CHAPTER 21

TAEYEON POINT OF VIEW

       Yuri opened up her arms and reached me into her hug. I spontaneously embraced myself into her; buried my head inside her chest. Drifting into the silence, I felt her hand patted my back up and down and I felt my emotion slightly ebbed as she was trying to calm me down. I sobbed like a child inside her and she didn’t say anything; just kept caressing me. I didn’t need to tell her what to do since she’s my best friend. She absolutely knew in this circumstance; keep silence and just embracing me into hug would be the best thing that would work out for me.

       “Why this happened to me, Yul?” I sniffled; throwing away all my dignity and revealing my weakness in front of her. If you forgot, I was the one who never cried in front of people. Ever. But this time, I had nothing more to do to control my tears.

       “I…,” I still sobbed. “Love… (hiks)…” “..her... (hiks)” “a lot…” I struggled to manage my voice as my sobbing was getting harder.

       “I know,” she replied briefly as she didn’t have any idea what to spell again.

       I pulled away from her hug and saw her shirt already soaked of my tears. I wiped away my own tears by my arm and tried hard to control it, as I was afraid Tiffany’s father would hear me.

       “Isn’t there another way, Tae?” she asked me carefully. “Are you sure… you have to break up with her?”

       “If only there’s another way, Yul,” I sniffled again. “You must know that breaking up with her would be the last thing I’d do in my life…”

       “I know it’s really hard for you,” she mumbled. “I know you well, Kim Taeyeon...,” she shook her head desperately.

        Yuri suddenly closed her eyes and I knew exactly what’s going on her mind. She must be cogitating about that time… Yeah, I was sure about it…

       It already had been a year since my father gone and I realized I already been a different person afterward. I wasn’t a fun and bright Kim Taeyeon anymore. I was no more than dark and gloomy one. For some period I even couldn’t reason out the meaning of my life anymore. My mother seemed worry a lot about me, but she also had nothing more to do with it.

       Day and night, since then, I mostly spend my time by pondering and daydreaming. I barely talked to anybody and I didn’t give a damn with anything else. I just ate when it’s time to eat; afterward I’d back to my room and locked it inside, buried myself into the sorrowful silence. I went to school without really meaning it as well. I went, sat down, and back home without absorbing anything. My grades were just dramatically falling down to the bottom; my first place was turning out to be the last one.

       The pupils began to stay away from me, as they knew I had been very very sensitive afterward. I easily burst into anger and I couldn’t even try to manage it. The one who always stayed with me was only Kwon Yuri. No matter how rude I behaved toward her, she always seemed to understand my condition. She never been provoked by my bad attitude; instead she was being so patient against me.

       She always visited my house in the morning to accompany me to go to school. She always greeted me cheerfully as if I was still the same Taeyeon she used to know. She never complained at me. And she always encouraged me though I never asked her to do it. Deep inside my heart, I felt very sorry I’d acted bad toward her; but at that time I really couldn’t control myself. Losing my beloved father in such a way really had already changed me mentally.

       But there’s a day, one day that I thought she and I would never forgot during our life; a time when we were still in high school. I remembered clearly every detail in that day.

       I was in the one of the room in female toilet at that time. I didn’t do anything, but musing, as usual. I locked myself inside the room and I used to do it occasionally because people wouldn’t disturb you when you’re locking yourself at toilet. But at the next second, when I was about to unlock the room and go outside, I heard rumble of noisy sounds earned by a group of girls, which I was familiar with their voice.

       There were girls from the next class. They were members of cheerleaders, actually.

       “Hey you know Kwon Yuri would join the dance competition?”

       “Hell, is it true? Kwon Yuri from class A? The tall dark girl?”

       “Yeah. There’s no more Kwon Yuri at our school, you know.”

       “No, she must not join it. The first place has to be mine!”

       “Yeah but if she join the competition, I bet you have no chance to win. She’s really a great dancer, everybody knows!”

       “It doesn’t matter,” I suddenly felt horrorstruck voice inside the girl tone.

       “What do you mean, Gyuri?” another girl asked.

       “Just making her not joining the competition, then!” Gyuri said and laughed cruelly.

       “What?”

       “You’ve heard what I said,” she said. “She wouldn’t able to make it if she’s getting injury, rite?”

