Suhyo07 : Fate's plans (命運的安排)

Characters. Huang Lian, Zhang Lishan, Zhang Yixing (EXO Lay), Luhan, Tao

Status. Ongoing

Description. Huang Lian [黃蓮] was the younger sister of Huang Zitao, the master of one of the most well-known and famous martial-arts academy in China. One day, she decided that she was tired of spinster life and dressed up as a boy, and went for the public exams. The next thing Zitao knew, his sister was in the royal palace.

And capturing the heart of the son of the Moushi [謀士], the Counselor.

Zhang Lishan [張麗珊] was the sweet, lovely younger, half sister of Zhang Yixing, who was adored by everyone and fiercely protected by her brother because of the suitors that traveled far and wide for her hand from their home countries. She was actually mute, and everyone insisted that she was too shy, not used to the outside world, but Yixing knew better.

She also attracted the attention of the Tai Zi [太子], who was engaged to another, and whose heart belonged to another.

Who didn't love him back.
 

STORY LINK

Story title. 5/5
Your title is really interesting! I think I’ve seen a couple of times around AFF where the author puts the translation of the title in another language! Also, because your story is set in the Han dynasty, it is fitting! I’m also going to take this time to say I love how you’ve organized your chapter titles! I love the theme you’ve given it and the titles you’ve chosen! I always commend authors who name their chapters because I’ve tried to do so and it’s so much work…


Description, foreword & tags. 10/10
I think your description and foreword are perfect the way it is! You’ve nicely introduced all your characters without going too into depth. I am a little iffy however on the use of the Chinese characters that you’ve put throughout the story and here. I don’t particularly think they’re necessary and it does throw my flow off a little bit. Your tags are also completely fine for me!


Appearance: graphics. 5/5, layout. 5/5
Your poster is absolutely beautiful. I think it encapsulates the theme of your story extremely well and it’s so pleasing to the eye! Honestly, the more I look at it, the more amazed by it I am! The layout is also completely fine with me!


Characterisation. 10/10
As your story is very premature in its course, I haven’t seen a vast amount of characterisation quite yet. Nonetheless, the bit that I have seen, I can confidently say that you’ve developed your characters well! Lian is a very strong and independent woman. I’m extremely curious to see where this story will lead her! I feel like there are a lot of great things in waiting for her. She is a strong female protagonist and I admire how you’ve continued to hold that trait consistent with her!

I feel like you’ve only briefly touched upon the other characters such as Yifan and Zitao. I’m curious as to know more about them! Zhong Da has been a fabulous supporting character and he performs his role well! He is the classic stern but loving fatherly figure which you’ve done a great job in executing.


Plot. 20/20
This is not the first time I’ve heard of a plotline like this (you make it evident by referring to Mulan in the story yourself). I do appreciate the unique elements you’ve thrown in based on your character such as the whole part about the phoenix (which we as readers have still yet to know the entire truth for!). Also, your newest chapter makes it seem as if there is some type of conspiracy occurring! You’ve created room for so much mystery and further development so great job on the plotline thus far!

In terms of how realistic this could be, I don’t have a particular problem with it! I mean, I’m not well versed in Chinese history but I guess this could be plausible.


Consistency/flow. 10/10
I think your story is going at a perfect pace. There was never a moment where I became bored and the story is leaping forward well! Great job thus far!


Grammar, spelling & punctuation. 15/15
It has been a while since I’ve reviewed a story where I am able to give a perfect score in this section! I have absolutely NO complaints for you. Evidently, you have grasped writing in English perfectly. It is so pleasant to read a story without any grammar, spelling or punctuation errors. To me, no matter how nicely a story may be written, incorrect grammar or spelling will always ruin it. If you couldn’t tell by now, I’m honestly so happy so congratulations!

There really isn’t a section for writing style so I’ll speak about it in this section! I love your use of imagery so so much! It is very poetic and beautiful. To summarize your style, I can use the word elegant.


Structure. 4/5
I wasn’t too sure where to put this, but I think it best fits here. I briefly touched upon it in the description, foreword and tags section: I don’t enjoy your use of Chinese characters interspersed throughout the story. To me, they don’t serve a particular purpose. I would rather you stick with the italicized English-Chinese or just the Chinese characters but not both. This is my personal opinion for the same reason I’ve mentioned above – it disrupts the reading flow.

Besides that, you clearly know how to paragraphs should be spaced and so visually wise, it was very pleasant to read! One suggestion I could make for you is to further separate your paragraph/sections by adding some type of paragraph indenter. As in, when you have a change of scene, you could put some type of symbol to tell readers that the current scene is not an immediate continuance. Just a very minute detail!


Readers' response. 3/5
It seems your story does not quite have as many views, but then again, this is a fairly new story! Really, it’s a pity because I see so much potential in this story! I’m not too sure on how to rate you on this as you neither have many comments nor subscribers so this score I believe is very tentative in your case as I’m sure as time passes, more people will stumble upon your story!


Overall enjoyment. 9/10
I’ve truly enjoyed reading your story! As I’ve mentioned multiple times in the review, this story is only just starting so I don’t feel like I’ve grasped the full potential of it quite yet! What you have released so far is extremely well done! To me, it’s like I’ve watched the first episode of a drama! So much is left to be explained but it’s a great introduction! Round of applause on a job well done and I anticipate the future of this story!
 

total grade : 96/100

Notes