November 06, 2012

Kris' P.O.V.

"Evelybody now behord, something you ain't seen bepor. it's gowing down-"

"STOP!" I heard the song director (A/N: sorry IDK what it's called :p) yell.

"It's pronounced EVERYBODY, Chanyeol. Do it again." He said and Chanyeol just sighed. 

Me and him is currently recording for our songs. It's entitled two moons by the way. And Key sunbaenim from SHINee will be featured. We're doing Chanyeol, my soon-to-be groupmate's, part. He's the first to record it and he's been singing that damn part for awhile now because he can't seem to get the pronounciation right. But I don't blame him though. 

Due to boredom, I fiddled with my cellphone and look around. I'm inside one of the many recording room here in SM. I can't believe in only a few months, we're going to finally debut. I'm going to finally live my dream. I'm really happy but there's still this lingering feeling inside me.

Don't get me wrong.

I'm happy. I really do.

But there's still this nagging feeling inside me that tells me something's missing.

Something that will complete the puzzle.

Something that will make my happiness complete.

But I can't figure out what it is yet.

I took out my wallet and did what I mostly do all the time when I'm not doing anything; stare at our family picture. I touched my mom's face then my dad's and my grandpa's. I miss them. After performing DBSK's Mirotic, Lee Sooman who was present, immediately went to our side and scouted me and Yixing. We felt really honoured and agreed right away. I told my family about it after graduation but as usual, they rejected it leaving me with no choice but to ran away from home.

And now, after two years, I'm finally here, making my way towards my dream. I stared at the photo and wondered how they're doing. Are they eating properly? Are they getting the right sleep? I can only idly wonder about this things because I can't face them yet. I actually thought of calling them but I stopped myself. I know that hearing my mom's voice will make me crumble and go back home.

I don't want that. Yes, I'm going to go back home eventually but not now. I'm not ready to face them yet. I'm not ready to face her yet. I wonder how she-

"Kris it's your turn now, man." I heard Chanyeol tiredly call out to me.

"Alright." I stepped inside and did my best.

"Damn, english is really hard!" Chanyeol whined beside me. We're on our way to our practice room.

"You'll get used to it eventually. Like how I got used to Hangul." I told him and patted his shoulder.

I opened the door and was greeted by a loud pop of confettis. 

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" My friends hollered.

"You know this?" I asked Chanyeol and he grinned. 

"Surprise!" He shouted and laughed. I looked around the room, from the banner that say 'Happy Birthday!' to the balloons up in the ceiling and to the foods in the table.

"How thoughtful guys." I said and pretended to wipe an imaginary tear.

The guys the started greeting me one by one.

"Happy birthday gege~" Tao greeted and gave me the most bone crushing hug.

"C-Can't.. breathe.. T-Tao."

"Ooops." He giggled and step away before I die of suffocation.

"Happy birthday Hyung.." Sehun, the youngest out of all of us shyly said.

"Thanks." I said and ruffled his hair.

"You should be more thankful to me, I cooked the foods." Yixing grinned at me.

"Thank you, Yixing-or should I call you Lay now?" I asked referring to his stage name.

"Either is fine." He said and hugged me.

"Happy Birthday dude. Can't believe you're still my friend after all this years." He joked and I laughed. I'll let that one pass this time.

"Lay cooked the food but I did almost all the decorating." Luhan, our pretty boy, told me.

"Hey, we also helped!" The guys protested.

"Yeah, you helped eating the food, Xiumin." Luhan pointed at Xiumin, the oldest yet still managed to look younger than me, pouted.

"Chen kept trolling Suho, Baekhyun kept making funny poses in the mirror-" He rattled on making the guys scratch the back of their necks sheepishly.

"And you guys kept on flirting with each other." Luhan pointed at Jongin who was smirking and Kyungsoo whose eyes were opened very wide.

"Hey, I helped Lay hyung with some cooking too!" Kyungsoo whined.

"Yeah, he helped me." Lay defended making Kyungsoo smile.

