Chapter 9: Happiness Versus Sadness

Halmeoni’s words keep lingering in my mind.

“Be happy. That’s the least you can do for yourself.”                            

She’s right. I want nothing to do with the past. I want to be a new Sandara Park. I want to be free from this entire nightmare. I want to be fearless.

I want to be happy.

Being happy is the only way I can free myself from this haunting depression. I don’t want to be sick in the head. I want to truly live for once.

After I left halmeoni’s, I went to stay at a motel for three days, which means, I’ve skipped school for three days. I’ve no idea how I’m going to school in bruises and cuts, I definitely doesn’t want to be question. I don’t want to even think about that man again.

After my bruises and cuts are a little healed, I went to school immediately. I’ve been missing a lot and I’ve no idea why I’m missing him.

I don’t even know if he’s the one who save me.

“Why are you always thinking about him, Dara? Aish!” I mumbled to myself, “Even if you’ve a TINY feeling towards him, he’s still a cold-blooded bastard. He doesn’t even have an expression! He doesn’t know how to laugh, he doesn’t know how to smile, he only have that one cool, jerk ’ look!” I continue mumbled to myself, while walking to class, "And he doesn't even like the sight of you."

“Sorry!” I said after collided with someone.

I looked up, only to see GD. The guy that I’ve spoke ill of for the past few minutes.

He was staring at me, with that one expression that he only have.

I wanted to say something, but my mouth just seemed like it have sewed on its own.

“How many times do you want to collide with me? If you want to touch me, you could have just say.” He said in monotone.

“And he’s an arrogant want.” I mumbled to myself.

“What?” he said.

“Nothing. I’m sorry. Now, will you please excuse me? I don’t want to be late.”

I walked passed him.

“Why did you leave?”

I heard a soft voice behind me. It was nothing like GD’s. I turned, looking straight into his cold eyes.

His eyes were showing loneliness and helplessness. My heart dropped to the ground in instant. I wanted to run up to him and gave him an embrace, but it’s impossible.

“What?” I said softly.

“Why did you leave that night? You could have waited for me to be home and tell me you’re leaving instead of leaving a post-it.”

No, I don’t have TINY feelings for him. I’m in love with him.

“I… I’ve to go.” I said, entering the classroom.

Ji-Yong’s Point Of View

“Hyung, what’s wrong with you? You don’t look like yourself lately?” I was snapped back to reality after hearing Seung Ri’s loud voice.

“Yeah, man. Are you in love or something?” I turned to Tae-Yang, only to catch him drinking from his bottle of cola.

“What?” I said in an annoyed tone.

I hated love. I don’t love and I won’t love again. That’s a weapon of destruction. Everybody I love, left me, how am I able to love again?

“Look, you’ve been out of yourself lately. You stared in spaces and ignore the world. You don’t even want to entertain those in the club lately. Seriously, is it about that girl you brought to Bom’s?” Tae Yang always hit the spot.

As much as I wanted to deny it, I can’t. Every word he said is true.

But, I’m not in love.

She has been missing for three days ever since she left that night. I've no idea why but seeing her with bruises and cuts all over her body just keeps making my heart ache. The look on her face that night outside the club, it shown fear and sadness. I can’t describe. I felt every single emotion she feels too. She look scared, I felt fear. She look sad, I felt sorrow. It was a puzzle to me, she is a puzzle to me.

I was getting frustrated every minute she invade my mind. I stood up without replying Tae-Yang and walked of the classroom.

“, who’s it this time?” I thought to myself.

I looked down to see Dara. She is in her uniform and her same old stocking, her petite body is showing perfectly. Her porcelain skin is…

“What the ?” I thought to myself.

“Sorry” she said. Her eyes interlocked with mine.

This is a feeling I never felt before; not even with Stephanie.

“How many times do you want to collide with me? If you want to touch me, you could have just said.” I said, wanting to annoy her, making sure she’s okay at the same time.

“And he’s an arrogant want.” She mumbled but loud enough for me to hear. Doesn’t she know she’s loud?

“What?” I wanted to keep the conversation going. I wanted to hear her voice. I wanted to see her.

“Nothing. I’m sorry. Now, will you please excuse me? I don’t want to be late.”

I stepped aside unknowingly. I never do that for someone. Normally, people stepped aside for me. I couldn’t get myself together. I was in a world I never thought I’d be - the world full of emotions and feelings.

“Am I….” I thought to myself, “No, it’s not possible. She’s just my game.” I shook my head.

I was so curious about her – about what she’s going through, about her family, about her. Everything. And every time I’m with her, I think I’m Kwon Ji-Yong and G-Dragon never existed.

“Stop it, Ji-Yong. Stop it. Never get any emotion in your way.” I stopped myself from thinking of any possibilities of feeling. I don’t want to feel. I wanted revenge and I’ve always wanted revenge for my entire life.

“Why did you leave?” I said, unable to control myself.

I turned around only to see her looking at me.

“Why did you leave that night? You could have waited for me to be home and tell me you’re leaving instead of leaving a post-it.” I asked her again.

“I… I’ve to go.” I’ve never felt this feeling ever since my parents died - the feeling of being left alone in this cruel world, the feeling of losing a loved one.

“What’s it this time now, GD?” I thought to myself, trying to clear up those feeling I felt just now.

Dara. Dara make me want to love again.