It's been six days since I become a vegetarian like Taengoo, preparing and eating her kind of food just to hide the real reason why I bought mostly all the green color food while we visited the grocery shop before. Because of my ego, I have to change my meal plan to follow her. I can stand if only for one or two days, but it has been almost a week.

 

I feel so distress when we went out together and saw people was enjoying themselves eating at the restaurant or street food stalls where they can eat beef, pork, seafood, or chicken. I want to enjoy myself eating like them, but I know I can't do that with Taengoo was around me. She will never go to any restaurant or street food stalls with me. I met my friend a few times with her, but she always decided not to follow us if we wanted to hang out having a meal together.

 

Well, I tried! A few times I voiced out that we can order Caesar salad or eat vegetarian pizza if she can't stand the smell of the thing that she hates, but she can't be persuaded to eat at the decent place I want. She told me I can go to eat anything I love if I want it, but not with her. Because I don't feel good to eat without her, so I have to follow to her favorite place where we can stay or eat something together with her and my friends.

 

She always chose coffee shop or bread shop like Starbucks, A Twosome Place, Paris Baguette, Sulbing Korean Dessert Cafe or something similar to it for us to have a breakfast or dinner when we decided to eat outside or already outside for fulfilling our outdoor activities. Her choice of food are bingsu, bread, waffle and the same thing all over again...

 

I can't stand it! No more for me! Pleaseeeeee.....

 

I really want to scream those words to her, but my voice will never come out every time I tried to tell her about that thing. I thought yesterday she probably noticed how sulky my face was when we enter Sulbing cafe to have shared green tea bingsu that she kept on ordering every time we visited that place. I know she likes it because it seems like her favorite the most. However, I really not in the mood to eat ice-shaved during dinner. I want something heavy, not a dessert!

 

When we got home, the receptionist in the lobby stops me to give Goobne Chicken and famous delicious Jajangmyeon that some unknown soul had ordered and sent it to my address. Does she think I am a fool? I know she ordered it for me! Because no one will know how upset I was other than her. Somehow, I didn't take it and asked the reception staff on the night shift to have them.

 

She didn't say anything when I talked to the receptionist, acting like I didn't know she was the one who ordered it for me. And I was such a fool as well for acting to be cool as if I was already fully transformed to become a vegetarian. Do you understand how stubborn, fool, and upset I was at the same time when I rejected the food I love because of my ego??

 

I don't know how Taengoo can live her life like this? I really want her to eat something as if a real meal! I must say that I respect her and those people who chose to be a vegetarian, because I just can't stand my six days to become a vegan. It's not easy to eat and satisfy my craving even if the choice is still a lot, actually. So, hands down to her and the rest who continuously chose to become vegan. It's just not me! I really wish my course with her will end faster. I can't wait to eat the meal that I want again when she's no longer around me.

 

Living together with Taengoo is not easy. We fight a lot, but get cool too quickly as well. Mostly it came from my side! I lost count of how many time I keep on pushing Taengoo every time when she gets closer to me. It started from that day when she caught me buying her kind of food. The more she smiles to what I did, the more I feel like I want to push her far, far away from my life.

 

She is like a psycho, you know? She seems to enjoy the way I try to hurt her because she will never stop to intimidate me with her closeness even if she knows what she will get by doing that. And I was stupid as well! During the therapy when she asked me what my hobby is during my free time, I told her I love to dance, but I have no partner right now and I really want to dance. I said that because I want to hug her for free and also not to be so obvious that I really need a loving embrace from her so desperately, even if I’m fully aware that I already move on and have no bad feeling about my ex or his girlfriend anymore.

 

Since that day she became my partner to dance with me every day and night. We tried every different style of dance together for both sessions of therapy such as samba, tango, mambo, rumba, salsa, cha cha, waltz, jive, quickstep, or freestyle. Can you imagine that? She’s ing knew them all! I was so impressed with her talent. We just need to see one video of any random dance and she could do that together with me. She spins me, twirls me, rolls me, slides me, catches me, carries me… oh, girl! I just can’t seem to catch my breath every time when we dance together. Her body is so flexible like mine and she seems so strong. Whenever she danced with me, she looks like a professional dancer. I know all the dance because I have taken a class since I was a kid with Krystal. I never knew someone in Korea can compete me with a remarkable dance like that.

