Ashleth89 : Brighten

Characters. Jessica Jung, Sunny Lee, Tiffany Hwang, Taeyeon Kim

Status. Completed

Description. Jessica Jung happens upon a puppy and brings her inside. It really wasn’t supposed to be that life-changing. And the puppy wasn’t supposed to change either. But she did, bringing new light into the lives of the people she brought together.
 

STORY LINK

Story title. 5/5
The first thing I thought was the pun and I was like, “Yep, this is going to be a fluff.” Gosh. I just love that; how well Sunny can work for the fic than the name of the fic itself, Brighten! I don’t really have much to say about it, but great job ^^


Description, foreword & tags. 9/10
You did a pretty good job of keeping it short and simple. There’s no major plot points being revealed and at the same time it gives the reader a good leading into the story. There’s no unnecessary information either. I would be a bit more cautious with tags because when I first saw this, I thought it was going to be polyamory but they seem all to be just super close friends. Maybe add a brotp tag. I would remove the snsd tag because the other tags like “Jeti” and “Taengsic” hint towards it being SNSD pretty well. Maybe replace it with fluff.


Appearance: graphics. 5/5, layout. 5/5
It’s overall vibrant with a fluffy appearance, the poster goes with the theme quite nicely and from the view in scrolling through stories, the bright colors are definitely very eye-catching and do a good job of attracting readers to Brighten.


Characterisation. 7/10
There definitely wasn’t any problem when it comes to consistency in the characters. Each of the girls are cute and have a quirk that makes them stand out from the rest. My issue is how constructed they actually are. As much as I would love a world where everyone is perfect and sweet and loving like these girls, it’s simply not a thing of reality. Add some flaws to them, that way the story would seem more realistic and easier for one to be able to imagine.


Plot. 13/20
I admit, when it comes to those tooth-rotting fluff stories like this one, it’s hard for there to be any actual plot. This storyline, excluding the whole witches and dog shifting, is really bland. There’s nothing that really kept me wanting to keep reading. I’m sorry. Also there are a few major plot holes that should be addressed, as well as the statuses of all the girls because I got very confused when reading this. Who was a witch or shifter? Also this is a magic AU where shifters exist, is it considered normal to have shifter pets? The girls didn’t seem all that surprised the first time Sunny had turned into a human.


Consistency/flow. 8/10
The scenes themselves are paced at a decent speed, they don’t fly by without you realizing and they go on for pages and pages. What I am concerned of, is whole time span of the story. How much time does the whole story cover? A few months? Years?


Grammar, spelling & punctuation. 14/15
There weren’t any errors regarding spelling, grammar and punctuation, which is super impressive, so great job on that. Some sentences don’t always make the most sense, for example when you’re describing the cuddle scenes.


Structure. 2/5
There needs to be more space in the paragraphs, instead of what you have, hit the enter twice so there’s a line of blank between your paragraphs. I know that’s not how it would be typically if this were an in hand book, however when it comes to reading text online, the words will tend to mush together after a while and the space helps for a reader to not struggle if they were to lose their place and to look cleaner.


Readers' response. 4/5
Seems like more of your readers are the silent type, to those that do comment it’s good that you go and take the time to reply to every single one of them. It really shows you care.

Upvotes: 7
Subs: 195
Views: 2767
Comment(s): 16


Overall enjoyment. 6/10
First of all, I want to say I’m sorry for how long this took me. I know I promised the weekend then school decides to throw a left hook at me and I was stuck with study groups all weekend. At the moment, fluff isn’t really my cup of tea in all honesty. I’ve been really getting into angst and character studies.
 

total grade : 78/100

Notes