Santa can you hear me?

I've been so good this year

All I want is one thing

Tell me my true love is near...

CHAPTER 34

Three years ago…

       It had already been a month since she experienced coma. And just like another day, I still got the same scene this morning. The one I loved still was laying unconsciousness with many life supporting tools were attached all over her petite body. This scene, less or more, caused my tears again. As usual, I approached her. I closed my eyes and dropped a kiss on her forehead. I caressed her hair and greeted:”Good morning, Taetae” though I had already known she couldn’t hear me and wouldn’t greet me back. Then as my routine as well, I’d stare her for a moment, wondered if she could feel what I felt. I her cheek again and whispered near her ears afterward. “Tae, no matter how long it will take time, I’d always been waiting for you. Don’t give up, my Taetae.”

       Afterward, I remembered, the door was calmly opened and without cocking my head I also had already known who were coming. But still, I tilted my head and beamed smile toward “ommonim” and she as usual as well, would flashed me her best smile like another morning. Usually, not long afterward, Yulsic would catch up and join us as well. Taeyeon’s mother reached me into her hug and patted my back for some moment, just like a mother soothed her daughter. This is, for the first time, I felt like having a real mom I’d always been missing for.

       “Tiffany,” she said feebly and threw me a concern look afterward. “Look at you. You seemed lost a lot of weight,” she uttered and shook her head. Her fingers touched my cheek softly. I wasn’t didn’t realize it; instead I’d already noticed it, but what could I do since I really didn’t have any appetite? Under those all circumstances how could I still thinking about keeping a good diet?

       “You didn’t eat properly during this time, did you?” she threw me rhetorical questions.

       “Omma,” I uttered. “All the things I concern about are only Taeyeon now,” I said bluntly.

       “My daughter,” she said again, this time made me touched even more. “Do you have any idea how was my feeling discovering Taeyeon lie unconsciously like this?” She paused momentarily before going on. “I felt like dying…,” she trailed off. “So please, for me, eat properly and take very good care of yourself… Because I think if something bad happens to you, I’d never be able to bear it anymore… Would you?” she seemed pleading and I couldn’t help but nodded.

       “Omma…, mianhae…,” I said and hugged her tight. She smiled complacently.

       “Omma,” I spoke up again. “I think I want to go to the chapel near here,” I suddenly said. “Is it okay if I leave you for some moment?”

       “Joha,” she nodded. “Take your time, Tiffany.”

       So finally, here I was. Inside a small chapel behind the hospital, kneeling. It was pretty quiet here. After serenading “Our Father” prayer, I opened up my eyes, stared at the big cross attached against the wall, in front of me. It was looked like the Jesus Christ stared and smiled back at me, warmly. I gulped before putting my prayer. Finally, I let out the words into the whisper.

       “My Lord… I know I had already made a lot of sins; but I believe as well You will always listen to our prayer. I know I perhaps don’t deserve it, but this time I really beg you, My Lord. You know I love Kim Taeyeon very much and I think I couldn’t stand to see her under this circumstance anymore… I really want her to be able to open up her eyes again, to be sober again, and to run her life normally, just like… some days before she met me.”

       I paused momentarily again.

       “My Lord, if You desire me to stay away from her…,” I trailed off, felt so hard to fire away the next remarks. “As long as you grant my wish to make her sober again… I’d do my biggest sacrifice… I’d do it… This time I’d surely leave and stay away from her…”

       “But if our destiny in this world hadn’t been over yet, please one day, just let us meet up again.”

       “Amen…”

       Not long after finishing my prayer, my cell-phone vibrated. It was Jessica who’s calling.

       “Yeah, Sica? What kind of drink yo…,” I answered, as I thought she’s about to order some drink and ask me to bring it for her.

       “No… Tiffany,” she yelled, sounded so excited.

       “I have very good news for you!!!”

       At that time, I felt like clenching my fist too tight, as I had already guessed what she’s about to tell… I squinted with my eyes shut…

      “Taeyeon had already sober! Come on, come here!!!”

       Finally she released the words that making me smile broadly yet at the same time, let my tears streamed down unstoppably. I stared at the Jesus Christ again.

       “Thank you, Jesus,” I murmured.

       “Tiffany??” I heard Jessica’s voice called out my name confusingly over there.

       “Sica,” I uttered feebly. “I don’t think I’d back to see her again,” with that I ended the conversation (and ended my life as well).

PRESENT TIME

       No. No. No.

       I saw her had already been few yards away, leaving my place. I couldn’t lose her anymore. Three years I had struggled hard to lose my feeling toward her, but I really couldn’t.

       “God…,” I whispered silently. “My Generous God, please forgive me if You this time… If she’s really my destiny, this time let us been paired again… and don’t separate us again…”

       With all my might, I shouted.

       “Kim Taeyeon!”

       She stopped at her track and turned back, looked at me confusingly. I briskly approached her, and now was standing in front of her, creating few feet gap in between. I could see she struggled hard not to let her tears down, just same with me.

       “If I told you that he doesn’t my child, will it make any difference?” I asked her, in the middle of my unsteady breath. She seemed surprised and looked at me in bemusement. I nodded and repeated once again.

       “If now I’m telling you that Kyu Hun isn’t my child, will it make any difference?” this time I said firmer.

       Surprisingly, she just stared at me for some moment, without saying anything. Taeyeon didn’t step forward. She didn’t approach me like I had expected. Otherwise, she slowly turned around and just left me…

       “No… It won’t make any difference…,” she remarked before leaving, making me suddenly like got attack and spread some sting all around my body…

       Ache… Ache…

       Oh… So… Now she didn’t have any feeling toward me anymore?

       She must think that I’d been unfaithful, leaving her that way when she needed me so badly… Oh, Taeng, if only you knew… I’d passed through these three years painfully… There wasn’t a night I could sleep without not spending time to think about you… Can’t you read my mind now? Can’t you look into my eyes now and find what is inside?

       Love.

       I’m miserably in love with you, Kim Taeyeon.

       So this was the end of our story.