WARNING

I WARN YOU TO PREPARE SOME TISSUES.

DON'T READ IT IF YOU'RE PLANNING TO HANG OUT OR DO SOME DATE.

YOUR EYES WILL PROBABLY GET SWOLLEN.

CHAPTER 12

       Tiffany slowly pulled away her lips from Taeyeon as she found Taeyeon was just frozen and didn’t even give her any reaction. A sudden pang was just creeping over her whole body. Her heart was aching. The pain was penetrating deeply. The whole of her body was voluntary trembling. At that time, she knew she’d already broken. She also knew that it had already over. She knew that it supposed to be the last goodbye.

       She would never meet and see her again as it would dig deeper wound for her. She knew she’s fool. She found herself stupid. She knew that it was real though in her desperate she really hoped it was only bad dream. But no. It’s reality. She had to cope with fact that she’s mistaken. She realized that her love toward Taeyeon was pure. She knew that she was sincere; however she couldn’t bear that in fact, her thought was wrong. Taeyeon didn’t have the same feeling as she did. She perhaps loved her, but not as the way she felt. She loved her as a sister, as a friend. Not more. And now she messed it all.

       She couldn’t turn back the time and held herself not to kiss Taeyeon. She wished she could back to few minutes ago and resist herself not to admit whole of stupid things. She should’ve known that Taeyeon didn’t have mutual feeling with her. But it was too late. It was just happened and she had to go through with that.

       Now, in front of her, a pair of eyes was staring of her. But Tiffany didn’t found any spark of love or else. All the things she could find inside the eyes were only puzzled look. She found nothing. It represented nothing. Tiffany felt shameful, pain, shattered, tangling together. Her thought wander aimlessly. She didn’t know what to say or what to do. There was a very long awkward pause.

       “F-fani~aaa, mianhae,” finally Taeyeon opened up , be the first who broke the ice between them. Taeyeon tried to hold Tiffany’s hands, but Tiffany just briskly pulled it away. She didn’t want to feel more pain. Every touch she felt would only make her harder to move one.

       “No… I-I’m the one who suppose to say that, Taeyeon,” Tiffany stuttered. She shifted her eyes from her hand to Taeyeon. She collected all of her courage to eye on her.

       “Mianhae… Mianhae,” she uncurbed sobbed. She covered her face with her both palms, while the tears were running down her cheeks. She even had no idea whether those tears would stop running or not. She wasn’t sure it would stop. Unless her lacrimal gland was draining perhaps.

       While Taeyeon was still trying her best to approach Tiffany and hug her, Tiffany just jerked and struggled to get loose. She pulled Taeyeon away. Taeyeon didn’t persist again as she knew Tiffany really didn’t want it. Taeyeon looked down, wasn’t able to say anything.

       “Don’t… don’t touch me or hug me anymore, Tae,” she struggled to speak in the middle of her sobs. “You make it harder for me,” she muttered again.

       Taeyeon was remaining silent, willingly to listen what would Tiffany say.

       “I’m such a failure, Tae,” Tiffany finally lifted her head again and looked at her. She smiled pathetically. “I was too naïve to believe myself that…”

       “That you love me too,” she finished her sentence hard.

       Taeyeon shook her head.

       “You’re not a failure, Fani~aaa,” she said. “It’s not like that…”

       “Like what? Now you will say that I was wrong? That you love me too?” Tiffany raised her tone in her frustration.

       Taeyeon didn’t answer.

       “Now you can’t answer my question. It’s official. I was the sole player in this relationship,” she stated.

       “Not like that, Fani~aaa. I was hurt when I saw you hurt too,” Taeyeon pleaded.

       “Taeyeon,” Tiffany spoke up. “Don’t be guilty because of me. Don’t take it as a burden, please,” she said sincerely. “I never regret to love someone like you,” she forced a smile but she really meant it when she mentioned the sentence. “And I always realize that love could be hurt. But I really had no idea how hurt it was until… until now. And it convinces me more that I really love you.”

       “Tiffany… I… I’m really sorry…”

       “No, Tae. Don’t say that again, please,” Tiffany shook her head.

       “Tae… I… I need to be alone,” Tiffany said. “Would you like to leave me alone, please?”

       Taeyeon was staring at the ceiling on her room. She was back on her room now. Laying on the bed with vacant look. Her thought was wandering aimlessly. The whole scene was spinning around in her head. She wasn’t sure about her feeling. She had no idea about what was happening. But one unmistakable thing, when she witnessed Tiffany cried, her heart was suddenly sting too. She felt pain. Undescribable pain, but yes, it hurt. She never liked to see Tiffany crying whatever the reason. She couldn’t believe that was happening to them.