"For two minutes, before Jongin distracted him." He added making us laugh and Kyungsoo widen his eyes more-if that's even possible.

We ate the foods Yixing and Kyungsoo prepared and took pictures to commemorate the event. Of course we also cleaned afterwards-thanks to our managers nagging. 

"I'm so full~ Let's play soccer!" Luhan excitedly suggested.

"But there's no near soccer field here, hyung." that's Sehun.

"Let's play basketball instead. There's a court near here and Kris hyung likes it." Jongin looked at me.

"You know me very well, kiddo." I grinned and ruffled his hair.

We went out and played with our hearts content. I haven't enjoy myself like this in such a long time. Chanyeol's really tall but he's not that good in basketball. The mother figures; Yixing and Kyungsoo decided to seat along side Grandpa Suho who's constantly worrying over Sehun. Baekhyun played with us in the first two minutes but decided to seat out too. Leaving us, the remaining 8 to play.

"That was a good work out." Kai grinned and gulped down a bottle of water.

"Yeah, I haven't sweat like that except in trainings." Luhan added.

"Let's eat dukbokki next!" Xiumin suggested and the guys enthusiastically agreed.

"You guys are bottomless pits." I chuckled. I was thinking of treating them so I pat my pocket for my wallet but noticed it's gone.

"Damn..."

"What's wrong gege?" Tao asked.

"I think I left my wallet inside the practice room." 

"Just look for it tomorrow, hyung." Chen suggested.

"Too bad. I was planning to treat you guys." The boys eyes immediately lit up.

"Go and look for it!"

"Someone will find it and take it away!"

"Go!"

They all said at the same time while pushing me off the court. God, these bottomless pits..

"Fine. Wait for me here." I said and walked away leaving a cheering boys behind.

SM building is not that far so after some walking I immediately saw it. I'm walking towards the pedestrian line and noticed two girls chatting while waiting for the stop sign. I slowed down my pace. Girls can really be annoying when they started making googly eyes on you.

All of a suddent the taller girl dropped her purse on the ground. She picked it up making me see her face. I don't know where but I think I saw that girl before. The girl beside her looked down too and that's how I managed to see her face.

My world stopped.

I may not remember the other girl's face but I definitely recognize this girl's. That's the exact face that haunts me everynight after I go to sleep. The exact face who keeps popping out everytime I space out. The exact same face that keeps on showing everytime I close my eyes.

I was suddenly brought back to reality when they suddenly cross the street. I don't know what possessed me but I found myself running towards her without breaking my gaze away afraid that if I do, she'll suddenly vanish. I ran and cursed myself for walking slowly earlier. I ran and ran but I didn't make it. The stop light turned green and the cars started zooming pass in front of me. 

"Lian!" I shouted.

"Lau Lian!!" I shouted her name again and again hoping she'll hear me. Hoping she'll look back and notice me.

But to no avail she didn't hear me. She kept on walking with her friend and my vision of her was cut when they turned in a corner.

"Lian!!!!" I shouted. The stop light finally turned red. I ran fast and turned toward the same corner she walked by. I looked around but she's nowhere to be seen. 

"Lian!" I shouted again not minding the weird looks people are giving me. 

I searched for her but never succeeded. I finally gave up and sat on a nearby bench. Exhaustion finally eating me up. I looked at my phone. 13 miscalls from the guys. I dialled Tao's number.

"Gege! Where are you??" He asked on the other line.

"I'm sorry, Tao. Something came up. Tell the guys I'm sorry and eat without me. Bye." I hung up, ignoring Tao's protests.

I tiredly lean my back. I sighed and look at the night sky.

Lian..

Lian's here.

In Korea.

In Seoul.

The very same place I'm in.

She's here.

The woman I love is here.

Yes, I love her. I freaking love her.

