A/N The italicized words here represents Eunjung's thoughts. After this chapter, anything italicized will mean that English is being spoken. Also, if you want, you can have The Light by The Ark playing in the background. If you haven't seen that MV, I highly recommend it. 

“Is my Eunjungie here? No…Is she…here?! No. Where could she have gone? Did she disappear? On her birthday? Oh no, now who’s going to play with Lady?” I heard giggling. Was that me giggling? Who was the older girl though? I see her so much but I don’t know her name.

“Oh well, I guess I’ll just leave Lady here and hope for Eunjungie to come back.” I heard the girl walk away and then there was crawling out from under the bed, seeing the stuffed Lady that I cherished so much sitting on the bed. I thought Moonkyu oppa gave this to me though.

“Ah-ha! I knew you were hiding! Aigoo! My Eunjungie is so evil!” There was giggling again as the girl hugged something tight—it felt like me—and it felt like my face was being smothered with kisses.

“Does my Eunjungie like it? Uncle VP and auntie asked Kyu-Kyu and I what you liked and we told them you liked the movie Lady and the Tramp so they bought you Lady. Isn’t she so pretty? Is my Eunjungie happy?” There was a giggle as the older girl got hugged and I saw a toddler’s arm reach out to grab Lady.

“Waaah! Kyu-kyu, Eunjungie loves Lady!”

*

“Eunjungie, are you trying to pedal towards eonni?” Who is that? Where am…oh, I’m home. I mean, I’m at my parents’ home. Who is that girl in front of me though?

“Hyeonsu eonni, I don’t know how to pedal!” Ah! Was that me? It sounded like me but younger.

“Do you want eonni to teach you how to pedal?” Oh, but I thought Moonkyu oppa taught me how to pedal a bike.

“Yes please, eonni!” I watched Hyeonsu walk towards me, putting her book down on the grass. I realized though that I was seeing everything from first person point of view. Is this really me?

I saw Hyeonsu teach me how to pedal the tricycle and heard myself cheer once I got the hang of it, exclaiming that ‘Hyeonsu eonni was the best!’ I think I was around three when I learned how to ride the tricycle that I was gifted. I could’ve sworn that Moonkyu oppa taught me though. Who is this Hyeonsu though? She’s the same girl I’ve been seeing so much in the memories and I’m glad I have a name now but who exactly was she?

*

“Eonni, will you help me build a sand castle at the beach?”

“Of course, my precious Eunjungie! Eonni will help you make the biggest, bestest sandcastle ever!” I heard little me giggle and watched my own hands reach forward to squeeze Hyeonsu’s cheeks. I was four when we first went to the beach.

“Noona, bestest isn’t a word.” I heard Moonkyu oppa, but he was younger.

“Aigoo, my darling Kyu-kyu, Eunjungie was supposed to correct me. We need to get her ready for when she starts school.” I watched Hyeonsu reach over and ruffle Moonkyu oppa’s hair.

“Oppa, will you help us make my sandcastle?”

“No, sandcastles are for babies.” Hyeonsu flicked Moonkyu oppa on the arm.

“No! I love making sandcastles. Are you calling me, your noona, a baby?” Moonkyu oppa pouted and shook his head.

“Good! So you’ll help us with the castle, right? Eunjungie would be so sad if you don’t, right Eunjungie?” From the way they moved up and down, I assumed that I nodded my head.

“Fine.” Moonkyu oppa agreed and I heard the cheer come from me, hugging Moonkyu oppa as I thanked him.

*

“Junhyukie oppa, will you and eonni get married when you get bigger?” I was looking at a much younger Junhyuk oppa and it looked like that I was sitting in his lap.

“Aigoo, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Junhyuk oppa grinned. I nodded my head.

“Junhyukie oppa and Hyeonie eonni look the best together!” I clapped my hands. When did this ever happen though?

“Ew! I don’t want hyung and noona to get married. Girls have cooties.” Moonkyu oppa exclaimed with disgust. He looked to be around 6 which would make me 5.

“But Timo, if I marry Hyeonsu, then we’d be brothers.” Junhyuk oppa tried to reason.

“But hyung, aren’t we brothers already? Why do you have to marry our noona for us to be brothers?” Moonkyu oppa wondered.

“We’d be brother-in-laws. It’d be official, official.” Junhyuk oppa explained.

“And I’d have another oppa!” I cheered.

So Hyeonsu was my sister? But, it’s always just been Moonkyu oppa and I. We’ve never had a sister…right?

*

“Eunjungie, Toy Story is just a movie. Your toys really don’t come to life.”

“Eonni, don’t say that! My toys will hear you and get angry and then they’ll cause trouble when we’re all asleep!”

“I told you she was too little to understand the concept of that movie but you never listen to me, noona.” And with that, Moonkyu oppa began to walk away.

“Hush, Kyu Kyu. Really, Eunjungie, your toys won’t come alive.”

“Then why is there a movie about them to life?!” I saw Hyeonsu sigh.

