>> Gravitated To You
Heart, Mind & Seoul Reviews Archive
BY boneofmysword
STATUS. Completed
DESCRIPTION.
It’s a classic: Choi Seunghyun never ceased to keep his eyes pinned on a boy whose figure he knew as well as the back of his hand. Being completely infatuated with him, Seunghyun, however, didn’t have enough guts even to ask for his name.
This is a story of boy meets boy, but you should know upfront this isn’t a love story… maybe.
I love your title! It does suit the storyline very well. The uniqueness is not the strongest here but still, I do think this title can't be changed. Otherwise the meaning of the story will change as well. It's such a romantic title!
Description, foreword & tags. 8/10.
DESCRIPTION
You have a unique way of starting off your description. I love how you start with "it's a classic:". It gives your readers already a taste of what's coming next. The little text triggers our curiosity and lingers on to read more about it! It's written in such a good way that you are immediately sold.
FOREWORD
To be honest, there's a lot going on in your foreword. First we get a short summary from the story and then some more information how you realised this story. This was also used for your credits. Even though, we received a lot of information, you did your best to keep it clean and not messy.
TAGS
The tags used are very suited for your story. I think for most Big Bang fans that is the perfect story and hopefully it turns up a lot in the search results, because it's definitely worth it. I wouldn't change anything. Keep it like this!
Appearance: graphics. 4/5, display. 5/5
GRAPHICS & BACKGROUND
I love your poster. It has that drama effect in yet it's seems to have a fluffy side as well. I do think the graphic designer did get a good grasp on the story. It's light but you do sense something else is going on. Although, that will forever stay a mystery. But in a positive way. I do like the way the title has been positioned onto the poster. So I would say congrats to your graphic designer, she/he really understood the meaning of your story!
DISPLAY
The overall look is very neat and easy on the eyes. I really like those stories, because that gives your something extra enjoyable.
Characterisation. 7/10
The two main characters are TOP (Choi Seunghyun) and Daesung (Kang Daesung). It's a great to exactly use the entire group as one big family/friends.
CHOI SEUNGHYUN (aka TOP)
In this story, you presented him to us as a rather shy boy who's actually head of heels in love with another character in the story. Unfortunately, for them to be together, someone has to make the first move.. but that's seems to Seunghyun such a difficult task. He strikes me as a very caring, bubbly and friendly personality who would do a lot for his friends. Too bad, he can't take the first step and needs some help of some other BIG BANG fairies to make his fairy tale come true.
On the other hand, I do get the feeling the characterisation is not complete yet. I think he could be developed even more if your story were longer.
KANG DAESUNG (aka DAESUNG)
The handsome stranger and one of the friends/classmate of Jiyong (GD). His character is partially developed but not to its fullest yet. That makes it rather difficult to get a complete image of the character and his role in the story. Well as for Daesung, this isn't completely true because we get to figure out very soon why his role is that important in the story. I got the feeling, he's the beautiful silent strange type but blooms whenever he's around someone who cares for him or loves him.
SIDE CHARACTERS
The other BIG BANG members.
I love GD, the goofy one of the three. He can't stop teasing everyone. They are there as the BIG BANG fairies, and they do take their jobs very seriously.
Again, it just feels like the characters could be so much more. But I understand as this is only a story of 3 chapters long, it's not always easy to give them a full development, although you did quite well.
Plot. 18/20
The plot is very realistic. This is something that can happen in real life as well. It's also very interesting as it doesn't seem your ordinary love story. Actually, the story is very simplistic, in a good way. You have been very considered to what to write about in your 3 chapters of your story. You left out all unnecessary details and presented us a clean and straight to the point story. In a way, this was what I liked a lot in your story. It's true, we have so many story, but each story is unique in its own way, mostly depending on what the author decides to do with it. This will also determine if the story will be a success or a failure. Keep up the good work!
Consistency/flow. 10/10
Your story is very well written, which makes it go so much smoother without any choppy parts. I did at a certain point get the feeling that you wanted to tell and write as much as you could in one chapter, luckily you could withdraw from that idea and delivered a fine piece of writing!
Grammar, spelling & punctuation. 15/15
English may not be your first language, but you could have me fooled there. You did an amazing job! Also kudos to your beta-reader, who made sure that no mistakes were left in your story and that it got well adapted. Even without a Beta-Reader, I don't think you would make a lot of mistake. The love for the English language is noticeable in the way you describe everything and the use of your words.
Structure. 5/5
Paragraphs are essential in a story and you are using them. This makes a chapter more easily to follow than one chunk of text. Well done!
Readers' response. 3/5
These are your stats
8 upvotes
112 subs
28 comments
Your story has so much potential. When checking the publicity date, I understand why you don't have that many subs and upvotes. It's a recent story and still has to grow so much. But not to worry, you are on your way. I would definitely recommend to keep your beta-reader, she/he did an amazingly good job helping you out with your story. Even though, it's still early in the race, a lot of people already felt the love and cheesiness of your story and can't stop but support you to continue writing! So go for it! The results in the end will be amazing. The comments are replied rather quickly by you after we placed them. You do take them to heart and from the look of it they are a great support for you. Its popularity is slowly growing. I do get the feeling you have a lot of silent readers as well, who doesn't describe and maybe don't leave a comment.
Overall enjoyment. 9/10
Surprisingly, I did like your story. To be honest, I'm not at all the hardcore Big Bang, BUT I do like a bunch of their songs. Unfortunately, I do suffer to remember their real names as I'm used to their stage names. I took the time to look their names up and also ask my sister about it. This is for me personally, to get a better idea of who I should imagine the story goes about. It's confusing as there are two Seunghyuns in Big Bang. At a certain moment when you introduce Seungri, I was like.. did she just make a mistake and used someone else's name for TOP (Choi Seunghyun). So to be sure I checked on the internet and also with my sister, who found it funny that she forget to tell me there were two Seunghyun's. Anyway, this is a great story, very well written with a lovely choice for words. I think I will consider reading more from your stories.
Date completed. 16/03/2016
Reviewer. Steph (StephLovesKCulture)
Comments. Loved the story a lot! Keep up the good work! Thanks for introducing me to your story!
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