*Sungyeol POV*

The annoying sound of the alarm clock ringing shot me out of my beautiful dream.

Groggily, I looked out of my window and saw a beautiful white blanket of snow covering the small lawn in front of the house, causing me to sharply inhale at it’s beauty.

It was Christmas Eve.

Excitedly, I threw the covers off me and pressed my face up to the frosty window.

“Myung! Myung! Look at the snow! It’s beauti-“ I bit my tongue harshly, reminding myself that Myungsoo isn’t with me. Not anymore.

I sighed deeply.

Myungsoo had always spent Christmas with me. In fact, I can’t remember a year where I had spent Christmas without him. This year though, he won’t be by my side. He promised me that he would spend every Christmas with me. But that promise is going to be broken tomorrow.

It just feels wrong without him today. I would feel so bad going for a party and enjoying myself without him.

I’ve found a solution.

I’m going to visit Myungsoo.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I got off the bus, dressed in an all-black outfit.

With a bouquet of pink carnations nicely wrapped in sparkly paper, I walked through the long rows of graves that lined the snow capped grass.

Pink carnations mean “I miss you”.

I miss Myungsoo.

So much.

I walked slowly, my head bowed slightly, until I reached the headstone that had his name engraved on it.

After swiping away the blanket of snow covering the grass, I gently set down the bouquet before his grave.

Something inside me snapped and I fell to my knees, not caring if my jeans were soaked and I was freezing. All I cared about was that I finally felt safe again.

Emotions bubbled up in my chest and I felt the tears stinging against my eyes.

I tried my best to blink them back.

Come on, weakling.I told myself,Myung wouldn’t wanna see you cry.

“Myungie-ah, annyeong.” My voice cracked, and I knew, my resolve was gone.

Tears streamed down my face freely, my shoulders jerking up and down silently.

“How are you doing up there? Are they treating you well?” I hiccupped.

“Yah, if they aren’t, just tell me, and I’ll go teach them a lesson.” I pounded my fist on my palm, laughing weakly.

I closed my eyes, as if waiting for his reply, but hearing nothing except the howling wind.

Of course.

“Myung-ah, do you still remember me? Do you still remember that we were supposed to get married?” Resentment rose in my chest.

“Do you still remember your promise to me? You’re supposed to spend Christmas with me! How could you break that promise?! If only you had turned your phone off that night, if only I had begged you not to go, if only, if only!!” I screamed, tears dropping from my glistening eyes.

I closed my eyes again and inhaled deeply, composing myself.

“I-I’m so sorry, baby. It’s just that I miss you so much. I know, none of this is your fault. I just-“ I sighed loudly.

“I’m so sorry, that I haven’t visited for so long. It’s just that I’ve been so caught up with everything around me that I was just… distracted. Oh my god, Myung, I feel so bad now. It’s as if I’ve completely forgotten you. After you left, I should be feeling empty right? I did, at first. But suddenly, someone entered my life, and that empty feeling slowly faded.” I stopped to wipe at my eyes harshly.

“His name is L. when I first met him, I had this weird feeling that he seemed so familiar. Too familiar. I don’t even know why, because I hadn’t even seen him before. But why did the empty feeling fade? Was he making me forget you? When we got closer, every time I spend time with him, it feels as if you haven’t left at all. I kind of feel that secure feeling with him. Not as much as with you, but it was still there.” I clenched my fists.

“I sound like such a now. I can’t believe I’m talking to you this way about someone. Someone who isn’t you. I miss you, I swear I do. Do you know how ing hard it is to go to sleep alone, without your arms holding me tight, chasing the nightmares away? Do you know that on most nights, I get nightmares. Horrible, horrible nightmares. Of you. Sometimes, I see you in a tattered tuxedo, crying and alone in the rain. Whenever I try to reach out for you, your image gets further and further. Until you’re gone. And I’m the one left alone in the pouring rain. They feel so ing real, Myung. I don’t know what to do.” My lower lip trembled, and before I knew it I was crying again.

“But, I mean you did tell me to move on, and find someone else didn’t you? I hate that it’s not you, but what other choice do I have? You aren’t here anymore. If it were up to me, you would be the only one. But it isn’t. I wish fate wasn’t so cruel, Myung-ah. I know, you want me to be happy. But how can I be happy, if you are my happiness?”

“Do you miss me? Can you hear me right now, baby? Are you an angel? What should I do, L really really reminds me of you, but I don’t want to betray you, or hurt him.” I sighed. Life is so unfair.