       I clenched my fist when I heard Gyuri remarks. How could this girl plan to cause an accident to my bestfriend?

       “But how? Don’t forget about the girl named Kim Taeyeon. She’d always be beside her, you know? I mean, be careful with her.”

       “Hahahaha,” Gyuri laughed hard again. “Do you mean the midget one who already been slightly crazy after her father dead? Aish, no worry.” I heard she laughed again and I really couldn’t stand anymore. I unlocked the door and coldly walked out. The two girls were jolted in shock and surprise. Gyuri was no longer laughing; while her friend gasped and I could see she’s trembling now.

       “Hi,” I smirked and slowly walked toward them.

       “W-what do y-you want?” she stepped backward toward the door; but I didn’t answer and just kept walking toward her.

       “Why you’re stammering?” I asked calmly. “I thought I’ve heard someone say there’s nothing to worry about crazy midget?”

       She didn’t answer but her eyes widened frantically.

       “And I also heard that someone had bad intention to Kwon Yuri, rite?”

       “T-taeng,” the other girl chimed in. “I wasn’t involved at all…,” she explained to me.

       Gyuri hastily opened up the door, escaping from the toilet but I didn’t let her go of that easy. I kept trailing her calmly; and I smirked as I saw her running toward the stairs. She turned back again to face me but didn’t spill out anything. I stepped forward again and I could see it coming.

       I smirked again and with my last one step, I knew she already lost her balance as she didn’t stand on the floor anymore. She stumbled back and rolled down at the ladder and I heard her squinted and shrieked in pain. I smiled complacently witnessing the scene by standing at the top of stairs for a moment, until a voice yanked me.

       “T-taeyeon,” it was Yuri. I tilted my head to face her.

       Suddenly she grabbed my hand and dragged me to follow her. I didn’t have any chance to protest and just trailed behind her. Finally we reached an empty park behind the school and he guided me to sit down on the bench.

       “What are you doing?” I complained.

       “No. It’s you. What’re you doing?” she asked. “You… didn’t push her… did you?” she asked worriedly.

       “It isn’t your business,” I replied rudely and for the first time I could see her eyes were smoldering. This is the first time I saw she was really overwhelmed with anger toward me.

       She grabbed and crumpled my collar.

       “If you hurt someone purposely, it wasn’t was only my business, Taeyeon!!! Can’t you think about it???” she shouted at me.

       “She deserved to get it,” I replied nonchalantly.

       “You… really did it?”

       “I said it was no one business; not yours as well,” I replied indifferently.

       “ you, Kim Taeyeon!” finally she released me and stepped backward. She was about to leave me, I knew. I didn’t say anything; didn’t move either.

       She turned back and inched a few steps before finally she turned away again and face me.

       This time I could see her eyes were teary.

       “I care about you, Taeng. I so damn care about you. I knew you had a tough day and I knew I couldn’t erase your pain as well; but at least… don’t you think that your own self deserve to reach a happiness, Taeng?”

       I got startled with her remarks and a twinge of regret began to pop inside my heart.

       “Everyone ever suffered a pain,” she said. “But behind the pain, must be a good reason to wake up again.”

       “W-what are you trying to say?”

       “You have to move on and get over it, Taeng. I really don’t want to see you like this. You shouldn’t mess with your own life. I’m sorry if I couldn’t be a good friend you wanted me to be; but I’ve tried… I really tried hard during this time… I’m sor…”

       Suddenly I hustled into her. I hug her tight and hushed her.

       “I’m sorry, Yul… I’m sorry… It’s me… who never showed a good attitude toward you. You’re the most precious friend I ever had… I’m sorry.”

       I could feel her rubbed my back. “Gwaenchana…,” her tone was back to calm one again.

       “I just worried about you, Taeng. I really worried about you… What if Gyuri report to the police…?” She asked in concern and looked at me as I pulled back from the hug.

       “No,” I shook my head. “I indeed wanted to do it, but I didn’t push her. She felt by her own self.”

       Yuri eyes widened hearing my confession. “Jinjja?”

       I nodded.

       “Oh God, thanks God. I thought…”

       “But if she didn’t do it on her own, I thought I’ve already done it, Yul… She’s very mean; she had a bad intention to you… she’d make you got an injury…”

       Yuri eyes were widened again as she’s getting surprise with my remarks.

