ryeowook and Yesung hugged each other and cheered.

The manager hyung drove us back to the dorm, where the three of us sat around the floor of the living room. After confirming that he was okay with what we were ordering, the manager hyung nodded. "Have fun, and go to bed early. You three have two interviews and a performance tomorrow," he said. He then moved towards the front door.

"Where are you going, hyung?" asked Ryeowook, still happily.

The manager hyung shook his head. "Don't worry. Good night," he said, then he left the dorm.

The three of us had such a good time that night. We told stories, we had fun, and overall, we bonded, the three of us. The other members and the other managers arrived from their schedules one by one to join us in conversation and demand food from us until we ordered about three times more food than we'd first ordered for the three of us, all of which was paid for by a disgruntled Yesung with teasing from everyone else. The only person who didn't join us, or even came back to the dorm, was Seunghwan hyung. However, I wasn't too worried and enjoyed myself in the celebrations with everyone else. At around 2am, everyone started wandering off to bed while Ryeowook and I moved to the kitchen table to begin studying for the night. Yesung was the last to leave the living room in clear discomfort.

He just sat at the kitchen table with me and Ryeowook for a few minutes, just doing nothing, but he soon got tired and got up from the table.

"Kyuhyun, after you're done studying, come to my room to sleep, okay?" said Yesung.

I smiled apologetically; he must have been having a hard time sleeping on his own in that single room.

"I will, hyung," I promised.

"Thanks, Kyuhyun," said Yesung genuinely, then he went to his single room. He kept his door open the entire time, and only about twenty minutes later, the lights turned off in his room.

Ryeowook and I tried studying for about an hour when he finally yawned.

"I can't do this anymore," said Ryeowook, throwing down his pencil on top of his books. "I'm going to bed."

I looked at him, perplexed. "Come on, only ten days until exams, and the last time I checked, you're still not getting a perfect score on your practice tests."

"I'm just too - too tired," said Ryeowook with another yawn. "I think I'm going to finish the drama episode I started this morning, then go to sleep."

I raised one eyebrow. "Ryeowook, if you can stay awake to watch an episode of your drama - "

"Half of one," corrected Ryeowook.

"Whatever," I said. "You can stay awake and study."

Ryeowook rolled his eyes. "You just want someone to study with," he said.

I smiled.

"Yeah," I admitted.

Ryeowook snorted. "Right. Good night," he said, then he got up from his chair and walked into his room as I smiled and turned back to my work.

It was around 4:00am when the front door opened. Knowing it to be the manager hyung, I didn't look and just continued my work, but then I heard a few soft bangs on the walls and a groan. I tried to ignore it all although I was frowning in confusion. It wasn't until there was another few bangs that curiosity got the better of me and I finally got up from the table and walked towards the front door.

It was the manager hyung, like I'd known it was, but he seemed to be having trouble standing, let alone walking. He was continuously falling into the walls inadvertently as I felt the blood drain out of my face.

Oh god, what happened to him?

"Hyung!" I said in shock, and I started walking closer to him. I was still several feet away when I smelled the strong odour of alcohol.

I looked up at the manager hyung in disbelief.

"Hyung, are you - you're not - are you drunk?"

He looked at me and put his hand on his forehead. "I think I am," he slurred quietly. My mouth dropped open.

"Oh my god, hyung, you look - "

I went closer to him to help him, but as I tried, he stumbled into me and I only kept myself from falling by quickly grabbing the wall.

"Hyung!" I yelled in panic, but the manager hyung just looked at me with a smile.

"Oh, Kyu'yun, I have - so much to say to you that I haven't been able to say," he said. "I - I'm so proud - so proud of you."

"Hyu - hyung," I said, flustered. "Hyung, you're so drunk, hyung."

"I sac - sacrificed our relationship for you, Kyuhyun," he said. I looked into his face to see his smile gone, and instead, looking so, so pained. "For you and the team."

"Hyung," I said, putting his arm around my shoulders and holding on tightly to his side. I tried moving him to his room, but his feet didn't budge. I tried pulling, but he let go of the strength in his legs and sat down on the floor instead. I bit my lip and tried pulling him up again, but he just sat there.

"God, hyung, can you at least try? Hyung."

The manager hyung paid no attention and just sighed. "I knew you'd - " he stopped to let out a hiccup, then continued. " - You'd hate me for it. But the - the team's more important for you than I am, Kyuhyun."

I opened my mouth to tell him to get up, but then what he had just said hit me like a ton of bricks.

Was he saying - was he saying that he did all the horrible things he did, just to make me closer to the team?

"No, that's not true, hyung," I pleaded. I was planning on saying more, then realized that I was trying to reason with someone who was so drunk that he could barely even walk. As I hesitated, the manager hyung looked at me.

