>> Not You
Heart, Mind & Seoul Reviews Archive
BY t0pslyfe
CHARACTERS · TOP, Seungri
STATUS · Completed
DESCRIPTION· The last thing an assassin wants is to fall in love with his target.
“Oh, what we do for love.”
I do like those one sentence description. Again it gives us readers something to think about and to wonder off about it. The description can led to a cliché story, but you did your best to avoid it. I can imagine that especially for a one-shot it's not always easy to fill in your description. As you need to think about so many things. Well, you have to make sure that you don't spoil us too much already and that it still stays interesting. Again well done! It gives us only that much information, that we still want to read your story. The description has a sense of being a bit mysterious and vague and rather cliché at first. But that's because we didn't read the story yet at moment. It carries so much more than only cliché feelings. It gives us already a small taste of what we might expect. But as you said when you requested, if you would summarise it otherwise, you would give away too much. This is a great way to trigger the attention of the readers. I hope that most of them are like me, even though the description might be a bit vague, take the step and scroll down and click on the "Next" button to be amazed by first of all your writing skills and secondly about the story you want to share with us. It is definitely worth your time, clicking on that button! So go and do it! :)
FOREWORD
That sentence! Damn, it is the main phrase of your story, though.. it's seems like you built your story around that phrase. It says it all, it's powerful, sharp and to the point. We keep on guessing again. But it has so much truth in it. Indeed, the things we would do for love.
TAGS
To be honest, I do like Big Bang but not in a serious fan way. I know all the members, but don't know anything about the ships. I asked my sister because she is more into them and knows the otps so. I think based on that the tags that you have chosen are the right ones. The story is quite angsty, so that one plays out as well. It's the same for the love tag. I wouldn't change anything.
The poster actually fits the story perfectly. Again, I think you prefer a clean simple poster without all the fancy tricks that can be used. You don't need anymore elements on the poster. It's just fine like this. You got the assassin and off course the mysterious second person. I won't spoil anything so, that's why I'm not going to call any names here. Your graphic designer did a great job on the poster. It's angsty and perfect for your story.
BACKGROUND/DISPLAY
To be completely honest, and I'm hoping I'm not going to sound rude or harsh or hurt anyone right now.. I didn't like the background at all.. As where you use simplicity and not all over the place elements, the background is too much.. I got a headache when I started to read your story because of the background. I would rather prefer the background to be just a few "not you" and the bullet hole.. that would be better. I know it comes with the poster, but still.
TOP (Choi Seunghyun)
This is the main character in the story. He is the assassin and takes care of kills for persons who pay him to do so. Normally he always has a certain routine he can follow to kill the target, but that's all about to change. Again I don't want to spoil too much, but to continue I do have to a little spoiler. He mostly stays in character which is confident, kind, friendly, but deadly calm when it's come to the killing part. But that's all about to change, that's why you can see a major change in his character. He will leave his comfort zone, something that he has never done before. I do think you described his character very well through your story. You are to the point and TOP is not all over the place. Well done!
SEUNGRI (Lee Seunghyun)
I love him! Hahaha.. well that's maybe a bit much but still.. I like his personality a lot. Off course it's cliché, that I have to be honest.. I don't really mind, because it suits the story. He's the rich kid who was predicted to have the worst personality ever and not even an caring bone in his soul, unfortunately it's quite the contrary. He is this sweet, bubbly and friendly and caring boy, who doesn't want to step in the footsteps of his cruel father. What happens next to him, is something you have to read in the story. I don't want to spoil all the details here in the review. Again well done!
SIDE CHARACTERS (DALTON, FATHER of SEUNGRI)
Those side characters are well written as well. Even though, they don't play a huge role in this story, you can get an image of them through the main characters and their surroundings.
22 upvotes
165 subs
1903 views
18 comments
From the looks of your stats, I do think your story deserves that much more! It's a great story, well written and easy to follow. This is an amazing story which deserves the credit. You can see that actually you do have a lot of silent readers or viewers. It would be amazing if those would subscribe and upvote your story! You did gather already about 18 comments, it's a good start though, but still.. it can be better. I like how you try to reply as fast as you can to the comments you get. I hope your story will get featured once, because you definitely deserve it! Keep on going, you're doing great!
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