“Would you feel better if we put your toys in your closet before you go to sleep?” I nodded my head and with that, Hyeonsu grabbed my hand and we went to my room.

I saw her helping me put the toys away the first night but then after that, I put them away myself. I remember Moonkyu oppa talking about this, but he never mentioned Hyeonsu. Why didn’t he? Everything seemed to fast forward to when Moonkyu oppa told me that putting them in my closet made them angry and I broke down in tears. Hyeonsu helped me convice the maids to get rid of the dolls and a good majority of my toys.

*

“Eonni, I drew a picture for you at my first day of school!” As I came running into the house, I slammed into my mother.

“Aish! You little, yah! Watch where you’re going!”

“I’m sorry, mother.” I sniffled

“Mom, don’t yell at my precious Eunjungie! She’s excited after her first day of school.” Hyeonsu immediately came to rescue. I felt her arms wrap tightly around me as she defended me against mother.

I saw mother’s harsh expression soften when Hyeonsu appeared.

“Well, tell her to not run inside.” And with that, mother left. Hyeonsu turned me to face her, wiping my tears away before hugging me tight.

“We have to work hard on not making mom angry, okay my Eunjungie?” I sniffled, nodding my head.

“Let’s go see if Kyu hasn’t finished all the snacks and you can tell us all about your day. Did you have a lot of fun at school?” I nodded my head excitedly before going on to explain how much fun school was, the friends that I had made, and the nice things that the teacher told me.

*

“Oppa, where’s eonni?” I coughed, seeing Moonkyu oppa flinch when I did so.

“Mom took her out to go shopping. Noona made me stay here so you aren’t lonely.” Moonkyu oppa explained as he played with his LEGOs.

“I’m sorry you can’t have fun because of me, oppa.” I rubbed my nose with my sleeve.

“Yah, use a tissue.” He stood up, grabbing a box of a tissues to give to me. “It’s not so bad, I guess. Shopping is boring and dad is working anyways.” Moonkyu oppa sighed, wiping my nose for me. I remember him taking care of me when I was sick but was our sister the reason why? Whatever happened to our sister then if we had one?

“When you get better, I’ll show the dance routine that I’m learning but only when you get better so you have to get better quick.” I cheered.

“Oppa looks the coolest when dancing!”

“I thought I looked cool all the time?” I giggled, nodding my head.

“You do but you look even cooler when you dance!” And with that, I broke out into a coughing fit. I felt Moonkyu oppa pat my back as he handed me a water bottle.

*

“Eonni, I got a 100 on all of my quizzes! Look, I got a 100 on spelling and math and grammar!” I pulled out the papers from my backpack so I could show them to Hyeonsu. I realized that these memories were all in a random order. I go from being little, to being slightly older, or back to younger. It was all confusing and I wanted to wake up, but I didn’t know how.

“Really? Let me see.” Hyeonsu took the papers from me, examing them before she grinned at me.

“Aigoo! My precious Eunjungie is so smart!” Hyeonsu complimented.

“My teacher says that if I keep my grades like this all throughout school, then I can get into any college and do anything that I want. I want to be like father and earn money! Eonni, I want to go to college! I want to go to one of the SKY colleges or study abroad! Can I do that eonni? Can I?” I sounded so excited and I almost wanted to cry at how excited little me felt about going to college. I wonder how little me would react if she found out that we can never go to college.

“Uhm…sure! You can do whatever you want, why? Because you’re my precious Eunjungie and if eonni says you can do whatever you want, then you can!” Little me didn’t notice the hesitance in Hyeonsu’s voice at first, but I noticed. It’s almost like she knew, that girls continuing with an education wasn’t “appropriate” within our social class.

“Really eonni? Waaaah! That’s so awesome! And what about Moonkyu oppa? Can he dance?” Hyeonsu grinned, hugging me close.

“Of course! If my darling Kyu Kyu wants to dance, then he will dance!” Hyeonsu exclaimed.

*

Younger me was crying in my room, hugging Lady tight to me. I heard the door to my bedroom open then close and I felt the bed shift under the person’s weight.

“My precious Eunjungie, why are you crying?” Hyeonsu cooed, brushing my hair away from my face.

“M-m-mother said that I-I can’t go to college. She called me stupid for even thinking it. Eonni, is that true? I really can’t go to college?”

“No, my precious Eunjungie, that’s not true. You can do whatever you want. Don’t you remember what I told you a couple weeks ago?”

“But why did mother say that? Why doesn’t mother and father love me like they love you and oppa? Was I a bad baby?” Hyeonsu shushed me as she lifted me into a sitting position so she could hug me close. I hugged Lady with one arm while my other arm wrapped around Hyeonsu as I continued to cry.

“No, my sweet. You were the sweetest baby ever. I was so happy when mom told Kyu Kyu and I that we were going to have you. Mom and dad just…they weren’t expecting another baby but that doesn’t mean that they don’t love you. They just, have a hard time showing it.” I could hear Hyeonsu struggle with an explanation for younger me. Had my parents not loved me at all? No, that can’t be true. Parents are supposed to love their children…right?

