>> Beast et Beauty
Heart, Mind & Seoul Reviews Archive
BEAST ET BEAUTY
BY KangminBread
BY KangminBread
CHARACTERS. Kangin, Sungmin, Kyuhyun
STATUS. Completed
DESCRIPTION. Some wait for a lifetime to find love. Others wait for the next to live it.
Story title. 4/5
I can see the direction to where you're trying to take your title, but I don't exactly how it suitlines the storyline.
I love your description, it's definitely pulls a reader in. Your foreword was a very nice flashback as well, giving a background without any context to make a reader curious. I would suggest in your characters section you make it so that their real name are in parentheses, since you're using real names. For example, instead of "Kangin" it would be "Kangin (Youngwoon)”, just so readers don't get confused because not everyone reading this story may know that much about Super Junior's members.
Your have a nice theme, it's gothic and romantic which I think suits it very well. The poster shows some major aspects in the story, like the red roses, which I found to be very neat. It's a really poster as well your layout, good job :).
I really like all your characters. Sungmin had very nice development and for the most part everything was consistent. However, I found Sungmin was rather quick to go and try to befriend. Youngwoon does put quite an emphasis when he describes Sungmin's aura, and how it was so dark before with loneliness, so I would have expected a bit more.
Stellar job on getting a perfect score. You always provided information for everything, which is very important with supernatural themes as they are complete fiction. There were no gaps that weren't explained, and the supernatural world you created was incredibly thought out. It almost reminds of how the human world is, but instead of races it's more dealing with species. How all of them started out hating each other, then slowly learning to be able to accept and help one another, they are even forming alliances and negotiations. Incredibly impressive. For the actual plot of the story, I was still in love with it completely, it's not over dramatic with rivals and love triangles and war. They could have passed as humans struggling with their love life (minus the whole 'reincarnation' and seeing each other in different life times of course). It's tragic, but not over the top, there some very bittersweet moments, which personally are some of my favorite because it's not so cloying or tear-pulling, but it still makes your stomach hurt yet a smile creep on your face. I'm rambling, I'm sorry.
I admit, you have a ton of story for just eleven chapters. However, I estimate there is on average over 3000 words per chapter. Overall, you can tell everything is happening over periods of time, good job.
There's a part you repeated in chapter four by accident, when they're talking about the well. You accidentally placed it in the second break and the fourth break. The grammar is good, punctuation, I'd like you to read through and look for transitional phrases, there should be a comma after each one. I want you to look more into the structures of the sentences. Several of them are very lengthy, try using comma to space it out, cut words to make the sentence sharper, or just change it.
Good paragraphs, I don't know what else to say...
Subs: 89
Upvotes: 25 +1
Comments: 38
Views: 6089
Love love love love love love love love love love love love love soooooo much. I don't think I put enough love's in that... I love it more that Kai or Onew's love for chicken. Taehyung, Baekhyun or Daehyun's love for eyeliner. Siwon's love of derp and horses. MORE THAN YOUNGWOON LOVES SUNGMIN!!!!
I can see the direction to where you're trying to take your title, but I don't exactly how it suitlines the storyline.
Description, foreword & tags. 9/10.
I love your description, it's definitely pulls a reader in. Your foreword was a very nice flashback as well, giving a background without any context to make a reader curious. I would suggest in your characters section you make it so that their real name are in parentheses, since you're using real names. For example, instead of "Kangin" it would be "Kangin (Youngwoon)”, just so readers don't get confused because not everyone reading this story may know that much about Super Junior's members.
Appearance: graphics. 5/5, display. 5/5
Your have a nice theme, it's gothic and romantic which I think suits it very well. The poster shows some major aspects in the story, like the red roses, which I found to be very neat. It's a really poster as well your layout, good job :).
Characterisation. 8/10
I really like all your characters. Sungmin had very nice development and for the most part everything was consistent. However, I found Sungmin was rather quick to go and try to befriend. Youngwoon does put quite an emphasis when he describes Sungmin's aura, and how it was so dark before with loneliness, so I would have expected a bit more.
Plot. 20/20
Stellar job on getting a perfect score. You always provided information for everything, which is very important with supernatural themes as they are complete fiction. There were no gaps that weren't explained, and the supernatural world you created was incredibly thought out. It almost reminds of how the human world is, but instead of races it's more dealing with species. How all of them started out hating each other, then slowly learning to be able to accept and help one another, they are even forming alliances and negotiations. Incredibly impressive. For the actual plot of the story, I was still in love with it completely, it's not over dramatic with rivals and love triangles and war. They could have passed as humans struggling with their love life (minus the whole 'reincarnation' and seeing each other in different life times of course). It's tragic, but not over the top, there some very bittersweet moments, which personally are some of my favorite because it's not so cloying or tear-pulling, but it still makes your stomach hurt yet a smile creep on your face. I'm rambling, I'm sorry.
Consistency/flow. 10/10
I admit, you have a ton of story for just eleven chapters. However, I estimate there is on average over 3000 words per chapter. Overall, you can tell everything is happening over periods of time, good job.
Grammar, spelling & punctuation. 12/15
There's a part you repeated in chapter four by accident, when they're talking about the well. You accidentally placed it in the second break and the fourth break. The grammar is good, punctuation, I'd like you to read through and look for transitional phrases, there should be a comma after each one. I want you to look more into the structures of the sentences. Several of them are very lengthy, try using comma to space it out, cut words to make the sentence sharper, or just change it.
Structure. 5/5
Good paragraphs, I don't know what else to say...
Readers' response. 3/5
Subs: 89
Upvotes: 25 +1
Comments: 38
Views: 6089
YOU DESERVE LIKE A MILLION BAZILLION UPVOTES JUST SAYING! Luckily you have a lot of views, I really I could upvote more than once... As for comments, I read every single one of them. You are incredible, taking the time to converse with your readers and by your conversation with Gyaaaa, you take care of them.
Overall enjoyment. 10/10
Love love love love love love love love love love love love love soooooo much. I don't think I put enough love's in that... I love it more that Kai or Onew's love for chicken. Taehyung, Baekhyun or Daehyun's love for eyeliner. Siwon's love of derp and horses. MORE THAN YOUNGWOON LOVES SUNGMIN!!!!
TOTAL GRADE. 91/100
(would sooooo add at least 9 bonus points...)
(would sooooo add at least 9 bonus points...)
Date requested. 29/03/16
Date completed.
Reviewer. 07/04/16
Comments. Li (Jaeger_104)
Reminder. Please remember to comment when you have picked up. Please also credit the shop AS WELL AS the reviewer. If there are any problems, please contact the owner or the reviewer via PM.
Date completed.
Reviewer. 07/04/16
Comments. Li (Jaeger_104)
Reminder. Please remember to comment when you have picked up. Please also credit the shop AS WELL AS the reviewer. If there are any problems, please contact the owner or the reviewer via PM.
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