>> Different, yet almost the same
Heart, Mind & Seoul Reviews Archive
DIFFERENT, YET ALMOST THE SAME
BY Suhyo07
BY Suhyo07
CHARACTERS. Jeon Jungkook, Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Bang Minah , Kim Taehyung, Jung Hoseok
STATUS. Ongoing
DESCRIPTION.
Jungkook's the first son of The Alpha, and everyone expects him to be an alpha. How disappointed they were when they realised their little heir was a soft and gentle omega, instead of a dominating alpha.
Seokjin's almost the youngest child of his family, but also the strongest. His brothers always behind his back, about how he was soft like an omega and protects even butterflies. How they regretted it when he broke their noses. Well, maybe one of them.
Story title. 3/5
Your title somewhat makes sense, though I don't really understand it as of now. However, it is too long to be aesthetic, and too bland to captivate. It doesn't catch the reader's eye, nor is it unique. also, there wasn't any need to mention "jinkook pairing wolf!au" in the title. That is supposed to be for the tags or the foreword.
Your description is definitely eye-catching. If the reader didn't catch your story by its title, they'd definitely click on it for the description. You've revealed just enough for the reader to want more. I feel like that bit in the foreword was somewhat unnecessary because you've already caught the attention of the reader through the description. I've reduced points here because the tags don't really tell the reader about the story. The tags are only about the pairings and the characters. You're also supposed to let the reader know what kind of story they will be reading: is it angst or fluff? Romance or friendship?
Your poster is great! it emphasizes Jin's vulnerability without making him look weak, and the whole setting: the wolf looking out on the horizon, the colours and the title font are great. kudos to your designer.
Jungkook's character was just as you meant it to be. He's a strong, independent character, but there's something missing. In contrast, Yoongi's character, though a side-role, has the 3-D that Kookie lacks. Maybe it is because Jungkook has not had time to develop yet, or maybe because he is much younger than Yoongi, but I feel like his character is still raw; undeveloped. His reaction to the truth also was the same: uncooked. Eunhee is pretty much good; she doesn't really have a major role in the story and yet she brings enough to the story from the side. Focus on giving Jungkook some character development. Seokjin was too early in it for me to form an opinion.
I generally don't read wolf!au because they seem overrated and unreal to me, but your fic almost convinced me otherwise. Your plot is strangely realistic and great to read. I haven't read enough fics in this genre to know if it is cliched, but it didn't seem so. Because your story is still in the beginning stages, I haven't formed a solid opinion of the plot yet, but you can definitely take it to great heights.
For the first chapters, the flow was great. Then it suddenly became choppy and weird. I know you warned us that it would be difficult to understand, but that isn't really an excuse. You should have been able to write that chapter without making the reader confused. In fact, I had to re-read it many times to understand. The random bird in the middle was baffling to me. But after that, it became smooth again. I hope in future chapters you ensure that smoothness is still there.
Your grammar is good. Except for a random typo or spelling error, I couldn't find any major mistakes. I would recommend a re-read so that you can correct those small, distracting mistakes and make your story even more perfect.
You used paragraphs well, except for a part in the second chapter where Yoongi explains to Jungkook his real story. Other than that, you have structured it well.
Your story is underrated! I expected many more subs and upvotes, but this being your first story, I can understand. make sure your updates are regular, and you can garner more attention for your story.
As I said before, wolf!au is not really my thing; but I really did enjoy your story!
Your title somewhat makes sense, though I don't really understand it as of now. However, it is too long to be aesthetic, and too bland to captivate. It doesn't catch the reader's eye, nor is it unique. also, there wasn't any need to mention "jinkook pairing wolf!au" in the title. That is supposed to be for the tags or the foreword.
Description, foreword & tags. 8/10.
Your description is definitely eye-catching. If the reader didn't catch your story by its title, they'd definitely click on it for the description. You've revealed just enough for the reader to want more. I feel like that bit in the foreword was somewhat unnecessary because you've already caught the attention of the reader through the description. I've reduced points here because the tags don't really tell the reader about the story. The tags are only about the pairings and the characters. You're also supposed to let the reader know what kind of story they will be reading: is it angst or fluff? Romance or friendship?
Appearance: graphics. 5/5, display. 4/5
Your poster is great! it emphasizes Jin's vulnerability without making him look weak, and the whole setting: the wolf looking out on the horizon, the colours and the title font are great. kudos to your designer.
You could have chosen a more aesthetic font for the story rather than the pre-chosen font.
Characterisation. 7/10
Jungkook's character was just as you meant it to be. He's a strong, independent character, but there's something missing. In contrast, Yoongi's character, though a side-role, has the 3-D that Kookie lacks. Maybe it is because Jungkook has not had time to develop yet, or maybe because he is much younger than Yoongi, but I feel like his character is still raw; undeveloped. His reaction to the truth also was the same: uncooked. Eunhee is pretty much good; she doesn't really have a major role in the story and yet she brings enough to the story from the side. Focus on giving Jungkook some character development. Seokjin was too early in it for me to form an opinion.
Plot. 18/20
I generally don't read wolf!au because they seem overrated and unreal to me, but your fic almost convinced me otherwise. Your plot is strangely realistic and great to read. I haven't read enough fics in this genre to know if it is cliched, but it didn't seem so. Because your story is still in the beginning stages, I haven't formed a solid opinion of the plot yet, but you can definitely take it to great heights.
Consistency/flow. 5/10
For the first chapters, the flow was great. Then it suddenly became choppy and weird. I know you warned us that it would be difficult to understand, but that isn't really an excuse. You should have been able to write that chapter without making the reader confused. In fact, I had to re-read it many times to understand. The random bird in the middle was baffling to me. But after that, it became smooth again. I hope in future chapters you ensure that smoothness is still there.
Grammar, spelling & punctuation. 12/15
Your grammar is good. Except for a random typo or spelling error, I couldn't find any major mistakes. I would recommend a re-read so that you can correct those small, distracting mistakes and make your story even more perfect.
Structure. 4/5
You used paragraphs well, except for a part in the second chapter where Yoongi explains to Jungkook his real story. Other than that, you have structured it well.
Readers' response. 3/5
Your story is underrated! I expected many more subs and upvotes, but this being your first story, I can understand. make sure your updates are regular, and you can garner more attention for your story.
Overall enjoyment. 8/10
As I said before, wolf!au is not really my thing; but I really did enjoy your story!
TOTAL GRADE. 77/100
Date requested. 09/05/16
Date completed. 24/05/16
Reviewer. Sonny (sonnet_sartori)
Comments. keep up the good work, and i hope you'll follow my advice ^^
Reminder. Please remember to comment when you have picked up. Please also credit the shop AS WELL AS the reviewer. If there are any problems, please contact the owner or the reviewer via PM.
Date completed. 24/05/16
Reviewer. Sonny (sonnet_sartori)
Comments. keep up the good work, and i hope you'll follow my advice ^^
Reminder. Please remember to comment when you have picked up. Please also credit the shop AS WELL AS the reviewer. If there are any problems, please contact the owner or the reviewer via PM.
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