Date: January 29, 2009

Lian’s P.O.V.

I took the girl towards our table but she still didn’t stop crying. I was patting her back to comfort her. I looked at Yifan who was back at his seat. His face was buried in his hands but I know that he’s beyond annoyed now. After all, he’s not the type to like drama but what can I do? I can’t just leave my fellow countrywoman helpless by herself, especially since she can’t understand English. I looked at Yifan and decided I should free him from this madness.

“Hey Yifan.” He looked up to me with an annoyed expression printed on his face.

“Go find our tour guide. Ask him details about the firefly catching later.” I told him.

He didn’t waste a second and swiftly stood up while muttering, “Good. Another minute of that high pitched cry will make me deaf.”

I casted a glare at him and he just rolled his eyes at me. “What? I’m just saying the truth. Call me if the area’s free from hysterical cries again.” He said and walked away.

“That guy is seriously rude.” I muttered and bored daggers at his retreating back.

“He’s right though. I’m being hysterical.” I heard the girl say.

I looked at her and she was wiping her tears with the napkin while sobbing mildly. I honestly don’t know what to say so I just let her continue.

“That bastard. I knew he was cheating behind my back. I just knew it!” She said.

“Is he you’re boyfriend?” I finally asked her.

“He’s not.” She said. I looked at her dumbfounded. If he’s not then why the heck is she reacting this way?? I was about to ask her but she beat me to it.

“He’s my husband.” She said and showed me her ring.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that you look too young to be married.” I told her.

She gave out a bitter laugh, “Well it’s because I am. I’m only 24.” She said. I only managed to stare at her because I don’t know what to say. I’m a complete idiot in cheering up someone.

“That bastard and I had been married for 5 years now. We love each other so much we decided to get married even though we’re still young. My parents were opposed to it saying I should think through things clearly but I didn’t listen to them. I was too stubborn and too in love.” She said. I nodded for her to continue.

“We didn’t finished college so getting work is really hard for us. The only job available is overseas, here. He’s working at some company here for a year now. I decided to give him a surprise visit, and apparently he gave me one too.” She laughed bitterly again.

“I knew it. I knew something was wrong. His calls were decreasing and he rarely sends me postcards anymore. I knew he’s cheating behind my back. I just knew it!” She said and buried her face on her hands.

“If you knew then why didn’t you do anything about it? Why didn’t you break up with him?” I suddenly blurted out.

She looked at me with her tear-streaked face. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be nosy.” I said and looked down.

“It’s okay.” She told me.

“You wanna know why I didn’t do anything about it?” She asked me and I just nodded.

“It’s because I love him. I love that freaking son of a gun. I love him too much I decided to have a blind eye. I love him too much I can’t afford to let go.” She said and started sobbing again.

“I gave everything to him. I gave him my all. How could he??”

I looked at her with pity. “You shouldn’t have given your all.” I said.

“You should have left some for yourself.” I told her. Just like me, I left some for myself in case something like this would happen which is unlikely.

She chuckled at me. I furrowed my eyebrows, “What’s so funny?” I asked her.

“I can tell that you’re a practical one.” She said and stopped chuckling.

“You’re still young so you might not get this but some people prefer giving their all in love. Just like me.” She said and wiped her tears again.

“You’re right. I should’ve left some for myself like you told me. But if I did, I’ll feel some sort of regret.” She said and I looked at her curiously.

“How could you regret leaving some for yourself? I don’t get it.” I asked her.

“When a relationship fell apart, I don’t want to be the one regretting ‘why didn’t I do this?’, ‘why didn’t I do that?’. I don’t want to regret not giving my all. I don’t want to blame myself on why the relationship didn’t work out. Even if the relationship fell apart, at least I have no regrets and I can say proudly that I had loved another with all my heart and soul.” She said leaving me speechless once again.

“At least I’ll be able to blame my lover, not myself.” She chuckled dryly.

