I’ve been doing my best to hold in my anger so as not to claw the eyes out of this baby before me. I had always been perfectly fine with what I was, but this has got to be one of the very few occasions whereby I would certainly love to have a voice to screech out “ANIMAL ABUSE”.

I think this baby is called Jaejoon, but my beautiful yet two-faced owner calls him Monster. Oh well, I’ll simply call him Monster as well then, since I've always strived to be a loyal and obedient pet, even though Jaejoong has recently been neglecting me to openly fool around with his really cool wife.

I grunted when Monster climbed on top of me to ride me like a motorcycle.

Purr-lease, I’m already 5 years old (human years) and am no longer the lithe and agile cat that could sneak stealthily into Jaejoong’s closet to roll around on luxuriously soft fur and silk coats without getting caught. Nowadays, just softly padding my way into the kitchen sends a suspicious glare from Jaejoong my way, with that idiot thinking I’m trying to steal his precious tub of kimchi in the fridge. And purr-lease, I’m well aware that I’m the most awesome cat in the world, but I am still after all a cat, so how could I possibly muster enough strength to open up a fridge!?

And since we're still on this topic...am I perhaps getting…*gasp, FAT!?

I mean, Jaejoong can hear me even though I’m walking around as softly as I can. Either he’s picking up ninja-skills from the oh-so-purr-worthy-and-able-Yunho or I’m just unfortunately…becoming Garfield.

Jaejoong doesn’t weigh me anymore, afraid that the truth would permanently blind him for life.

And after talking so much about myself, Monster is still cruelly latched onto me, pulling on my ears now as I gathered all the strength within me to transport us both towards Kimchi, who was in the kitchen…either making kimchi or getting pounded into if Jaejoong is in heat, which is basically ALL the time.

“Kimchi!” Of course it sounds like a meow to humans like you, so whenever I talk, it’s all 'cat noises', so please take note of that, “COME AND SAVE MY POOR ACHING BACK!”

Kimchi whipped her head around and gasped in shock, immediately taking off her plastic gloves (she was tossing the vegetables in a huge bowl) to get Monster off me and I heaved a sigh of relief, happy that I didn’t have to add another steamy yet awkward memory into a part of the brain I had put aside for TY stuff, which has recently been filling up capacity at a breakneck pace (all thanks to my fiend of an owner), making me whine day and night about my poor celibate life, for Jaejoong had me neutered the day he got me, so I had no urge whatsoever to indulge in carnal pleasures.

“Joonie, how could you!?” Kimchi admonished and placed Jaejoon in the baby seat behind the dining table in the kitchen, “Poor Jiji suffered so much.”

My heart melted, someone finally gives a hoot about me.

“Are you hungry Jiji?” Kimchi squats down before me to tickle behind my ears.

“Ooo-la-la,” I closed my eyes and felt all the aching from my body miraculously disappear, “And yes, I’m famished!”

Kimchi laughed and I grinned when she straightened back up to get food prepared and served for me.

That’s when Jaejoong saunters in, beautifully seductive and deadly as always, arms creeping dangerously lower and lower till Kimchi makes a surprised sound when he s her behind and erm…massages it.

“OH COME ON!” I let out a strangled cry, “I’ll let you manhandle her all you want after she’s done getting my lunch ready!”

My body fell into a heap on the ground when I realised Jaejoong had successfully ‘kidnapped’ Kimchi out of the kitchen, leaving my food half prepared by the sink and a giggling Monster who kept beckoning me to come play with him.

“No way in hell, Drool-Monster!” I stuck out a tongue and jumped onto the kitchen sink, only to miss my intended landing area by a few centimetres, “Damn, I’m really getting fat…better start working out.”

So I abandoned the whining Monster in the kitchen to make my way out of the house and into the garden to use the trampoline for leg muscle training.

It was dinnertime and I was in Kimchi’s lap because:

1) That would deter Jaejoong from any hanky-panky, be it visibly or under the table.

