>> Hotel Pleasure
Heart, Mind & Seoul Reviews Archive
BY Mayo-chan
STATUS. Completed
DESCRIPTION. Park Jimin and Min Yoongi were finally having their dream honeymoon in Macau after months of fan meetings and international concerts. And finally, both of them got to indulge in their kinkiest fantasies together.....
The title sounds y, fun and mysterious, but most importantly full of passion and guilty pleasures. It suits your storyline perfectly. For once, it's not your usual and common title you can find in numerous quantities here on AFF. Originality and creativity are the main focus of the title. Well done!
Description, foreword & tags. 8/10.
DESCRIPTION
The purpose of your description is more a prologue to update the readers very quickly on what has happened before and what could come next. It can trigger one's attention and curiosity just by reading your description. The guilty pleasure starts already with your description. No need to add extra information.
FOREWORD
First of all, this is the most funniest and weirdest foreword, I have ever read. This is meant in a positive and good way. Too much "personal" details, I actually didn't want to know. That said, it does anticipate the humorous effect even before reading your story. I must give you this, full marks for originality.
TAGS
The tags present are perfect for the story.
Appearance: graphics. 3/5, display. 3/5
GRAPHICS
The poster used for this is very graphic. It sets in some kind of way the mood for this story. The color scheme is intended to trigger the and passion of your story. On the other hand, you could have so much more" with it. The vibe is there, but it seem something is missing from the scene. Kudos to your designer!
DISPLAY
The background is easy on the eyes and didn't disturb while reading your story. The font is very suitable to easily read the story and enjoying it, without having a hard time to concentrate.
Characterisation. 4/10
The story is too short to develop the characters to their full potential. I noticed that this aspect is not even one of the main focuses when you started writing your story. As it is only 2 chapters long, you actually have to consider your options on how you're going to proceed with your story.
In this particular story, Jimin is described as the submissive one of Suga. Suga, on the other hand, is more dominant one and decides on how everything is going. They can't get enough of each other. They don't change in a massive or major way, they are the same throughout the story.
I hope I didn't offend you here. Other sections/parts of your story are" more developed than the characters themselves. Again, I know it mustn't been easy if you decided on going for a short story to give a lot of depth to your characters. It's possible but then you maybe pay less attention to the other aspects.
Plot. 10/20
For one-shots and two-shots, it's never that easy to develop or encourage to get a great plot. Personally, the plot was very vague and it seemed a bit scattered all over the place. The main reason is the category and genre of the story. Is it realistic? Well, it could be but still it's not your average situation. As authornim, I can anticipate for this kind of stories, that it must be a hell to invent a good plot as the main focus lies mostly elsewhere. Your story could have used a little bit more depth.
Consistency/flow. 7/10
It goes by so quickly and easy that you ar surprised you have read the story in one go without hesitation.
Grammar, spelling & punctuation. 15/15
Minimal mistakes are acceptable. Are the tenses used correctly? Are the commonly misspelled words spelled correctly? Do you have your commas and speech marks at the right places? Although, I came to understand that your mother tongue is not English, I must congratulate you for your writing skills. I couldn't really detect any errors or wrong use of the tenses. Well done! You can be proud of yourself. Please don't give up and keep on writing!
Structure. 5/5
Paragraphs are essential in a story and you are using them!
Readers' response. 3/5
These are your stats
7 upvotes
84 subs
2499 views
7 comments
Your story is rather new and freshly published but your stats and feedback are upcoming! I think you have a large group of silent readers. Which is not bad for your views. The readers who did leave comments, are uttermost sweet and very positive and anticipating towards your story. These comments are reassuring and an energy booster to keep on going! People love your story a lot!
Overall enjoyment. 6/10
You may get the idea when reading your review that I didn't like your story. That's actually not completely true. I will be up front and honest with you.. I'm a er for stories, hell.. I'm quite addicted to them. But on the other hand, I'm not as comfortable with reading this kind of stories in comparison with the normal ones. The positive parts of this story were the group and the 2 members you choose. Although, I do not ship them together. It's definitely not a bad story, but less my cup of tea.
Date completed. 02/06/16
Reviewer. Steph (StephLovesKCulture)
Comments. Thanks for requesting at HMS! Your story is perfect for all those readers with their guilty pleasures. Although, it was less my cup of tea (the and such) I must say that you can be proud of yourself for your writing skills! Don't let my review stop you from being a great writer! Go for it! FIGHTING!
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