>> cover up darling, it's getting cold
Heart, Mind & Seoul Reviews Archive
COVER UP DARLING, IT’S GETTING COLD
BY supervillainess
BY supervillainess
CHARACTERS. Jung Soojung (Krystal), Kim Jongin (Kai) and Lee Taemin (Taemin)
STATUS. Completed
DESCRIPTION. Soojung talks about him like he puts the stars in the sky. (She even looks at him like that too.) Jongin believes she deserves the moon, the sun and all the stars in the sky. (He wonders if he can give her that.) Too busy battling with reality, they don't realize that their love is as boundless as the galaxy.
Story title. 3/5
I'm too confident on the reasoning behind your title. Is it because of the hard times that Soojung and Jongin are going through with their struggle with money and how times are going to be hard for them with the twin? If it is it seems to have such a positive and hopeful ending and your title seems to be more of a foreshadow. Although, I do find it interesting, it still is a bit of a mouthful for a title.
The description is so cute ^^, but how does Taemin tie into the story? Do you think maybe you could add a small part for him as well? Other than that, I really do love it, it shows how much Soojung and Kai love each other. I also want to give a honorable mention to that highlight for a spoiler thing, it's really different and it's cool so that if you don't want a spoiler it's much harder to accidentally see it. As for your tags, I'd remove the character name tags for Kai and Krystal since they're mentioned in Kaistal and if you want, remove Taekaistal... it sort of infers a ... (I am so sorry if I have tarnished your innocent mind, because I can clearly see it's not). I suggest trying to add genre tags, perhaps angst, friendship, family, etc. Readers will usually search by genre tags so it'll be easier for your story to be found.
Everything alright layout wise :), and no poster so everything's all good here.
I don't know why, but Taemin, Kai and Krystal really remind of Sam, Charlie and Ezra from Perks of Being a Wallflower. Have you read that by any chance? Anyway... they really do Taemin is kind of the more positive childish one of the group and since the main focus is Kai's POV you don't get to see him grow up but you can tell it happens because of how Krystal and him are always together when Kai starts working so hard. Krystal seems to be sort of gentle yet independent, she does depend on Kai many times in this story as an emotional support but is still able to come off as strong and self-assured the way she handles the two boys and always pulling Kai's ear. As for Kai, I could only pick out the more cardinal traits, how much he does for his family and his love for Krystal, but what is he beyond all of that. If you took Kai, and you put him in another city with Krystal, Taemin, or the twins, what would he be?
First off, holy Tao, you got a perfect score in plot. I've reread this story so many times, and still, I can't find anything wrong with the plot. It's realistic to me because though they struggle financially, they are able to pull themselves true with a special miracle. With Kai taking the new job and Krystal denying pain meds they both seemed they smart, strong people that would be able to pull through mentally, they do have that emotional struggle and instead of separating and more drama they use each other to anchor themselves. The thing about her sister honestly made me cry, but with what they seem to be as characters it seems to make sense their philosophy on handling the fact that Sooyeon is terminal is by spending the time they can with her.
14k covering seems to be a long enough time, but how quickly were Kai and Krystal moving? Did Krystal get pregnant a month after the wedding, a week?
I know English is hard language to be able to master, so please read through really carefully and check your verbs especially. I am really impressed by your English since it's not your first language ^^, if I were to give one example of where your need to check it's when Kai is talking about Taemin and his skinny jeans. When Kai says, "Taemin crouches down." it should be, "Taemin crouch down.", if you were to say crouches Kai would be narrating the scene, whilst Kai is actually saying an imperative sentence.
I do think that you could take all those single liners or single and half liners and put them together instead making everything so spaced out.
Upvotes: 3 + 1 (Congrats ^^)
Comments: 10
Subs: 172
Views: 1392
IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I'VE SEEN A BROTP FOR TAEKAI I FEEL LIKE I JUST NEED TO WATCH EVERY VIDEO THEY EVER DID TOGETHER NOW AND OMO KRYSTAL! I am very, very, very biased honestly but I just don't even know how much to express my love, and I'm a very dedicated Kaisoo! How you actually managed to make me somewhat turn to Kaistal is beyond me and holy Tao I actually might start shipping Kaistal, what is this world!? In other words, I LOVE THIS STORY MORE THAN KAI LOVES CHICKEN!
I'm too confident on the reasoning behind your title. Is it because of the hard times that Soojung and Jongin are going through with their struggle with money and how times are going to be hard for them with the twin? If it is it seems to have such a positive and hopeful ending and your title seems to be more of a foreshadow. Although, I do find it interesting, it still is a bit of a mouthful for a title.