2) Get pampered and fed by the lovely owner’s wife.

Monster was making a mess out of himself as he on his bottle of milk through the wrong hole- OH MY LORD TUNA! WHAT AM I SAYING!? It must be the influence of Jaejoong I’m sure, because I’m now becoming foul mouthed and dirty minded like him…*gasp.

I meant to say, Monster was breathing in milk though his nostrils instead of drinking it using his mouth. 

Did the monster by chance inherit any of his parents’ genius brains? If he turns out to be mentally challenged, I will commit suicide for the Monster will torture me painfully slowly until my tragic death, so I might as well end my life now.

“Jiji, not hungry anymore?” Apparently, I haven’t been opening my mouth for quite a long time when Kimchi tried to feed me, so I immediately lapped everything in her hands, earning a chuckle and an awesome back rub from her.

“WILL YOU STOP THAT!?” Jaejoong screeched in his usual y voice as he smacked the bottle away from Monster’s hands and the whole table became quiet as the milk bottle skidded across the room.

“Jaejoong…” Kimchi’s voice trailed off in shock and horror.

“He was being stupid,” Jaejoong got back to munching on his pathetic salad like as if nothing happened.

Monster was now crying and I whined softly in Kimchi’s lap at the noise pollution while sneakily snuggling closer to her.

I pouted when Kimchi stood up and handed me to Jaejoong, who didn’t even budge when I was now placed on his lap, as she pulled the monster out from jail- I mean, the baby chair, and cooed at him to stop crying.

That underhanded schemer! Monster turned my way and innocently on his thumb as he had an evil glint in his eye like as if telling me: KIMCHI IS NOW MINE, MUAHAHA! I HAVE STOLEN HER AWAY FROM YOU! MUAHAHA!

I didn’t want to lose, so I looked up at Jaejoong and nudged him with a soft head , wanting him to feed me. If I could get Jaejoong to do so, then the Monster would be indefinitely jealous, for Jaejoong did not like him at all and would never ever be conquered by the little brat.

“What the do you want!?” I cringed at the bad word even though Jaejoong used it as much as the word ‘fabulous’.

“Feed me,” I pleaded and looked back and forth my food and beloved owner whom I had a love-hate relationship with.

“No mouth, you moron!?” Jaejoong snapped but pulled my food bowl towards him and started feeding me.

It was now my turn to give Monster the evil glint in the eye.

The doorbell rang when we were both staring daggers at each other and Kimchi held the Monster closely to her while she opened the front door.

It was…

Y-HELL-CAT-YUNHO and His little sister/daughter Sumire.

I heard Monster giggle like a drunk fool at the sight of Yunho-dear.

When Monster turned to me with a smirk on his face, I knew the game was on.

I sprang from Jaejoong’s lap and ran towards Yunho-dear at the speed of light- looks like the earlier go with the trampoline worked wonders in just under an hour, and somehow jumped and reached the height of His totally manly and sculpted chest. Angels sang in the background when Yunho instinctively caught me with His equally strong manly arms and I purred in satisfaction in His embrace. From the corner of my eye, I saw the Monster sulk and whine, with his arms out towards Yunho-dear, wanting to be carried by y-Hell-Cat-Yunho who was currently busy with ME IN HIS ARMS.

Take that, Drool-Monster!

“Jiji is so cute, I wanna carry him too!” Sumire beamed up towards Yunho.

Yunho-dear looked at me as if asking for permission to be transferred from His arms to Sumire. I gave Him the same expression whenever I listen to ‘Don’t Say Goodbye’ on the radio and silently cheered when He told Sumire that she could carry me later.

“Yunnie,” another occasion when I wanted to have a human voice because I wanted to call Yunho-dear that too, “You brought Sumire here early tonight.”

“She wanted to start and end class earlier,” Yunho-dear answered in His awesomely deep and totally manly voice, “She has tons of homework and projects to be done.”