       She felt it was just like yesterday she came to this house, applied for the job vacancy. She remembered how glad she was when she was accepted. She remembered when Jessica came into her room and told her many things about Tiffany. She remembered when she acted like a dumb in order to save Tiffany from the crowd of fans at the cinema. She remembered when for the first time her heart was melting when Tiffany was crying and snuggling into her after broke up with Siwon. She remembered how anger she was when Siwon insisted came back to Tiffany’s life at the restaurant. She remembered how hard their fuss at that night. She remembered how rude she was toward Tiffany when she was sick and she remembered the eyes of her were so pure and sincere. She remembered when Tiffany begged her not to leave and she just went away. She remembered how satisfy she was when finally she could rewarded the guy a punch. And she – still could feel – the warm lip met her lips, just like few minutes ago. It was real.

       Taeyeon glimpsed on her suitcase at the corner of the room. She’d already packed all of her stuffs into it. She was planning to leave and back to her hometown tomorrow. It was over. She wouldn’t meet her again. And she thought Tiffany would hope never met her again as well. But perhaps, one day, if they are coincidentally bumping, she will wave her hand and naturally smile to her. Just like an old friend. People say time would heal everything. And she hoped it was true.

       Taeyeon’s tears were streaming down her cheeks to. But she didn’t sob. She wiped it away and tried her best not to cry anymore. She was afraid tomorrow her eyes would be swollen. She didn’t want Tiffany caught her cry. Just by the next second after she wiped her tears, the gleam of light was emerging. Taeyeon caught it was from the door. The door was slightly opening. Then a silhouette popped along with the light. The footsteps were barely heard. But it came closer. Taeyeon felt was tight. She quickly closed her eyes and only relied on her ears now. The footsteps sound was stopping exact beside her. Now she could felt the sound of breath. And her nose could smell the scent she used to sense.

       It was her.

       Tiffany stared for some seconds before she bent down. She tucked her hair behind her ears. Taeyeon could felt a gentle and softly at her hair. And then a sweet peck on her forehead.

       “Mianhae, Tae,” she heard Tiffany whispered. “I don’t mean to steal another kiss from you… But I promise, it will be the last.”

       There was a short pause before Tiffany finished her sentence.

       “I love you so much and never regret it. Thank you for everything you did for me,” she whispered again and left.

       Morning sunlight was shimmering off the bloated face that was still drifting into her slumber through the trellis of windows, indicating the morning already come. Followed by the alarm sound, Taeyeon jerked and briskly woke up. She realized, the earlier she left this house, the better it would be. As the consciousness took over her heavy-eyed, she suddenly realized that… there was a pink envelope been inserted at the edge of the door. She widened her eyes and quickly got out her bed. She grabbed it and slowly hauled up the letter from inside.

Taeyeon,

When you’re reading this letter, I probably had already left Korea.

I’m heading to States and don’t have any plan to back here.

I know we had experienced a really absurd experience. I never expected it would end up like this. At the first time I accept you to work, I really expect we could be close and build a good friendship. I imagined we would be a good friend. We would share many things. We would hang out together, enjoyed tea time together, sometimes had a row, and then we just made it up again. I was very delighted and believed that my thought was really worked when finally I found that you really be the one who I could rely on. Taeyon, you really had no idea about how glad I felt at that time.

Taeyeon, I wasn’t sure where it was beginning but I knew, there’s something weird on me. I never experienced this kind of feeling before. In my past, everything seemed so normal. I fell in love with Siwon and nothing’s special with that. We broke up and I didn’t find myself shattered. I was just going fine. I was strong. And it was because of you. Initially, I thought it was the power of friendship. But lately I knew it was wrong.

I began to sense another feeling. My feeling toward you was my inner strength. You may not believe this, but I tell you the truth. It was my energy pills. Every time I saw you smile, I felt my heart was fluttering. And every time I saw you sad, I always struggled myself not to let my tears flown because I didn’t want you know. You would find me weird and I was so freak out to lose you.

But the hardest time for me was, when more and more day I found myself was trapped into a prison and I didn’t have any courage to spill out the truth. It was hurt, Taeyeon.

Every time you took care of me, I always put a hope that you would have the same feeling with me. I’m sorry. I was so selfish to hope that. I supposed to hope a better and happy life for you, instead of hoping you had the mutual feeling with me.

Taeyeon, I guess it’s the time to say goodbye.

I was pathetic, but please, keep your sympathy away.

I’ve learnt not to life by sympathy. Someone who was really meaningful in my life had already taught me that precious thing. I’m really thankful to her J

Now you’re no need to worry about my anymore.

I promise you, I won’t be reckless and will take a good care of myself.

I hope you’re doing great with your life and reach your happiness.

My prayer will always be with you.

The one who always love you,

-          Tiffany -