CHARACTERS · Jung Taekwoon, Oh Haydee, Cha Hakyeon, Meng Jia, Mark Tuan.

STATUS · Ongoing

DESCRIPTION· Haydee cameback from Japan only to find that her life is just not the same as when she was ten years old, having a radical change from look to personality all thanks to a person, Taekwoon.

FOREWORD
The foreword is actually used as a Thank You Note for the graphic designers and also the shops for reviews and so on. That's not a bad thing. A lot of authornims use their foreword to thank everyone. I did also notice the little author's note, you wrote at the end of your foreword. Therefor we are already informed that this story comes from a very personal point of view. Therefor I will try to my best to not offend you my review. Because after reading your author's note, I do think this story means a lot to you.

TAGS
You didn't use a lot of tags. I would maybe add depression, psychological, .. to it. It is indeed a slice of life story as it is written from personal experiences. But if you want your story to get more attention, maybe you can already try by expanding the tags you have. Because it's not at all such a bad story.

DISPLAY
Well, your description is alright and does have a rather clean appearance. The foreword is a bit messier. It would be better if you rearranged a little bit your foreword. Like that the first impression will be a neat one. Also, and I don’t know if I’m the only who experienced that. My eyes hurt when reading your text and I got a major headache afterwards. Can you please change the settings of your text? Maybe a change in font and position of the text, would be great! I don’t know what is going on.. but I struggled to enjoy your story and had to stop several times to let me eyes rest. It was a relief to read the diary entry you have in your story. In that chapter the font is a lot easier to read and doesn’t have that strange position of the text. That would help a lot to improve the quality of your story ;)

MAIN CHARACTERS
Oh Haydee
She is the most important character of the story. But she has a very confusing personality and is not easy to read. The first impression she gave me while reading, was that of a confusing and weird girl. I was expecting this friendly girl who’s polite and nice to everyone and maybe has a few friends. But it seems like she is more introvert and doesn’t make friends easily and most importantly does weird things. It seems like she is already in a depression as from chapter one. I will give her the benefit of the doubt that she will maybe still and can improve. Does she change a lot during the story? Well, again it’s hard to say as we aren’t that far developed in the story yet.

Cha Hakyeon
As we can understand from the story, he’s the only best friend of Haydee. He’s also the only person in which Haydee confides with a lot of her secrets. He’s seems to me like this fun, crazy guy who’s in a the craziest way possible friends with the special Haydee. Due to not having many chapters up yet, he is still in full development. We are all curious what the next chapters in the story will bring for him. He’s on his way.

Jung Taekwoon
OMG, he’s my absolute bias!! He is this beautiful stranger with secrets of his own. As for his personality, he would make a fine couple with Haydee. They would complement each other. He’s also a bit weird and always easy to read. But everything can still change when we continue the story.

SIDE CHARACTERS
I noticed at a certain point in your story, you started to introduce a bunch of new side characters. It was not always easy to keep track of them. Yet again, we are still in the beginning and the relationships between all of them are still to be explored and exposed.

You are on your way with your characters. Just make sure you don’t get lost in them. It would be nice to see them a bit more developed later on in the story. FIGHTING!

I will already start you off with a small list of things you can improve:

ORIGINAL: My parents say that I'm mentally hurt and damaged; that I have depression. Do you now what depression is? It is a mental sickness caused by feeling misery or sadness. One can feel senses like guiltiness, sadness, unhappiness, dejection, and more related to it. You simply cannot enjoy what you are doing - even if you liked it the past. One does not have the capacity to handle all of these things to the point where that person just sleeps. Anhedonia is a part of being depressed, you can never feel pleasure when doing things.
CORRECTED: My parents say that I’m mentally hurt and damaged; that I have a depression. Do you know what a depression is? It’s a mental sickness/illness caused by feeling miserable or sad. One can feel like guilty, sad, unhappy, dejection and more related to it. You simply cannot enjoy what you are doing – even if you liked it in the past. One does not have the capacity to handle all of these things to the point where that just sleeps. Anhedonia is part of being depressed, you can never feel pleasure when doing things.

ORIGINAL: When she first received her tablet from Christmas, she felt happiness through her body.
CORRECTED: When she first received her tablet for Christmas, she felt happiness flowing through her body.

ORIGINAL: .. she seriously did not think on this.
CORRECTED: .. she seriously didn’t expect this

ORIGINAL: Ha Yee is the type of person that always start a chat to new people that sent her friendship request.
CORRECTED: Ha Yee is the type of person that always starts a chat conversation with new people that her a friendship request.

ORIGINAL: Ha Yee was too stressed because she only had one week more of vacations
CORRECTED: Ha Yee was too stressed because she only had one more week of vacation left.

ORIGINAL: Of course, with him was different.
CORRECTED: Off course, with him it was different.

ORIGINAL: Still, he was not the unique who Ha Yee trusted in
CORRECTED: Still, he wasn’t the only one who Ha Yee confided/trusted in.

ORIGINAL: That does not means anything
CORRECTED: That doesn’t mean anything

ORIGINAL: she has never tell it to Hak Yeon.
CORRECTED: She has never told Hak Yeon.

From the look of your stats, your story is a work in progress. It has the potential to turn out great. It already has a reasonable amount of view, which means that people come by to check out your story. Maybe a lot of them actually took the time to read your story without leaving a comment. When checking your comments, you get a lot of feedback from the readers. You also try your best to respond to them. I do think with the support of your readers, you’re on your way to create a great and good story. Don’t give up! FIGHTING!