CHARACTERS · Do Kyungsoo, Kim Joonmyun, Kim Jongdae, Zhang Yixing

STATUS · Ongoing

DESCRIPTION· The call of the civilian world was too great for Joonmyun and Kyungsoo. But, it's only a matter of time because they're pulled back into the crossfire once again. After all once you're in, you're in forever.

FOREWORD
In your foreword, you give the readers already a sneakpeak into your story by using one of the dialogues used in your story itself. This is also an excellent way to keep the attention of your readers. It does spike your readers interest. It short but so effective.

TAGS
The tags used are the right ones and most suited to the story. They inform us that it's going to be about the maffia concept and also which couples you used to shine in your story. These are the most competent ones for your story.

DISPLAY
The overall look of your story is very neat and tight. You made sure it wasn't a mess and very clear to your readers. While I do like your poster a lot, the chapter layout used is a bit weird for your story. It gives us a totally other vibe than the poster. It's certainly a clean and very clear chapter layout but still, something seems off.. As reader, we like it alot when the author puts in the effort to use a chapter layout. I don't want to make a fuss about it, just something I noticed. Apart from keep up the good work to keep everything clean and tight!

MAIN CHARACTERS/GROUPS : 2NE1 - EXO
KYUNGSOO aka D.O
In the story he's not a part of the boygroup EXO. He's an individual. To be honest and this counts for everyone, it's very difficult to give a complete description yet of his character, as I do feel that it hasn't been developped enough. He strikes me as a strong personality with a huge caring heart for the people around him. He would go through fire to protect his loved ones. He has a great passion for his job, this means his passion for cooking throughout his restaurant in the civil world and his passion for the thrill and danger in the maffia world. Other than that, I didn't get the feeling yet that I know him as it should be. We comprehend that Chen takes a liking in him and that he actually doesn't mind it even though it can't happen. I do hope that in the future chapters, his character will evolve more. There are no major changes yet.

JOONMYUN aka SUHO
Joonmyun is also an individual in story and works together with Kyungsoo. Both of them wanted to taste the real world and therefore left the danger of the mafia world behind them. But they soon come to realise that they can't escape their fate and are soon caught up again in the thrill and rush of the mafia world. Joonmyun has a civil job within the company of Onew, who's a multi-billionaire. He can be seen as the more responsible one in the story, it looks like he has obtained the most wisdom as well to handle certain situations. Apart from that his character is a bit equal to Kyungsoo. Also according Lay, he has a nice body, which is much to the liking of Lay.

2NE1: CL, Dara, Minzy, Bom
They are seen as the QUEENS of the mafia world/criminal world. Nobody in their right mind would dare to mess with them and still it is happening. They each have their own individual strength and personality but are seen like a very tight entity. They are also the "caretakers" of Kyungsoo and Joonmyun. They are feared by many of the mafia world due to their reputations that precede them. Also with them I didn't encounter much change yet and I do anticipate the further development of their characters.

SIDE CHARACTERS: EXO - BTS - BIGBANG - SM & YG - SHINEE - SNSD
You have so many side characters that it becomes almost dangerously confusing to keep track of them all. I wrote them all down to not forget one of them and also to keep track of them. This is what I obtained as information, which can be useful as well for future readers.

EXO also known as PROJECT "EL DORADO"

• part of the company SM
• they can be seen as the kidnappers of DARA and MINZY as well as Joonmyun & Kyungsoo
• members present of the gang and their roles:

  > Chen: captor of DO - has taken a liking to DO

  > Baekhyun

  > Sehun

  > Chanyeol

  > Kris (who appears to be the leader of the gang)

  > Luhan

  > Lay (who has taken an interest in Suho)

• stationed in the EXO HQ in an unknown location

  BTS: former Elite in the Mafia World

• staff and part of the famous restaurent "Promise" ruled by Kyungsoo
• 3 cooks in the restaurant: Taehyung (V), Jungkook, Yoongi (Suga)
• 2 waiters: Jimin & Hoseok (J-Hope)
• Occupation rather unknown: Namjoon (Rapmon) & Seokjin (Jin)
• great support to Chef Cook Kyungsoo
• Ready to go back into the criminal world to save their leader
• Random info: Jihyun is the sister of Jungkook
• Extra: I like the side story of how BTS came together as one entity.

  SM <=> YG: Rivalry between both companies

  BIGBANG: also one of the players in the criminal world - nothing much has been revealed yet.

  SHINEE

• Past members of the criminal world
• All members work in the multi-billionaire company of Onew
• Still slightly connected with the criminal world
• same as with BTS, they are not afraid to enter their past life again to help out their co-workers/boss

  SNSD <=> 2NE1: Rivalry between both groups
  Lee Eunseo: spy for SNSD

  It seems like we could retrieve more details from all the side characters than the main characters. I do hope that you keep up the good work to achieve more development as well for the main characters.

Chpt 2

• Onew cursed, seeing how detached he was from his old life. “But, what about you? Are you alight?”

  > can it be that you intended to say: "Are you alright?"

   

• Bye, Joonmyun-ah. Keep sage. Don’t let me suffer with Taemin for too long.” The call ended, leaving Joonmyun feeling happy that Onew cared for him, despite the situation.

  > can it be that you intended to say: "Keep safe"

  Chpt 5

• "You should listen to your hyung, little firecracker," Baekyhun cooed with a smirk. "You might end up leaving with a few missing parts." Kyungsoo ddn't need to guess what those parts would be. His restaurant had been held hostage more within the last two days than he had been all his life.

  > can it be that you intended to say: Kyungsoo didn't need to guess..

  That's all for this section. I love your writing style which makes the story that more pleasant to read. Keep on going!

My first question after seeing the statistics for your story, why doesn't your story have more subs? This is a story with great potential and you have taken care of your story with great precaution. It saddens me to see that you have more silent readers apparently than subs and comments. But don't lose faith, I'm sure that one day, your story will get the attention it deserve. You also take great pleasure in reading your comments and giving feedback on them. Your readers and commenters most importantly are your support and feedback whenever you need it. Don't stop believing and carry on with what you are doing and you will get there soon!