The next morning was a simple morning to anyone else but me. Today was Bo-Yeong’s funeral, the last day I will be able to see her again. It was hard getting up from the bed and it was even harder going downstairs to have breakfast. Mom served some cooked vegetables and frankfurter. The whole table was quiet as we ate and I caught dad squeezing mom’s hand every once in a while. I guess it was even harder for them, I’m somewhat thankful they are still alright and able to take care of me.

“Chae-Yeong, you missed two days of school--Do you have anyone who can give you the lessons you missed?” Dad asked quietly, looking at me curiously.

“Yeah, I have someone, you don’t have to worry about that” I muttered gulping down the food.

“Do your friends know, Chae-Yeong?” Mom asked with a sigh, done eating.

“No, I didn’t tell them” I shrugged, pushing away the plate, I was done with breakfast.

“And I don’t plan on telling them”

“Why? They could be there for you better if they knew”

“It’s not their business, why would I bother them with my personal problems?” I shrugged, standing up.

“Because friends are there for you always and family as well” Mom told me as I nodded. But my friends aren’t even my friends, at least that’s what I think. I don’t want to force them to be my friends, I don’t want to force anyone into doing something they aren’t comfortable with doing.

I dreaded the moment when mom walked inside and told me I had to get ready. It all still felt unreal. Like I knew it was the reality but my brain refused to believe it, it’s a horrible feeling. When you know something is happening and it’s very real but your mind refuses to believe it.

I dressed in a simple, off shoulder, black dress that hugged my upper body and the skirt had a free, nice flow. I clipped the hair out of my face and took my long coat, taking it on. I stared at the green scarf I got from Bo-Yeong for my birthday a few years ago and I decided I would wear it. It was a gift from her and I would wear it today.

Mom and dad were already waiting for me in front of the house, dressed in all black both of them. Mom smiled at me when she saw the scarf but decided to remain quiet, I don’t need words right now. I just need some time for myself and the funeral to be over, I don’t think I can go on like this forever, it’s already too hard.

We were one of the firsts to get to the church but the family was already gathering, everyone sporting a grim, blank or pained expression. I tried to remain blank, pretend that I was fine because when I saw the coffin and Bo-Yeong inside, dressed in a beautiful white dress, I almost fainted. It was just too hard, it was getting hard to breathe again and there were dark clouds, threatening to rain any second. I clutched the umbrella tightly in my hands when mom walked away, holding a hand to . It was too hard, I know. Dad remained beside the coffin, smiling while he had tears in his eyes as he rested a hand against Bo-Yeong’s arm. I couldn’t muster up the courage to walk there just yet, I needed time, to let it sink in. Suddenly someone gripped my arm and when I turned around, So Young unnie was standing tall, dressed in black pants and a black shirt, her coat complementing her tall body.

“Unnie” I muttered surprised.

“I couldn’t miss it, I knew you’d need me” So Young smiled a little at me and pulled me in a tight hug.

“Thank you for coming” I sniffed a little after pulling away “I know it’s still hard for you”

“Don’t worry, my lungs are getting stronger and--Jaehyun is here with me” So Young pointed behind her and a man dressed in black as well, nodded at me with a solemn look. Unnie took my hand and walked us closer to the coffin, my grip turning stronger. My lips trembled as we stopped beside the coffin and I placed a hand on Bo-Yeong’s. It was so cold, it seemed like a bad dream I couldn’t wake up from. She looked so peaceful, almost as if she was smiling. Her white skin looked smooth and she had a little lipstick on her lips, bringing out her full lips. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I squeezed her hand for a last time, quietly telling her goodbye. The people were watching me with pity and it just angered me. I didn’t need their pity, pitying won’t bring Bo-Yeong back. More relatives patted my shoulder, trying to reassure me but it wasn’t working, it was making me feel worse. My breath caught in my throat and suddenly I grew afraid I’d have a panic attack again. So Young must have noticed because she pulled me away from everyone, taking a few big steps away from the coffin. She looked into my eyes and started breathing loudly, urging me to follow along. It took a short time to calm down and I pulled away from her, needing more air. I was okay, at least now better. Because really, I was far from being okay. Suddenly I felt a presence behind me and when I turned around my eyes widened. Mr. Do was dressed in a dark suit and Kyungsoo was standing beside his father, dressed similar to his father, a worried expression on his face.

“My condolences” Dr. Do gripped my shoulder “Today I’m not here as a doctor...I’m here as Bo-Yeong’s friend and a father”

“Thank you” I muttered, my eyes going to Kyungsoo. His eyebrows were in a frown and even his lips were downturned as he stepped closer to me, seemingly at loss of words.

“Chae-Yeong” He muttered so quietly I almost didn’t hear it “I’m very sorry”

I nodded, my lips starting to tremble again as my vision blurred. Maybe I surprised Kyungsoo, maybe he knew I needed it, but I pulled him into a hug, gripping his shoulders tightly as I started crying. He was patting my back reassuringly, one hand on my head. It felt good to be held by someone that so far stood by my side and actually knew about my chaotic life. Kyungsoo knew everything, he knew I wasn’t crying just because of Bo-Yeong, at this point