Author’s POV:

 

Taeyeon felt regret for not knocking Tiffany's room to send the cellphone that Tiffany left on the couch in the balcony. Hearing the woman that she once loved so greatly sobbing and sniffing on the bed is not a good thing at all.

 

The night is getting colder compare to when it has sunlight to shine the Earth. It's already December. Winter season. She recalled, Tiffany used to get sick at a cold season like this. It’s her duty to take care of Tiffany when that happened. The temperature in the balcony was so freezing a while ago. Tiffany had her y dress instead of wearing a proper thick attire when she checked on them in the balcony. Her cries, it’s got nothing to do with the cold season, anyway. She knew, she was the reason for it. Obviously, she was. She always felt useless whenever she made her cry. Undeniably, she felt guilty, and responsible right now. That's why when she decided to leave her before, she never stayed at the same place with her anymore. Listening to her cry is never failed to make her feeling tormented.

 

She thought that she already stayed long enough at Tiffany's house for fulfilling the flying hours and her job as a certified flight instructor within these two months period. If not because of the dinner with Tiffany's grandpa at the house tonight, maybe she will never stay another night at the place. Normally, during her day off, she and Hyomin will be staying over at Sunny's house when Sunny was available or at the orphanage house where her mother works. She will spend her time in there to bond with her mother and the other kids. Maybe the conversation that she had with Tiffany will never happen if she never stays at the house. Of course, she wants Tiffany to let her go, but not if she makes her cry this bad. The thing that she dislikes the most is to make her cry. Tiffany was her first love. It's hard not to care. They have a special bond together. Even if their love story didn't end well, she knew Tiffany still win a special place in her heart. May be the love that she had for Tiffany is not that as much as before, but still... it is love.

 

The dim lamp on the bedside table could make her see the crying woman's figure from her spot. Tiffany was under the thick pink comforter, sobbing and sniffing every now and then. The sound of her cry that manage to hurt her as well. It's so heart-breaking to stay any longer in the room and hear her crying her heart out. Being responsible as the person who makes her cry, she decides to see her. Her head hung low while walking closer to approach Tiffany. Why must she hurt her for loving Jessica, she thought? It really kills her inside to be in this situation. Like she has to choose between them.

 

She placed Tiffany's phone on the side table before taking her time to sit on the bed slowly. "Fany-ah, do you think we should change your bed sheet?" She tried to distract the crying person's attention, talking like everything was normal and Tiffany never cries.

 

It took some time to get a reply like what she hopes. She assumed maybe Tiffany didn't expect her to be in her room. For obvious reason, she always be cautious whenever she enters Tiffany's room with proper knock and greetings. Just a while ago, she had completely forgotten the norms. Probably, what Tiffany said earlier still had an effect on her. She finds a light again to her seem dark journey with Hyomin's biological mother. Her excitement somehow died the moment when she heard Tiffany's hurtful crying sound.

 

"What are you doing in my room?" Tiffany probed in her almost hoarse voice. Her tears came to a stop for receiving the unwanted visitor right there. The comforter still covering her body, though. She didn't feel like she wants to reveal her teary face, even if maybe Taeyeon already heard her. It’s impossible to say if Taeyeon didn’t hear the crying sound she made, she thought. She wiped her tears, trying to inhale gradually to calm herself.

 

"I'm sending your phone that you left outside. I heard you sniffing. Maybe your bed sheet got a lot of dust. Should we change them together?" Taengoo tried to act like a fool, feeling her mission is partially accomplished when she didn't hear the woman sniffing or sobbing again.

 

"Thank you for the phone. I'm feeling sleepy right now. My body felt so cold from outside. Can you please close the door when you leave? I want to rest."

 

Part of her want to follow just like what Tiffany instructed her, but part of her also want to stay in the room till she makes Tiffany feels completely better again. The warm temperature in the room is fine for her body. The room heater is working great to make her feel that way. Impossible to say if Tiffany is still feeling so cold. She was so awkwardly quiet. Unsure what she should do right now. It would be easier if she can just talk with Tiffany directly and comfort her just like what she plans. Somehow, if she starts talking about them, she knew Tiffany would start to cry again.

