>> words on the wall

Heart, Mind & Seoul Reviews Archive

heart, mind & seoul

Characters. Kwon Jiyong (G-Dragon) and Lee Seungri
Status. Completed
Description. “should i write those three words on your bedroom wall to remind you every morning?”
 

Story title. 4/5

I can see how it ties in with the storyline with not only the description but once I actually read through the fic. Though it ties very nicely, I didn’t find the title to be the most interesting; nothing about it really caught my eye that your story was special or unique in any way. The title is more of a hit or miss sort of title, while some may find it appealing; others, not so much (similar to myself). So I wouldn’t suggest a change of a title unless that’s what you truly want.
 

Description, foreword & tags. 10/10

I don’t know why, but I’ve always loved whenever people don’t directly say things like “I love you” and find some other way to say it; for example, “these three words”. Your description is an attention grabber and I can’t see how easy it is when it comes to this story drawing in an audience. It doesn’t give away any excess information, simply informing a reader that this story is a romance. Tags are good as well, I honestly never realized how many tags there could be for a relationship, but good job on covering all of them!
 

Appearance: graphics. 5/5, layout. 5/5

I really love the color fix with your aesthetics, both of the covers work really well with the layout. For a starter, I really dig the sort of minimalistic theme, there isn’t any over excessive decorating, not to mention it’s easy on the eyes since all the colors are on the muted neutral side. I mean, it’s bad enough that we’re reading on a screen, and with bright colors? Forget it.
 

Characterisation. 11/15

To be honest, I had a hard time trying to grade this section because of how little information I had on their personalities. From what I can gather, Jiyong is sort of the more adventurous type that likes to go out and have fun while Seunghyun is used to be the friend that is dragged along, but of course he never minds it because he’s been pining for Jiyong for quite some time. Do try to expand a bit more on them as people rather than the story being based on the romance.
 

Plot. 20/20

Everyone probably has that part of them that just dies for romance. This would definitely become one of my fics to read when I’m in need for some fluff. I especially love your twist on the classic friends to lovers sort of ordeal, it’s definitely well-seen in the romance community. However, instead of the cliche getting rejected and losing their friendship then somehow falling in love, they continue being friends all the way until that turning point when the feelings are mutual among them, which I think is a nice change of pace instead of having to feel sad and angsty.
 

Consistency/flow. 10/10

Countdowns seem to always make or break a story. This countdown was one of the good ones, instead of having to go through a whole year, you skipped through each season which for covering a year is a good pace because then you’re able to get different settings in and can still keep your one-shot on the shorter side.
 

Grammar, spelling & punctuation. 15/15

While some people may mind the fact that there is no capitalization in this fic whatsoever, I believe in the idea of creativity, and when it comes to creative writing, people shouldn’t conform themselves to the norms of how to write and all the rules. There are many reasons to why you decided to write ‘words on the wall’ the way it is and whatever it is I support it 100%. I also am admittedly jealous that your grammar and punctuation are pristine. I could not find a single error while reading this.
 

Writing style. 4/5

It felt more like I was reading poetry rather than a story. Let me tell, I actually don’t even like poetry, but I do love your writing style. It doesn’t feel like it’s forced to sound rhythmic, the words don’t come out awkwardly for the sake of an aesthetic or figure of speech. There are scenes that could require some context and clarifications, I did find myself having to go back and read a scene more than twice in order to get a bit of understanding for what was happening, even then I’m still pretty inconfident of how well I interpreted this story.
 

Structure. 2/5

Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of paragraphs in this story. In fact, I just counted, there’s only seven paragraphs in this fic. While this story does mainly contain dialogue, hence the skipping to the next line and no paragraphs, paragraphs are a crucial part of a story. If you were to put descriptions between dialogue it would not only help so that there are paragraphs, but it would help give opportunities to add to a scene to help someone better visualize and understand it.
 

Readers' response. 4/5

Upvotes: 12
Subs: 236
Comments: 10

Great job interacting with your readers. It’s always a good sign when authors take the time to respond back to a reader or even strike up a conversation with them. Not to mention those comments are incredibly sweet and I honestly do agree with all of them.
 

Overall enjoyment.

Love, love, love it :). It’s been a while since I’ve read a fluff story, it’s times like I wonder why I recall angst all the time. Anywho, it was good to be back in the genre and thank you so much for allowing me to review your story ^^. Best of luck to you and your writing.
 

TOTAL GRADE :

90/100

notes

Date requested. 22/01/17

Date completed. 29/01/17

Reviewer. Li (Jaeger_104)

Reminder.
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