>> The First Droplet of Rain
Heart, Mind & Seoul Reviews Archive
THE FIRST DROPLET OF RAIN
BY boneofmysword
BY boneofmysword
CHARACTERS. Kwon Jiyong (G-Dragon) and Lee Seungri (Seungri)
STATUS. Completed
DESCRIPTION.
Jiyong finds himself the only person who had no idea that it will be raining that day as he stands alone in front of a closed bookstore... until a stranger—a scary stranger, it seems like—runs towards his direction and stands only a few steps away from him.
Apparently, Jiyong isn't the only one who didn't bring an umbrella.
Story title. 5/5
Some may find it a bit mouthy, but in my opinion it's fits so it's okay. What I find most unique about it is the fact that the title gives off the feel to be a bit more on the angsty side, or even one of those relationship analysis stories. Then it's turns out to be a fluffy and very cute fic. Sort of like a breath of fresh air. It's suits the storyline very well. I like how you manage to automatically tie it back to your story in the very first line, that way there's no confusion since everything is fresh in the reader's mind.
I don't think you gave anything away. The most you did was give strong foreshadow for the reader that Jiyong and Seunghyun would meet in the rain. That however, does not give away anything that they say, do together or how it all ends. Personally I like short descriptions. Not having to use a ton of words but just a small couple of sentences to making it sweet and crisp. No to mention you have less of a chance accidentally making an information dump or going off topic what the story is even about. Your tags are very appropriate. You mention the ships and the genres, which are probably the basic tags. Since you still have room trying adding another tag like Big Bang or .
I think this is definitely making one of my favorite posters! It's just so cute and playful but has an overall simplicity. I can see it capturing anyone's attention without necessarily being like a glowing neon light. I hope that made sense... Anyway it also really matches your story since it's a fluff fic and those are always very light and airy. It's sweet and soft colored like your fic.
For the most part I'd like to say they're pretty consistent. Since it is a one shot though it is a bit harder to get to know the characters. Jiyong for the most part is one the dorky in love side whilst Seunghyun is the adorable and cute one of the two. The issue I had with your characterization though was Seunghyun's consistency. You started with giving sort of a tough vibe, which I know is from the fact everyone sees him and they automatically assume that he's going to be all tough and scary because he's appearance. You should really well that that's far from true too... Except for the beginning. If he's not that intense tough baddie that everyone thinks then why does he glare at Jiyong like he is?
Let's face, strangers meeting in rain, it's not the most creative idea. However, that doesn't matter, this isn't some novel that's meant to break people's hearts then hopefully make them feel better. This is a fluffy one shot though and completely different rules apply. Though it's overused, it cute and amazing and I love it so much. It warms your heart just a bit and makes you smile. Besides why shouldn't people meet in the rain? I know some writers that think it's unrealistic, but that's how friends (or lovers) are made sometimes. Sometimes you just want to talk to someone while you wait for it to stop raining.
7,000 words, that's very and appropriate length. I think it really resembles how time flies, just "wow, an hour passed already", they stuck together for a really long time time though and had started talking closer to the beginning of the hour so I guess I sort of linked it to the phrase time flies when you're having fun. I don't think it was too fast or too slow, after all there were moments of silence that you skipped and so the hour passed by really quickly.
I know that English isn't your first language and you did say your mother language was influencing you. Some of your sentences are a bit awkwardly phrased and few words are properly conjugated. I would suggest getting an English writer from AFF as a beta-reader. There's a rhythm that English tends to have, and there are a lot of irregularities in the language that can be hard to understand.
Most of these aren't even paragraphs, just one or two liners. I think you should put more sentences together where you can.
Hehe that's an impressive amount of upvotes you have, especially with a ratio of your subs to votes. You go girl! ^-^
It's so fricking fluffy, and it's been a while since I've read a fluffy BigBang fic so thank you I needed that. I can't handle Jiyong always being the son of Satan...
Some may find it a bit mouthy, but in my opinion it's fits so it's okay. What I find most unique about it is the fact that the title gives off the feel to be a bit more on the angsty side, or even one of those relationship analysis stories. Then it's turns out to be a fluffy and very cute fic. Sort of like a breath of fresh air. It's suits the storyline very well. I like how you manage to automatically tie it back to your story in the very first line, that way there's no confusion since everything is fresh in the reader's mind.
