Taeyeon’s POV:

 

 

 

The last when I was in love with someone I almost made the person I loved die and the same thing happen to me again tonight.

 

When I love someone I sat them free, but I hate it when they keep on coming back and showing their face to me. How annoyed must I've felt to see her trying to die right in front of my eyes after she saw me again. Their actions were exactly like trying to make me feel responsible for things happen to them. I know I shouldn’t blame them, but I just still hate it. Why can’t they just stay alive and be happy with their lives? It’s not fine and cool to be in this situation!

 

I have to perform CPR while I was in the taxi when I noticed her heart stop beating. Cardiac arrest was the last thing that I don’t want Jessica to have while I try to send her to the hospital. She just had no idea how scared I was to experience this. It felt like a curse. I wish I could control her mind and make her forget about me if she survived from the emergency room. I really regret to entertain and getting closer to her during her course. Nothing like this would ever happen to her if only I know I will endanger her life by getting closer to her.

 

Why would she drink that much when she told me she had once been diagnosed by a doctor to have fatty liver disease after she returned from Jeju? Isn't that already enough to tell her how harmful if she consumes too much alcohol at one time?

 

She better not die! It’s not fine to leave me this way. I just don't know what to do if she died because of me. I will forever blame myself if I lost her right now!

 

I remembered the other day during our course when I caught her tried to drink wine to skip her dinner. That was our third day of staying in the same house together. That time, we just got back from our social work trip to help build a home for an orphan. She was caught by me in the kitchen as I try to get a glass of water to drink while she tried to take a wine glass from the kitchen cabinet.

 

 

 

"May I know what you have been hiding behind you, Miss Jung?"

 

We are facing each other when I caught her strange behaviour. She took a step backward when I came a step forward after my question. It really makes me become curious to what she has been hiding from me. I look at the open cabinet, noticing about the wine glass that she possibly want to get, but she couldn’t get it when I arrived at the kitchen.

 

"Jessica-ssi, I don’t mean harmful." I tried to play a little psychology by raising both of my hands in the air and stop walking temporarily, so she could stop moving backward again. I didn’t want her to bump into anything, especially when she was getting closer to the fridge. "It’s okay. I just want to know what you have there, Miss Jung."

 

"You will not like it if you see it, Taengoo."

 

"How did you know I will not like it, Miss Jung?"

 

"Because you have set it as your rule yesterday after you knew I got sick from it. You said you don’t want me to have them again during the course."

 

I looked at the reflection from the black fridge and noticed about the wine bottle she held on her back. I didn’t guess it wrongly as it was really as what I thought. Before I could say anything, she already sprinted with the wine bottle together with her. Her run was very fast and quick. I don’t know why I have to follow her rhythm when I ran together to chase her. We did a circle around the dining table a few times before she says something.

 

"Yah! Don’t chase me anymore, Taengoo!"

 

She panted and glared at me angrily, trying to catch her breathe. While in my case, I took the time to meditate mentally from my run that bring me a pain in my lower body. The accident a few days ago still had an effect on me. But I was so eager to chase her again if she tried to run from me. There’s no way I will let her lock herself anywhere and drink as much as she wants. It’s not good for her body to have something toxic when she was still sick from it.

 

"Then, you should stop running or walking, Miss Jung. I just want to talk with you."

 

"No! No, way! I know you want to take it from me!"

 

"It seems like the wine is very important to you, Miss Jung." I walked around the table which she followed, trying to draw a good distance from me which gave me an enjoyable sight to see her funny behaviour. "Can I share it with you?"

 

She rolled her eyes and shook her head, walking anti-clockwise when I change my direction. "You said you prefer cheap Soju than any other alcoholic beverages when we have a talk yesterday. So, why would I want to share it with you? I know you just want to stop me from having it! I don’t want you to get closer to me. Go away! Stop following me! You took my meal time already! We still can talk later during therapy if you want to talk so badly with me."

 

"I said I 'prefer' not that I dislike, right?" I tried to talk calmly, but she was at it again when she ran before I could even finish what I wanted to say.

 

If only my lower body didn’t give me a hard time to chase her, I think I could stop her before she could even climb the staircase to the second level. Good enough when I still can run and chase her closer. We jumped on the couch on the second level like it was a hurdle. I was so scared if her white bathrobe will make her fall from the limit movement she had, yet she was so scary with her athletic self that I have no idea where it came from. To see her like that confirmed me even more that she was really an addict. Only an addict will do anything to save a bottle of wine in that manner, I thought. I wished she knew, how hilarious she was right now.

 

Each time when I was getting closer to catch her, she kept on squealing. My ears felt hurt so much from her dolphin scream that keep on getting higher for each scream that escape from . We ended up going into her room which she was regretting about it I think. Because there is no way for her to run from me again when I grab her waist and fall on her bed together. It took me almost a minute to grab the wine bottle from her. Thanks to my tickle that make her giggle loudly and release the wine bottle from her hands.

 

"I hate you!"