So caring…I felt my tiny furry toes curl.

“Sure, no problem, Yunnie.” Jaejoong started to stuff the remaining portion of salad into his mouth, “Leh go hen.” (Let’s go then.)

After Jaejoong and Sumire disappeared into the sewing studio, Yunho-dear settled down on the couch with me still in His totally manly arms and chatted with Kimchi, who had a sulking Monster in her frail arms.

“Can I ask why Jiji has a bald patch near his…behind?” Yunho asked.

OH MY LORD TUNA! YUNHO-DEAR WAS TOTALLY CHECKING MY OUT!

“Oh, really?” Kimchi leaned over to study my cute , “Oh ! He really does! I guess it must have been Jaejoonie, he has been abusing poor Jiji lately…”

YES! MORE SYMPATHY POINTS FROM YUNHO-DEAR FOR ME. MUAHAHA!

“Jaejoong doesn’t pamper or protect you anymore?” Yunho asked.

“No, he doesn’t,” and it’s now the ‘In Heaven’ expression on my face whenever I watch the music video on the television, “Please save me, Yunho-dear.”

“You should keep the baby away from Jiji,” Yunho had a subtle concerned look on His face and I squealed like crazy in my head.

“Bless you, Yunho-dear, you have such a kind heart.” I began rubbing my paw affectionately on His oh-so-manly-thighs.

I know I haven’t been shining Jaejoong in a good light ever since the beginning of my monologue. But as I’ve mentioned earlier, I do have a love-hate relationship with this gorgeous being.

The cats back in my hometown had always spoke highly of the dangerous yet awesome place called The City (we didn’t know it was called Seoul then) where every bin you poked your head into would be filled with treasures such as TUNA and SALMON.

“They must be rich!” My elder brother cried with sparkly eyes.

“Let’s venture into The City then!” I suggested.

My brother and I were tired of going hungry for days and eating disgusting insects and leftovers from the birds.

“But those who went there never returned.” An elder cat sighed.

“Who would want to come back to this dump when there’s plenty of food there!?” My brother laughed at the elder’s stupidity.

“There are stories of pet abandonment and animal abuse in The City.”

The word ‘Pet’ made me and my brother grin to each other.

It was the dream of poor and hungry cats like us to be kept as pets so we didn’t have fear about dying from starvation. 

The elder’s words didn’t have any effect whatsoever on us so we left the dingy streets of the outskirts of Gawd knows where and took months before we stood before large televisions in shops that kept blasting the word called ‘Seoul’ proudly.

We knew that we had finally arrived in the legendary placed called The City because everything looked so amazing. Humans were always in a hurry to get from one place to another with cups of steaming hot stuff and newspapers in their hands, but most of all, there were food shops all over the place.

It was paradise!

The bins weren’t as legendary though, but it was way better that those back home because you could always find scraps of edible stuff in them.

But then again, I guess I prefer the bins back home, because it didn’t kill my brother. Being a newbie to Seoul, we came across loads of things in them, and my brother, who was born with an adventurous soul loved trying out new things and unfortunately, must have eaten something terrible and became ill.

He died a few weeks later and I was left alone in the unforgivingly scary and foreign city.

I wanted to go back to my hometown so badly the day my brother died but had been whisked off in a van to another unknown place.

My heart almost stopped when the person who captured me told a newcomer colleague, “If this batch doesn’t get adopted when the month ends, we’ll be putting them to sleep.”

‘HOLY TUNA,’ I had thought, ‘I have to escape!’

It didn’t work though, the cages and doors were all locked.

Whenever potential adopters came over, I would do my best to get their attention, but didn't know that my desperation reflected badly on me as they thought me to be hyperactive and didn’t spare me a second glance.

However, oddball Jaejoong came in one day, because he was writing an article on non-profit pet organisations for Blitz Magazine back then and had stumbled upon the terribly behaving me.