 

She’s just too outstandingly unbelievable, making me sane and insane on and off. I can’t control my feet when I was with her. My body just wanna dance and dance and dance and its chose her, her, and her! We spent an hour of the therapy to dance and talk for another hour. I think, the more she was getting attached to me, the more I become greedy. I have no choice than to push her at the end of the dance when I tried to kiss her again. Not once, but a few times she almost made me kiss her. How can I resist someone irresistible as Taengoo? She’s too perfect in my eyes. But what would I become if I kiss her again?

 

My family will be shocked if they know I already change this far. I want to cry to think about my future. I will never get married and have my own children if I chose to follow my silly heart of the thing I want to do every time I see Taengoo. This feeling I have with her should be avoided at all cost. Yeah, at all cost! I have to push her again and again while I still could think rationally.

 

I just can't understand how she could smile each time when I hurt her like that?

 

I know she helped me a lot. Not only helping me to forget my ex-fiance Donghae with his new girlfriend Nana, but also helping me to make Donghae signed the document to sell his share with me without much problem. I got my company fully because of her, but I still hate her for making me has a gender switch since the day she made me kiss her with her hypnotizing skill.

 

The other day when she knew I paid 15K for the three wedding dresses and I was not happy to keep it, she asked me if I want to sell it to her. When I asked why she wants to buy it, she said, because she wants me to move on and not to think about my unsuccessful wedding. I sold it all to her as I was so idiot. The price of the three wedding gowns was actually higher than what I paid. Donghae has paid 25K deposit for it. She probably will earn more if she tries to resell it.

 

The amount of hate I had with her keep on increasing each day. Every morning I tried to wake up following her schedule. Each day I will be greeted with the deafening sound of music that I hate again and again. But each day I almost wake up and make her stop before she could play the hateful music. Yesterday, I awoke at the first line when she sang the song that I had no idea the title till now. I just can't wait to finish this course with her. I was fully recovered and believed we shouldn't stay together anymore. I want her to set me free, so I could breathe and have my space alone in my house. No noise, no disturbance, and no more hate!

 

I was waiting her near the pool and my mom's garden as we always have a night therapy and dance on top of the building. This place was also the place where I learn to control my astraphobia that I don't want to remember as well. She said, doing therapy outside is a lot more better as we can have fresh air and see the glittering space. Only three times it happened to be raining cats and dogs with lightning and thunderstorms accompanying us, while the rest, we could see thousands of bright stars and moon.

 

We sat in front of each other at the small coffee table after she arrived with her log book, pen, and mini voice recorder. Her dress always the same which is cropped top sleeveless that vary from white or black and branded. While her bottom always with ripped and faded denim. Sometimes, shorts and sometimes she used slim fit long pants. She always chose this style whenever we went out or just stay indoors. I think the real terms of her fashion style is rugged, not black metal or freemasons as she never wears heavy makeup or wears all black all the time. Denim is a must, and faded, and ripped. That’s her style!

 

Only one time I saw she dressed up as a woman when she pretended to be my lawyer and made Donghae sold his share to me. I don't know if Donghae got impressed with her look, but I do that day. I just can't take my eyes off of her the whole day. The problem with me when I always can't control the butterfly feeling that she gave me. I felt so torture to think about us. I don't know who she was as she was very secretive. She never wants to share anything related to her when I tried to ask her one time. I stop asking her because my ego felt threatened by her. If she doesn't want to share then I think I should not mingle in her business life anymore. And why would I want to care? She is not someone special to me. So, it's fine if she doesn't want to tell me anything personal. We should not get too personal. She’s only my counselor and I was her patient. That’s it! I’m really fine with it! No string attached, just like she probably expects from her every patient!

 

"How are you feeling tonight, Miss Jung?"