       “And you need to know Yul; I am not afraid with police or else. I am not afraid with anybody. After my father gone, there’s nothing left to be afraid of,” I stated coldly and put a deadpan expression; making her couldn’t argue with me again.

       Yuri heaved a huge sigh while looking at me.

       “I think I could feel you’re feeling,” she said. “If you think by staying away from her would protect her from your revenge, I couldn’t agree more.”

       Mr. Hwang called me to go to the room few hours ago. I unwillingly came to meet him. I felt I began to fight with myself again. I struggled hard to stay as normal as possible and sit slightly far from him.

       “What’s the matter, Mr. Hwang?” I asked politely.

       “Ah nothing. Just want to build any chit-chat with you,” he smiled.

       “Have you been thinking about my offer, about joining the vacation?”

       “Ah… that’s…,” I paused momentarily. “I… think I’m not going… I’m sorry…”

       “Ahhh…,” he shook his head. “Tiffany must be disappointed hearing it.”

       “I’m really sorry,” I replied briefly, didn’t give any reason. He stared at me for a moment.

       “Ah, what about this?” suddenly he rose from the chair and fished around his trousers pocket.

       I looked baffled and wondered what he’s going to do. Finally he piped up again after grabbing some cash from his wallet. He proffered it to me and smiled.

       “Take it, please,” he widened his smile and I frowned.

       “Come on, take it. I’d give you no matter the amount if you’d make it for my daughter.”

       “Don’t pretend you don’t need any money. We know everybody needs money.”

       Suddenly I felt so disgust toward him and I, again, struggled hard to not showing any expression. Instead, I stayed deadpan.

This man… really… never changed…

Year by year… and he was still the disgusting man I ever known…

He thought he could do anything he wanted with his gross way???

        “No, Sir. I’m sorry, I really can’t,” I still struggled to manage myself though I knew probably few minutes later I wasn’t able to handle it again. I rose from my chair; forced a smile and was about to leave.

       “I got to go, Sir,” I bowed and quickly walked toward the door.

       “Yah, Taeyeon, you really don’t know how to use a chance, do you?” I heard he laughed.

       I turned away and face him; I frowned and waited her next remarks.

       “Let me lecture something important, would you like to listen?” he asked and didn’t wait me to answer, he just went on.

       “Chance would never come twice, you know?” he said and smiled, put down the cash on the desk.

       “Whenever you see the chance, don’t be hesitated, just grab it.”

       “I wasn’t hesitated,” I denied defensively.

       “Look,” he seemed ignored my denial. “Even when I was young I had already known how to use the opportunity well,” he bragged.

       My eyes widened in surprise; anticipating what he was going to tell.

       “I’d like to ask you this question. If you face a condition: in one side you would be a billionaire if you reached some place in time and in the other side you have to help people experienced accident you caused accidentally, which one you choose?”

        I clenched my teeth and couldn’t answer him. He smiled casually again.

       “Look. You’re still be hesitated even to answer that simple question like that.”

       I forced a casual smile. “I think you must choose the first one.”

       “Ah… You’d already known the answer,” he smiled complacently. “That’s right. You know what? Because as I said, the chance would never come twice. And you could see know, because I wasn’t hesitated when I was young, I could be like this now. I could raise my daughter in a good way; afford her anything she wanted. It was because I could see the opportunity and grabbed it in certainty.”

       I couldn’t help but asked him the last question before I left.

       “And the people… what if the people you caused involved in the accident hurt or… even worse, dead?”

       “Ah… don’t be naïve, Taeyeon,” he chuckled and laughed again. “Dead and life actually were a destiny. We had nothing more to do with it.”

.

       I left him with mixture feelings. For a second I even didn’t know what I was going to do afterward. But all the things I knew was… he… it wasn’t me, but him… He already triggered my evil hibernating inside my deepest dark heart again… IT WASN’T ME!!! IT’S HIM!!! I’D ALREADY TRIED HARD TO FORGIVE HIM. TO FORGET ALL. TO DODGE HER DAUGHTER. BUT NOW… IT’S HIM… HE RAISED THE EVIL AGAIN…

       “Thanks for the lecture, Mr. Hwang,” I said to myself. “I would always remember… don’t be hesitated to use the opportunity. Thanks.”

       I smirked. "The trigger had already been pulled off..."

to be continued...