 

Being a counsellor is probably a bonus. It might be easier to handle a case like this. Unfortunately, not when she was handling a person that she was so close. Her idea died. She felt like she had no special ability to comfort Tiffany like how she did with other people. She really spent too much of the time thinking right now. There is a game that she always played with Tiffany since they were a kid if she wants Tiffany to listen to her. Perhaps, she should distract Tiffany's mind before doing whatever she plans earlier by playing this game with her.

 

"Play Kai Bai Bo with me if you want me to leave. If you win, I will leave. If you lose, we will change your bed sheet. Or else, I'm not moving from here."

 

Tiffany scoffed, feeling Taeyeon is so random for wanting to change her bed sheet. Is she an idiot? She’s not in the mood to play any game. Why can't she just leave her alone to let her continue her cry again? "Taeyeon, my bed sheet is clean! It has no dust. Stop being silly! I'm not in the mood with your Kai Bai Bo game right now as well. Just leave me alone, okay?"

 

"Shiro~ I will stay!"

 

Tiffany removed the comforter from covering herself quickly upon listening to the kid replied from Taeyeon. What the hell happened, she thought? Did she change again after two months over? Because the 'kai bai bo' and the word 'shiro' reminds her of the Kid Leader, or the younger version of her.

 

"Taeyeon?" She checked at the person in slim dark blue flannel pajama set with a thick long robe who just sat next to her pillow.

 

"Let's play Kai Bai Bo, alright?" Taeyeon asked with a smile. The cute smile that she had on her face faded within a second when Tiffany pushed a pillow against her body that almost make her fall from the bed. "Waeee?" She sulked.

 

"Go to your room, Taeyeon. I want to sleep." She spoke again when it’s just a false alarm. Taeyeon still being herself. It’s not hard to notice from her dorky face like that. "Don't act like a kid by showing your pout to me! You are a mother right now if you need to be reminded."

 

"You mean I can’t be fun and act like a kid just because I’m a mother?"

 

Taeyeon searched for an answer from the woman who wore revealing red Victoria Secret kimono-style nightgown. She thought Tiffany was almost the same like the other woman that she loves when it comes to branded, quality, and y night attire. Their selection always makes her eyes travel naughtily to check on them. She has no idea how or since when she develops this creepy side of her. All that she knows, she is like a number one ert whenever she checked on them like that.

 

"You can, but I prefer you to act more mature."

 

"Arraso…" She didn't try to argue after seeing Tiffany's red eyes due to crying. Her face was so pink, especially her nose and cheeks. That's not a good sight for her. She dislikes to see Tiffany like this. It makes her want to comfort Tiffany so badly like how she helps other people. "Can I cuddle you for a while before I go?"

 

"Cuddle me?" Tiffany asked a bit confused this time. "You will do it for free? Willingly?"

 

It was so out of the blue, she thought. Taeyeon never requested something like that all this while. After their unkind ‘girlfriend with benefit’ break-up, this was the first she heard Taengoo requested something like this again. Not that Taeyeon never hug her recently. They do hug each other if her grandpa was around. The fake hugs that they always did to show like they were really a happy couple in front of the old man. Taeyeon knew how to avoid her if she wants to give her a cuddle when she sat closer to her like during watching a movie or a cartoon with Hyomin. She once told Taeyeon that she will pay for her cuddle service to make Taeyeon sleep in her room together, but all that she got was only a short hug before she got left alone with an excuse that Yuri needs Taeyeon at the orphanage house.

 

Taeyeon hurts her pride so badly that night. But whom to blame? She was the one who said stupid things when she rejected her before. All because of her coward-self who didn't want to admit and say vocally that she loves Taeyeon. She ruined herself because she can't believe that she was different. But at the end, she became her wife also. Isn't that stupid?

 

"Ne..."

 

"I'm not going to move from my spot. If you want to hug me, come get it yourself." Tiffany played hard. Because she still can't believe if Taeyeon was really going to cuddle her. Maybe, it is only a trap. But for what? To ? To make her mad? And what if Taeyeon really meant it?

