Chapter 28 – Those days that I died

Amber’s POV

She ran away from me. I was almost there. But who am I kidding? I lied to her. And now I’ve become one of the persons she hates… liars. I also hate myself for making her cry. I’m such a jerk.

“A-Amber…” Henry called my name softly as he tapped my shoulder as if telling me that everything’s okay, but he knows that it isn’t so he just called my name and didn’t say anything.

I turned around to face him as I felt the tears in my face starting to roll down. I looked at my friends’ faces. They all felt sorry for me. Right now I just feel so sad… so devastated… that I didn’t hesitate to throw my arms around Henry and cried in his shoulders. Soon after, I felt more hugs around me.

That night I fell asleep crying and feeling so bad after what I’ve done.

I don’t know how to face her the next day at school so I just did my acting as the nerd Amber Liu, hiding all of the guilt behind those glasses. I just sat there in my seat, staring out of nowhere, pretending to be listening to our teacher, but deep inside I’m dying.

How could I apologize if I don’t even have the face to show her? I know I’ve hurt her, but I’m hurt too. She acts as if I don’t even exist. And I must say, she’s so good at it.

I didn’t race for one whole week. After school, Suzy always walked with me, worrying that I might just walk in the middle of the street and wait for fast moving car to hit me.

It was Friday and Suzy has a practice with the glee club. That also means that Soojung’s going to stay up late in school. I promised Suzy that I’d wait for her to finish practicing so I stayed here at school. To kill time, I decided to walk around the campus. Everything’s fine until I heard something. I know it’s wrong to eavesdrop but I was curious.

“Jung Soojung… Do you really hate Amber that much?”

I heard as I hid against the wall. The voice, I’m sure it’s from Suzy.

“Then I think I’ll just make her fall in love with me. People might say I’m pathetic but I’m willing to risk everything, to give everything… just so I can have the right to pick up the broken pieces of her heart and make it whole again…

“… Is it okay for me to love her?”

Suzy, you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to hurt like this because of me.

“I don’t care! Be happy with her. You’re both liars anyway! Have fun!!! It’s not as if I’m her girlfriend anyway.”

I heard Soojung yelled at Suzy. I felt like my broken heart has just been broken more into tiny pieces that nobody could even recognize it anymore.

Then I saw her walked passed by me and stopped when she noticed that I’m leaning against the wall.

She was shocked when she saw me.

I stared at her. I don’t know how to describe what I feel right now. I’m in pain. I’m mad. I’m confused. I’m dying. I looked deeply into her eyes, hoping that she could see me slowly dying inside.

Are you happy now Jung Soojung?

I made my way towards her, holding back my tears.

Are you happy now that you see me dying? I’m sorry if I lied to you. I really am. But haven’t I been good to you? The only thing I did is not to tell you my whole name, but the AJ/Amber that you saw… that’s the real me. That’s who I really am. Do I really deserve to be treated like this?

I wanted to tell her all of these… to confront her at least… to tell her that she’s not the only one that’s hurting here. But all I was able to say is an honest, “Sorry.” I could no longer hold back the tears in my eyes… the explosion of feelings inside of me that makes it harder to breathe.

And then I ran away… as fast as I could… as far as I could… far away from her.

I heard Suzy called my name too, but I was too focused in running that I ignored her. Soon my feet felt tired that my knees just gave up. The next thing I knew is that my face is now feeling the hot pavement of the sidewalk. I looke