 

That was her first a few words she gave me when we got a chance to see each other face after I release her body from my hold and rest near to her. She was panting ily again, trying to get as much oxygen that she needed. I looked at the glistening perspiration that forming along her forehead before her eyes. Her dark brown eyes were exquisite, especially to look at a closer distance. Even if she was mad at me it will never make her look as an evil person in my eyes. I still think she looks stunning and attractive.

 

"It’s fine. Hate me as much as you want. I don’t mind." I replied coolly which earned a deadly glare that get soften again with my next statements, "I can’t let you have one bottle. I will let you have one glass, but only after your dinner. You can’t have it with your empty stomach, Miss Jung."

 

"Really?"

 

I nodded, trying to inhale as much air as I could when I was around her. She makes me addicted to share the thing that I never care to share with anyone. With her, even a little thing will always count as a special thing. It makes me worried sometimes. Yet, I tend to ignore it. I even be a lenient to her, granting her wish when I always have been strict to the other clients under my care.

 

"Only one glass. You can have it during your therapy with me, but we will share them."

 

"I’m fine with one glass and sharing it with you. Thank you!"

 

The smile that she gave me was enough to kill the pain I feel on my waist down.

 

 

 

That night, I manipulate her mind during the therapy. I told her it’s not wrong to drink alcohol if she wants, but not when she was in stress. Drinking will not solve any problem, it will only give toxic to her body even more. I gave her a list of suggestions what she could do to distract herself and to make herself become occupied. It’s not easy to control her as what I want, but I succeed to make her follow my guideline.

 

Since she already been diagnosed to have fatty liver disease. I told her she should not take any alcohol beverages temporarily. She needs to stop drinking for the period of two to six weeks to make the fat in her liver disappeared. I monitor her progress every day, from six sips to zero sip in three days. I don’t see her trying to get near to the wine cellar throughout the course I have with her after that day. She made a promise she will only drink after she recovered, but she will not be an addict again. Sadly, I can’t monitor her progress after she blocked me and I thought she did a right thing. I regret not to ask about herself more when I got a chance to chat with her.

 

 

 

"What do you want to do right now, Taeyeonie?" Sunny asked, killing my deep thought about the woman in the emergency room that I’m not ready to be parted with. It really scared me, but I don’t show it physically. I tried to stay as calm as I could. "Shouldn't we supposed to inform her family member? You can't pretend to be her family. What if something bad happens to her?"

 

I tried to divert my focus to something very far to cool down myself from the last sentences Sunny said. For the record, Sunny was with me on the taxi to guide me to what I should do and what position I need to lay Jessica down. She even scolded me as I should call an emergency line and not to bring Jessica to the hospital on my own. We have a little argument during our ride to the hospital as Sunny was a doctor, but she can’t even spot a single sign when Jessica was in an emergency situation and needed an immediate help. She even tried to stop me and asked me like when a person collapsed that was so normal or mean nothing at all. Or maybe I was exaggerating it! I knew Jessica to make me clearly knew it was something harmful when she collapsed. I remember that I was so panic when I checked her wrist and noticed to her lower heartbeat. To add more when she looked very pale and when her body shudder a few times, I knew something scary was awaiting us if I don’t try to do something.

 

"I got a permission from her father when I called her sister. They already know about what happen to her. They will catch a flight to Seoul as soon as possible and asked me to be her guardian for now."

 

Sunny nodded to what I said, "How did you know her?"

 

"She is one of my clients."

 

"You got to tell me for real if she's really your client or someone you love."

 

"Why you said it like that?"

 

"We have been friends since we were an infant, Taeyeonie! Even if we don’t always see each other recently, I know you. You lost focus when you saw her at the club. I know that kind of look. I've seen it before! Why you left her? Did you use something you should not for your own benefit again?"

 

"Not entirely this time."

 

"Well, I'm here and will always be ready to listen to your story."

 

 

*******

 

 

Author’s POV:

 

 

Jessica got into her consciousness slowly after three days she had been resting in Seoul National University Hospital. Three days felt just like a night for her since she wasn't aware of anything surrounded her. Yesterday, the doctor allowed them to move her into a private room as she wasn't in a critical condition from alcohol intoxication anymore. She could breathe on her own without depending on intubation and her blood pressure was already back to normal. Lucky for her as she's still could breathe and see the world again.

 

Her head still feel dizzy and her chest feel a little pain when she tried to move. Maybe it was just a little impact of the thing she did before. It took a little sometime for her to adjust her eyes before she could see things around her again. She felt someone's hand was holding her when she tried to move. She squeezed it a little. Not guessing it wrongly, it was Krystal who was right beside her after she heard the person's voice. Indeed, she was surprised to see she was in a hospital bed and Krystal was there with her.

 

"Jessi? Are you awake now?"

 

The question was left unanswered, clearly she was awake and Krystal should not ask her for something so obvious, she thought. It sounded very funny. She held her head with her free hand, can't remember what happen to her or how she ends up laying on the hospital be