Description, foreword & tags. 10/10.
I don't think you gave anything away. The most you did was give strong foreshadow for the reader that Jiyong and Seunghyun would meet in the rain. That however, does not give away anything that they say, do together or how it all ends. Personally I like short descriptions. Not having to use a ton of words but just a small couple of sentences to making it sweet and crisp. No to mention you have less of a chance accidentally making an information dump or going off topic what the story is even about. Your tags are very appropriate. You mention the ships and the genres, which are probably the basic tags. Since you still have room trying adding another tag like Big Bang or .
Appearance: graphics. 5/5, display. 5/5
I think this is definitely making one of my favorite posters! It's just so cute and playful but has an overall simplicity. I can see it capturing anyone's attention without necessarily being like a glowing neon light. I hope that made sense... Anyway it also really matches your story since it's a fluff fic and those are always very light and airy. It's sweet and soft colored like your fic.
Characterisation. 10/10
For the most part I'd like to say they're pretty consistent. Since it is a one shot though it is a bit harder to get to know the characters. Jiyong for the most part is one the dorky in love side whilst Seunghyun is the adorable and cute one of the two. The issue I had with your characterization though was Seunghyun's consistency. You started with giving sort of a tough vibe, which I know is from the fact everyone sees him and they automatically assume that he's going to be all tough and scary because he's appearance. You should really well that that's far from true too... Except for the beginning. If he's not that intense tough baddie that everyone thinks then why does he glare at Jiyong like he is?
Plot. 20/20
Let's face, strangers meeting in rain, it's not the most creative idea. However, that doesn't matter, this isn't some novel that's meant to break people's hearts then hopefully make them feel better. This is a fluffy one shot though and completely different rules apply. Though it's overused, it cute and amazing and I love it so much. It warms your heart just a bit and makes you smile. Besides why shouldn't people meet in the rain? I know some writers that think it's unrealistic, but that's how friends (or lovers) are made sometimes. Sometimes you just want to talk to someone while you wait for it to stop raining.
Consistency/flow. 10/10
7,000 words, that's very and appropriate length. I think it really resembles how time flies, just "wow, an hour passed already", they stuck together for a really long time time though and had started talking closer to the beginning of the hour so I guess I sort of linked it to the phrase time flies when you're having fun. I don't think it was too fast or too slow, after all there were moments of silence that you skipped and so the hour passed by really quickly.
Grammar, spelling & punctuation. 13/15
I know that English isn't your first language and you did say your mother language was influencing you. Some of your sentences are a bit awkwardly phrased and few words are properly conjugated. I would suggest getting an English writer from AFF as a beta-reader. There's a rhythm that English tends to have, and there are a lot of irregularities in the language that can be hard to understand.
Structure. 3/5
Most of these aren't even paragraphs, just one or two liners. I think you should put more sentences together where you can.
Readers' response. 4/5
Hehe that's an impressive amount of upvotes you have, especially with a ratio of your subs to votes. You go girl! ^-^
Your readers are a bit quite, but they show their appreciation in other ways. And I'm glad you respond to them, it's always good to have an author that communicates with their readers.
Upvotes: 21 + 1
Subs: 196
Views: N/A
Comment(s): 23
Overall enjoyment. 10/10
It's so fricking fluffy, and it's been a while since I've read a fluffy BigBang fic so thank you I needed that. I can't handle Jiyong always being the son of Satan...
TOTAL GRADE. 94/100
Date requested. 06/05/16
Date completed. 13/05/16
Reviewer. Li (Jaeger_104)
Reminder. Please remember to comment when you have picked up. Please also credit the shop AS WELL AS the reviewer. If there are any problems, please contact the owner or the reviewer via PM.
Date completed. 13/05/16
Reviewer. Li (Jaeger_104)
Reminder. Please remember to comment when you have picked up. Please also credit the shop AS WELL AS the reviewer. If there are any problems, please contact the owner or the reviewer via PM.
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