The one who made the saying 'You only know what you have until it's gone' or something like that is a genius and should be given a prize. Unfortunately, I learned it the hard way. It dawned to me that I love her after she's gone. I ignored the shrieking voice of my mom and the booming voice of my dad the day Lian left our house. I stayed hidden, cooped up in the four corners of my room. I wanted to ran and stop her but my ing pride didn't let me. I was young, ignorant and had too much pride. Unlike Lian. She's younger than me yet she's the bigger person out of the two of us.

I saw her at school everyday. She's gloomy and I know it's my fault. I wanted to go up to her, tell her I'm sorry and I want her back but I didn't. Not because of my pride this time but because I'm afraid. I know she hates me, she have every right to but I'm afraid to hear it exactly from her. I'm scared of her rejection. After all I've done to her I KNOW she'll reject me. I don't have any strength to face that so I resulted into watching her from afar.

I saw Fei Zhui Lui taking Lian away right in front of my eyes that sunny day. Our eyes met and I felt my heart beat faster, faster than when I was on a date with my puppy love before. Faster than after I'm done with P.E. I saw how her eyes started watering. And it pained me that I'm the reason for it. The moment was quickly gone when Zhui Lui-bastard drag her away. I wanted to chase her but I stopped myself. 

The play she's been practicing so hard finally came. All the seniors, including me, gathered inside the theater. I'm sitting on the left corner near the door. The play started and I saw Lian. And just like what happened before, I felt my heart quicken it's pace once again. She smiled at the crowd but her eyes was looking forward at nothing in particular. It seems like she's purposedly avoiding looking at the crowd's faces. And I perfectly know why. The moment I dreaded finally came. They were hugging and looking so much like a couple. I can't handle it so I stood up and slam the door closed after I got out.

My graduation finally came. It was really irritating. Mom kept on telling I should smile. I smiled for the sake of it, anyways. They left me for a while and a swarm of girls then surrounded me. They kept on pointing at my second button wanting to get it. I perfectly know why. I don't want to give my second button to anyone, anyone but her so I ignored the girls and walked away.

The day I depart to Korea finally came. I was sitting waiting fo my flight. I was anxious because I'm afraid my parents will found out and forced me to come back home on the last minute. I looked at my phone. I so badly want to call Lian and beg her to wait for me. That I'll come back home. That I'll come back for her but I didn't. I can't be selfish after all I've done. I should let her be happy. She deserves more. She deserve someone better. The thought pained my heart. The announcer finally anounced my flight. I stood up straight and walked without looking back. 
 

Thinking of the past events made realization hit me. I placed my right hand over my left chest. I can't feel that missing feeling anymore. It's like it was never there in the first place. Lian. She's the missing puzzle that will complete my happiness. It's her. It's her all along.

All the depressing thoughts of not bothering her and she deserve better was gone in an instant. Yes, she deserves better but not form someone else. She deserve better from ME. Call me a jerk or a selfish bastard but I can't picture her with someone else but me. I spent time before thinking about it and the mere thought kills me.

I looked at my watch. It's fifteen minutes before 12. It's still my birthday. I closed my eyes and did the thing I haven't do since I was 10. I wished. I wished trusting whoever makes birthday wishes comes true to grant mine. 

I wish to see Lian again. I wish to meet her. I wish to talk to her. To hear her voice once again. I don't care if she still hates me. I'll do anything for her to like me again. I swear if you give me Lian I'll treat her better. I'll do better. Please...

I opened my eyes and sighed. I did it. All that's left is to wait for whoever grants birthday wishes to grant mine. 

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A/N: Hey guys~

How's my update?

I'm sorry for not updating fast. I was busy with school. And guys...

EXO WILL BE GOING TO THE PHILIPPINES!!

I'm finally going to see them!!!!

It's on January next year. And it's not only EXO that'll be attending. There's also U-Kiss (Kyaahhh), Tasty, Tahiti, 

Infinite (KYAAAAHHHHH), and GIRLS GENERATION (KYAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!)

I swear by the hair of my chimmy chin chin that I will go even if I begged my mother!!

Anyways,

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