 

Taeyeon follows and trusts her instinct to lay her body sideways, going inside the comforter and next to the woman who said the greatest things to her tonight. Can't deny the kind act from Tiffany. She has a big heart to let her go by saying those words. The words that eventually making her cry at the end. She knew it might never be easier to make a decision like that. How she wished that Tiffany could confess her feeling a little earlier if she was really so serious with her. If only she was honest with her feeling from the very beginning, maybe they will never end up this way. Their destiny changed when she had been rejected and been played so many times by her.

 

One time Tiffany made her feel like she was needed and another time Tiffany made her feel like she was nothing. Tiffany gave her the view of Heaven and Hell when they were together. When she was sweet, everything with her was perfectly beautiful. When she was bitter, everything with her was a disaster. That's a normal thing about being in love or in a relationship, she guessed. Nothing is perfect. They have their ups and downs. She tried to understand them. Patience and communication are always the keys. But that wasn't enough if she's the only person who took an effort in trying to make it a better relationship when Tiffany didn't seem to be serious with her. Communication was quite hard. Tiffany chose not to speak when she tried to help her. She could still recall Tiffany’s reasons about why she can't accept her. The reason why she decides to find her happiness somewhere else.

 

Tiffany’s statements about she can’t love her with all her heart because she is a woman and she has multiple identity really hurt her last time. After Seo, her heart can't accept anyone in her life again. That's included Tiffany. She never goes beyond the limit with Tiffany other than a light acting in front of her grandpa. Weirdly, meeting Jessica allows her to feel the great thing about being in love again. She thought that she had enough of being in love. Love scared her. She knew it’s not love that she should blame. Love is the greatest thing to have in this entire world. Being rejected is the actual reason for the hurt. She learned that. Even in her therapy session, she covered mostly about the topic. That’s the main reason why she was so scared to be in love again. Feeling rejected because she has multiple identity and just a woman are the reasons why she tries to stay out of love. But love is love. It has no boundary. It came to reach her before she could prepare herself again.

 

Frankly, she can't believe Tiffany had given her a green light to bring their daughter to meet Jessica. Maybe she was really so bad. Because she thought, Tiffany will be at ease if she knows Jessica doesn't want to see her anymore. The thing that Tiffany shared is really unforeseen. Indeed, she believed Tiffany had changed. She becomes a considerate person now. She assumed maybe, Tiffany has been ready to end their fake marriage. Telling her something like that must not be easy. She might feel lonely and depress for her decision. That’s why she needs to comfort her no matter what it takes right now. She took this as part of her responsibility. As her friend, and as a person who still loves her.

 

"Do you know what you were doing right now?" Tiffany begins to cry as soon as Taeyeon does the spooning to envelope her body in her arm soothingly.

 

She gets emotional too quickly for the cuddle that she thought would never happen. It felt so hard to control the tears that rolling down on her cheeks. Taeyeon should never be kind to her. It gave her a hard time to process everything if she’s being kind to her right now. Having the person that she wanted all for herself embracing her closely and lovingly is so fascinating, but at the same time it gave her a real pressure. She hates to deal with this kind of feeling again. She should have never taken Taeyeon for granted. Why she only appreciates Taeyeon when someone wants to take her away from her life? Is that normal? Human will only appreciate something when they about to lose them? Why it must happen to her all the time? God already took her parents from her life… She can’t lose Taeyeon as someone that she depended too much since she was a kid. Can't they just stay as a married couple forever?

 

She doesn't mind if Taeyeon wants to play around with other people, as long as she is not falling in love with anyone other than her. This kind of thinking that she had were ruining their lives. Or maybe just her alone. Yes, her! She had a manipulative mind, wishing Taeyeon could be just the same like her. She believed that she won't be feeling so guilty about everything if only Taeyeon behaves like her. But Taeyeon is just being Taeyeon. She never downgrade herself to be on the same level as her. She was so kind, so honest, so loyal, and so lovely. Her glamourous career can't even sway her mind to sleep randomly with her crews or other people during her outstation requirement.

 

Stupid her, she even hired an exclusive and professional to sleep with Taeyeon during her outstation after they got married. Making sure the person was perfectly fit to Taeyeon's taste. Somehow, the lady failed her. Taeyeon just bought the lady a drink from the bar, did a little talk about the place she visited, and then left the lady to be alone by using her power. She witnessed everything with her own eyes, listening their every conversation from the small chip she placed on the