“But, why would mother call me stupid?” My tears had slowed a good amount and I spoke more clearly.

“You’re not stupid. Don’t ever listen to someone if they call you stupid. You are so smart, smarter than me and Kyu Kyu. You’ll be helping us with our homework in no time. You can do whatever you want, my precious Eunjung. Whatever you want, if you work hard enough, it will be yours. I promise.”

*

More and more memories came and I felt more and more overwhelmed. Everything that I had known, was a lie. If Moonkyu oppa wasn’t the one I was closest to, then why did he appear in my previous memories like he was. Where was Hyeonsu? I started to see memories that didn’t involve Hyeonsu or even mention her. I saw more of Junhyuk oppa, Kidmon oppa, Sungwoon oppa, and Hojeong oppa. I noticed that I hardly smiled when they weren’t around either and spent a lot of time in my room when they didn’t visit. What had happened? What changed? Where did Hyeonsu go and why did Moonkyu oppa get so-

*

“Eunjungie, be careful to keep the ball from the street, okay?”

“Yes, eonni! I’m 9 now! I’m practically a big girl! I’m not a little kid.”

“You are compared to me and noona.”

“Shut up, oppa!”

“No! I’m still your oppa and you have to show me some respect! I’ll kick your .”

“Both of you, no fighting.”

A gust of wind blew the ball away from me and towards the street. I looked and saw Moonkyu oppa and Hyeonsu were occupied with buying ice cream from an ice cream stand at the park. I took off after the ball, not noticing the car heading straight towards me with no sign of slowing down.

“EUNJUNG!” I felt pain, lots of pain after I heard screeching tires. I remember being pushed and hitting my head hard on the street.

“Eonni?” I saw Hyeonsu not moving, having taken most of the hit from the car, her ice cream laid forgotten on the floor from dropping it to come after me. Moonkyu oppa stood by the ice cream stand, wide eyed as the person from the ice cream stand moved to cover his eyes. I heard yelling, lots of it from ever where but my focus was directed only on Hyeonsu who had blood coming from her head, her body twisted in a weird way. I could hear myself calling out to her, but it hurt to move.

*

This time, I was actually watching the scene. I could actually see 9 year old me lay in the hospital room. I heard crying coming from outside of the hallway but I couldn’t pinpoint who it was. I could see the confusion and worry etched on my face as I looked around the empty hospital room. No one was there with me. I turned to look at the door the same time as 9 year old me did and I saw a younger Junhyuk oppa come in. He looked around 11 and his eyes were puffy but he tried to put a smile on his face for 9 year old me.

“Oppa, is that mother crying in the hallway?” Junhyuk oppa nodded his head as he took the hand of 9 year old me and held it tight.

“Why is mother crying?” 9 year old me wondered. I moved till I was standing on the other side of the hospital bed, facing Junhyuk oppa. I could see him try to compose himself before speaking but he had a hard time doing so.

“Oppa…is…is eonni okay?” I saw Junhyuk oppa choke on a sob, bringing his free hand up to his eyes. I looked at 9 year old me and could see the pure terror that was on my face.

“Oppa…no….” Junhyuk oppa nodded his head. He let go of the hand to cover his face with both his hands as he began to sob.

“She didn’t make it, Eunjungie. I’m so sorry! Hyeonsu, she, she passed away.” I felt the air escape me as I saw the thick tears roll down the face of 9 year old me as she shook her head, not wanting to believe it.

“No, you’re lying…you’re lying! She didn’t die! Eonni can’t die! Eonni was the only one who supported me! SHE CAN’T DIE!” I began to cry now as I heard 9 year old me sob.

Junhyuk oppa moved to hug 9 year old me but he stepped away when 9 year old me screamed, beating the bed with my fists as I sobbed harder and harder.

“SHE’S DEAD! I KILLED HER! I KILLED MY EONNI!” I couldn’t breathe anymore as I saw a nurse and doctor run in and try to calm me down. I felt myself hyperventilate as I watched them put a sedative into my IV when I began to thrash around. I could feel my heart break at the realization of me being the reason that Hyeonsu wasn’t around anymore. I heard someone calling my name but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from. It wasn’t until someone grabbed my upper arms when-

*~*

“Eunjung!” I gasped for breath, opening my eyes only to find Yoonsan looking at me with nothing but worry, holding me by my upper arms. I saw that I was in the hospital and how similar the room I was currently in looked to the room that I had woken up in after the car accident.

“Eunjung, jagi…are you okay?” I felt my lower lip tremble as everything came back to me. I let out a choked sob, curling in on myself as I began to cry. It had to be a dream. None of this can’t be real. I didn’t kill her. How could I? Hyeonsu never existed. It was only Moonkyu oppa and I. No, none of that was real. None of it...

A/N Soooo...more questions will be answered in the next chapter...