"You work so hard, you deserve - you deserve to be the best, and - and that wasn't going to happen when I was the one talking through your every problem, so I - I'm so sorry - but - I'm not really sorry," he slurred, then he looked at me. "Because I know I made the right decision," he whispered.

I was struck speechless for a few seconds, then I shook my head.

"O - okay. It's okay, hyung. Let's get you to bed, hyung," I said, taking him by his arms and trying to pull him up again to no avail.

"I made the right decision," he repeated with a sad smile. "I mean - Jungsu asked to be beaten in return for letting you and Ryeowook study, so - " The manager hyung just looked at me and sighed. "I really didn't want to be so harsh on you guys - because - because it hurts me, too."

I just stared at him with the sinking feeling in my chest, finally realizing why it was that I was allowed to study.

Leeteuk had taken the hits for me and Ryeowook.

I felt my chest tighten, then I bit my lip as the manager hyung looked up into my face again and started speaking again.

"You know what you told me - a few days ago, when you told me - I was a monster. I'd rarely felt more sad in my life," he said, smiling the most doleful smile I'd ever seen from anyone. "I - I know I couldn't be like your dad, be - because I don't think I could ever - ever raise a son to be as - as exceptional as you are, but - I thought I cared about you enough not - not to be a monster."

My heart dropped. Oh god. That was why he got so drunk?

"I was - so, so hurt - " He let out a groan, then looked at me again. "I - I know I prob - probably deserved it, but - but it still hurt, Kyuhyun," he said. A tear rolled down his face as several more ran down mine.

"Hyung," I whispered. Not knowing what to do, I wiped the tear off his face with my sleeve, then I tried to pull him to his feet again while he stayed put and just looked at me.

"It hu - hurt so much. It - it still hurts now, be - because I still care about you so much," he said tiredly. "I - I still - "

He closed his eyes as I felt my heart wrench.

How much must I have hurt him for him to have let himself go like this?

This was the manager hyung that deviated from the right, the proper, the manager hyung who was always such a rock, who was so strong, who had never let any of us down before...

Oh god, what had I done?

I bit my lip, then I wiped the tears from my eyes.

"Hyung, I'm so sorry," I whispered. "Hyung - "

"Kyuhyun..." he trailed off.

"Hyung, let's get you back in your room to sleep, hyung, please," I pleaded. "I'm so, so sorry, hyung. Please get up, please."

The manager hyung tried to get to his feet, but he barely stood up before losing his balance and falling again.

I considered having the other members help me carry the manager hyung into his room, but then I thought that no one else should see the manager hyung like this.

I thought a little about what I was supposed to do, then I walked into the hallway and opened the door to Yesung's room and the light.

"Hyung," I said from the doorway, but Yesung didn't wake up. I waited a little, then started shaking him awake. "Hyung!"

Yesung squinted through the bright lights for a second, then he looked at me. "Hmm?"

"Do you think you could sleep with Donghae hyung and Sungmin hyung tonight?" I asked. "But you have to sleep on the floor, hyung." Yesung looked at me for a few seconds, taking the time to understand what I said, then he sat up quickly and looked at me.

"Yes," he said enthusiastically, then before I could even say anything more, he bolted into my room.

Not even able to smile at the situation, I went back towards the front door to get the manager hyung, who was still sitting against the wall. I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Hyung, do you think you can get on my back?" I said, getting to my knees in front of the manager hyung to let him climb on my back. I was there for several seconds when I realized that he wasn't moving.

I glanced at him, and saw tears on him again as I felt my heart shatter into pieces.

"Hyung, I'm so sorry," I whispered, feeling tears well up in my own eyes again. "I'm so, so sorry."

The manager hyung didn't say anything and just stared.

I sighed and pulled his arms around my neck. When I was sure that he was holding on tightly enough, I heaved and got to my feet with clenched teeth with the manager hyung on my back.

I carried him into the single room, kicked open the door, and laid the manager hyung down in Yesung's bed. I adjusted the pillow, pulled the blanket on over him, and looked at him one last time before sighing and turning around to leave.

I was about to turn out the light in the room when the manager hyung called my name.

"Kyuhyun," he said. I turned back around and walked towards him and knelt down beside the head of the bed again.

"Yeah, hyung," I said quietly.

"I - I'm sorry you can't - you can't trust me anymore," he said. He looked at me with the tears still streaming down his face. "It was supposed to be for you."

I was struck speechless and I just looked at him, devastated. "Hyung, it's - it's okay," I said, starting to cry again. "It's okay."

The manager hyung sighed, then he reached over with an unsteady hand and wiped the tears on my face.

"Please don't cry, Kyuhyun," he said, looking so pained. "It hurts me so, so much to see you like this."

I bowed my head, trying to hide my tears, but the manager hyung kept his hand on my cheek warmly, the first time he'd done so in a long time.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you, Kyuhyun," he whispered, his eyes half-closed. "I'm so sorry."