>> 花樣年華: To You
Heart, Mind & Seoul Reviews Archive
花樣年華: TO YOU
BY TeaMinT
BY TeaMinT
CHARACTERS. BTS
STATUS. Ongoing
DESCRIPTION.
You can tell yourself that things will remain the same forever. But memories will not come back to live…
So does youth.
Story title. 5/5
The title suits the story and makes sense. It also is very unique and eye catching, so good job. Even though it's short, it is sweet.
Wow, great layout! It's rare to see layouts for stories, but you did a great job on the aesthetics. The description isn't really much of a description; it's rather vague and doesn't give much insight into the story except for it's 'angst' genre, and sometimes, readers need to know a little bit about the story. Maybe you could have slipped in a short excerpt from the story, to let the reader know what they're getting themselves into by subscribing.
Awesome graphics, even better display. No more to say here. I especially loved the little gifs on every chapter, though they didn't really make sense.
To be honest, I couldn't really focus on your story because of the loopy plot and confusing characters. In the one shot "to Jungkook", Kookie seemed like a very tormented person; someone who had gone through a lot in his life, but his past was not very concrete. You should strive to draw the reader in, not make their head spin with confusion. That said, I did get the overall feel - the angst and the pain of someone with an unlucky life.
It's definitely unique, because I've never read anything like this before. But it is not very realistic. If you ask me, the feelings that you're trying to portray here does not happen in real life. No matter how broken someone is, they will always need human contact, and that is what makes them human. Your characters were bundles of repressed emotion and depressed thoughts. You should try making them seem more vulnerable, and that will make them seem human. The plot in general is very confusing and fuzzy, but I got the feelings of angst.
Flow is a very important part of making sure your story is understandable to the reader. If your flow is too fast, then it will leave the reader confused and puzzled out. If it's too slow, the reader will start skimming. Some parts of your story had wonderful flow; with the perfect timings and great plot, but the other bits were either too slow or too fast.
There were mistakes, but with a re-read or if you get a beta, those mistakes can be corrected. There were also multiple issues with tenses and sentence formation, but with practice you can improve your grammar. The mistakes weren't bad enough to be confusing, but they were distracting.
Most people don't really know how to use paragraphs, but you do. You followed long paras with a single-liner, and that was good. Full points here.
Based off what I read, 156 subscribers and 16 upvotes isn't very bad, nor is it very good. If you're planning on continuing the series, you should get more subs. Overall, your reader's response is average. You replied to all the comments, and most authors don't do that, so good job.
Sorry, but even though I'm a er for angst (I'm a total masochist I swear), your story didn't do it for me. Maybe I'm a lazy reader, but I like the story to be full and frontal. There might be people who prefer to read your vague way of writing, but not me.
The title suits the story and makes sense. It also is very unique and eye catching, so good job. Even though it's short, it is sweet.
Description, foreword & tags. 10/10.
Wow, great layout! It's rare to see layouts for stories, but you did a great job on the aesthetics. The description isn't really much of a description; it's rather vague and doesn't give much insight into the story except for it's 'angst' genre, and sometimes, readers need to know a little bit about the story. Maybe you could have slipped in a short excerpt from the story, to let the reader know what they're getting themselves into by subscribing.
Appearance: graphics. 5/5, display. 5/5
Awesome graphics, even better display. No more to say here. I especially loved the little gifs on every chapter, though they didn't really make sense.
Characterisation. 6/10
To be honest, I couldn't really focus on your story because of the loopy plot and confusing characters. In the one shot "to Jungkook", Kookie seemed like a very tormented person; someone who had gone through a lot in his life, but his past was not very concrete. You should strive to draw the reader in, not make their head spin with confusion. That said, I did get the overall feel - the angst and the pain of someone with an unlucky life.
The second one shot was about Taehyung, and his character had better shape than Jungkook's. He's suicidal and depressed, and lashes out at anyone who gets close, but why? What part of his past is so dark that it makes the idea of falling off a roof sound so good?
Plot. 11/20
It's definitely unique, because I've never read anything like this before. But it is not very realistic. If you ask me, the feelings that you're trying to portray here does not happen in real life. No matter how broken someone is, they will always need human contact, and that is what makes them human. Your characters were bundles of repressed emotion and depressed thoughts. You should try making them seem more vulnerable, and that will make them seem human. The plot in general is very confusing and fuzzy, but I got the feelings of angst.
Consistency/flow. 6/10
Flow is a very important part of making sure your story is understandable to the reader. If your flow is too fast, then it will leave the reader confused and puzzled out. If it's too slow, the reader will start skimming. Some parts of your story had wonderful flow; with the perfect timings and great plot, but the other bits were either too slow or too fast.
You seem to be too caught up in pleasing the reader. I recommend that you pause every three paragraphs or so, and read your writing to check if everything is great.
Grammar, spelling & punctuation. 9/15
There were mistakes, but with a re-read or if you get a beta, those mistakes can be corrected. There were also multiple issues with tenses and sentence formation, but with practice you can improve your grammar. The mistakes weren't bad enough to be confusing, but they were distracting.
Structure. 5/5
Most people don't really know how to use paragraphs, but you do. You followed long paras with a single-liner, and that was good. Full points here.
Readers' response. 3/5
Based off what I read, 156 subscribers and 16 upvotes isn't very bad, nor is it very good. If you're planning on continuing the series, you should get more subs. Overall, your reader's response is average. You replied to all the comments, and most authors don't do that, so good job.
Overall enjoyment. 4/10
Sorry, but even though I'm a er for angst (I'm a total masochist I swear), your story didn't do it for me. Maybe I'm a lazy reader, but I like the story to be full and frontal. There might be people who prefer to read your vague way of writing, but not me.
TOTAL GRADE. 67/100
Date requested. 27/05/16
Date completed. 03/06/16
Reviewer. Sonny (sonnet_sartori)
Reminder. Please remember to comment when you have picked up. Please also credit the shop AS WELL AS the reviewer. If there are any problems, please contact the owner or the reviewer via PM.
Date completed. 03/06/16
Reviewer. Sonny (sonnet_sartori)
Reminder. Please remember to comment when you have picked up. Please also credit the shop AS WELL AS the reviewer. If there are any problems, please contact the owner or the reviewer via PM.
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