We continued talking to each other. She told me about things about her and I told her things about me. We were so engrossed with each other’s story that we didn’t even take notice of the time.

We were laughing about a story she shared when she was in high school when she stopped and looked at me. “You guys look good together.”

“W-Who?” I asked even though I know exactly who’s she talking about.

“The guy with you earlier and he look cute too. But I can tell he has some attitude problems.” She said and chuckled.

“You have no idea.” I said and we laughed. She looks okay now.

“Thank you. Thank you for comforting some hysterical woman.” She said and chuckled.

“You’re welcome.” I said and smiled at her. She returned the smile.

She then started fixing herself. “I should go now.” She said and stood up.

“Are you sure you’re okay Jie jie?” I asked her.

“I am. Thank you for listening to me. It helped a lot. ” She smiled and hugged me. I hugged her back.

“Oh look you’re boyfriends here.” She said and pointed at two guys who were walking towards us.

Jay was walking towards us with Yifan following behind with his face on, as always. Jay politely bowed at us, and she looked at us.

“Jay this is er….” I awkwardly point at her realizing I don’t even know her name.

“I’m Chi.” She said. Oh so that’s her name. I’m so stupid.

Jay greeted her then back. Chi jie also greeted Yifan but the giant just nod his head looking as bored as ever. I rolled my eyes, typical Yifan. Jay then mentioned that it’s already dark so we should get going now to catch the fireflies.

Wow, I was too engrossed in attending Chi jie that I didn’t notice our surrounding. I looked at Chi jie uncertainly.

“I’ll be okay. I’m a big girl now.” She chuckled.

“What are your plans now?” I asked her.

 “I’ll book the quickest flight to get out of here. After going home to china, I’ll immediately arrange our divorce paper, move out, get some job then learn English in the way.” She winked and I chuckled at her. She’s one funny woman.

“Goodbye and Take care jie jie.” I said and hugged her. She returned the hug and whispered something in my ear.

I looked at her again trying to process what she just said. She giggled and winked at me before saying goodbye to Yifan and Jay and before I knew it Yifan took my arm and drag me towards our boat.

The boat roared to life, I looked back at jie jie and found her waving her arms at me. I waved back until her figure disappeared in sight. I sighed and leaned back at my chair.

“Glad we’re finally out of drama island.” I heard Yifan sighed.

I glared at him, “Hey jie jie is not that bad.” I said and slapped his arms lightly.

He winced and started rubbing the spot I hit. I heard him mutter incoherent words, mostly cusses but I chose to ignore him and dive into my own world again.

I kept replying what chi jie has said to me moments ago.

“When a relationship fell apart, I don’t want to be the one regretting ‘why didn’t I do this?’, ‘why didn’t I do that?’. I don’t want to regret not giving my all. I don’t want to blame myself on why the relationship didn’t work out. Even if the relationship fell apart, at least I have no regrets and I can say proudly that I had loved another with all my heart and soul.”

Then I remembered what happened with Luhan. I definitely regretted not telling my feelings earlier. I definitely blamed myself for letting him go without putting up a fight. I definitely thought of what would happen if only I had confessed to him. Would he have stay? Would we work out? I admit I have thought of those things before I fall asleep.

Chi jie clearly made her point. She is right. And thinking about the ‘what if’s’ with Luhan made up my mind. I looked beside me and saw Yifan looking at the Horizon seemingly deep in thought.

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. I won’t make the same mistake twice. I won’t give just my 85%, I’ll give my full 100. I don’t care if he’ll laugh at me. I don’t care if he won’t take me seriously. I don’t care if he won’t reciprocate my feelings. I don’t care if he won’t like me back. All I care about is for my feelings to reach him. I would make him feel that he is loved. That he is loved by me. That I’m in love with him.

And how would I do that? Simple, there’s always a step one in every relationship. I would take that step bravely. I have decided. I’ll confess.

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*Jie jie = older sis

I was wondering, how about you guys? Would you give your all in love like Chi jie? Or would you rather leave some for yourself?

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