He raised a brow but had an amused look on his perfectly flawless face.

“Pick me! Pick me!” I was practically screaming for my life, “I don’t want to die! I only have a week left before I leave this world!”

I knew perfectly well that humans could never understand cat language, but it seemed his companion, y-Hell-Cat-Yunho, could.

“This one seems eager to get adopted.” Yunho-dear commented.

“You think?” Jaejoong pouted as he studied me closely, “Don’t you think this kitten’s a bit…too energetic?”

“I think it knows it’s end is near,” Yunho-dear stated.

I nodded vehemently.

“Oh, I think it understands you,” Jaejoong let out a haughty laugh, “Fair enough. HEY, WOMAN WITH THE OVERDONE PERM! YES, YOU! CUT IT'S BALLS OFF AND PACK THIS THING UP FOR ME, I WANT IT!”

And thanks to Yunho-dear’s keen eye and Jaejoong’s randomness, I was given a home.

“Jiji…” Jaejoong’s voice boomed from beside me and I turned to face my beloved owner, “Yunnie told me you’re balding.”

I glanced at him sadly and hung my head down in shame. I knew Jaejoong was all for perfection and now that I was no longer in tiptop condition, he was probably going to neglect me even more from now on.

“I’ll bring you to the pet salon tomorrow and see what they can do for you,” Jaejoong sighed as he rubbed the fur-less spot, “You poor thing.”

My heart sang and I nuzzled my nose with Jaejoong’s.

“Forgive me, Jiji, for being so insensitive towards you…” Jaejoong spoke in a soft voice as he gathered me in his arms before placing me gently onto my big and comfortable cat bed, “It’s just that Monster keeps annoying me and making me take out all my frustrations on everyone else.”

“It’s okay, Jaejoong,” I patted my paw on his hand, “I love you no matter what, and so much more if you don’t make out with your wife in front of me.”

Jaejoong kissed my forehead and went to bed.

If only I could speak to Kimchi. Jaejoong was affectionate only when he was going to be ill.  

Luck was on my side when Yunho-dear walked past the livingroom with Sumire behind Him, signalling that her sewing lessons were now over.

“Yunho-dear!” I called out and He turned towards me with a questioning look.

He approached me and I smiled up at Him.

“Jaejoong is going to be sick,” I said while pointing to my owner’s picture (Jaejoong had arrogantly placed it in my bed telling me to dream of only him at night, but too bad, it’s always about Yunho-dear being my owner, ha!), “Please inform Kimchi.”

I then prayed for Yunho to understand me somehow.

“I think Jaejoong’s going to be down with a fever,” Yunho commented and my heart soared, “I told Kimchi and called in sick for him already. You stay away from your owner so you won’t catch the virus too alright?”

I got up to kiss Yunho-dear’s cheek.

“DADDY! YOU LET A CAT KISS YOU BUT NOT ME!?” Sumire cutely puffed her cheeks out like a blowfish.

Yunho-dear ignored her, “How about I catnap you until Jaejoong gets well?”

YES PLEASE! TAKE ME AWAY Y-HELL-CAT-YUNHO!

True to Jaejoong’s words, Jiji did get his bald patch fixed though some uber cool herbal hair/fur therapy for cats.

Jiji still lives with having to deal with a y-bipolar Jaejoong and an annoying Jaejoon who constantly attempts to ride him like transport around the house.

Fortunately for Jiji, Kimchi has gotten back to work after Yoochun, Blitz’s Creative Director, volunteered to take care of the baby during work hours. So now, Jiji is able to enjoy some alone time with the computer as he blasts Dong Bang Shin Ki love songs while fantasizing about Yunho as his owner instead.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! THIS IS MY PRESENT TO ALL MY BELOVED READERS!

HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS AS MUCH AS I LOVED WRITING THIS.

COMMENTS WOULD BE LOVELY!