Characters. Kim Taehyung (BTS), Sin Jin Eul (OC)
Status. Ongoing
Description.
Jin Eul's past is blacker than his heart.
Sungjong's too innocent to understand why he's bad.
Jin Eul is a psycopathic killer in a cute guise.
Sungjong always falls for the act, no matter what happens.
Jin Eul plays with knives and ignores the blood.
Sungjong always believes him when he blames animals and roses.

Taehyung loves torturing people.
Jimin doesn't believe Taehyung could hurt a fly.
Taehyung wants to see Jimin cry.
Jimin would do anything for Taehyung.
Taehyung wants to see Jimin's blood.
Jimin would die if Taehyung asked him to.
 

The title is interesting - it captured my attention quite easily and I was quickly drawn to the story. I can see how it’s starting to link to your plot, even though it’s only been two chapters. Though, one thing I would say is to use the word ‘and’ instead of the ‘&’ symbol to make it less informal and more professional.
 

In my opinion, your description is very long. I would actually use your description right now as a foreword instead, and then come up with a sentence or two to be your description. I think what you have right now as your description will work much better as your foreword since it’ll draw your readers further into the story after reading a short description.

As for your foreword, you placed a preview of your story, but I think it’s more of a prologue than a preview, since it the scene seems to have taken place before the story starts, rather than an extract from the story. Nonetheless, it’s very effective in telling your readers some background information about your characters and what they do.

Your tags are at the bare minimum, perhaps you should add in the groups of your characters, as well as the genres of the story just so it makes it easier to search for your story. Also, I don’t think the trigger warning is needed (at this stage), so you might want to consider taking that off.
 

Since you have not provided a link to your poster/graphics, I cannot give you a score on it. However, for the layout of your story, it’s nice that you’ve used a very simple layout to give your story an artistic look. Unfortunately, I’m not a fan of layouts that have ‘internal scrolling’, since it makes the chapter harder to read, though it’s good that you didn’t overdo the layout.
 

At this point, there’s not a lot I can say about your characters. What we already know from the two chapters is that Jin Eul and Taehyung are killers, and Yoongi is their teacher (both in school and in murdering). The two new students, Sungjong and Jimin, are their new targets, presumably for killing.

From what I read and what I’m assuming, Jin Eul is the leader of the two, and he’s the more brutal one. He seems to have a soft spot for Taehyung, and vice versa. For Taehyung, even though he’s older, he follows Jin Eul’s words, though the reason is not given. These two are somehow members of a gang and they go out killing quite often. They work together and obviously trust each other with their lives and are closer than real brothers.

However, at the moment, nothing much is known and for the things we learnt from reading your story, there’s no background to back it up. I hope more will be learnt about the characters in the future chapters and that they stay consistent throughout the story.
 

Your plot seems interesting enough to draw my attention in, since I’m one for crimes and gangs. As of now, I’m not sure if your story will go down similar routes of other stories revolving around gangs and killings, since there’s not a lot I can read about. Right now, there are too many things unknown and unsaid, so it’d be very unfair if I were to make a judgement about your plot right now (same for the other parts of the review to be very honest), but I can say you have a very good start to your story and there’s a lot you can start to build upon to add in more depth to your story.
 

The flow of your story seems to be pretty good right now. You don’t seem to be rushing things, and you’re letting the story unfold with a nice amount of information each chapter.
 

Since English is your first language, it was expected that little to no mistakes are in your work, and you haven’t failed that expectation! However, there are a couple of punctuation mistakes you should look out for (like commas), but they’re not a huge problem at all.
 

On the whole, your writing style is quite heavily based on narration - there aren’t many dialogues going on at the moment - and it’s nice to read some description in your work.

One thing I want to comment on is the length of your sentences. You tend to write in long sentences, which is good because you can add more details into your writing, but when they get too long the words start to stray from the original meaning of the sentence and at that point, it gets a little confusing. Instead of writing in very long sentences, I think you should try shorter sentences that will have more impact than the longer ones.
 

The structure of your work is very well done - you’ve started and ended paragraphs at the appropriate places and you’ve made sure to start a new paragraph where a new speaker speaks.
 

Your statistics aren’t too bad when you’re getting a ratio between views, subscribers, comments and upvotes. I really like how you have replied to the comments from your readers!
 

As I’ve mentioned before, I am a total er for themes like this because they get my blood going and my brain spinning (in a good way), so reading this story gave me a slight thrill. It’s a shame that there are only two short chapters of your story, but I think I would have enjoyed reading this! Although there are many things you haven’t explained to your readers, I hope you’ll be able to do so in the future chapters! All the best of luck!
 

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