Everything was quiet. The street was quiet, the house was quiet. A few hours ago I stopped crying but I wasn’t able to get up from the floor. I leaned my head against the wall of the hallway and stared up the stairs wishing to see Bo-Yeong race down and tell me I’m a fool and that everything was just a nightmare. But I kept waiting and waiting and she still didn’t come. She would never again come, I realized. My whole body felt heavy as I pulled myself up, taking a deep breath when I suddenly felt dizzy. I have no idea for how long I’ve been sitting there, since Sehun dropped me off. I wonder if anyone except Sehun from school wondered where I was, maybe they didn’t even see that I was missing. I wasn’t important, I was just a good laugh, why would they care?

I took slow steps up the stairs, deciding I needed to take a shower. I smelled too much like Sehun and the smell was slowly choking me. Getting upstairs, I headed for my room but my steps halted when I came face to face with Bo-Yeong’s room. The room that would never be used from today. She will never come back to live in it, it will be just empty with her things. The door creaked open as I unlocked it and I was greeted with Bo-Yeong’s room. Her room had nice colors, her walls were a light fuschia and her carpet was a warm peach color. Her curtains matched the carpet while her bedding matched the walls. She was always obsessed with matching things, she always made sure everything she wore matched. A small smile spreading on my lips, I walked inside, letting the scent that was so familiar envelope me. It was Bo-Yeong’s scent, even though she hasn’t been home for half a year, her room still smelled like her. It was a relief to be able to feel it again, but the ache in my heart seemed to grow stronger when I knew I couldn’t actually touch her, just feel her in the air. This was her place, the only thing that still reminded me of her. I walked up to her desk, leaning down and finding a family picture. It was taken on a warm summer day when dad came home from work earlier and mom promised she’d make homemade ice cream. Everyone was smiling widely in the picture and my lips started trembling, realizing we won’t be able to take such pictures anymore...not when Bo-Yeong won’t be there. Tears suddenly rolled down my cheeks as I placed the photo back down, sniffling as I turned around. Suddenly everything felt overwhelming, Sehun’s scent on me, seeing Bo-Yeong’s things and being able to feel her in the air, a scream escaped my lips as I clutched my head. Why couldn’t they all go away? Leave me alone for once and let me have a quiet life? Images of Bo-Yeong’s smile flashed in my mind but they turned darker as suddenly Sehun’s face popped up but he looked so ugly, ugly like his heart is. I could see his mouth moving, but it wasn’t his voice, it was Bo-Yeong’s that said the same things Sehun used to tell me whenever he humiliated me. Shutting my eyes close, I turned around, gripping something as I pulled it to the floor. There was a shattering sound but I couldn’t stop, I screamed once again as I pulled everything off from the desk, shattering the empty vase Bo-Yeong loved so much, breaking her small mirror as well. The voices went to a whisper and I was finally able to breathe, to open my eyes. Realizing that I destroyed my sister’s desk, I ran to my room, slamming the door after me. The silence was killing me as I went to my bathroom, turning on the shower. The loud water pouring and hitting against the surface of the bathtub brought me back to reality and I stripped, going under the warm water. I made sure to scrub my skin harshly, getting Oh Sehun’s scent off my body, not wanting to smell him any longer.

Getting out the shower I dressed up in some clothes I found scattered around in the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes were swollen and still red a little bit, the edge of my upper lip a little red. But what bothered me was my face, it looked so much like Bo-Yeong, I felt like she was staring back at me. If I want to get over it, I need to get rid of everything that reminds me of her, and the first step would be myself. We look alike too much and I need to change something on myself or I’ll really go crazy. I took two hairbands and tied my hair in two low pigtails, making sure they stopped right above my shoulders. Taking a deep breath, I took the scissors into my hands and with shaking fingers, I started cutting my hair, careful to cut it right above the hairbands. If I was about to do this, at least I do it as I’m supposed to. When both pigtails fell to the floor beside my feet I stared at myself in the mirror, having short hair was a foreign feeling. It’s been so long since I cut my hair. But this still wasn’t enough, I still saw Bo-Yeong staring back at me. Gathering a good section at the front of my head, where my forehead was, I cut the hair, making some bangs fall against my forehead. Placing the scissors on the sink, I stared at myself longer, deciding this was okay. I looked less like her, she never had this hairstyle so I didn’t feel like she was looking at me. Gathering all the hair I cut, I walked downstairs and threw it away, getting myself a cup up water, calming all my nerves.

The house was still too quiet, so I decided leaving it would be best. I walked back to my room to change into warm clothes and saw my phone on my desk. I probably left it in the hospital, mom and dad must have been very worried. I took it but an envelope caught my eyes, it was from Bo-Yeong. Deciding today I didn’t have the energy to read it, I left it there and went downstairs to take on my boots.

It was rather cold outside, the wind blowing as well as I walked down the street. I decided I would go to So Young unnie, I just left her there yesterday and she must have been feeling bad too. After all, she got close to Bo-Yeong as well.

When I walked inside the hospital people that actually knew stared at me surprised but they quickly recovered and after greeting me they went back to their works.