Description, foreword & tags. 7/10.
The description is so cute ^^, but how does Taemin tie into the story? Do you think maybe you could add a small part for him as well? Other than that, I really do love it, it shows how much Soojung and Kai love each other. I also want to give a honorable mention to that highlight for a spoiler thing, it's really different and it's cool so that if you don't want a spoiler it's much harder to accidentally see it. As for your tags, I'd remove the character name tags for Kai and Krystal since they're mentioned in Kaistal and if you want, remove Taekaistal... it sort of infers a ... (I am so sorry if I have tarnished your innocent mind, because I can clearly see it's not). I suggest trying to add genre tags, perhaps angst, friendship, family, etc. Readers will usually search by genre tags so it'll be easier for your story to be found.
Appearance: graphics. -/5, display. 5/5
Everything alright layout wise :), and no poster so everything's all good here.
Characterisation. 9/10
I don't know why, but Taemin, Kai and Krystal really remind of Sam, Charlie and Ezra from Perks of Being a Wallflower. Have you read that by any chance? Anyway... they really do Taemin is kind of the more positive childish one of the group and since the main focus is Kai's POV you don't get to see him grow up but you can tell it happens because of how Krystal and him are always together when Kai starts working so hard. Krystal seems to be sort of gentle yet independent, she does depend on Kai many times in this story as an emotional support but is still able to come off as strong and self-assured the way she handles the two boys and always pulling Kai's ear. As for Kai, I could only pick out the more cardinal traits, how much he does for his family and his love for Krystal, but what is he beyond all of that. If you took Kai, and you put him in another city with Krystal, Taemin, or the twins, what would he be?
Plot. 20/20
First off, holy Tao, you got a perfect score in plot. I've reread this story so many times, and still, I can't find anything wrong with the plot. It's realistic to me because though they struggle financially, they are able to pull themselves true with a special miracle. With Kai taking the new job and Krystal denying pain meds they both seemed they smart, strong people that would be able to pull through mentally, they do have that emotional struggle and instead of separating and more drama they use each other to anchor themselves. The thing about her sister honestly made me cry, but with what they seem to be as characters it seems to make sense their philosophy on handling the fact that Sooyeon is terminal is by spending the time they can with her.
Consistency/flow. 9/10
14k covering seems to be a long enough time, but how quickly were Kai and Krystal moving? Did Krystal get pregnant a month after the wedding, a week?
Grammar, spelling & punctuation. 12/15
I know English is hard language to be able to master, so please read through really carefully and check your verbs especially. I am really impressed by your English since it's not your first language ^^, if I were to give one example of where your need to check it's when Kai is talking about Taemin and his skinny jeans. When Kai says, "Taemin crouches down." it should be, "Taemin crouch down.", if you were to say crouches Kai would be narrating the scene, whilst Kai is actually saying an imperative sentence.
Structure. 4/5
I do think that you could take all those single liners or single and half liners and put them together instead making everything so spaced out.
Readers' response. 4/5
Upvotes: 3 + 1 (Congrats ^^)
Comments: 10
Subs: 172
Views: 1392
For a story that is almost two months old and a one shot, you have nice stats. Usually since once a one shot is down, that means no more updates, it's harder to find. For the most part many of your readers are the silent type and I love your interaction with those that do! They are clearly very verbose and your are so friendly and sweet to them :). You can tell this a very potential story, I wish you good luck and you seem like such a nice person, I can't wait for more of AFF to see your wonderful talent ^-^!
Overall enjoyment. 10/10
IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I'VE SEEN A BROTP FOR TAEKAI I FEEL LIKE I JUST NEED TO WATCH EVERY VIDEO THEY EVER DID TOGETHER NOW AND OMO KRYSTAL! I am very, very, very biased honestly but I just don't even know how much to express my love, and I'm a very dedicated Kaisoo! How you actually managed to make me somewhat turn to Kaistal is beyond me and holy Tao I actually might start shipping Kaistal, what is this world!? In other words, I LOVE THIS STORY MORE THAN KAI LOVES CHICKEN!
TOTAL GRADE. 83/95
Date requested. 18/03/16
Date completed. 24/03/16
Reviewer. Li (Jaeger_104)
Reminder. Please remember to comment when you have picked up. Please also credit the shop AS WELL AS the reviewer. If there are any problems, please contact the owener or the reviewer via PM.
Date completed. 24/03/16
Reviewer. Li (Jaeger_104)
Reminder. Please remember to comment when you have picked up. Please also credit the shop AS WELL AS the reviewer. If there are any problems, please contact the owener or the reviewer via PM.
Like this story? Give it an
Upvote!
Thank you!
Comments