“I missed you so much, and I feel so much better after talking to you, even if you aren’t here right now, listening to me. But it’s okay, because do you remember what you told me? No matter where we are, we’ll always be in each other’s hearts. No matter how far we are from each other, we’ll always be looking at the same moon. Can you see the moon from heaven? I hope you can, because every night I look up to the moon, and think of you. Are you thinking of me too while looking at it? Am I still in your heart? Please don’t have found someone else in heaven. Wait for me, Myung. Wait for me, because one day, I’ll join you up there.” I leaned forward and caressed his name, engraved into the headstone.

“I love you.” I placed a light kiss on it, as if I was kissing his forehead.

I stood up again, my legs wobbly after kneeling down for so long. I stumbled, but caught myself at the last minute.

I frowned, looking at the long, unkempt grass underneath all the snow.

Nobody else has been here to see Myung. Nobody but me, and all I’ve done was to disappoint him, by not visiting for so long.

Feeling myself lose it, I wept, digging my fingers deep into the snow, tugging at the grass, ignoring the bitter cold biting at my bare fingers.

I cursed myself for forgetting to bring my scissors.

I screamed as I clawed uselessly at the frozen ground, my fingers stiff and numb.

“I’m sorry, Myung! I’m such a letdown, I haven’t even helped you keep neat, I’m so sorry. Forgive me, I’m such a disappointment. How could I-“

A strong pair of arms encased my waist, effectively pulling me from the ground.

I clawed at the arms.

“Let me go! Let me go!” I screamed, kicking the air.

“Sungyeol! Sungyeol, it’s just me! Relax!” L shouted frantically into my ear.

I stopped thrashing, but my body was still shivering.

I crumpled to the ground, bringing him with me. He was still hugging me, and I leaned into his chest.

“I-I’m such a failure. Myungsoo must have counted on me, and all I did was disappoint him.” I bawled, gripping his jacket tightly in my fists.

He my hair gently. “Shh, shh. Come on, you’re not a failure. I’m sure he would understand.”

I didn’t reply him and continued crying.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

*Myungsoo POV*

My heart plummeted to the floor as Yeol cried in my arms.

I heard it. Every single thing he said.

I didn’t know he had felt all these. He never told me anything.

Does this mean I have a chance, as L?

Or would he not accept me, because he thinks he’s betraying the old me?

I don’t blame him at all for not coming to visit.

We’re been keeping him so occupied, just to get his mind off everything, that he probably had no time to drop by.

I miss him too, even though he’s right in front of me.

I miss having him as my lover, instead of a friend.

I never knew the gap between a friend and a lover was this big, until now.

Now I understand the meaning of the phrase ‘So close, yet so far’.

He’s very close right now. Physically. But our hearts are far.

I still remember the day I told him that we’d be looking at the same moon, no matter what.

It was the day I went overseas to visit my sick relative, and he broke down in the airport.

I rested my chin on top of his head as I rocked his shaking frame back and forth.

I wish none of this had happened either.

I wish, that I had just turned off my phone. Or ignored Dongwoo.

But I can’t turn back time, and what has been done, has been done.

I don’t have much time left here. Maybe I should take action soon.

I cringed as I felt the snow melt and seep into my jeans.

I started to shiver, despite myself.

Yeol suddenly stopped crying and looked up at me with bloodshot eyes.

“You’re cold. Oh my goodness I’m so sorry.” He croaked.

“No, it’s fine. Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

I pulled him up to his feet and smiled, wiping his tears away.

“Come on, I drove here. Let’s go back to your place and get ready for the party later on.” I slipped my hand through his and led him to my car.

“L?” He voiced out timidly, looking at me once we had settled down into the car.

“Yeah?” I replied, my eyes on the road.

“Thank you.”

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Hehe, what did I promise you guys? :P

Even though it didn't hit the number of subbies I wanted and I'm really upset.

Okay it wasn't really THAT long, but at least it was longer than the previous chapter!! ><

OMG I AM SO FREAKING STUCK BETWEEN HUNHAN, SEKAI AND OT3 ARGH.

WHY IS KAI SUCH A Y OMG WHENEVER LUHAN ISN'T AROUND HE STARTS AROUND WITH SEHUN OMG SAME FOR SEHUN. POOR KYUNGSOO AGH KAI ABANDONING HIM LIKE THAT T_T

okay sorry.

Anyways, a few more chapters left and the story is ending! Should I have a sequel? :D