To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Changmin,

I know what you’re thinking right now: The Fabulous Kim Jaejoong is going to scream his head off in 3…2…1…

WRONGGGGGGGG!

…

Wait…I just did.

Okay, whatever.

I just learnt about the unfabulous influenza outbreak in the United States last night and being the very caring Editor in Chief of Blitz, I am writing this email to address this.

Are you on your deathbed yet?

With Fabulous Regards,

Kim Jaejoong.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Dear Jaejoong,

Thank you for your concern.

Unfortunately for you, I am still alive and kicking the asses of other fashion publications here in New York. The state has declared this outbreak a public health emergency, so I have ordered every single employee to get vaccinated against this influenza and will only be allowed back to work after submitting a doctor’s letter/statement of having gotten one. 

Regards,

Shim Changmin.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Changmin,

I am most pleased to hear that you are well.

I still want the article on that vpbvdkbcojbc game review out of next month’s issue, for it is a dumb game.

I also want that editor’s letter of yours rewritten, for it is a dumb letter.

I really want more fashion articles in future issues, for it is dumb not to have more.

With Fabulous Regards,

Kim Jaejoong.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Jaejoong,

It’s Vpbvdkbcojbc. Be respectful to the game designers.

My editor’s letter is not dumb, it’s called satire. But of course it would take someone with refined tastes to truly understand and appreciate it. I don’t blame you though, for you do not major in languages in the first place.

I have been making sure that at least 55% of the magazine compromises of fashion related articles, and that is about 8-9% more than what the Fabulous-Kim-Jaejoong is giving to Korean readers.

Regards,

Shim Changmin

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Good Evening Changmin,

You just set off a few email security alerts I had preprogrammed due to my absence at Blitz Magazine and hence, your latest reply to Jaejoong has been sent to me instead for inspection.

Changmin, just write up a fake editor’s letter and send it over to Jaejoong. Sometimes, you need to work smart. You can’t please everyone, especially Jaejoong.

Don’t try correcting him, you’ll only make matters worse.

And Changmin, don’t talk about numbers with Jaejoong, it reminds him of math and it will only lead to 2 scenarios:

1) His brain will automatically shut down (Probability: 21.577%)

2) He will start screaming his head off (Probability: 72.387159%)

Last but not least, stay safe during the epidemic.

Regards,

Jung Yunho.

To my beloved readers in the US, STAY SAFE!